Your Opinion is Appreciated

[Sister Zohra]

Assalamu Alaikum,

I know a lot of you are busy but I hope you will take the time to respond with your opinion on if I am in the wrong and how I should deal with this situation:

My younger brother is currently in his first year of middle school and is struggling with his grades. As in failing almost all of his subjects in the first and second terms. But I am not trying to badmouth him. I believe he is just becoming lazy without the support and push that his elementary school teachers gave him. My parents (who are busy enough as it is) have asked me to help him and I sincerely wanted to. I have tried to help him in his first term and second terms but he has disrespected me and I had lost my patience with him. Because of my lack of patience and his hiding of his assignments and progress report, I failed to help him during those two terms. Currently, he is about a month into his third term, and I have made up my mind that I need to try harder and if needed, use my authority to force him to get back on the right track. But at the same time, I'm trying to convince him that he should be doing this for his sake, for his education, not just because we may get angry at him or that he'll be embarrassed to have to repeat a grade.

Phew, I just kind of let out too many of my thoughts. Sorry. I'll try to sum it up. The problem is that I am trying to help my brother but with his new found adolescent attitude, I feel I cannot take the emotional strain it causes me to help him bring up his grades. I get insults, I've never heard a please, thank you, or I'm sorry - actually that isn't completely true. He apologized after have a severe talk with my father about his behavior one dreadful night. I feel we keep going through a cycle - we both try working together, I try establishing structure, and then I fall into pieces when I can't handle the stress - and it repeats. I just had a talk with him after a conflict and demanded whether he really wants my help or not. He answered that he doesn't but he feels he has no choice. So I answered that I cannot help him due to the fact that if he doesn't want it, nothing I do will help him. But he is getting better, I just found out his grades have risen from F's, to C's, B's, and A's. I just feel kind of torn between what I should do. I probably want him to get good grades more than he does.

Am I in the wrong with my decision not to help? How should I handle this situation?

I deeply respect and appreciate all of your opinions. I'm sorry that this post was so long. I have a hard time keeping things short and simple. I just kind of let it all out.

 

[Aapa]

Assalaam walaikum,

Sister,

Help him a little but sometimes we have to let them learn the hard way..that is why we have the expression hard headed..trust me..my son knows school is a right turn and he makes a left.

 

[Sister Zohra]

Assalaam walaikum,

Sister,

Help him a little but sometimes we have to let them learn the hard way..that is why we have the expression hard headed..trust me..my son knows school is a right turn and he makes a left.

Wa Alaykum As Salam,

JazakAllah khair for responding aapa. I think I shall wait for him to come to me first then. I'm probably treating him like a baby. lol

 

[K-A-K]

Salam!

I got loads of siblings & cousins like that.
And it pisses me off too when they act like this.
except i do help them. thinking that I will do it for God's sake.
He gave me knowledge so that I could help others,

just think that,

 

[Sister Zohra]

Salam!

I got loads of siblings & cousins like that.
And it pisses me off too when they act like this.
except i do help them. thinking that I will do it for God's sake.
He gave me knowledge so that I could help others,

just think that,

Wa Alaykum As Salam,

JazakAllah khair for your response sister. I will, insha'Allah. I think sometimes I just forget I'm not the only one who has these problems. I'm trying to work on my patience.

 

[a_stranger]

Dear young sister.

I understand your situation ...but through our life we need big huge patience to handle things, that is why Quran is full with stories of patience . Dear believe me all that you do for your brother will be hasanat: good deeds in your account , so be patient , make a pure intention in your heart to please Allah subhanahu wa taaala . When he say something bad remember how our prophet salla Allah alaihi wa sallam was hurt through his life , but his heart was so wide , his trust in Allah was so big. So please return to your brother and help him, when you feel that you patience finished leave him for a while ....take a break say :astag: many times drink something warm then return to the struggle. One day when your brother become a successful man you will be so happy for your efforts.

 

[Sister Zohra]

Dear young sister.

I understand your situation ...but through our life we need big huge patience to handle things, that is why Quran is full with stories of patience . Dear believe me all that you do for your brother will be hasanat: good deeds in your account , so be patient , make a pure intention in your heart to please Allah subhanahu wa taaala . When he say something bad remember how our prophet salla Allah alaihi wa sallam was hurt through his life , but his heart was so wide , his trust in Allah was so big. So please return to your brother and help him, when you feel that you patience finished leave him for a while ....take a break say :astag: many times drink something warm then return to the struggle. One day when your brother become a successful man you will be so happy for your efforts.

Assalamu Alaikum,

JazakAllah khair for your response sister. You are completely right. I think I will make amends with him. I do forgive him now... my mind's a bit clearer and my thoughts less foggier.

 

[Sister Zohra]

Thank you all for your responses. JazakAllah khair. They were so beneficial. I will keep them all close to my heart. I love you all.

 

[Aziboy]

good one

nice threat

 

[Hajjerr]

salam aleikum wa rahmatulahy wa barakatuh

dear sister, i see you confront with a situation similar with mine, me too i have a younger sister that i tryed help for school,she does not have problem with grades but at bigger projects, but she is simply impossible, she thinks the way i can help her is to gave form to her ideeas and she never gaves up at them, even i tell her we can find better solution....and then we get stuck.

I cant work with her ideeas and she does not want to accept mines....your brother seems similar, you need patience since he has problem with his grades...maybe try to find out what he likes and put more effort in that,while in the things that he does not like at least to learn some basic things,
me honestly i have to say i gaved up, only when is absolutely necessary i try provide some informations..

may Allah help us all and give us strenght

:salam2:

 

[Sister Zohra]

nice threat

Assalamu Alaikum,

I hope you mean nice thread. lol

 

[Sister Zohra]

salam aleikum wa rahmatulahy wa barakatuh

dear sister, i see you confront with a situation similar with mine, me too i have a younger sister that i tryed help for school,she does not have problem with grades but at bigger projects, but she is simply impossible, she thinks the way i can help her is to gave form to her ideeas and she never gaves up at them, even i tell her we can find better solution....and then we get stuck.

I cant work with her ideeas and she does not want to accept mines....your brother seems similar, you need patience since he has problem with his grades...maybe try to find out what he likes and put more effort in that,while in the things that he does not like at least to learn some basic things,
me honestly i have to say i gaved up, only when is absolutely necessary i try provide some informations..

may Allah help us all and give us strenght

:salam2:

Wa Alaykum As Salam,

JazakAllah khair for your input. It's kind of funny though, because my brother and I work pretty good with projects. I help him with research and putting together the "text" part of a project, and he makes the project blossom with his creative, out-of-the-box thinking. It's just how you said about finding out what he likes. When it comes to regular assignments, it's all blah and his motivation vanishes. lol

Ameen to your du'a sister.