Ash76
Junior Member
Having recently undergone some personal difficulties (which I might add was entirely my own doing) and finding myself in a self-pitiful state, where the damage inflicted had been long done and the situation now seemingly irreversible, where every new pure intention and action to retrospectively rectify the matter seemed completely fruitless, I found myself in a complete state of despair. I started to ask myself “Is Allah toying with me because I messed up BIG time?” This was one of many ill-fated questions I guess a believer often asks themselves when Allah is testing them severely and Shaitan and Nafs (the latter which I believe is the bigger deceptor of the two as it tricked Shaitan in to not bowing to Adam Peace Be Upon Him) is attacking the already fragile heart and mind from all directions with their deadly whispers. It was difficult not to feel this way especially when every minor step taken forward in trying to right the wrong seemed like an arduous task, often compounded with more than one intertwined setback that made me feel like I should not have even bothered trying in the first place.
“Do Wudhu and pray 2 Rakats Nafl Salatul-Hajah (Prayer of Need) and cry and ask from Allah” my wife said sternly “Maybe Allah has put you in this situation because He wants you to ask from Him… maybe He likes the way you ask from Him, that is why He is prolonging your situation”. I felt like the rug had just been firmly pulled clean under my feet and that I had landed flat on my backside, feet in air. The person I was expecting to give me the most comfort and support in this precarious situation had just brought me crashing down to Earth with such a loud thud that you can only feel it in the heart, the saying ‘Tough Love’ came to mind.
I find myself now thinking I have been asking and asking from Allah non-stop since I’ve messed up regarding this situation, and even though I should not be thinking it, it feels like my asking is just not being granted… what more can I do?? I felt ashamed, not to keep on asking from Allah, but subconsciously heeding to the whispers (from Shaitan and Nafs) saying, “You fool, why do you keep on asking? Is He (Allah) even listening to you? He wants to see you fall flat on your face because you messed up BIG time”. Every instance of my heartfelt asking and not being granted felt like a bit of my previous unwavering hope in Allah was being etched away from me. I didn’t what to add fuel to the fire and find myself in a situation sometime in the future where I had lost complete trust in Allah. It was at this moment, I recalled the saying “Allah loves a person more than their own mothers." A moment of contemplation: "OK…. a good mother always wants what’s best for her child and the love they provide is completely unparallel to what any other person in the world can provide, well surely Allah’s love for a person is infinitely greater. A mother would never do this with her child so how could I ever think Allah doing the same".
OK, one obstacle overcome. So with eagerness, I proceeded with performing my Wudhu and then on to my Salah. The moment of truth had arrived, it was just Allah and me… and of course my dua. At this moment in time, Allah puts in my heart (or is it my mind or both?) some wise random proverbs/ sayings that have been lodged somewhere, in some deep crevice of my darkened heart, which Allah, through His Infinite Mercy (Alhamdolillah), makes my mind access.... “Keep on asking, keep on banging on Allah’s door, sooner or later He will open it and will embrace you with open arms”… Another saying “When a little child goes to the parent asking for sweets and the parent refuses, the child in their innocence and naivety keeps on coming back each time after being refuse with renewed vigour, hope never receding in the thought that my parent will on one occasion say out of shame ‘OK here you go’. Tears came rolling down one after the other finding it’s way into the corner of my lip. My dua commenced and it continued until all I could hear was the deafening silence and having the feeling in the heart that something heavy had just been lifted.
Right ok, what know?? I shouldn't be expecting a life-changing miracle to happen but I felt content in believing that Allah has just heard my grievance and that He will no doubt be granting me of my need... albeit in His own time. My following days continued one after another, not consciously expecting for a solution to my problem to materialise out of thin air but sensing that Allah will have already put in motion all the interconnected things that relate to my particular need. At this point, some wise words I once heard in a lecture from a learned Sheikh (may Allah reward Him) came to mind… “It is up to you to make the bowl (effort) and after you have fashioned it to the best of your ability, job done, now you rely on Allah to pour within it”. So as the days went on, so did my effort, strangely my setbacks no longer seemed to bother me as much as they did before, I just started to accept it as Allah’s Hikmat (Wisdom).
Then one day, out of the blue and when least expected…. Alhamdulillah Sum Alhamdulillah, something directly related to my need had been fulfilled. The same thing happened again the following day, but this was even more unexpected than the first time. I was so overjoyed my wife could feel my happiness it in her smile. I started to think 'Ya Allah!! My mind is so restricted that my thought process for achieving my particular need took me down a particular line of thinking but Your giving knows no defined routes and when you give it really does come… FLOODING'.
My need had just been partially fulfilled in a way that I would never have imagined and in a measure more than I would have expected. I was so grateful to Allah, that in that moment I just wanted to do everything to please him. That afternoon, I turned to my copy of the Arabic/ English Qur’an, which unfortunately I had been neglecting for some time due to my own heedlessness. I guess I did this in some kind of appreciation to Allah for what He had just done for me over the past few days. I continued to read from where I had last finished reading. I always like to think that the Qur’an is speaking to you when you are praying it and every now and again, time permitting, I go over what I have read in English and there it was on the 3rd verse of my reading…. “And whatever of comfort ye enjoy, it is from Allah. Then, when misfortune reacheth you, unto Him ye cry for help” - Surah An-Nahl (53). My eyes welled up and I though after everything that has happened, there is nothing that Allah does should ever surprise you. He is able to do anything, nothing is impossible, nothing is implausible, you just need to keep on continue having that trust. He will deliver when the time is ripe and He will not let you down.
I wouldn’t say that my greater need has been completely fulfilled, but with Allah’s help I am getting there through His easing of my smaller steps in achieving the greater goal that make me appreciate Allah that little bit more these days.
The important lessons I have learned from my situation are …
- Never stop asking from Allah, even though it may seem like it is not being granted.
- Never lose hope in the Mercy of Allah.
- Never be ungrateful for the smaller things that Allah has blessed you with and for the bigger things you don’t have... count every little thing as His blessing.
- Never underestimate the power of dua.
- Never fall prey to the whispers of Shaitan and Nafs and give in to them… they are weak, Allah is not.
- Sometimes it is not what you get that is the most soul nourishing but the journey that Allah makes you go through to get it that is.
“And when My servants question thee concerning Me, then surely I am nigh. I answer the prayer of the suppliant when he crieth unto Me. So let them hear My call and let them trust in Me, in order that they may be led aright” - Surah Al-Baqarah (186)
“Do Wudhu and pray 2 Rakats Nafl Salatul-Hajah (Prayer of Need) and cry and ask from Allah” my wife said sternly “Maybe Allah has put you in this situation because He wants you to ask from Him… maybe He likes the way you ask from Him, that is why He is prolonging your situation”. I felt like the rug had just been firmly pulled clean under my feet and that I had landed flat on my backside, feet in air. The person I was expecting to give me the most comfort and support in this precarious situation had just brought me crashing down to Earth with such a loud thud that you can only feel it in the heart, the saying ‘Tough Love’ came to mind.
I find myself now thinking I have been asking and asking from Allah non-stop since I’ve messed up regarding this situation, and even though I should not be thinking it, it feels like my asking is just not being granted… what more can I do?? I felt ashamed, not to keep on asking from Allah, but subconsciously heeding to the whispers (from Shaitan and Nafs) saying, “You fool, why do you keep on asking? Is He (Allah) even listening to you? He wants to see you fall flat on your face because you messed up BIG time”. Every instance of my heartfelt asking and not being granted felt like a bit of my previous unwavering hope in Allah was being etched away from me. I didn’t what to add fuel to the fire and find myself in a situation sometime in the future where I had lost complete trust in Allah. It was at this moment, I recalled the saying “Allah loves a person more than their own mothers." A moment of contemplation: "OK…. a good mother always wants what’s best for her child and the love they provide is completely unparallel to what any other person in the world can provide, well surely Allah’s love for a person is infinitely greater. A mother would never do this with her child so how could I ever think Allah doing the same".
OK, one obstacle overcome. So with eagerness, I proceeded with performing my Wudhu and then on to my Salah. The moment of truth had arrived, it was just Allah and me… and of course my dua. At this moment in time, Allah puts in my heart (or is it my mind or both?) some wise random proverbs/ sayings that have been lodged somewhere, in some deep crevice of my darkened heart, which Allah, through His Infinite Mercy (Alhamdolillah), makes my mind access.... “Keep on asking, keep on banging on Allah’s door, sooner or later He will open it and will embrace you with open arms”… Another saying “When a little child goes to the parent asking for sweets and the parent refuses, the child in their innocence and naivety keeps on coming back each time after being refuse with renewed vigour, hope never receding in the thought that my parent will on one occasion say out of shame ‘OK here you go’. Tears came rolling down one after the other finding it’s way into the corner of my lip. My dua commenced and it continued until all I could hear was the deafening silence and having the feeling in the heart that something heavy had just been lifted.
Right ok, what know?? I shouldn't be expecting a life-changing miracle to happen but I felt content in believing that Allah has just heard my grievance and that He will no doubt be granting me of my need... albeit in His own time. My following days continued one after another, not consciously expecting for a solution to my problem to materialise out of thin air but sensing that Allah will have already put in motion all the interconnected things that relate to my particular need. At this point, some wise words I once heard in a lecture from a learned Sheikh (may Allah reward Him) came to mind… “It is up to you to make the bowl (effort) and after you have fashioned it to the best of your ability, job done, now you rely on Allah to pour within it”. So as the days went on, so did my effort, strangely my setbacks no longer seemed to bother me as much as they did before, I just started to accept it as Allah’s Hikmat (Wisdom).
Then one day, out of the blue and when least expected…. Alhamdulillah Sum Alhamdulillah, something directly related to my need had been fulfilled. The same thing happened again the following day, but this was even more unexpected than the first time. I was so overjoyed my wife could feel my happiness it in her smile. I started to think 'Ya Allah!! My mind is so restricted that my thought process for achieving my particular need took me down a particular line of thinking but Your giving knows no defined routes and when you give it really does come… FLOODING'.
My need had just been partially fulfilled in a way that I would never have imagined and in a measure more than I would have expected. I was so grateful to Allah, that in that moment I just wanted to do everything to please him. That afternoon, I turned to my copy of the Arabic/ English Qur’an, which unfortunately I had been neglecting for some time due to my own heedlessness. I guess I did this in some kind of appreciation to Allah for what He had just done for me over the past few days. I continued to read from where I had last finished reading. I always like to think that the Qur’an is speaking to you when you are praying it and every now and again, time permitting, I go over what I have read in English and there it was on the 3rd verse of my reading…. “And whatever of comfort ye enjoy, it is from Allah. Then, when misfortune reacheth you, unto Him ye cry for help” - Surah An-Nahl (53). My eyes welled up and I though after everything that has happened, there is nothing that Allah does should ever surprise you. He is able to do anything, nothing is impossible, nothing is implausible, you just need to keep on continue having that trust. He will deliver when the time is ripe and He will not let you down.
I wouldn’t say that my greater need has been completely fulfilled, but with Allah’s help I am getting there through His easing of my smaller steps in achieving the greater goal that make me appreciate Allah that little bit more these days.
The important lessons I have learned from my situation are …
- Never stop asking from Allah, even though it may seem like it is not being granted.
- Never lose hope in the Mercy of Allah.
- Never be ungrateful for the smaller things that Allah has blessed you with and for the bigger things you don’t have... count every little thing as His blessing.
- Never underestimate the power of dua.
- Never fall prey to the whispers of Shaitan and Nafs and give in to them… they are weak, Allah is not.
- Sometimes it is not what you get that is the most soul nourishing but the journey that Allah makes you go through to get it that is.
“And when My servants question thee concerning Me, then surely I am nigh. I answer the prayer of the suppliant when he crieth unto Me. So let them hear My call and let them trust in Me, in order that they may be led aright” - Surah Al-Baqarah (186)
for sharing.
Jazaka'Allah khairan.