Asalaamu alaikum waramatulla wabarakatu....
I guess this is where we introduce ourselves, and I hope no one minds if I share my story. It's a bit long, so you might want to get some coffee or tea now. =o)
I was raised Catholic, and did not really follow the tenets of the faith, but went to church regularly until I was in my teens. My parents split up and my twin brother and I kind of went wild. No more church unless it was Christmas or Easter, and Easter was questionable. I had never heard of Islam, really, maybe something in a movie, but no conscious awareness of it. The ONLY reference I ever had regarding Islam was once my mom said, "Boy, those Muslims sure are devout....they pray 5x every day." I went out and partied and did some crazy things, but settled down for the most part in my late twenties. I still went to clubs with my friends, but it got more and more infrequent. It was just too depressing after awhile....same old thing, people trying to meet "the one" at a bar. Blech!
All of my life I had been looking for a religion, and tried different churches, but they just felt WEIRD. Even when I went to Cathlic Mass, I felt out of place. Like I did not belong there. I liked the ritual of the Mass, the solemness of the ceremony, but I felt the religion was a joke. Why do I have to confess my sins to a MAN?? When did God Almighty give him the clearance to waive my sins away with a few Our Fathers, Hail Mary's a some Glory Be's?? I became increasingly disillusioned, and eventually decided I would just have to be "spiritual" and not really follow any one religion.
In August 2001 we got a new co-worker in my department who was Muslim (was not and is not practicing). I asked her isn't she supposed to wear some sort of thing on her head, and she said, yes, but she doesn't. I would ask her tons of questions, about Islam (she always told me to shut up) and her native country (Nigeria). September 11th was just another work day until the events unfolded. We are about 30 mins from DC, maybe 45mins from the Pentagon, so the building was closed and we all went home. I was heartbroken watching the news, and so hard pressed to believe that some god could think this was wonderful, and would reward you for it?!?! I started looking into Islam to find out for myself what it was all about, since the media will only have you believing it's about bombs and blood. I found out more and more and was really into this thing. I asked some other Muslims at my job about it, but didn't get a lot of information (they aren't practicing either), and the ones who could help me didn't understand my struggle....they had not been raised being told Jesus was God. I never believed that, but it's still hard to get the idea out of your head when it's been told to you from a very early age. Then one day while visiting my family in PA, I came across an old National Geographics of my dad's....from 1978. It was about the hajj. That was my "lights shining down from above to the sound of singing" moment. I knew that THIS is what I had been looking for. But me being me, I started questioning everything. I read things that were too much for my brain (wudu instructions, for instance) and had to shut the book, turn off the computer, walk away, whatever. I overloaded myself with information that a person looking into Islam should not trouble themselves with. I had bought a Koran at Borders, which was really not a true Koran. After meeting a sister from WhyIslam in VA, I had a real Qur'an, and I would read it from time to time. I knew after only about halfway through Sura 2, that this was the truth. No matter what, I could not go back to Christianity, but I was not ready to go forward, either. I took some time off from my investigation, but it was always in the back of my mind. I had called a number 1-800-WHY-ISLAM and spoke to a nice sister there, who said I absolutely had to wear the scarf. Not what I wanted to hear at that moment. She had also been raised Catholic and told me to not stress myself, to just pray to God to show me "the truth." Not to show me Islam, or Christianity, but the truth. So I did. For about a year I prayed. I started asking some reverts about what they had gone through, and all of a sudden I realized I was making this way more difficult on myself than I needed to. Talking to other reverts I understood I did not have to be perfect before taking shahada. I wanted to be able to wear hijab without practically having a panic attack, and I wanted to not WANT to have a beer or two at a cookout before I became a Muslim.
But then I started thinking about dying, not about my possible immenent demise, or like I could die at any second, but more like, "If I become a Muslim, and my family buries me in a Catholic Mass ceremony, will I be in some sort of limbo?" All of a sudden I was compelled to go to this tiny masjid up the road from me. I called that day from work and asked if I might be able to come by with some questions. I called back and said maybe the next day, but then changed my mind and said that "tonight would be okay." I told the Imam several times that I did not have a scarf or anything, but I could run home and get a knit hat or baseball hat if that would be better. He said just come and it will be fine. His son let him know I was there (he's legally blind), and I walked in and went to where there were two chairs set up. I didn't take my shoes off because I didn't know any better. He had handed me a scarf when I had first walked in and said, "This is from my wife." and I proceeded to hold that scarf in my hands the entire time. I asked him about the whole "if I die Muslim and they bury me Catholic will I be in limbo" question. I gave him my 2yrs worth of worries that I had, from drinking to covering. He told me to not stress about those things, because the most important thing was for me to take shahada if I wanted to become a Muslim....those other things would take care of themselves in time, then asked me what I was waiting for. I didn't know. So he asked if would like to take my shahada, and I said yes. I said it in both English and Arabic.
I was almost 38 when I took my shahada, and figured I was past my prime....no one would want to marry me, because most Muslims marry young and start families. I was okay with that, if it was what was meant to be, but astonishingly, I met my husband 4mos later, and we were married 4mos after meeting! So 8mos after I took shahada, I was a wife! I am almost at my 2yr mark for being Muslim (Dec. 28), and I am so happy with my new life. I begain covering full time this past August and have had nothing but a positive experience thus far. :blackhijab:
Alhumdulillah it has been such a wonderful journey, and I am glad Allah blessed me with His guidence to the straight path. I pray that more people come to the path, especially my family.
I guess this is where we introduce ourselves, and I hope no one minds if I share my story. It's a bit long, so you might want to get some coffee or tea now. =o)
I was raised Catholic, and did not really follow the tenets of the faith, but went to church regularly until I was in my teens. My parents split up and my twin brother and I kind of went wild. No more church unless it was Christmas or Easter, and Easter was questionable. I had never heard of Islam, really, maybe something in a movie, but no conscious awareness of it. The ONLY reference I ever had regarding Islam was once my mom said, "Boy, those Muslims sure are devout....they pray 5x every day." I went out and partied and did some crazy things, but settled down for the most part in my late twenties. I still went to clubs with my friends, but it got more and more infrequent. It was just too depressing after awhile....same old thing, people trying to meet "the one" at a bar. Blech!
All of my life I had been looking for a religion, and tried different churches, but they just felt WEIRD. Even when I went to Cathlic Mass, I felt out of place. Like I did not belong there. I liked the ritual of the Mass, the solemness of the ceremony, but I felt the religion was a joke. Why do I have to confess my sins to a MAN?? When did God Almighty give him the clearance to waive my sins away with a few Our Fathers, Hail Mary's a some Glory Be's?? I became increasingly disillusioned, and eventually decided I would just have to be "spiritual" and not really follow any one religion.
In August 2001 we got a new co-worker in my department who was Muslim (was not and is not practicing). I asked her isn't she supposed to wear some sort of thing on her head, and she said, yes, but she doesn't. I would ask her tons of questions, about Islam (she always told me to shut up) and her native country (Nigeria). September 11th was just another work day until the events unfolded. We are about 30 mins from DC, maybe 45mins from the Pentagon, so the building was closed and we all went home. I was heartbroken watching the news, and so hard pressed to believe that some god could think this was wonderful, and would reward you for it?!?! I started looking into Islam to find out for myself what it was all about, since the media will only have you believing it's about bombs and blood. I found out more and more and was really into this thing. I asked some other Muslims at my job about it, but didn't get a lot of information (they aren't practicing either), and the ones who could help me didn't understand my struggle....they had not been raised being told Jesus was God. I never believed that, but it's still hard to get the idea out of your head when it's been told to you from a very early age. Then one day while visiting my family in PA, I came across an old National Geographics of my dad's....from 1978. It was about the hajj. That was my "lights shining down from above to the sound of singing" moment. I knew that THIS is what I had been looking for. But me being me, I started questioning everything. I read things that were too much for my brain (wudu instructions, for instance) and had to shut the book, turn off the computer, walk away, whatever. I overloaded myself with information that a person looking into Islam should not trouble themselves with. I had bought a Koran at Borders, which was really not a true Koran. After meeting a sister from WhyIslam in VA, I had a real Qur'an, and I would read it from time to time. I knew after only about halfway through Sura 2, that this was the truth. No matter what, I could not go back to Christianity, but I was not ready to go forward, either. I took some time off from my investigation, but it was always in the back of my mind. I had called a number 1-800-WHY-ISLAM and spoke to a nice sister there, who said I absolutely had to wear the scarf. Not what I wanted to hear at that moment. She had also been raised Catholic and told me to not stress myself, to just pray to God to show me "the truth." Not to show me Islam, or Christianity, but the truth. So I did. For about a year I prayed. I started asking some reverts about what they had gone through, and all of a sudden I realized I was making this way more difficult on myself than I needed to. Talking to other reverts I understood I did not have to be perfect before taking shahada. I wanted to be able to wear hijab without practically having a panic attack, and I wanted to not WANT to have a beer or two at a cookout before I became a Muslim.
But then I started thinking about dying, not about my possible immenent demise, or like I could die at any second, but more like, "If I become a Muslim, and my family buries me in a Catholic Mass ceremony, will I be in some sort of limbo?" All of a sudden I was compelled to go to this tiny masjid up the road from me. I called that day from work and asked if I might be able to come by with some questions. I called back and said maybe the next day, but then changed my mind and said that "tonight would be okay." I told the Imam several times that I did not have a scarf or anything, but I could run home and get a knit hat or baseball hat if that would be better. He said just come and it will be fine. His son let him know I was there (he's legally blind), and I walked in and went to where there were two chairs set up. I didn't take my shoes off because I didn't know any better. He had handed me a scarf when I had first walked in and said, "This is from my wife." and I proceeded to hold that scarf in my hands the entire time. I asked him about the whole "if I die Muslim and they bury me Catholic will I be in limbo" question. I gave him my 2yrs worth of worries that I had, from drinking to covering. He told me to not stress about those things, because the most important thing was for me to take shahada if I wanted to become a Muslim....those other things would take care of themselves in time, then asked me what I was waiting for. I didn't know. So he asked if would like to take my shahada, and I said yes. I said it in both English and Arabic.
I was almost 38 when I took my shahada, and figured I was past my prime....no one would want to marry me, because most Muslims marry young and start families. I was okay with that, if it was what was meant to be, but astonishingly, I met my husband 4mos later, and we were married 4mos after meeting! So 8mos after I took shahada, I was a wife! I am almost at my 2yr mark for being Muslim (Dec. 28), and I am so happy with my new life. I begain covering full time this past August and have had nothing but a positive experience thus far. :blackhijab:
Alhumdulillah it has been such a wonderful journey, and I am glad Allah blessed me with His guidence to the straight path. I pray that more people come to the path, especially my family.