I am hurting, please tell me what to do....

[dianek]

hey,
well
i suggest,to go with ur husband alone,in cafe,or something
and try to talk to him nicely
use some words as
"sorry,baby...she didn't mean it"
just use some owrd,and discuss it with him,but whatever happens,"control urself"

and about ur daughter
"is she muslim?
well,
go out,with ur daughter..she's only 11...so she's kid...
"buy apresent,something ,ur daughter love,and wrote acard,and tells her"my husbdan bought that to u"...
try to use this way...
Isa,everything's gonna be alright.
calm down,
:salam2:

Buying her a gift from him would be a lie.......he doesn't want to spend a penny on her and she knows it. I have just told him that if he wants to act this way before he leaves to go overseas, then I will just avoid him and he can spend the next 2 months thinking about how he left things. I will refuse to call him and speak with him if he leaves like this...........

 

[helkern]

there is to much muslims who show a bad face for islam witch dont exist im really so angry when i see peaple like that . i know some like your husband some just trying to c if you really love them n you will choose them and some really mean it . your doughter have just you . keep your self for her about him he look for the impossible , if you give up now you dont know what he gonna do later . he must accept you as you are and as he accepted you befor don t let your self a doll for him that he do what he want with you really there is some stuff witch peaple change or sacrifice for the others but for the the good of them this things must be good for them and must change them to the good parson so i think u know your way

 

[ShyHijabi]

Salaam,

Your husband is acting completely unacceptable to a child who you have responsibility towards. Furthermore he is not being a good Muslim by screaming at a CHILD and not being forgiving. We Muslims are to forgive, forgive, forgive anytime someone offends us. I think it high time you bring in an Imam to have some form of counseling between you two.

Wasalaam

~Sarah

 

[junaid hasan]

the problem is how much muslim knows about the islam now a days.A muslim dont get knowledge from his mother belly but he has to learn islam. And behaviour should also be learn.

 

[dianek]

Salaam,

Your husband is acting completely unacceptable to a child who you have responsibility towards. Furthermore he is not being a good Muslim by screaming at a CHILD and not being forgiving. We Muslims are to forgive, forgive, forgive anytime someone offends us. I think it high time you bring in an Imam to have some form of counseling between you two.

Wasalaam

~Sarah

Asalaam Aleykum:

He would never go for counseling....thinks that what happens between stays between us......I told him too that he is talking about a child, not an adult who has transgressed him.......Part of me thought that once i converted it would make our married life easier, that he wouldn't be so rigid.....though it was not the reason for my conversion mind you......but he hasn't changed towards me one bit.

Allah forgive me but sometimes I just hate the man.

 

[happy 2 b muslim]

No offends sister but no man can ever make you pick him over your child its simply not possible, He cant tell your 11year old daughter to leave SHES 11YEARS OLD you have every right to be sad and anger talk to him and try to make some thing possible come out of it inshallah.

 

[ShyHijabi]

Salaam,

Converting will change you but not him. I am sorry he is being so harsh and immature and he really needs to see an Imam, a counselor, somebody because given his past behavior he has no viable way of changing his own actions. I ma a big believer in behavior modification techniques and he is in serious need of it.

~Sarah

 

[Waseem Hanif]

Salaam,

Converting will change you but not him. I am sorry he is being so harsh and immature and he really needs to see an Imam, a counselor, somebody because given his past behavior he has no viable way of changing his own actions. I ma a big believer in behavior modification techniques and he is in serious need of it.

~Sarah

Mashallah,

Sister Sarah is very smart.


Sarah for PRESIDENT !

 

[dianek]

Mashallah,

Sister Sarah is very smart.


Sarah for PRESIDENT !

I'd vote for her.....but since she isn't on the ticket.....HILLARY ALL THE WAY!!!!

 

[Jannah03]

Asalaamu alakum
Ive been put out before for a stupid reason before at 15, 17, 18, 20, 21 but my goodness at 11! and no i wasnt a bad kid. Father issues...anywho i hope things turn out better uhkti, being put out causes resentment, believe me i know.

 

[AZAM_SIDDIQUI]

SISTER DIANEK U R CONFUSING UR SELF.
FIRS THING WHEN U BECOME A MUSLIM U BECOME A PERSON OF UR OWN AND U GET RIGHTS ND DUTIES FROM ALLAH THE JUST.
THAT IS YOU REPORT DIRECTLY TO ALLAH UR SAVIOUR.TO NO BODY ELSE .RIGHT SO TELL ME IF A WRONG NUMBER CLLED U AND SAID STUFF WUD U FUME AND CRY ? NO
OK ONCE I WAS GOING WITH SOMEONE ND HE SPAT ON MY FACE .I WIPED MY FACE AND HE SPAT AGAIN,THE ONLOOKERS WERE LOOKING AT ME WHAT DID I DO....


I SMILED BECAUSE THAT SOMEONE WAS MY 6 MONTH OLD BABY BROTHER. UMMM CHEER UP NOW.

 

[AZAM_SIDDIQUI]

LOOK DONT REACT. THTS THE FIRST STEP.NEVER REACT. IN UR IMAGINATION PUT ALLAH BETWEEN ANYTHING AND URSELF .AND ALLAH IS SURELY ENOUUGH AS A DEFENDER AND PROTECTOR.SMILE WHEN SOMEONE DOES U WRONG KNOWING THAT UR LEVELS IN JANNAH ARE INCREASING.WHO TOLD U U HVE TO TKE SIDES U DONT HAVE TO TAKE SIDES JUST DO WHAT IS RIGHT...
I DONT BELEIVE IT EITHER UR JUST TOO HONEST {MAY ALLAH REWARD U }OR JUST TOO NAIVE GET STEPHEN COVEY'S BOOK "THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFETIVE PEOPLE " READ IT ANDPUT THE PRINCIPLES TO PRACTICE.
SEE SIS I WANT TO TECH U FISHING HTS IT. TREAT LIFE BOARDGAME .DONT TKE LIFE TOO SERIOUSLY..IT KILLS IN THE END.So whenever anyones nasty and ppl will be nasty say to urself too bad i wish u were mindful Allah s waching u but since Llah is watching ,for His ske i will be nice nd good.

 

[ShyHijabi]

Salaam,

Sory to derail this thread but I am blushing over here with the compliments. I would never run for president though because I would be impeached within a week due to taking all military funds and redirecting it towards our education and helping the poor. And we know our government is only interested in fattening their own coffers. Grrrrrrrrr!!!!

But Diane I do think there needs to be some sort of change on his side. You are his queen, the mother of his children, and the most important thing...a creation of Allah swt. It is our duty as Muslims to treat all of Allah's creations with the utmost respect. I will add you to my nightly duas that something will soften your husband's heart and maybe expand his mind.

Wasalaam

~Sarah

 

[dianek]

LOOK DONT REACT. THTS THE FIRST STEP.NEVER REACT. IN UR IMAGINATION PUT ALLAH BETWEEN ANYTHING AND URSELF .AND ALLAH IS SURELY ENOUUGH AS A DEFENDER AND PROTECTOR.SMILE WHEN SOMEONE DOES U WRONG KNOWING THAT UR LEVELS IN JANNAH ARE INCREASING.WHO TOLD U U HVE TO TKE SIDES U DONT HAVE TO TAKE SIDES JUST DO WHAT IS RIGHT...
I DONT BELEIVE IT EITHER UR JUST TOO HONEST {MAY ALLAH REWARD U }OR JUST TOO NAIVE GET STEPHEN COVEY'S BOOK "THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFETIVE PEOPLE " READ IT ANDPUT THE PRINCIPLES TO PRACTICE.
SEE SIS I WANT TO TECH U FISHING HTS IT. TREAT LIFE BOARDGAME .DONT TKE LIFE TOO SERIOUSLY..IT KILLS IN THE END.So whenever anyones nasty and ppl will be nasty say to urself too bad i wish u were mindful Allah s waching u but since Llah is watching ,for His ske i will be nice nd good.

Kind of hard not to react when he is my husband and she is my daughter and he refuses for her to be in our home......don't you think...

 

[AZAM_SIDDIQUI]

then do what u think is easy............dont u think

 

[goldenmuslimah21]

wa alaikum salaam

well it seems you know the resoulution to your problem; however, I would tried to talk to him and whenever he starts yelling......remain calm becuz if you remain calm he will go back to being calm. and explain.......she is my first born and I will not choose her over you.

 

[AZAM_SIDDIQUI]

not reacting is the right way.bcoz the right way is not reacting but acting.!

and explain.......she is my first born and I will not choose her over you.

Allah knows best wht u shoul do .why are u so unconfident of sking Allah for help.

i do support golden muslimah 21 sisters advice . but i would say hats the right thing to do .xplainingor not xplaining i annot say what wud be better.mybe dont xplain.please start ur prayers slah.it is the obligation .dont let satan divert u thru ur family.Allah will take care bcoz there is little u can do exept think about it {along wth devils running commentary on how things should have been beter now{ifAllah really cared for u blah blah}and get more hurt .enuf said .read quran. say salah.turn off tti for sometime.

 

[AZAM_SIDDIQUI]

see many dotor can perform operations on strangers.
but only the most God trusting doctors can operate on their family members ..u know why?
bcoz they dont react.they just act.
this is what i wnted to say.
see know how tuff it is .but it is tuff .yes it is tuff. nw u got to think how not to make it tougher.when u have analysed something u dont react u act.
andto be a muslim you have to gain mstery of urself ,of ur circumstance..u havevto be the olympian runner,u cant changethe stadium ,u cant change ur opponent ,u can change urself...coz u can become better...by Allahs will.

 

[arabiantxn]

salaam aliqum dianek, i am bit short on time and Islamic knowledge of my own i also don't have any experience raising children but I think you need to ask him to join in here at turnto islam. Talk to him about his anger problems and the fact if here is any misunderstandings their is no need for him to take is out a 11 year old child. Again this doesn’t give you the right to throw a temper trantom but talk to him and work out the things, maybe involve his family (mother or brother or sister). Also you need to install a bit of manners in the children while they are young.. My parents failed at thi. Fortunate for them i had problems out side not inside. but i see my sister who is 18 years old and she is a pain to be around and deal with. At her age what are you going to do talk to her she want listen yell at her she will yell you mute. I am sure is he is a smart educated man who know better how sour things can effect him ie house, cars, and child support . Scares me even thinking about it.

 

[AZAM_SIDDIQUI]

now a bit of diplomacy.
see u keep ur kid away till ur husband leaves.{come on do u think it will good for the por thing to b at home}
tell ur husband nothing .he wont see her in the house and then u stay normal .if he asks calmly say i am missing her but alhamdullillah i m o.k.
so he leaves .
now two three days later ask ur husband hat she wants 2 come home coz she cant live without me.always trying not to sound to eager but steadfast that u can deal with what comes then bring ur daughter home regardless of what he says coz thats the {right thing }
so now we have the right approach and right way.alhamdullillah.]
what do u say..game for it.
in the meanime tell ur daughter about slam get her books .think if u can find anything good about ur husband.fter all he must be feeling bad after ll{strange is the human mind ,for it can make hell of heaven andf vice versa.}
tellur daughter about islam inshallah shell get it ..then tell her to b good to ...thats for later.first try this at home.pls start Praying ,Quran.come on u need five minutes each day.without this its a little tough than impossible .best of luck.