Raising children: Islam vs The west and the rest

[weakslave]

:salam2:

Yesterday I was overcome by the thought of how Islam teaches us to raise kids versus how they raise them in the West.

As Muslims, we are always thinking of the end because we know the end is only the beginning of something greater and far more rewarding. As the days go by, the pious man becomes increasingly concerned about his conduct as he anticipates the inevitable. This drives him to abstain from evil and increase the good in any given day, hour, minute or moment.

A child from the day they are born until the day they mature enjoys freedom they would never experience again as Muslims. Until that point in his life, the child is free from the responsibility of praying and fasting and wearing the hijab and zakat and all the other obligations. Even their sins are overlooked to a certain extent. Then as the child develops into an upright youth, they learn of prohibitions and do's and don'ts and strive to adhere to Allaah's commands.

Compare that to a child brought up in a typical western home. They are initially forbidden from sins they would be allowed to commit later on. Their parents are careful not to expose the children to evil and corrupt thoughts (sex, drugs, violence, games, movies) until a latter stage. Look at the ratings you find on video games and movies, that alone should speak volumes of the corruption. A child is not permitted to maintain relationships with another girl/boy until their parents permit them later on. They are not allowed to smoke or drink, or dress in skimpy outfits, among other pleasures they would have access to later on.

But after the bonds of parenthood weaken, disobedience fills the gap and the parents enter a state of carelessness. They attribute it to freedom of expression and free will, but who are they fooling. How about laziness, preoccupation with one's social life, lack of mental strength and maturity to handle the responsibility on the parents' part? When the parents distance themselves from making decisions for their children, they are no longer accountable. And why should they be?

But I digress. The issue at hand is the contrast between the life of a Muslim child and a child raised in the west. A Muslim experiences freedom early on, and then it is slowly retracted as reality sets in and long term planning takes over. A non-Muslim child faces the most restriction in the earlier part of their life, and with nothing to look forward to except money and pleasure.. the law becomes the limit. Muslim parents realize the responsibility, and realize they will be accountable in front of Allaah for how they raised their kids and what effort they exerted. Allaah will not judge them based on results, but everything else is fair game. Non-Muslim parents simply fulfill their desire to have offspring, and once that desire is over and done with they move on to other pleasures, which are less demanding and more rewarding.

At least that's my observation from living in the west. Nothing amazes me more than to see believers sprout from these corrupt societies. This alone testifies to the existence of The Most Divine, The Most High.

On a final note, while I reference "the west", let us not forget the rest. Even in Islamic countries, rarely would you find those who worry about the future of their children. The vast majority from all over the world do not care, leaving a heavy burden upon the shoulders of future generations and leaving them with the impossible task of figuring out what is right and what is wrong.

 

[Ameera]

Walikum Salaam
I take some offense in what you say about the way the west raise their children i am muslim my children are not, but that has never stopped me from preventing my children or allowing them to do things that i would not have done as a child my parents both deceased now raised me in a good true honest way the protected me from all things that could or would influence me and raised me well as a christian my decsion to embrace islam did not come till only 3 years ago when i matured well enough to make an informed choice, Im not saying that some of what you say is untrue but pls do not tar all westerns with the same brush as a muslim i truly dislike being compared and assumed to be like bin laden and any other radical muslim I may give my children freedom to make informed choices but not without sitting down with them and discussing all the pros and cons of the options available and also please remember children raised in the east also turn rebelious against not having informed choices not having knowledge they need to get on in a modern world with their peers

 

[sliver]

This is little offensive I am raised in the "West" and I don't drink, steal, smoke. I listen to my parents and I heed their order. This right here is a stereotype and one I don't like very much. My parents are great people who raise me to be great person.

 

[weakslave]

I am surprised you would take offense. These points cover the vast majority of families I have come across here in the west, but as with most generalizations it does not include everyone. There are people out here that adhere to family values, but they are a minority. And I don't have to work hard to prove my point: simply look at what goes on in society these days. I went through schooling here, those who avoided drugs and alcohol were probably less than 10%. I would be surprised if it was more than 5%, but I am giving it the benefit of the doubt. Corruption and breakdown of families is as common as can be here as well, and high divorce rates don't do much good.

As I said in my initial post, while I used "the west" to illustrate my points it is not exclusive to any country or continent or race. It's a phenomena that's spreading and will most likely worsen as time goes on.

To be honest, it doesn't concern me what others do or how they raise their kids or live out their life. The point here is Islam teaches us how to raise perfect kids, and as Muslims we should adhere to these teachings as much as possible to ensure we fulfill our responsibility towards them. And when the mother is a firm believer but the husband isn't, it makes things very difficult. Or vice-versa, a similar situation.

 

[Aisya al-Humaira]

Assalamualaykum wa rahmatullah,

Ironically, its quite the same here. Well, at least the society still have Islamic values but if you dig down deeper into every family, you'll realised that many actually faces problem (be it regarding their children akhlaaq, husband-wife relationship or many others) within their family.

Yeah, its always back to how one's raise their children. It isn't an easy task at all. Even if this child come from a religious background, i.e his father is an ustaaz/an imaam, it actually wont assure that his son will follow the father's footsteps.

As they say, "Imaan (faith and beliefs), is not inherited."

Just my 2 cents.

Wassalam.

 

[sliver]

I am surprised you would take offense. These points cover the vast majority of families I have come across here in the west, but as with most generalizations it does not include everyone. There are people out here that adhere to family values, but they are a minority. And I don't have to work hard to prove my point: simply look at what goes on in society these days. I went through schooling here, those who avoided drugs and alcohol were probably less than 10%. I would be surprised if it was more than 5%, but I am giving it the benefit of the doubt. Corruption and breakdown of families is as common as can be here as well, and high divorce rates don't do much good.

As I said in my initial post, while I used "the west" to illustrate my points it is not exclusive to any country or continent or race. It's a phenomena that's spreading and will most likely worsen as time goes on.

To be honest, it doesn't concern me what others do or how they raise their kids or live out their life. The point here is Islam teaches us how to raise perfect kids, and as Muslims we should adhere to these teachings as much as possible to ensure we fulfill our responsibility towards them. And when the mother is a firm believer but the husband isn't, it makes things very difficult. Or vice-versa, a similar situation.

I guess I was quick to respond on what I read that I took it in a wrong way. Now that am rereading you are right in your statements about the "West". Your statics seem pretty accurate too. Am sorry that I was haste in my respond. We are Muslim brothers and I shouldn't have taken it in a bad way to begin with.

 

[Ameera]

Wasalaam

I understand your comparisons but i think you need to do a deeper research into the children raised in the east or whereever you want to compare, the problems children have all over the world is too much information too soon in their lives. They do not know how to process it and they have internet access which is encouraged through schools and friends, they have so many game consoles that allow them to act out violent acts but does that mean they will automatically go out into society and play it out for real ??? very very few kids turn out that way, there is also a comment you used muslims raise perfect children eh I dont think so there is only one perfect anything in all of our lives and that is Allah we are all weak and imperfect our children can only use the tools and foundation we supply to them as they grow if the foundations are strong then the children are strong if they are weak in their structure usually they become weaker in their lives . I have lived in the West all my life and I have visited the east many times I agree that the firm family values that are there are something that the west has lost in its effort to try to be americanised but it doesn't mean the children are perfect, All children are perfect in the eyes of their parents but they grow and learn this when change happens opinions are scrutinised and they rebel.
Happy to be western Happy to be Muslim Extremley happy with my parenting .

 

[Aapa]

Assalaam walaikum,

My sweet brothers and sisters how are you.

Raising children anywhere is difficult. It is even more difficult raising children in a non-Muslim setting.
Case in point: I told my son not to go to the park. He did not listen. He came home half an hour later. He had been jumped by three boys. All I said was are you ok.
I reminded him he is Muslim, first. I explained to him we are held accountable to a higher principal. I strongly urged him to defend himself. However, he was not to start a fight.
He prays. We attend the masjid, constantly. Our social group is the community
We are just living in a world that battles anyone who is different. The boys leave my older son alone. He is so big people shy away..including men.

I know many a woman who works hard to raise her children right. We can only protect our children so much.

The major difference is we, Muslims, rely on Allah subhana talla to get guidance. Motherhood is our joy and responsibility. I shy away from comparisons. We have the benefit of the Quran and the Sunnath. I just supplicate to Allah subhana talla to give me madad.

Let us be grateful. I pray others can benefit from my example.

And I have told my sons in no uncertain terms..I will marry them quickly..so they can become men!!!

 

[weakslave]

Wasalaam

I understand your comparisons but i think you need to do a deeper research into the children raised in the east or whereever you want to compare, the problems children have all over the world is too much information too soon in their lives. They do not know how to process it and they have internet access which is encouraged through schools and friends, they have so many game consoles that allow them to act out violent acts but does that mean they will automatically go out into society and play it out for real ??? very very few kids turn out that way, there is also a comment you used muslims raise perfect children eh I dont think so there is only one perfect anything in all of our lives and that is Allah we are all weak and imperfect our children can only use the tools and foundation we supply to them as they grow if the foundations are strong then the children are strong if they are weak in their structure usually they become weaker in their lives . I have lived in the West all my life and I have visited the east many times I agree that the firm family values that are there are something that the west has lost in its effort to try to be americanised but it doesn't mean the children are perfect, All children are perfect in the eyes of their parents but they grow and learn this when change happens opinions are scrutinised and they rebel.
Happy to be western Happy to be Muslim Extremley happy with my parenting .

I agree with most of what you say, except when you go off on assumptions about what I meant vs what I said

Assalaam walaikum,

My sweet brothers and sisters how are you.

Raising children anywhere is difficult. It is even more difficult raising children in a non-Muslim setting.
Case in point: I told my son not to go to the park. He did not listen. He came home half an hour later. He had been jumped by three boys. All I said was are you ok.
I reminded him he is Muslim, first. I explained to him we are held accountable to a higher principal. I strongly urged him to defend himself. However, he was not to start a fight.
He prays. We attend the masjid, constantly. Our social group is the community
We are just living in a world that battles anyone who is different. The boys leave my older son alone. He is so big people shy away..including men.

I know many a woman who works hard to raise her children right. We can only protect our children so much.

The major difference is we, Muslims, rely on Allah subhana talla to get guidance. Motherhood is our joy and responsibility. I shy away from comparisons. We have the benefit of the Quran and the Sunnath. I just supplicate to Allah subhana talla to give me madad.

Let us be grateful. I pray others can benefit from my example.

And I have told my sons in no uncertain terms..I will marry them quickly..so they can become men!!!

And may Allaah assist you in doing so.