Asalaamu Alaikum brothers and sisters.
I have been on and off of this website for some time now, searching for information about Islam, and also searching for support and guidance from all of you in regards to the numerous marriage problems I have had with my husband. I am writing this now while my whole body is shaking and I can barely breathe. My worst nightmare is true. My secret suspicions are true, I am afraid. I don't know how to handle this. I am so sad and so scared. Here is the story:
Before I got married, my husband was the sweetest guy in the world in my eyes. I have a son who's father is not around and we were struggling to get by just the two of us. My husband swept me off my feet and told me he would save me and be a father to my son. We got married a little less than 1 month after we met. He told me this was the way they do it in his country, Jordan, and with his religion, Islam. I thought he was the best, most trustworthy man I had ever met, so I agreed to marry him this quickly.
After we got married things turned sour. One of my then best friends accused him of flirting with her while she went to his gas station where he worked to buy something. I met her up at the gas station to confront both of them to see who was lying. We were only married one week when this happened. My friend said "LOOK AT THE VIDEO CAMERA, ROBIN! IT WILL SHOW YOU I AM TELLING THE TRUTH!!!" and she was calling him horrible horrible names. On the other side was my husband, straight faced, who I was in love with, telling me "go ahead and look, but if you see that she is wrong, we are finished. We will get a divorce because you obviously cant trust me." So i didnt look at the tape. Around that same time, another friend claimed he had been hitting on her too and she didnt even know he was married because he pretended to be single. He kept telling me they were liars and theywere trying to cause problems because they are jealous that he wanted me and not them. I believed him.
A few months later, I was told by some neighbors that he was in our apartment with another neighbor girl from upstairs and these neighbors had even seen him with the neighbor girl and her friend in our apartment at one point. He denied this soooo strongly and when he confronted them and I was listening in, they told him I was lying and they didnt say that. Or one neighbor said hewas just repeating what he was told from another neighbor, but when he told me originally he said he had actually seen this behavior with his own eyes. I didnt know who to believe again, so I believed my husband.
There was another similar incident but I am tired of talking about this part so I will move on. I think you all get the idea.
Secondly, he has always been verbally and emotionally abusive- reeeeally bad. I have made him move out from our home more than once to stop the problems. He always came back, saying he loved me and he would change. And he would be good for awhile but the bad always came back slowly. And he will be good for awhile, then bad again, then good again, you understand.
So recently I have noticed that he always has his work cell phone with him, sleeping wth it in his pocket or in his hand, taking it to the bathroom when he first wakes up in the mornings, even showering with the door locked and his phone in the bathroom. HE NEVER LEAVES THE PHONE ALONE and I can't look at it because he will go off on me and say I am bad and I dont trust him. But he is obviously hiding something because NO ONE guards their phones that much. And his private cell phone that is on our family plan is free and always laying around.
He has also been leaving a lot to "study" with a friend who shares his classes and keeps telling me he needs space and yelling at me like I do things wrong when I dont. He even yelled at me tonight for buying groceries without telling him.
So I have been suspecting he is hiding something for a while and I kept looking for the chance to get his work cell phone when he isnt looking to check it, since he is so protective and secretive of it.
Well after a long wait, I was finally able to sieze the phone tonight while he was sleeping. In it I discovered 1 girls private phone number and two more possible girls privatephone numbers. I also saw text messages from his study friend from college, saying to meet him at the bar on St. Patrick Day and about their drunk fun together and waiting for him to arrive at that bar on st patricks day, and that he (my husbands friend) loves gay women and he and my husband should meet up at starbucks (that explains why he always refuses to take me there), and they should actually study sometime instead of pretending to study.
I also found pictures of him at a car show from very recently when he was supposed to be at work!!!
It's a hard situation. I want to get his family involved. He has 3 uncles in our city who work in gas stations, are very nice and all go to college. I am thinking to wait until one of them shows up this morning at the gas station for work ad I will show him what I have found and ask for help from his family. I am so afraid that my marriage is about to fail. I am so scared. I don't ant to lose my husband! I love him so much! And my sweet son will be heart-broken because he thinks this is his dad. I don't want him to go through this either. PLEASE EVERYONE PRAY FOR MY FAMILY TO STAY TOGETHER AND FOR MY HUSBAND TO GET HELP. Please. I need all of your prayers. I need my family to stay together and to finally be good. Please also pray for Allah to give me the strength I need to get through this in one piece and pray for Him to give me helpers from my husbands family to fix the problem. I am so so sad. My husband is not who I thought he was and I am scared and feel like I am dying. All I am asking for is your prayers. Sorry this is so long, I really am. I just wanted you to understand my situation completely. Please pray for us.
Salaam.
I have been on and off of this website for some time now, searching for information about Islam, and also searching for support and guidance from all of you in regards to the numerous marriage problems I have had with my husband. I am writing this now while my whole body is shaking and I can barely breathe. My worst nightmare is true. My secret suspicions are true, I am afraid. I don't know how to handle this. I am so sad and so scared. Here is the story:
Before I got married, my husband was the sweetest guy in the world in my eyes. I have a son who's father is not around and we were struggling to get by just the two of us. My husband swept me off my feet and told me he would save me and be a father to my son. We got married a little less than 1 month after we met. He told me this was the way they do it in his country, Jordan, and with his religion, Islam. I thought he was the best, most trustworthy man I had ever met, so I agreed to marry him this quickly.
After we got married things turned sour. One of my then best friends accused him of flirting with her while she went to his gas station where he worked to buy something. I met her up at the gas station to confront both of them to see who was lying. We were only married one week when this happened. My friend said "LOOK AT THE VIDEO CAMERA, ROBIN! IT WILL SHOW YOU I AM TELLING THE TRUTH!!!" and she was calling him horrible horrible names. On the other side was my husband, straight faced, who I was in love with, telling me "go ahead and look, but if you see that she is wrong, we are finished. We will get a divorce because you obviously cant trust me." So i didnt look at the tape. Around that same time, another friend claimed he had been hitting on her too and she didnt even know he was married because he pretended to be single. He kept telling me they were liars and theywere trying to cause problems because they are jealous that he wanted me and not them. I believed him.
A few months later, I was told by some neighbors that he was in our apartment with another neighbor girl from upstairs and these neighbors had even seen him with the neighbor girl and her friend in our apartment at one point. He denied this soooo strongly and when he confronted them and I was listening in, they told him I was lying and they didnt say that. Or one neighbor said hewas just repeating what he was told from another neighbor, but when he told me originally he said he had actually seen this behavior with his own eyes. I didnt know who to believe again, so I believed my husband.
There was another similar incident but I am tired of talking about this part so I will move on. I think you all get the idea.
Secondly, he has always been verbally and emotionally abusive- reeeeally bad. I have made him move out from our home more than once to stop the problems. He always came back, saying he loved me and he would change. And he would be good for awhile but the bad always came back slowly. And he will be good for awhile, then bad again, then good again, you understand.
So recently I have noticed that he always has his work cell phone with him, sleeping wth it in his pocket or in his hand, taking it to the bathroom when he first wakes up in the mornings, even showering with the door locked and his phone in the bathroom. HE NEVER LEAVES THE PHONE ALONE and I can't look at it because he will go off on me and say I am bad and I dont trust him. But he is obviously hiding something because NO ONE guards their phones that much. And his private cell phone that is on our family plan is free and always laying around.
He has also been leaving a lot to "study" with a friend who shares his classes and keeps telling me he needs space and yelling at me like I do things wrong when I dont. He even yelled at me tonight for buying groceries without telling him.
So I have been suspecting he is hiding something for a while and I kept looking for the chance to get his work cell phone when he isnt looking to check it, since he is so protective and secretive of it.
Well after a long wait, I was finally able to sieze the phone tonight while he was sleeping. In it I discovered 1 girls private phone number and two more possible girls privatephone numbers. I also saw text messages from his study friend from college, saying to meet him at the bar on St. Patrick Day and about their drunk fun together and waiting for him to arrive at that bar on st patricks day, and that he (my husbands friend) loves gay women and he and my husband should meet up at starbucks (that explains why he always refuses to take me there), and they should actually study sometime instead of pretending to study.
I also found pictures of him at a car show from very recently when he was supposed to be at work!!!
It's a hard situation. I want to get his family involved. He has 3 uncles in our city who work in gas stations, are very nice and all go to college. I am thinking to wait until one of them shows up this morning at the gas station for work ad I will show him what I have found and ask for help from his family. I am so afraid that my marriage is about to fail. I am so scared. I don't ant to lose my husband! I love him so much! And my sweet son will be heart-broken because he thinks this is his dad. I don't want him to go through this either. PLEASE EVERYONE PRAY FOR MY FAMILY TO STAY TOGETHER AND FOR MY HUSBAND TO GET HELP. Please. I need all of your prayers. I need my family to stay together and to finally be good. Please also pray for Allah to give me the strength I need to get through this in one piece and pray for Him to give me helpers from my husbands family to fix the problem. I am so so sad. My husband is not who I thought he was and I am scared and feel like I am dying. All I am asking for is your prayers. Sorry this is so long, I really am. I just wanted you to understand my situation completely. Please pray for us.
Salaam.
