Abdul Hasib
Student of Knowledge
Assakany Akeyjun dear brothers and sisters in Islam. I've started coming back on TTI after about 2 months, for those of you who haven;t read my first thread ever since I returned, it's right here A HEART BREAKING RETURN. A problem has recently occurred: brothers and sisters, please, I'm in extreme need of all of your sincere duas. Lately I've been having these problems, and I just don't know what's wrong with me. One of the problems that I'm having is with my head, because after I sit down in Quran class in the morning (this usually happens before 12:00), whenever I stand up after sitting down for a long time, then I start feeling SO dizzy, and all of a sudden I start to "black out" a bit and fall down the floor (this has happened TOO many times).
And this past Friday, I just started having a REALLY bad fever after 2:00, (which is calming down though, Alhamdulillah), but I felt EXTREMELY cold because of that fever, and so that night (in my domitory) I put my face infront of the reflective heater that was in our domitory room (in the Madrassah), and because my head was directly exposed to the heater, I woke up at 12:30 (2 hours later) and I started getting HORRIBLE Dizzy spells! Each time I would stand up and walk, I would get so dizzy that I would collapse on the floor, and the more time that passed, the more unbearable the situations would get. It was around 5:13 when I started getting to points when I would start shaking extremely or breathe REALLY hard, and my head just hurted SO much that I was feeling upset because I couldn't think straight.
And now for four days (Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Monday) I've had having fevers, feeling lightheaded, my left eye (the bottom lid) gets swollen and red when I wake up (probably due to dryness), upset stomachs, vomitting, loss of appetite, and also getting ticked off easily (not to mention feeling sad at times). Aw darn. I don't know what's wrong with me, Wallahi Allah (SWT) has REALLY blessed me with a LOT of beautiful things, but I know that for some reason, it must be MY fault of why I have some problems, like: the fact that I feel sad and depressed too often, and my feelings can get hurt so easily. Whenever those things happen, I feel like as if I'm starting to cry, but Alhamdulillah not a single tear comes from my eyes (I guess you can say that my heart cries and weeps). 2.) I get sick a lot 3.) I don't eat properly 4.)I'm easily fooled (I trust people too much) 5.) I make TOO many mistakes (and accidents, unintentionally, like doing things that people don't like).
Those are all the BAD stuff in me, but even though, Alhamdulillah, I STILL have Allah (SWT), and no matter what, he is ALWAYS with those who are loyal with him, and Alhamdulillah I'm just like SO grateful to Allah (SWT) that he has guided me to Islam and to trying to be on the Straight Path. And Wallahi, whenever I hear those beautiful stories of the Anbiyyah (ASWS) and their followers, about how loyal they were to Allah (SWT) and as a result, about how much Allah (SWT) loved them because of their hard efforts and sacrifices, Wallahi brothers and sisters, I just start to cry (but when I'm infront of people, I fight the tears away). Gosh......
Anyway, sorry brothers and sisters that I just said all of this right now (in the above paragraph), and Wallahi I did NOT say this to show off (and I have Allah (SWT) as my witness), but the thing is that at times I just have these REALLY strong feelings inside me that are like TOO strong for me to hold, and that I HAVE to say to somebody, and if I don't, well, then that leads to more feelings of depression.... (in other words, if something is ever bothering you, you know that you just need to talk to somebody about it, and so that's the way I feel).
Please dear beloved brothers and sisters in Islam, I'm in EXTREME need of your duas, all of these are causing difficulties on me, and also please brothers and sisters, please make dua to Allah (SWT) that I become a good Hafiz (that my memeory of EVER Ayet of the Quran is PERFECT, just like the way I know Surah Fatihah perfectly and easily), and that I have a beauitful voice when I recite, a voice that lifts the Iman of so many people, a voice that lets the tears drop from the eyes, soften the hearts, and uplifts the souls to remembering Allah (SWT) (with tranquility and happiness inside the hearts). And also make dua to Allah (SWT) that I am able to accomplish many great and miraculous things that I plan to do, just to Please Allah (SWT) alone, that I become a Pious and sinless slave of Allah (SAW) (or that my sins are so small that they are like a drop of ink in the ocean), that I am amongst the ranks of the Saliheen and the Mutaqeen, and the last dua: that I die as a Shaheed and in a state of FULL IMAN and Yaqeen, and Tranquility and Happiness, and that I may be in Jannah next to Allah (SWT), his Rasul (SAW), and those whom they both love.
And may Allah (SWT) give the same things to all of you dear brothers and sisters in Islam, you all are ALWAYS in my heart and in my duas, May Allah (SWT) protect, preserve, perfect, and beautify all of you (who are already beautiful) and protect you all from the Shayateen and from sins, and may he have the same to be upon all of your offspring and of those who you all Love, Ameen Ya Zal Jalali Wal Ekram!
Jazakallah Kyran wa Barakallahu Feekum dear brothers and sisters.
LOVE YOU ALL FOR THE SAKE OF ALLAH (SWT)