Question - Marriage - Different nationalities

[InTheNameOfAllah]

Assalaam alaikum wa rahmetullahi wa barakatuhu!

I have a question regarding traditions when you are about to have a marriage involving two different nationalities.

I am myself an Albanian from Kosova and my coming wife, insha'Allah, is Turkish. The thing is, that my family and I are soon going to "ask for her hand" at her family's house, and she has told me that it's a Turkish tradition to "kiss the hands of the elders" for instance her grandparents, parents etc. I don't know if you guys are familiar with this tradition. Albanians do not greet in this way, or at least not where I am from, but she says that this kind of greeting has it basis in Islam, she has heard.

I am against "kissing hands" of her female relatives, and she says that it will be very unrespectful of me not to do that. Further we have discussed which traditions to follow when we are married - Albanian or Turkish .. as long as they are not against Islam of course. Is there a hadith, fatwa or anything likely regarding these things.

ps. thanks for a fantastic site - May Allah swt bless you, insha'Allah

Thanks in advance, your brother in Islam

 

[slaveofAllah88]

walaikum salam wr wb

BROTHER!!! im so so happy for u SubhanALlah
May Allah (swt) grant u success in the proposal and all the happiness in the world - ameen

here is a fatwa i found

What is the ruling on kissing another person's hand?
What is the ruling on kissing another person's hand?


Praise be to Allaah.

It is mustahabb to kiss the hands of righteous people and the greatest scholars, and it is makrooh to kiss the hand of anyone else. The hand of the beardless man should not be kissed under any circumstances,

(From Fatawa al-Imaam al-Nawawi, p. 71)

In the commentary on the book, it says:

If a person wants to kiss another person's hand, if this is because of his asceticism, righteousness, knowledge, position or modesty, or other reason that has to do with his commitment to religion, then it is not makrooh. In such cases it is mustahabb, because Abu ‘Ubaydah kissed the hand of ‘Umar (may Allaah be pleased with them both).

But if it is because of the person’s riches, wealth, high rank or status in the eyes of the people of this world, and so on, then it is intensely makrooh.

Al-Mutawalli, one of our companions, said: It is not permitted, and he indicated that it is haraam.

It was narrated in Sunan Abi Dawood that Zaari’ (may Allaah be pleased with him), who was among the delegation of ‘Abd Qays, said: “We started to get out from our howdahs and we kissed the hands and feet of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him).



Fatawa al-Imam al-Nawawi, Ta’leeq al-Hajjaar, p. 71.

 

[ShyHijabi]

Is it allowable for a muslim woman to greet a muslim man by shaking hands?


Praise be to Allaah.

For a man to shake hands with a non-mahram woman (one to whom he is not related) is haraam and is not permitted at all. Among the evidence for this is the hadeeth of Ma’qal ibn Yassaar (may Allaah be pleased with him) who said: “The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: ‘If one of you were to be struck in the head with an iron needle, it would be better for him than if he were to touch a woman he is not allowed to.” (Reported by al-Tabaraani; classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami’, 5045).

There is no doubt that for a man to touch a non-mahram woman is one of the causes of fitnah (turmoil, temptation), provocation of desire and committing haraam deeds. No one should say that their intention is sound or their heart is clean, because the one who was the purest of heart and the most chaste of all, the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) never touched a non-mahram woman, even when accepting bay’ah (oath of allegiance) from women. He did not hold their hands when accepting their bay’ah, as he did with men; their bay’ah was by words only, as was reported by his wife ‘Aa’ishah (may Allaah be pleased with her). She said that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) would test the believing women who emigrated to him with the aayah (interpretation of the meaning): “O Prophet! When believeing women come to you to give you the bay’ah (pledge), that they will not associate anything in worship with Allaah, that they will not steal, that they will not commit illegal sexual intercourse, that they will not kill their children, that they will not utter slander, intentionally forging falsehood (i.e., by making illegal children belong to their husbands), and that thye will not disobey you in any ma’ruf (Islamic monotheism and all that which Islam ordains), then accept their bay’ah and ask Allaah to forgive them. Verily Allaah is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.” [al-Mumtahinah 60:12] ‘Aa’ishah said: “So whoever of the believing women agreed to these conditions, the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) would say to her: ‘I have accepted your bay’ah by words.’ By Allaah, his hand never touched the hand of any woman when accepting their bay’ah; he accepted their bay’ah by saying ‘I have accepted your bay’ah on this basis.’”

(Reported by al-Bukhaari, 4512; according to another report: he accepted their bay’ah by words… the hand of the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) never touched the hand of any woman except a woman he owned . Reported by al-Bukhaari, 6674).

Some Muslims feel too embarrassed to refuse when a woman offers her hand to them. In addition to mixing with women, some of them claim that they are forced to shake hands with fellow-students and teachers in schools and universities, or with colleagues in the workplace, or in business meetings and so on, but this is not an acceptable excuse. The Muslim should overcome his own feelings and the promptings of the Shaytaan, and be strong in his faith, because Allaah is not ashamed of the truth. The Muslim could apologize politely and explain that the reason he does not want to shake hands is not to offend or hurt anybody’s feelings, but it is because he is following the teachings of his religion. In most cases this will earn him respect from others. There is no harm done if they find it strange at first, and it may even be a practical opportunity for da’wah. And Allaah knows best.


Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid

http://www.islam-qa.com/en/ref/2459

IN short it is basically forbidden to touch a non-mahrem female in any way when there is not vital need. (such as medical treatment, etc.,) Maybe you can send this to your fiance's family so that they will understand your actions are not about disrespect but rather maintaining proper Islamic boundaries.

 

[InTheNameOfAllah]

Assalaam alaikum wa rahmetullahi wa baraktuhu - Hi again!

Jazzakul Allah khairan for your answers - They have been very helpful!