Salam alaikum.
My name for this forum is Habib. I am 35 years old and i have a confession to make. As a child i was taught to read Quran pray 5 times and fast. Thats all. I learnt the rest of Islam through reading and listening to those who have the knowledge.
Right now i am suffering in pain and constantly fearful. I am in fear of hellfire and the punishemnt of the grave. For i have been a sinner and been sinful through out my life.
Even though i championed the cause of islam in my youth, by the age of 20 i had drifted away from doing my duties to Allah. I stopped praying, eventually stopped fasting. Even though i have done Hajj. I ate and drank haram, engaged in Haram behaviour. I worked in the Riba based system. I had been dishounourable to my parents, unfair and unjust to people.
3 months ago i woke up with this fear of death in my heart and mind. I couldnt sleep, eat, or do anything. I was constantly afraid. I had been suffering from depression for over a year by then. I am on medication. Now i live in constant terror.
I pray now, even manage to get up and read fajr at the right time, i will fast this year and pay my zakat. I will go on hajj again. Every day i pray to Allah for forgiveness, for turning my back on my obligations to Allah Almighty.
I spent my youth Praying and fasting, calling others to Islam, yet i fell so badly and failed so much in my dutuies. I wonder how this happened. I didnt notice it happen, it just did.
I pray that Allah will forgive me. That i never make these mistakes again.
How do i make up for the salah that i have missed? The fasts that i have missed? The Zakat i haven't paid? I hope to learn the answers to these questions. For i fear Allah may not forgive.
I am so sorry.
My name for this forum is Habib. I am 35 years old and i have a confession to make. As a child i was taught to read Quran pray 5 times and fast. Thats all. I learnt the rest of Islam through reading and listening to those who have the knowledge.
Right now i am suffering in pain and constantly fearful. I am in fear of hellfire and the punishemnt of the grave. For i have been a sinner and been sinful through out my life.
Even though i championed the cause of islam in my youth, by the age of 20 i had drifted away from doing my duties to Allah. I stopped praying, eventually stopped fasting. Even though i have done Hajj. I ate and drank haram, engaged in Haram behaviour. I worked in the Riba based system. I had been dishounourable to my parents, unfair and unjust to people.
3 months ago i woke up with this fear of death in my heart and mind. I couldnt sleep, eat, or do anything. I was constantly afraid. I had been suffering from depression for over a year by then. I am on medication. Now i live in constant terror.
I pray now, even manage to get up and read fajr at the right time, i will fast this year and pay my zakat. I will go on hajj again. Every day i pray to Allah for forgiveness, for turning my back on my obligations to Allah Almighty.
I spent my youth Praying and fasting, calling others to Islam, yet i fell so badly and failed so much in my dutuies. I wonder how this happened. I didnt notice it happen, it just did.
I pray that Allah will forgive me. That i never make these mistakes again.
How do i make up for the salah that i have missed? The fasts that i have missed? The Zakat i haven't paid? I hope to learn the answers to these questions. For i fear Allah may not forgive.
I am so sorry.
