Parents and wife

[muhammad.abdullah]

:salam2:

My dear sisters and brothers in Islam, i hope you are all fine and reaping the benefits of Ramadan. I have a very important question about a really important issue that is encountered by young couples throughout the muslim world.

What is the ruling about parents when you get married. Allow me to elaborate it a bit more. For instance, i am the only son of my parents. I live in another country than my parents and i am getting married here soon inshallah. My wife to be is a very good girl, infact she is someone who makes me feel like myself. She has absolutely no problem with my parents, but, after we get married, she doesnt want to live them. I mean if they come to live with me in 5 or 6 years, after we have settled down, she disapproves of it so much so that ishe wants me to assure her that it wont happen or else she is not ready to marry me.
I know some of you may say that i should try to talk to her and tell her the importance of the matter and so on and so forth. Believe me i have done that but to no avail.

This is why i want to know what is the Islamic ruling on this matter.

jazakallah kheiran



P.S. My mother had done 'istekhara' prayer according to sunnah before sending her the proposal for marrige on my behalf and it was positive. Yet again, she has done it another time and its positive again.

 

[umm hussain]

walaikum salam warahmatullah

I do not have the evidence with me right now but one of the rights of a wife is to have her own house and if she does not want to live with your parents she does not have to. Try imagine yourself living at her parents house which some brothers do would you be as comfortable as you would in your own house?

I understand totally where she is coming from, it is a privacy issue as well. I definitely would not want to live with my parents in law nor my parents when married. They are really nice people but I do like my privacy and doing things that suit me and my family. Of course there is no problem with them visiting and things can be changed to suit guests but not on every day basis. Some parents will go as far as tell you what to wear in your own house etc.

If living with your parents is something you feel you have to do then look for someone else who does not mind because there are people like that or maybe rent a place for them near you when the time comes so you can see them as often as you like. Not really next door to you or down the road because this can have issues as well but maybe somewhere you can drive to. That way you can still see your parents and keep the wife happy as well inshallah

 

[umm hussain]

:salam2:

I have just found something .Hope it helps

Question:
Is a man under obligation to provide a separate accommodation for his wife even though they can live with his parents as there is enough space and no problem of a non-mahram being there. Is this one of the rights that the wife has upon her husband?.

Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.

One of the wife’s rights is that her husband should provide her with safe accommodation. This may vary according to what the husband can afford. A rich man should provide something that is appropriate for him, and a poor man is not obliged to do any more than that which is in accordance with what Allaah has given him. It is not permissible for a husband to make anyone live with his wife whose presence will cause her harm such as his mother, father or sons from another wife. If one of his parents needs him, and she will not be affected by his or her presence, then we advise the wife to fear Allaah with regard to this one who is in need. She should realize that honouring her husband’s parents is part of treating him kindly, and the wise husband should appreciate his wife’s actions which will increase the bonds of love between them.

But if the husband can provide one house for his parents and another for his wife close by, this is a good action, and by doing so he will be giving each of them their rights, without causing any separation or arguments.

We have discussed in detail the wife’s right to accommodation in the answer to question no. 7653.

Anyone who has seen the problems and arguments that affect families and cause trouble between couples because of the wife living with her husband’s family and vice versa will see the wisdom in what the scholars say, and in the wife’s right to live in her own accommodation. But if the wife agrees to live with her husband’s family in order to be kind to her husband, and to honour his parents, especially if they need help, then there is nothing wrong with that and she will be rewarded by Allaah for this kindness in sha Allah. But she must be patient and forbearing. And Allaah is the One Whose help we seek and in Whom we put our trust.

And Allaah knows best.