Can a father prevent his daughter from marrying?

K

katieanneb

Junior Member
Salem everyone,
I have a rather difficult problem and I need some kind of ruling or hadith on the subject. A young man has proposed marriage to my eldest daughter. He is a good Muslim, prays and fasts and his reputation is good in the town where we live. At first her father agreed to their marriage, but then he changed his mind. He now says he is not suitable and he says that because he brought up and educated her, his daughter should obey him and marry only someone he chooses or not marry at all!!! Does her father have the right to say and do this, I mean preventing her from marrying the person she wants and forcing her to marry someone he chooses, or she will not marry anyone. He has said that he's not prepared to accept this man and he will never accept him. Please keep in mind that people here gossip endlessly about anything and everything, even if it's lies, and my husband may have heard some rumours about this man. Why can't he be more understanding and merciful with his daughter???????? She is devastated, and I really need to be sure about her rights and what he can and can't allow and disallow. So, please if anyone can advise us or provide some kind of proof, showing either whether he is wrong, or whether he doesn't have the right to act like this. I know his consent is needed for the marriage to be valid, but at the same time a forced marriage is also invalid. How can I get him to be more flexible and take his daughter's feelings into consideration? Please advise with some kind of proof to show my husband (eg, hadith or fatwa). I would be most grateful, Salem
 
q8penpals

q8penpals

Junior Member
Salam

I can't find it right now, but just in the Kuwait newspaper about 2-3 days ago (I am all jet-lagged and confused about the days!) a young lady had won the right in court to marry a man that her father refused. The father had apparently turned down several other marriage proposals without due cause and the court deemed that the father was not acting in the best interest of his daughter, and she could use a court-appointed wali and marry the man.

Oh, here is the story (found it while I was posting this):

http://www.arabtimesonline.com/kuwaitnews/pagesdetails.asp?nid=35538&ccid=22

‘Let the girl wed man of her choice’

KUWAIT CITY, Aug 4: The Personal Status Court of Appeals overturned Tuesday the verdict of a lower court and ordered a Kuwaiti man to allow his daughter, Israa, to marry the man who proposed to her. During a previous session, the lawyer for Israa, Attorney Hassan Al-Ajmi, told the court a good man approached his client’s father and offered to marry her, yet he refused, similar to what he had done to other men who previously proposed to his daughter. Since this man has a good reputation with great morals, high education, and very good position at a foreign company as an engineer, he has the ability to provide his future wife and children with a comfortable life, Ajmi explained.

Ajmi further said his client is getting older and her chances of getting a good husband have started to dwindle. He added his client’s father had rejected all the men who offered to marry her. On April 7, 2009, the Court of First Instance dismissed the case, saying the plaintiff was not serious as she failed to submit any documents or present witnesses to prove her claims. Ajmi appealed the verdict and the Personal Status Court of Appeals overturned it, allowing Israa to marry the man. The session was presided over by Judge Ibrahim Al-Mulla.

By Moamen Al-Masri
Special to the Arab Times
 
Happy 2BA Muslim

Happy 2BA Muslim

Islamophilic
Forced Marriages Have No Place in Islam

:salam2:

Allah is the one who has ordained marriage for His creatures. He has placed within marriage the blessings of comfort, love, and mercy.

"And among His Signs is that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that you may dwell in tranquility with them, and He put love and mercy between your hearts. Verily in that are Signs for those who reflect." [Sûrah Rûm: 21]

For this reason, Allah had made one of the essential pillars of the marriage contract that both the husband and the wife are willing parties to the marriage. This is the essence of the offer and acceptance in the marriage contract. It is not possible to contract a legal marriage in Islam without the willing consent of two legally accountable people of sound mind.

As for the customs and traditions that exist in some parts of the world requiring people to marry others who are chosen for them, these customs are not Islamic. No one can be obliged to follow them. No man can be obliged to marry any woman against his will. Likewise, no woman can be forced to marry any man against her will.

The Sunnah provides us with a considerable amount of evidence for the legal necessity of the consent of both parties to the marriage.

Aishah narrates that the Prophet (peace be upon him) said: "A virgin's consent must be sought for marriage."

To this `Â'ishah commented: "But a virgin is too bashful."

The Prophet (peace be upon him) replied: "Her silence is her consent." [Sahîh al-Bukhârî]

Buraydah narrates that once, a woman came to the Prophet (peace be upon him) and said: “O Messenger of Allah, my father married me to my cousin in order to raise his social standing, but I do not want to be married to him.”

The Prophet (may the peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) gave her the option of annulment. At this point, she said: “I have already reconciled myself to my father’s decision, but I wanted it to be known that women have a say in the matter.”

[Sunan al-Nasâ’î (3269), Sunan Ibn Mâjah (1874), and Musnad Ahmad (25043) and authenticated by Shu`ayb al-Arna`ût et al in Tahqîq Musnad Ahmad (41/493)]

Though a child must generally obey his or her parents, this obedience does not extend to marrying an unwanted partner in life. Islamic Law permits a son or daughter to refuse entering into any marriage he or she is displeased with, no matter what their reason for refusing might be.

Without a doubt, it is better to refuse to get married from the outset than to place oneself into an unhappy marriage. There is no reason for the people to subject themselves to an unhappy home life or to an unstable marriage which might very well end in a stressful and messy divorce.

If a man knows that the family of his bride to be is coercing her to marrying him, then that man must himself refuse to enter into the marriage. It is not lawful for him to marry a woman he knows is unwilling. Such a marriage has a contractual defect in it, since the willing consent of both parties is part of the contractual basis of a lawful marriage in Islam – even if that marriage takes place in a court of law at the behest of the woman's legal guardian.

No one should enter into a marriage unless he or she is perfectly satisfied with it and resolved to it. The consent of both the man and the woman must be utterly free. This is the way to ensure that their married life has a good chance of happiness and not bea source of continual grief for the couple and for their respective families.

www.islamtoday.com

:salam2:
 
zainali

zainali

Junior Member
i dont have the exact hadith but im very sure that father cant force his daughter to marry some with out her will .
 
D

doctor38

Junior Member
It is a very personal and complicated question that can/'t be answered comprehensively. seek some in Tunesia to give the issue any justice.

Generally speaking The father can't force his daughter to marry someone she doesn't want.
 
K

katieanneb

Junior Member
Salem everyone,
First, I'd just like to thank all of you for your advice. I feel very touched by your concern. May Allah reward you all. I know my husband is being a bit irrational in this case, and I'm sure he has his daughter's best interest at heart. I think part of the problem is jealousy, the fact that some fellow is going to take away his daughter, who has been under his care for all these years. So he's finding fault with this young man simply to keep him away!!!! Anyway, I will look carefully at the links you've posted - I do realise this is a 50/50 case, and I just pray that Allah will guide us (as parents) to the correct solution. Barak Allahu fikom!!
 
rightpath_357

rightpath_357

Junior Member
Oh- preventing a daughter from marrying is not allowed. As is not forcing her to marry some one she dosn't like. I'm sure her father cares very much for his daughter-but things about the young man should not be assumed. Maybe meeting him in person and getting to know him better would help. I think it would be very hard to let go of chilren. As my loving mother always tells me that parents love their kids more than anything in the world.
 
K

katieanneb

Junior Member
Salem everyone,
First, I'd just like to thank all of you for your advice. I feel very touched by your concern. May Allah reward you all. I know my husband is being a bit irrational in this case, and I'm sure he has his daughter's best interest at heart. I think part of the problem is jealousy, the fact that some fellow is going to take away his daughter, who has been under his care for all these years. So he's finding fault with this young man simply to keep him away!!!! Anyway, I will look carefully at the links you've posted - I do realise this is a 50/50 case, and I just pray that Allah will guide us (as parents) to the correct solution. Barak Allahu fikom!!
 
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