intermixing

[hana*]

assalamu alaikum brothers and sisters,

I hope you are all in good health and happiness. well, its been a while since i posted anything on tti. I wanted your help and advice, where possible.

I am recently married into a family of a different cultural background...i find certain practices which my in-laws have as being against islam, however im not sure what to do. my husband and his family have grown up in a manner that cousins of the opposite gender are considered as 'blood brothers and sisters', meaning that intermixing, hugging, kissing on the cheeks etc is normal for them. i have explained to my husband that this is haram, and for me, i have been raised under the true banner of islam, only to start a new life with concepts that are alien to me.

my husband and his family also see no problem if his male cousins were to stay the night at our house..whilst this is not classified as haram, im pretty sure it is makrooh and not a concept adopted by the sahabah, because this would entice free mixing, and potential pre-requisites to zina.

i need your help on the above and any strong evidence- not of free mixing between genders, but more specifically, non-mahram cousins etc which come under the banner of 'family' and also sleeping in the same house as non-mahrams.

shookran wa jazakumullahu khairan

 

[revert2007]

As salamu 'alaikum

Wow sis your are married..NO wonder you were not online. Alhamdulilah and congrats to you



Allah knows the best
As salamu 'alaikum

 

[a_stranger]

:salam2:wa rahmatu Allah wa barakatuh .
Congragulation sister and may Allah bless you and your husband.
Dear sister ....I believe the intermixing is totaly unislamic we should close the doors of Fitna but in your case you have to have patient .....start with strengthening faith in your heart and your husband`s by listening to Quran and some lectures ..pray with sincerity ..don`t rush try to make a change gradually .......Faith can change our conduct in this life .....so try to refresh faith within your surroundings.

 

[arzafar]

i guess you are living in a joint family system.
then you should ask for a separate floor/partition as soon as the finances allow it.

 

[muharram23]

Salamu alaykum

Islam permits us to marry our cousins. so if you are allowed to marry someone then they are considered not mahram. Therefore, it is not permissible touch, hug kiss etc someone who is not mahram to u. If I may ask sister, what nationality is ur husband?

Thanx
Wassaalm

 

[Ahsen]

I can understand your problem but atm i can't come up with any solution except advising your husband about islam.

 

[Tabassum07]

:salam2:

Heeeey sis, you're on TTI again! I nearly jumped when I saw you had posted!

About your question, islamically, of course they are your non mahrams, so any carefree behaviour of that kind must be stopped. I remember reading a question/answer on Islamqa regarding this matter, and the sheikh had advised that while you cannot completely escape from joint families, just keep a respective distance and hijab, and don't laugh or joke around with them too much. I can understand how it must be mixing with people who aren't completely following the deen, but my advice: while you can not correct the entire world, just maintain yourself as the ambassador of Islam and keep your hijab, and a respective distance (for example, don't stay in the same room with them if no other family member is present.) Over time, they will realize that you are not comfortable with this, and of course make dua, and Allah will make everything work out for you!
You might want to hint to your husband about you feeling uncomfortable around his cousins (don't say you 'don't like it', or that it is 'unislamic.') Just say you don't feel comfortable as you have been raised differently, and surely your husband will respect that. He might not be able to completely stop his relatives from coming over at first, but it will sow a seed and InshaAllah, gradually over time, maybe they will stop being invited or staying overnight.
And most importantly ukhti - have sabr, and don't be hasty. You can't change anyone overnight.

EDIT: Hana, please if you go to Islamqa.com and search "living with cousins" with the quotes, you will get tons of fatwas related to your question which will help you, InshaAllah.

Here is one sentence which I think is completely fitting:

His simply staying over at your house is not haraam in and of itself, if all precautions are taken and there is no danger of anything happening that Allaah has forbidden.

 

[ilyas_eh]

wa alaykkum assalaam wa rahmathullahi wa barakatuhu..

sister, make your husband listen to the lecture FORBIDDEN GAZE ("the Disease, the Intermingling and the Cure") by sheik feiz muhammad..

he explains your problem in the one of the part (i am not so sure which part though.. mostly the intermingling)...Lectures of Feiz Muhammad.

may Allah guide us all..ameen

wa salaam.

 

[aslamjiffry]

wa alaykkum assalaam wa rahmathullahi wa barakatuhu..

sister, make your husband listen to the lecture FORBIDDEN GAZE ("the Disease, the Intermingling and the Cure") by sheik feiz muhammad..

he explains your problem in the one of the part (i am not so sure which part though.. mostly the intermingling)...Lectures of Feiz Muhammad.

may Allah guide us all..ameen

wa salaam.

Jazakallah Khairah for the information..........

 

[hana*]

As salamu 'alaikum

Wow sis your are married..NO wonder you were not online. Alhamdulilah and congrats to you



Allah knows the best
As salamu 'alaikum

barakallahu feeki ukhti hope you are doing well and i missed reading your threads

 

[hana*]

:salam2:wa rahmatu Allah wa barakatuh .
Congragulation sister and may Allah bless you and your husband.
Dear sister ....I believe the intermixing is totaly unislamic we should close the doors of Fitna but in your case you have to have patient .....start with strengthening faith in your heart and your husband`s by listening to Quran and some lectures ..pray with sincerity ..don`t rush try to make a change gradually .......Faith can change our conduct in this life .....so try to refresh faith within your surroundings.

thats great advice, jazakumallahu khairan

 

[hana*]

Salamu alaykum

Islam permits us to marry our cousins. so if you are allowed to marry someone then they are considered not mahram. Therefore, it is not permissible touch, hug kiss etc someone who is not mahram to u. If I may ask sister, what nationality is ur husband?

Thanx
Wassaalm

thank you sis, i am aware that cousins are non-mahram and that intermixing is haram, i have been raised tightly according to the teachings of islam, all i need is strong proof for them...for me i dont know what to say, i cant prevent them from sitting together having meals as a family but at the same time, i would be sitting and chatting with them all- males and females. my mum in law says you are in the presence of your husband and not alone with other males, however, this dosent justify it

 

[hana*]

:salam2:

Heeeey sis, you're on TTI again! I nearly jumped when I saw you had posted!

About your question, islamically, of course they are your non mahrams, so any carefree behaviour of that kind must be stopped. I remember reading a question/answer on Islamqa regarding this matter, and the sheikh had advised that while you cannot completely escape from joint families, just keep a respective distance and hijab, and don't laugh or joke around with them too much. I can understand how it must be mixing with people who aren't completely following the deen, but my advice: while you can not correct the entire world, just maintain yourself as the ambassador of Islam and keep your hijab, and a respective distance (for example, don't stay in the same room with them if no other family member is present.) Over time, they will realize that you are not comfortable with this, and of course make dua, and Allah will make everything work out for you!
You might want to hint to your husband about you feeling uncomfortable around his cousins (don't say you 'don't like it', or that it is 'unislamic.') Just say you don't feel comfortable as you have been raised differently, and surely your husband will respect that. He might not be able to completely stop his relatives from coming over at first, but it will sow a seed and InshaAllah, gradually over time, maybe they will stop being invited or staying overnight.
And most importantly ukhti - have sabr, and don't be hasty. You can't change anyone overnight.

EDIT: Hana, please if you go to Islamqa.com and search "living with cousins" with the quotes, you will get tons of fatwas related to your question which will help you, InshaAllah.

Here is one sentence which I think is completely fitting:

ukhti!! thank you so much for the support, great friend and sis you are, miss you loads and i will definately look into islamqa for strengh

i await your email

 

[hana*]

wa alaykkum assalaam wa rahmathullahi wa barakatuhu..

sister, make your husband listen to the lecture FORBIDDEN GAZE ("the Disease, the Intermingling and the Cure") by sheik feiz muhammad..

he explains your problem in the one of the part (i am not so sure which part though.. mostly the intermingling)...Lectures of Feiz Muhammad.

may Allah guide us all..ameen

wa salaam.

shookran brother, i will definately look into this... i am aware of all this being haram, its convinvcing my husband and in-laws that is the difficult part.. as the other brothers and sisters have said, it all comes with sabr and dua

jazakallahu khairan for your timein posting

 

[ilyas_eh]

shookran brother, i will definately look into this... i am aware of all this being haram, its convinvcing my husband and in-laws that is the difficult part.. as the other brothers and sisters have said, it all comes with sabr and dua

jazakallahu khairan for your timein posting

may Allah easen up your task for you sister.

Barak Allahu feek..