i have been RAPED!! now what?

[lostlilly07]

This is very dear to me...cuz something similar happen to me but I will not put all my business on hear. Anyway, My Wali told me, when I had a prospect for husband come to me, If he ask then I can not lie about my past. But if he does ask, then I don't need to say anything.

or at least then is how I (me. Nasirah.) will handle it.

 

[nizar83]

aselemu aleikum

Salaam,

FIrstly I was greatly relieved to see daleel brought to this thread first. Then I was disheartened to people insert their own opinion, based off personal view and ignorance. A person who was raped does not have a "past." She did not commit a sin and her future husband is not required to know about this, if she chooses to tell him then of course that is her right.

If I were mugged and my money stolen from me that does not mean I have to tell my husband in the future when opening a bank account. Rape is a crime of power and has nothing to with sex, and it angers me to see people still having this opinion when science has proven it has to do with having power over a victim.

The scholars themselves state a virgin who is raped can have her hymen reconstructed and that she is pure of sin, in other words, she might as well be a virgin in the eyes of Allah swt. I think it disgraceful that I am reading some stating she is being foolish or deceitful. And for the brothers who think they are experts on women's health, yes some women do bleed upon their first intercourse, though not all. Due to male ignorance on gynelogical health a lot of men expect their wives to bleed on the wedding night. It is jahilya but it could very well mean this woman's life and or dignity if she fails to do so.

Wasalaam

~Sarah

sister you are very much right.
i know for a fact that 90 % of this sister's stress and panic comes from the fact that we muslim brothers, we arent doing what we should be doing.
we are very much lacking in being good and honest and understanding to our wives and sisters and female relatives.
we are quick to judge on them as if we are the bosses..which is straight nonsense.
why not believe a sister that went through this misery for the sake of allah, indeed she may be a brother's ticket to jannaah!! but noo, we brothers dont want 2 hear that, at least some of us dont.
we want 2 marry ""perfect"" women with ''no past'' , how ignorant how dumb, how egoistic.

inshallah we will increase our knowledge in order to please allah subhana wata3ala with our deeds on this temporary earth.

 

[Happy 2BA Muslim]

:salam2:

It is comforting to know that Muslim scholars have been exposed to such questions, and gave great replies. Below is a fatwa about how a husband should deal with his sexually traumatized wife.

Question: I have a friend who is a newlywed. She is having serious intamacy problems with her husband. She was raped repeatedly for a period of about two years and it has left her frigid and scared about sex. I know that a woman is required to satisfy her husband in the bedroom, but in situations such as this, is he required to be patient while she works through this or is she required to fulfill his desires even if it means that her problem could get worse? What is the ruling on this?

Answered by Sheikh Sâmî al-Mâjid

It would be a very harsh and selfish man who is only interested in achieving his own sexual pleasure without any consideration for his wife’s feelings. It would be miserable of him not to put up some effort or even bear some suffering for the sake of his wife. He should help her to overwhelm her problems and her bad experience.

What that woman had suffered is not easy at all. Thus, the standard of treatment that she is entitled to from her husband is a high one. Since the husband is the closest person to this woman, he should be the most sympathetic towards her, because he should best know and understand her problem. He should be the most concerned of all people to help her heal and to return to a normal frame of mind.

If the husband understands his wife’s problem, he would excuse her when he finds her cold and not interested in sexual intercourse.

Even as she improves, she will be in need of more tenderness and sensitivity in her intimate life that other women will require. She needs to forget the past which could come back into her mind if she is engaged in fast and abrupt intercourse, without sufficient care and affection.

I would like to tell this man that he will, with Allah’s help, reach all the pleasure he is looking for from his wife if he shows more tenderness and affection towards her. He should not force her to bed. He should be patient and help his wife to overcome her suffering.

This is only part of the solution for this woman’s problem. She may have to see a psychologist. Even in that, she will need her husband’s support.

Islamtoday

:salam2:

 

[safiya58]

first off being a virgin doesnt define who you really are as a person. I dont understand why being a virgin makes you better than a person who isnt a virgin. Saying this, there are virgin women out there who never pray,fast,give zakat,.....basically pactice Islam...........so this means that being a virgin autimatically saves them from hypocrisy? NO IT DOESNT! I mean yes...stay a virgin until marriage, but if you were raped, or had a bad past and repented with sincerety, then what makes you pure in front of Allah is your faith. Not whether you were a virgin or not. I just wish that men out there would not kick non virgin woman to the curve......do they even know them as human being and their struggles? That non virgin could be their ticket to jannah, vise versa the virgin who doent even practice(fear Allah) lead to hell fire. Plz let her know that with strong faith and positive thought are what will make easy for her in this hard cercumstance. THIS IS NOT HER FAULT! Allah knows what he did to her, and he will punish him for that if he doesnt repent, woman are precious....I see why. We hurt more, we are more vulnerable, more sensative,....no offense to men....we are more wise. LOL PlZ tell her to stay strong and stay stead fast in her prayers....tell her she is in my dua, and May Allah kareem inshallah.

I totally agree with sister amira87, someone who comitts a sin and then repents is like someone who never comitt a sin. so a woman who had a bad past and then repented is like a virgin in the sight of Allah also if she is `bad`in the sight of the people.... and a woman who has been raped is of course free of sins. When a man don´t wan´t to get married with her because of that reason than he is deffinitly not the right one...