Muslim living in a Christian household

[marildu]

Assalamu Alaikum,

InshaAllah you all are well.

I recently made shahahdah as of 9/13/2006. I live with my parents still. I am currently in a waiting process to get into a school here, but I could go to school anywhere and have the money to do so. I've currently saved about $2,700 US to move out of my parents house. I eat halal anytime that my parents do not make meals and sit down to dinner. An Imam told me that I could do this because it's not in my control, but I should eat halal at all other times. My parents will not let me wear hijab, although I am working on changing their minds about that.
Here's where things get a little more complicated
A long while before I was Muslim (about 3 years) I became friends with a Muslim guy. He was really not practising or praying at that time. I was also a non-practising Mormon then. We eventually got close and it was him that originally made me study Islam.
Let me impress a point here. I am not reverting for him. I would never do that because my father converted from Catholicism to Mormonism for my mother and their marriage has been horrible, for the both of them. I could never live that way and I've been through that.
When we first met I thought his religion was completely wrong. He told me a little about it but we left it at that. Over the years he became practising. MashaAllah he prays five times a day now and the change in him is amazing. I began to study Islam and as I looked more and more into it I realized that Allah (swt) had pointed me towards this path. (I had never really believed in Christ dying for the world and many of the other Christian doctrines, but I always had a faith that there was God.) Alhamdullilah for this guy being in my life. His example has completely changed me. He wishes to marry me and I want to accept. I know that InshaAllah he will be a wonderful husband for me as a Muslim. However, neither of our parents know and he now lives in another state. We were planning on waiting quite a long time because of the issues with my education and my parents. However recently we've decided that it's not good to delay the marriage for so long.

Any advice? I know it is not wise to automatically move over there tomorrow when I've been a Muslim less than a week, but we were planning on waiting a year or two even.
Sorry for it being so long, it's a long story.

 

[user expired!]

Asalaamualikum!
erm.... what can i say? do you know how to pray istikara (a supplication for guidance to a question)this is an essential part to answering your question.

pray the dua, here is a link to a guide to istikhara

http://www.turntoislam.com/forum/showthread.php?t=367&highlight=istikhara

wassalaamualaikum

 

[bluey]

Alhamdulillah, alhamdulillah alhamdulillah!! I am so happy you have chosen Islam, and that Allah has chosen you to receive this Blessing.

Have strength sister - I too have waited many, many months to be married altho my fiance and I are not reverts, both are in different countries and the obstacles we face are Great but with Allah's help, All is surmountable.

Remember this quote - "On no soul does ALLAH swt place a burden more than it can bear" .

I pray you will be strong and that your marraige will be lessed with happiness and that you be the mother of mu'mineen.

 

[mr. ok]

Marildu



:salam2: my dear brothers and sisters (Muslims & non-Muslims)

"On no soul does ALLAH swt place a burden more than it can bear" .

^ LOVE THE QUOTE! Gave me the Goosebumps.

Greetings Marildu. First off i would like to congratulate you on becoming a Muslim, mashAllah. Welcome to Islam. I think you guys made a wise decision. Before marriage you guys should know your responsibilities and duty as husband and wife (according to Islam). Am not sure about waiting for a year or two, but whatever makes you guys happy.

I say get married as soon as you guys are ready. After you guys study Islam (marriage part) then you guys should have nothing to worry about inshAllah. Because everything is explained that takes place in a marriage and before (arrangements). For example if your husband can support you financially and so on.

I wish you guys happiness. There is nothing to worry about. Always remember you got Islam (answer to every problem) with you.

Best Regards,

Mr. Ok

 

[Ahmed ibn Ibrahim]

Greetings and warm brotherly love, Sister Marildu! Congratulations on your bravery in turning towards Islam and accepting true faith. This is especially commendable for you, not only because of the fact that in this day and age mainstream media and its puppetmasters have done everything possible to defamate our religion (and therefore to see through the lies takes drive and inspiration), but also because you have done so in the USA - where the hatred and fear is the strongest. Well done! =)

I have a couple comments I'd be honored to share with you, Sister, and InshaAllah you will find some inspiration of Allah through my humble words. You say you live in a Christian household - this is a blessing, as well as a great oppourtunity for you now as a Muslim. Equip yourself with the full armor of God; simply put, the Truth. Learn Islam and it's many facets, so that you may be a lighthouse to all those around you. Did you know that, before modern times, Christian and Jewish women also used to wear a headcovering? I am a Muslim, so you know I can't lie. ;-) They would wear them not only for piety (divine awareness and respect), but also for hygene benefits and for the societal benefits that modesty brings. Concider the Western world that our immodesty has created - our Britney Spearses and our Male Dancers and our flashy, fashion-obsessed and revealing clothing. If you were to walk down the street wearing nothing but a 2piece bikini (which is essentially what many women do wear), what do you suppose men would think in their heads when they saw you? What do you suppose other women would think? What do you suppose children would think about? Many of the thoughts would be very unhealthy, unproductive, distracting, and downright sinful. Now concider yourself walking down the street in your normal clothes and wearing the Hijaab. Now people aren't so much looking at your physical body as they are recognising your modesty; curious about why you make the choice; curious about the kind of bravery it must take in this day, age, and location to make such a choice. You may even be blessed with the oppourtunity to explain to a passer-by why you wear a headcovering, and InshaAllah you may inspire their hearts to turn away from ungodly and worldly things.

Make supplication to our Lord to help give you guidance and find your feet fully walking on the straight path towards Allah. Congratulations again on your Islam, and I wish you much success! =)

 

[Nightwind]

Welcome sister marildu

Assalam alaikum Sister Marildu and Ramadan Kareem

I am very happy that you have joined the family of Islam. I agree whole heartedly that you both need to learn fully your rights, responsibilites, and duties in marriage in Islam. I would also like to add a few things to keep in consideration.

First, you need to ask each other lots of questions on how each of you sees marriage and the roles you will each play. Many times the two will each have their own vision of what makes a marriage idea and those visions don't always match. How many children? Will the wife work or stay home? Would the husband object if you work outside or would he object if you suddenly decide to be a full time housewife when you have always worked before? How active a role does the man see himself playing in caring for the home or the children? Many issues are often overlooked when deciding to marry and the come back to haunt you later on.

Secondly, both of you have withheld the relationship from your parents. In your case, as a new Muslim, that can be understood, however, do not forget that even though your parents are not Muslim, the still deserve your respect. Keeping secrets and sneeking around on them will set a very bad image on Islam in their eyes. You also say that he withheld knowledge from his parents, Why? Some young people from other cultures often make relationships that they know their families would disaprove of then later regret it deeply. If he is from such a culture that places parents and family at the top of their priorities then you need to ask why he is sneeking around. If he marries against his parents wishes, are you prepared to live with inlaws who disapprove of you and even treat you badly? Are you willing to watch him be sad because he is having to choose between you or his parents? Believe me, living with that sadness will in time take its toll on the marriage. And think of the children that will suffer from being rejected by grandparents who didn't want their son to marry a revert. If he is from a culture that has arranged marriages, you may never be accepted by them and they may also pressure him to marry a second wife that they approve of or even pressure him to divorce you. These are issues you need to be very very clear on.

Islam is a lifetime learning experience sister. Never expect to know everything. Marriage is the same thing. Couples grow together through life experiences and living together for years. Just when you think you know the answers to all the questions, life will come along and change the questions.

Don't hurry to marry. My husband and I waited for over a uear tobefore we felt that we knew each other well enough to make a lifetime committment. He was the imam in a city in a completely different state from me. All I can say is Alhamdulillah that he has the wisdom to know that if you plan to spend a lifetime together you need to invest in the time to know that you can and will survive living together for life. We are not only different culture, different race, but also a vast age difference between us. But by taking time and being patient, we were rewarded with a solid marriage based of faith, love of Allah and respect. Falling in love is something that comes after marriage. That kind of love is the kind of love that never dies.

Remember always, Allah rewards those who are patient. Learn the Istikarah prayer. Both of you need to do that. And examine carefully why you have chosen to keep your family out of your relationship. When two people marry, you marry they marry the families too. You will need that support when times are bad and bad times are guaranteed to happen. Alhamdulillah for my husbands family who have been the best support to me when I was diagnosed with cancer this year. Their prayers have meant the world to me since my own family are not Muslim. I would have been so lost if we had hurried and gained their disapproval by sneeking into our marriage.

Be strong, trust in Allah. When I told my family, they thought I was crazy. Now they see how happy I am and how sincere and loving my husband is. My mother just told me today that she is so glad that I have him there to keep me strong. That is a long way from being terrified to tell her that I was becoming a Muslim and she turned away from me like the plague.

Welcome sister, May Allah bless you with wisdom, happiness and a blessed life in his service.

 

[marildu]

Asslamu Alaikum,

First, you need to ask each other lots of questions on how each of you sees marriage and the roles you will each play.

We've actually discussed most of these things. I have a disease called PCOS where it is possible that I can't have children. At first it was extremely difficult on him, but he soon realized that it is ultimately a decision by Allah (swt) alone.

As for why we've kept it from our parents.
I definitely plan on telling my parents a while before we marry. But I feel that laying so much down on them at once is extremely hard on them. They would also be convinced that I'm converting for him which is not the issue.

As for him. I can't say too much about why he doesn't tell them. He is Pakistani and his mother wishes for him to marry inside his family. He however, does not want that at all because he sees his cousins and has grown up along side them and knows that they are not very religious or practising. His father is very wise and knows that it doesn't matter if I'm white as long as I am a good Muslim and will take care of my duties. I think his mother will be in denial, but he feels she will eventually accept it. I worry about this problem, but he seems not to be too worried and he's willing to deal with the problems they may have at first.

 

[Kayote]

Masha'Allah, you seem to be thinking about it from all angles.

Being a Pakistani myself, I can relate to what you are saying. I know my mum would kill me if she found out I wanted to marry a girl of my own choice.

But I hope you try to understand her position as well. To give an example of my mum, she only got to see my dad on the day she was getting married. Alhumdulillah, its not like that anymore (atleast not EVERYWHERE in Pakistan). Insha'Allah, she will more than accept you once she realise what a good muslim (& therefore a good being) you are.

 

[west]

Tradition is hard to get rid of. If you are following the Islamic path - be open and honest to both your families about your relationship.

On the day that I married my husband, we knew each other exactly 3 months (to the exact day). Wy did we marry that soon? Because it felt right. A month prior to our wedding, I said my Shahada.
Our marriage is not perfect - who's is? The most important is that we love and respect each other......