Don’t Seek Marriage Through The Internet!

[muthmainnah]

Bismillahirrahmianirrahim
Dear respected brother and sisters, I want to share you an advice from a scholar about an important matter. May Allah guide us all to the right path. Amin
***

Sheikh Ubayd al-Jaabiree spoke against those Muslim men and women who use the internet to find a partner. He said there are amongst some men whose hearts there is a disease and who are cursed by Allaah such that they enter amongst forums specific for women with female names and start chatting with sisters and even if it is for da’wah for they deceive the people around them and then ask them for marriage etc.

The Prophet sallallaahu ‘alaihi wa sallam said, “Whoever comes to you and you are pleased with their deen and mannerism…” Saheehah (1022)

Here the sheikh said a Muslim man who wants to get married should go to the wali (her guardian) and not through the internet so they can see the mannerism and deen of the one proposing. How can the deen and mannerism be ascertained from the internet? The hadeeth says, “Comes to you..”

Sisters and brothers he said be warned since these brothers and also some sisters have no shame in what they do and sometimes they break marriages as they maybe speak to someone who is already married and chat with them until the divorce has occurred. And he said he has received numerous complaints about this.

 

[slave_of_Allah]

Assalamu alikum

Jazka'Allah Khair for posting this. I am very pleased to read such beautiful words, I am totally against finding a partner online - how can you trust the other person. It is easy for a person to say they are a practising muslim - whether that is the case, is a different story!!

I pray Allah keeps us on the straight path, and helps us to make the right decsions in life. Aameen. I pray Allah rewards you for posting something that is benefical to us all. Aameen.

Wa'alikum aslaam.

 

[safiya58]

:salam2:

to be quite honest I did´t know that this is haram... jazak Allahu ckairan for teaching me...

 

[ivonne]

Salam

First I want to say of course I understand that you should be careful and that there are many crazy people in the net muslim or non muslim everybody has t be carefll who is he dealing with BUT I found my husband in the net YES alhamdulilah and he is the only one and the only thing I have haveright now andright here while Im sitting here and writing and Im soooo happy that I found him that way as he was in UK and I was in Germany and I couldnt find anyone as ard as its soon that was good enough for me to marry among the people I knew there, so i cant quiet agree that nobody should find there husband wife etc in the net I jst think you should follow the rles and use your brain as well cause thats why Allah swt gave us one! I wouldnt know what would I have done without my hubbi and would be sad to think about people using the oppertunity to be as lucky as me.
Sorry if that is to harsh but thats wat i think
salam

 

[Abu Abdillah]

Question: I want to get married inshaa Allaah, but I live in America and she lives in Dubai - so is it permissible to request a photo picture from her?

Answer: The Shaykh said: "As for the brother who is proposing, it is lawful for him to see the girl or the sister that he is proposing to. As for the picture, it is not lawful. Looking at the individual, the Prophet (sallallaahu alaihi wassallam) said to one of the companions: "Look at her, because it is more likely to continue the affection between you."[1] So it is lawful for him to look at her directly, as for a picture - no."

=======
Question: Is it permissible to have a nikaah (marriage) done over the phone?
Answered By: Shaykh Abdullah Al Ghuydaan
Date of Fatwah: 10 November 2007

Answer: The Shaykh حفظه الله began by praising Allaah سبحانه وتعالى as He deserves to be praised and by sending the salaat and salaam upon our Prophet Muhammad صلى الله عليه و سلم, his family members and all his Companions. He then continued:

The Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم said in an authentic hadeeth: "If one comes to you who you are pleased with his Deen and his uprightness then marry him; if you don't then there will be fitnah (tribulation) in the earth and much fasaad (corruption)."[1] And, he صلى الله عليه وسلم said: "A woman is married for four things: for her wealth, her lineage, her beauty and her Deen; so marry the woman with the Deen so you will not be humiliated."[2] He صلى الله عليه وسلم also said "The woman is not married except with a walee and two trustworthy witnesses."

There is a principle in which the Ulamaa' say that the private parts of a woman are haraam (prohibited) and it only becomes permissible with the legislated measures as defined by Allaah سبحانه وتعالى and His Messenger صلى الله عليه وسلم. The telephone is not from the legislated means due to the fact that it is possible that lying, ghish (غش - deception) etc. may take place over the telephone. So I see that it is not permissible to conduct a marriage contract over the telephone as there are many things which may take place like lying, deception etc.

[1] With the following wording Shaykh al-Albaanee رحمه الله says Hasan in Ghaayatul-Maraam, Hadeeth (#219).

إذا أتاكم من ترضون دينه وخلقه فزوجوه إلا تفعلوه تكن فتنة في الأرض وفساد كبير

[2] Reported in Saheeh al-Bukhaaree, The Book of Marriage (كتاب النكاح), Hadeeth (#4802); and in Saheeh Muslim, The Book of Suckling (كتاب الرضاع), Hadeeth (#1446).

تنكح المرأة لأربع: لمالها ولحسبها وجمالها ولدينها، فاظفر بذات الدين تربت يداك

 

[fada_all]

salam alikom


jakazak allh khairan for sharing with this beneficial and more than imopratnt topic ..


may allah swt reward u for it insha allah

salam alikom

 

[slaveofAllah88]

:salam2:
I agree with the shiekh in some sense but sometimes Internet is a suitable way of finding a good person.... i know there are alot of women in muslim countries that are over the (suitable) age for marriage ... and its really hard for them to find a guy in their community so i think its only fair that they can lawfully not exposing their body or something seek help online cuz maybe there is a guy somewhere that is looking for someone like her ... and that guy might not be in her neighborhood

 

[ahmed_tabib]

even though most online sites offering matrimonial services should be avoided and that is what the Shaykh hafidhahullaah has replied to, there is one site solely dedicated for sunnee muslims (smatch.net) to help get married and there is no fitnah in using that site. Rather, networking sites such as facebook have more fitnah associated with it.

 

[muthmainnah]

Jazakumullah khair waiyyaki barakallah
May this information beneficial for all of us. And for sister Ivonne, Alhamdulillah Allah has blessed you so much that you found a good usband through the internet, and most people aren't so lucky as you are. It's rarely happen, so I hope this information is useful for our brothers and sisters. May Allah pour His barakah for your family, sister Ivonne. Amin.
And for brother shaheerpak, click this link www.islamqa.com to find your question about khoser, or maybe you can create your own post about this, Insha Allah there are bro and sis that can answer your question.
Barakallahu fikum

 

[IslamIsLight]

Question: I want to get married inshaa Allaah, but I live in America and she lives in Dubai - so is it permissible to request a photo picture from her?

Answer: The Shaykh said: "As for the brother who is proposing, it is lawful for him to see the girl or the sister that he is proposing to. As for the picture, it is not lawful. Looking at the individual, the Prophet (sallallaahu alaihi wassallam) said to one of the companions: "Look at her, because it is more likely to continue the affection between you."[1] So it is lawful for him to look at her directly, as for a picture - no."

=======
Question: Is it permissible to have a nikaah (marriage) done over the phone?
Answered By: Shaykh Abdullah Al Ghuydaan
Date of Fatwah: 10 November 2007

Answer: The Shaykh حفظه الله began by praising Allaah سبحانه وتعالى as He deserves to be praised and by sending the salaat and salaam upon our Prophet Muhammad صلى الله عليه و سلم, his family members and all his Companions. He then continued:

The Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم said in an authentic hadeeth: "If one comes to you who you are pleased with his Deen and his uprightness then marry him; if you don't then there will be fitnah (tribulation) in the earth and much fasaad (corruption)."[1] And, he صلى الله عليه وسلم said: "A woman is married for four things: for her wealth, her lineage, her beauty and her Deen; so marry the woman with the Deen so you will not be humiliated."[2] He صلى الله عليه وسلم also said "The woman is not married except with a walee and two trustworthy witnesses."

There is a principle in which the Ulamaa' say that the private parts of a woman are haraam (prohibited) and it only becomes permissible with the legislated measures as defined by Allaah سبحانه وتعالى and His Messenger صلى الله عليه وسلم. The telephone is not from the legislated means due to the fact that it is possible that lying, ghish (غش - deception) etc. may take place over the telephone. So I see that it is not permissible to conduct a marriage contract over the telephone as there are many things which may take place like lying, deception etc.

[1] With the following wording Shaykh al-Albaanee رحمه الله says Hasan in Ghaayatul-Maraam, Hadeeth (#219).

إذا أتاكم من ترضون دينه وخلقه فزوجوه إلا تفعلوه تكن فتنة في الأرض وفساد كبير

[2] Reported in Saheeh al-Bukhaaree, The Book of Marriage (كتاب النكاح), Hadeeth (#4802); and in Saheeh Muslim, The Book of Suckling (كتاب الرضاع), Hadeeth (#1446).

تنكح المرأة لأربع: لمالها ولحسبها وجمالها ولدينها، فاظفر بذات الدين تربت يداك

salam aleikum
Thank you brother for the fatwa

I find it ridiculous how people can consider nikah over the phone as normal marriage ....

waaleikum salam

 

[yakubpasha]

Bismillahirrahmianirrahim
Dear respected brother and sisters, I want to share you an advice from a scholar about an important matter. May Allah guide us all to the right path. Amin
***

Sheikh Ubayd al-Jaabiree spoke against those Muslim men and women who use the internet to find a partner. He said there are amongst some men whose hearts there is a disease and who are cursed by Allaah such that they enter amongst forums specific for women with female names and start chatting with sisters and even if it is for da’wah for they deceive the people around them and then ask them for marriage etc.

The Prophet sallallaahu ‘alaihi wa sallam said, “Whoever comes to you and you are pleased with their deen and mannerism…” Saheehah (1022)

Here the sheikh said a Muslim man who wants to get married should go to the wali (her guardian) and not through the internet so they can see the mannerism and deen of the one proposing. How can the deen and mannerism be ascertained from the internet? The hadeeth says, “Comes to you..”

Sisters and brothers he said be warned since these brothers and also some sisters have no shame in what they do and sometimes they break marriages as they maybe speak to someone who is already married and chat with them until the divorce has occurred. And he said he has received numerous complaints about this.

WS- Thanks for the warning, i must say getting married through the internet has its pros and cons but i disagree that this cant be used at all. It would be preferred to meet some one through the normal way and get married but personally speaking i migrated to the us and dont know as many people as i did back home. Internet opens up the world.

I have seen many successful marriages through the internet. It DOESNT mean that you keep chatting and then decide to get married. You can get info of the person through the internet find references if possible.
The guy can talk to the girls parents, that way the girls parents will get an idea about the girl/ guys sister mother etc may talk to the girl and if it looks like its going to click then they can arrange for a meeting. Its so difficult nowadays to get married as it is. Lets not make it harder and people resort to dating

BUT yes a lot of people just use these marriage websites for dating online. If its the girl talking to the guy directly then never know what the other persons intention is. would suggest always involve your elders.

Allah knows best

 

[ShyHijabi]

Salaam,

And what about the convert, praytell? Do you approach her wali? What if she does not have one? And since her family is non-Muslim do you still seek a kuffir permission? What if her "wali" will only permit her to marry a person from her family's religion? These are questions I sense many of the scholars shy from, as they do not always have cut and dry answers.

Furthermore, many Muslim parents are delaying their offspring's marriage to later and later dates. Their reasoning usually includes letting the child get a higher education, having the child "payback" financially for their "investment", and waiting for that doctor, lawyer, (fill in high paying job here) to come along and propose. I am not making this up, I've heard these words come out of the Muslim parents mouth when the adult child is chomping at the bit to marry but they will not give permission.

For many converts there isn't an easy way to seek marriage, particularly for male converts. He is usually viewed suspiciously by the parents of a Muslim girl. Many only want their daughter to marry a cousin or someone of the same ethinic background. Brothers and sisters are told to go to the mosque and speak to an imam...but I do not find all mosques approachable...specifically by females. (some mosques don't even allow females to enter :astag

So these poor members of our ummah go to match making sites and often find a match by no other means than their own. Marriage is half our religion, and I will not fault a brother or sister for finding their own way to fulfill it. Perhaps the sheik that issued this fatwa would like to be the one to counsel them on how they can do it without the internet, hmm? It seems some are eager to forbid action but do not supply an alternate, halaal way of going about marriage. Just food for thought.

Wasalaam

 

[slaveofAllah88]

Salaam,

And what about the convert, praytell? Do you approach her wali? What if she does not have one? And since her family is non-Muslim do you still seek a kuffir permission? What if her "wali" will only permit her to marry a person from her family's religion? These are questions I sense many of the scholars shy from, as they do not always have cut and dry answers.

Furthermore, many Muslim parents are delaying their offspring's marriage to later and later dates. Their reasoning usually includes letting the child get a higher education, having the child "payback" financially for their "investment", and waiting for that doctor, lawyer, (fill in high paying job here) to come along and propose. I am not making this up, I've heard these words come out of the Muslim parents mouth when the adult child is chomping at the bit to marry but they will not give permission.

For many converts there isn't an easy way to seek marriage, particularly for male converts. He is usually viewed suspiciously by the parents of a Muslim girl. Many only want their daughter to marry a cousin or someone of the same ethinic background. Brothers and sisters are told to go to the mosque and speak to an imam...but I do not find all mosques approachable...specifically by females. (some mosques don't even allow females to enter :astag

So these poor members of our ummah go to match making sites and often find a match by no other means than their own. Marriage is half our religion, and I will not fault a brother or sister for finding their own way to fulfill it. Perhaps the sheik that issued this fatwa would like to be the one to counsel them on how they can do it without the internet, hmm? It seems some are eager to forbid action but do not supply an alternate, halaal way of going about marriage. Just food for thought.

Wasalaam

:salam2:
ok seriously some people might be offended by sisters answer but she is right she is being logical as a reverts its really hard to find the right partner ... and looking how messed up marriage has become in many cultures (i speak for Pakistani/indian culture) if new revert dont follow some sites they are never going to get married and everyone deserves a happy life

Now the sheikh sahib made some good points .... and i think bad things can be avoided you can pick a good muslim matrimony website, I remember reading this saying since i was small "good deeds are based on your intentions" and i feel like its true
and sister shyhijabi very important point and beautiful answer i support what you said

 

[Hashim Aboobakur]

Assalaamu Alaikum

Thank you for sharing.

 

[muthmainnah]

Salaam,

And what about the convert, praytell? Do you approach her wali? What if she does not have one? And since her family is non-Muslim do you still seek a kuffir permission? What if her "wali" will only permit her to marry a person from her family's religion?
So these poor members of our ummah go to match making sites and often find a match by no other means than their own. Marriage is half our religion, and I will not fault a brother or sister for finding their own way to fulfill it. Perhaps the sheik that issued this fatwa would like to be the one to counsel them on how they can do it without the internet, hmm? It seems some are eager to forbid action but do not supply an alternate, halaal way of going about marriage. Just food for thought.

Wasalaam

Assalamu'alaikum
You are right sister, this is a problem a convert may face of this issue. And I think what the sheikh means by 'do not seek marrieage through internet' is do not just merely enter a chaat room,sending e-mails, speak with non-mahram boys and girls, who we DO NOT EXACTLY how their islamic manner are, but then we just say okay when they ask you to marry. And about matrimonial sites which are proven qualified, I think I should share to you another scholar's fatwa about it:

I am a student in a French university, of Algerian origin. I do not have any family in this country and I want to get married. Is it permissible for me to use the internet and the matrimonial websites to get married?

Firstly:

If the matrimonial websites on the internet are controlled by Islamic guidelines, then there is nothing wrong with going to them and making use of them. These guidelines include the following:

1 – They should not show pictures of the women, because looking at the woman to whom one is proposing is only allowed for the suitor once he has resolved to marry her, and it is not permissible for anyone else to look at her, and it is not permissible to enable anyone to do that.

2 – The website should not give detailed descriptions of the woman so that it is as if one can see her, because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “No woman should describe another woman to her husband so that it is as if he is looking at her.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari (5240).

3 – It should not allow any correspondence between the two sexes, because of the evils that result from that, including the participation of mischief-makers both male and female whose intention is to do evil or have fun. Rather the administrators of the site should first check on the identity of the suitor, then put him in touch with the guardian (wali) of the woman.

Secondly:

You should seek the help of your family and friends, and those who are in charge of Islamic centres, in looking for a righteous wife, in your homeland or in the place where you are staying. This is easy, praise be to Allaah, and it is safer and better than doing that via the internet.

Thirdly:

In order for the marriage to be valid, it is essential to have the consent of the woman’s guardian (wali), because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “There is no marriage except with a wali.” Narrated by Abu Dawood (2085), al-Tirmidhi (1101) and Ibn Maajah (1881) from the hadeeth of Abu Moosa al-Ash’ari; classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Tirmidhi.

And he (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “There is no marriage except with a wali and two witnesses of good character.” Narrated by al-Bayhaqi from ‘Imraan and ‘Aa’ishah; classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami’, no. 7557.

And he (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Any woman who gets married without the permission of her guardian, her marriage is invalid, her marriage is invalid, her marriage is invalid. If he has consummated the marriage with her then she is entitled to the mahr because of the intimacy that he has had with her, and if there is a dispute, then the ruler is the guardian of the one who has no guardian.” Narrated by Ahmad (24417), Abu Dawood (2083) and al-Tirmidhi (1102); classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami’ no. 2709.

We have drawn attention to this because it may be thought that if a young man gets to know a young woman over the internet and she accepts him, this is regarded as a marriage.

We ask Allaah to help you and guide you.

And Allaah knows best.

 

[muthmainnah]

Wali of Muslimah if her parents are kuffaar

none of her kaafir family members can act as a guardian (wali) of her interests; no kaafir can act in this capacity over a Muslim. If there is a Muslim with some authority in your area over the affairs of the Muslim community, then he can act in this capacity, based on the Prophet's (peace be upon him) hadeeth:

"No marriage contract can be concluded without the presence of a Wali. A Sultan (authority figure) can act as a Wali for those without one." (see Ibn Majah and Imam Ahmad, Hadith number 1880; also in Salih al-Jaami', hadeeth number 7556.)

If there is no authoritative Muslim person, then one should refer to the community Muslim leader or any Muslim who is just ('aadil), respected, and of high character, such as the director of the Islamic center or its imam, to conclude the marriage contract of this sister, with her consent.