Peace2u
Turn To Islam
By Aneera `Ali
Litigator, Writer, Counselor — US
When I was practicing family law, the majority of cases involved child support or child custody, and it was always a battle where, in the end, the losers are the children because of the unnatural conditions of their childhood. The problem continues in a vicious cycle because the children will grow up to behave the same. They will not know how to cope, they will not be able to make commitments and they will fail in being compromising in their relationships.
* * *
Many of our children ask why they can't be friends with the opposite gender. They say it is just friendship and there should be no restrictions prohibiting them from hanging out or just being friends with the opposite gender. Within school, work, or the community there is no problem for young men and women to talk or meet with one another as long as they are wearing the proper Muslim attire and, of course, abide by Islamic regulations in this regard. However, if we observe what is happening in the United States, we will understand that most of the problems that exist socially do so because of this one issue of men and women having the freedom to mix with one another without any limitations.
Have you ever followed a relationship that started as boyfriend-girlfriend? In the USA that is the culture, right? Let me tell you that this is the major problem with US society. It is the very ROOT of their problems, and they are blind to it.
When young boys and girls meet freely in their tender teenage years, natural changes are occurring — they start developing interest in one another. When they are without limits around one another, this leads to exploration. This is natural, for they are humans, but this leads to experiments and emotional involvement. When they experience sexual contact, it feels good, which is natural.
Sequence of Events
If the girl is unlucky, she gets pregnant and the boy backs off from the responsibility. The boy's family all of a sudden remembers that he is young and his future will be ruined. The girl is left with feelings of humiliation, with the possibility of abortion, and with her family unable or unwilling to support another life. If they can, they do, but most of the time this is with disapproval. If the girl is left on her own and has the baby, she may go on welfare with an incomplete education, no other source of financial support, and unaffordable child care. With life on welfare, the children of such unfortunate mothers repeat this pattern. There are laws providing that the father of the baby has to be economically responsible for his child, but he will try his whole life to escape this.
These young single mothers do not have health insurance, child care, or money for even food of their own. The budget for programs that support young unmarried mothers created to deal with these issues leave little for education, security, caring for the elderly and the disabled, and all the other positive benefits of the country. Without proper education, these young women become a loss to society and failures of the value system.
Then you have the diseases that result from these clandestine relationships, the money spent on cures for these diseases, and the abortion debate. Abortion is a very hot topicin the US because — what may not be known to people outside the US — Americans are more religiously conservative than Europeans! They may let boys and girls meet freely, but when pregnancy occurs out of wedlock for teenagers, it is very much frowned upon.
But what did they expect? Most people who live in the Bible Belt (where Christianity is very strong) are very much against abortion. The trick is to not to get caught. But logically, this freedom of allowing boys and girls to mix without limitations leads to social chaos and is the prime reason for all the problems in society.
.
Regaining Balance
Islam recognizes and allows sexual expression within a framework where it can be enjoyed without repercussions for the couple, the offspring, and society at large — i.e. marriage.
When someone gets married, he or she is not just signing a paper. In marriage, the person is recognizing the natural needs of humans and at the same time entering into a contract before Allah with witnesses who will ensure that the two individuals are now committed to each other totally.
The man is responsible for the economics of the household, providing for the wife and children, and he cannot turn away from his duty. The woman is responsible for raising and teaching the children, preserving the household, and then for whatever is of mutual agreement. If they are faithful to each other they will stay in a healthy and enjoyable relationship in sha' Allah, in which they have completely and totally given themselves to each other and to no one else. It is truly special and beautiful. This way sex is respected and honored, unlike in schools and on college campuses where sex has become a sport, without value or honor. How can it be special and wonderful if it becomes so common
Aneera `Ali began as a counselor working in the Muslim community and with victims of domestic violence. Later on she became a forensic psychologist at the JohnJay Collegeof Criminal Justice, a student counselor/attorney, and a staff attorney. Now she is an accomplished litigator. Her experience includes working with or defending women victims of domestic violence, students, child abuse cases (due to parental neglect), juvenile and mental health cases, the disabled, paternity cases, family law, property rights (tenants), and child support, and. managing a hotline. Currently as litigator, `Ali is passionate about working on complex cases and providing legal counsel in her community. `Ali is an affiliate of the American Immigration Lawyers Association.
Litigator, Writer, Counselor — US
When I was practicing family law, the majority of cases involved child support or child custody, and it was always a battle where, in the end, the losers are the children because of the unnatural conditions of their childhood. The problem continues in a vicious cycle because the children will grow up to behave the same. They will not know how to cope, they will not be able to make commitments and they will fail in being compromising in their relationships.
* * *
Many of our children ask why they can't be friends with the opposite gender. They say it is just friendship and there should be no restrictions prohibiting them from hanging out or just being friends with the opposite gender. Within school, work, or the community there is no problem for young men and women to talk or meet with one another as long as they are wearing the proper Muslim attire and, of course, abide by Islamic regulations in this regard. However, if we observe what is happening in the United States, we will understand that most of the problems that exist socially do so because of this one issue of men and women having the freedom to mix with one another without any limitations.
Have you ever followed a relationship that started as boyfriend-girlfriend? In the USA that is the culture, right? Let me tell you that this is the major problem with US society. It is the very ROOT of their problems, and they are blind to it.
When young boys and girls meet freely in their tender teenage years, natural changes are occurring — they start developing interest in one another. When they are without limits around one another, this leads to exploration. This is natural, for they are humans, but this leads to experiments and emotional involvement. When they experience sexual contact, it feels good, which is natural.
Sequence of Events
If the girl is unlucky, she gets pregnant and the boy backs off from the responsibility. The boy's family all of a sudden remembers that he is young and his future will be ruined. The girl is left with feelings of humiliation, with the possibility of abortion, and with her family unable or unwilling to support another life. If they can, they do, but most of the time this is with disapproval. If the girl is left on her own and has the baby, she may go on welfare with an incomplete education, no other source of financial support, and unaffordable child care. With life on welfare, the children of such unfortunate mothers repeat this pattern. There are laws providing that the father of the baby has to be economically responsible for his child, but he will try his whole life to escape this.
These young single mothers do not have health insurance, child care, or money for even food of their own. The budget for programs that support young unmarried mothers created to deal with these issues leave little for education, security, caring for the elderly and the disabled, and all the other positive benefits of the country. Without proper education, these young women become a loss to society and failures of the value system.
Then you have the diseases that result from these clandestine relationships, the money spent on cures for these diseases, and the abortion debate. Abortion is a very hot topicin the US because — what may not be known to people outside the US — Americans are more religiously conservative than Europeans! They may let boys and girls meet freely, but when pregnancy occurs out of wedlock for teenagers, it is very much frowned upon.
But what did they expect? Most people who live in the Bible Belt (where Christianity is very strong) are very much against abortion. The trick is to not to get caught. But logically, this freedom of allowing boys and girls to mix without limitations leads to social chaos and is the prime reason for all the problems in society.
.
Regaining Balance
Islam recognizes and allows sexual expression within a framework where it can be enjoyed without repercussions for the couple, the offspring, and society at large — i.e. marriage.
When someone gets married, he or she is not just signing a paper. In marriage, the person is recognizing the natural needs of humans and at the same time entering into a contract before Allah with witnesses who will ensure that the two individuals are now committed to each other totally.
The man is responsible for the economics of the household, providing for the wife and children, and he cannot turn away from his duty. The woman is responsible for raising and teaching the children, preserving the household, and then for whatever is of mutual agreement. If they are faithful to each other they will stay in a healthy and enjoyable relationship in sha' Allah, in which they have completely and totally given themselves to each other and to no one else. It is truly special and beautiful. This way sex is respected and honored, unlike in schools and on college campuses where sex has become a sport, without value or honor. How can it be special and wonderful if it becomes so common
Aneera `Ali began as a counselor working in the Muslim community and with victims of domestic violence. Later on she became a forensic psychologist at the JohnJay Collegeof Criminal Justice, a student counselor/attorney, and a staff attorney. Now she is an accomplished litigator. Her experience includes working with or defending women victims of domestic violence, students, child abuse cases (due to parental neglect), juvenile and mental health cases, the disabled, paternity cases, family law, property rights (tenants), and child support, and. managing a hotline. Currently as litigator, `Ali is passionate about working on complex cases and providing legal counsel in her community. `Ali is an affiliate of the American Immigration Lawyers Association.
