Remember Me? - Divorced Now - More Depressed Than Ever

[Distressed_Siste]

Assalamualaikum All,

I'm not sure if you all remember me. But quite a few months ago, I had posted about issues I was having with my husband. How he'd cheated on me several times - and was generally misbehaving.

Well, he found someone on myspace, and we are now divorced.

Alhumdulillah, whatever Allah (swt) does is for the best, I know this. However I feel more miserable than ever. My own family has trashed my name more out in the public than anyone else. My brothers have insinuated that I am not to be trusted or I'll run off with someone.

I feel lost and alone. I've never been with any other man before or after my husband. And more than anything else, I'm completely put off about the idea altogether. I never want to get married again, nor do I want to be involved with anyone romantically.

I want to buy my own house, and live there. Inshallah giving shelter to sisters in need who are struggling out their with their kids and living in apartments. By the grace of Allah (swt) I make a very nice salary, and wish to give it all in a noble cause. However, how can I make my family understand this?

Is it normal to feel this bitter about the opposite gender? How can I respect my parents and still maintain my independent lifestyle?

JazakAllah for reading, and any insight you can provide.

Distressed Sister

 

[muslimah-2k8]

:salam2: dear sister,

May Allah alleviate your misery....

The Holy Qur'an 94:5
Surely with every difficulty there is
relief.
The Holy Qur'an 94:6
Surely with every difficulty there is
relief.
The Holy Qur'an 16:96
Whatever is with you is transitory and what
is with Allah is everlasting. We will certainly
reward those who are patient according
to the noblest of their deeds.
The Holy Qur'an 2:153
O ye who believe! seek help with patient
perseverance and prayer: for Allah is with those
who patiently persevere.

You should not feel bitter about the opposite gender as all men aren't bad...
Communicate and discuss your problems with your parents... InshaAllah they will understand...
If you can find a caring and loving husband, then it is better that you marry...
Lastly offer Salaah and make du'a as often as you can...

 

[abuayesha]

Wa alaikumussalaam warahmathullaahi wabarakaathuhu
Sister in distress

May Allaah's mercy on you! May He help you in the time of distress. Be strong. Always ask Allaah to help you to overcome the challenges you face.

There are good Muslim around. Do not decide against Islaamic teachings. Islaam is a way of life. Read Qur'an, pray regularly and ask Allaah to help. You will see light. Forget what some members of your family did to you. Keep everything with Allaah. Allaah knows the best.

He will indeed help you. I hope you have intimate friends and if so keep in touch with them.

May Allaah grant you peace.
Wassalaam

 

[cmelbouzaidi]

:salam2: Sorry you are going through such a difficult time. May you take comfort in reading Qur'an and offering salat. ALLAH knows what has come before and what is yet to come and He is the best of planners. It is very nice, :ma:, to turn your effort to a worthy cause for sisters. All men are not inherently bad but I think sometimes things like myspace, etc., bring out the worst in certain types of characters. Avoid becoming bitter as it seems ALLAH has better plans for you Are there any children involved, sister?

You are in my duaa.

Your sister,
catherine iman

 

[Skywalker]

As-salamo'alaikum,

I think it was just a bad chapter and its over. Start a new life. I think you should start working towards a better future. Now its the time for you to stand on your own legs. Have faith in Allah SWT and yourself.

You know sister HOPE is the most beautiful thing in life. So, hope for a better tomorrow.
Hope brings patience n motivates.

I don't remember you but I want to remember you as an example for others to follow. InshAllah.

People are good and bad and gender has nothing to do with it. Anyways, I look forward to a positive post from you. If u need some help you are always welcome.

 

[webzaheer]

Assalamualaikum Sister,

Dnt lose hope like this.
U went through a bad situation.
Who knows, Allah wants to reward u , and wants to test ur patience.
So have patience, regularly pray salat, do good deeds.

U just cant judge everyone, just on the basis of one person.
Have hope and trust in Allah subhanawatala.
Pray to Allah, he forgives everyone.


Allah Hafiz.

 

[Almeftah]

Although divorce is Halal, But it is what Shaitan aims for the most, for divorce is the most destructive thing for our communitties.

Shaitan starts with one of the married couple (lets say he started with the wife like he did with Eve), untill divorce happens, If not then he would try with the other part (Adam, Or the husband)..

Mostly it is our sins that effect our marriage life, For our sins weakens our faith, So when faith is weak then practicing as a muslim will become harder and harder..

I hope everyone gets this thought and hold on to it..

And i ask Allah to bless us with our wives/husbands, and children, and our whole families. And i ask Allah to keep us from Fitnah of this life and Fitnah of the hereafter.

 

[Distressed_Siste]

JazakAllah for all your comments.

I've not lost all hope, as I am going for my second degree in college in investigative journalism. However, I wish things were different.

I agree with the brother who said marriages fall apart due to our own sins. However, I'm proud to say, I was completely faithful and obedient to my husband. Even though I know I could've done better being a better housewife - although I was working full time throughout our marriage.

May Allah (swt) forgive us all.

I look to the future with high hopes of what I can accomplish in terms of good deeds Allah (swt) wants me to do - now that I'm unbound by worldy traditions.

Do I have to get married again? Is it okay for me to lead a single life from here on out? I've been single since February, moving here and there - trying to find a suitable home to move into.

 

[Al-Kashmiri]

May Allaah make your affair easy... Families tend to behave in this disgusting manner at times of divorce; they become overwhelmed with their image. Well that is the case with many families in the sub-Indian continent. I hope things get better,

Was-salaam

 

[shaheeda35]

:salam2:
I am so sorry you have been through this. Does this make all brothers bad, no it doesnt. The man you divorced was not good to you and it is his fault, not yours, dont blame yourself or think that all men are bad. Remember one bad apple does not spoil the whole bunch.

I have been through two marriages with physical, emotional, and mental abuse, but that is not stopping me from looking to get married again, there is someone out there who will treat me like a queen and take care of my children. Trust in Allah, He will help you and is the only one that will help you.

If you choose not to remarry, that is up to you, but dont take it out on all the brothers and think that there are no good ones left, they are out there inshallah. I will keep you in my duaas and stay strong.

 

[Kulsumfatima]

Assalamualaikum
dear sister I am very sorry for what has happened to you but u should ask Allah Subhanawataala for his help and be patient Insha Allah I'll keep u in my prayers

 

[miq1]

Praise be to ALLAH (The Glorified and Exalted).

Unfortunately, your family's mentality is not Islamic, but outdated tribalism. It was mentioned in a hadith that the Muslims would revert to tribalism in later times. Your family members may never change their outlook. For those men and women who come from these sort of cultural mindsets and face many tribulations with their family members, from haraam (prohibited) forced marriages to other sorts of nonsense, the best thing is to have an optimistic and positive outlook. Just live your life as a Muslimah and be happy to worship Allah (The Glorified and Exalted) and enter Heaven. You may feel animosity toward your family, especially parents, to a certain degree, and this is natural human emotions, but do not allow it to overtake you. They can not help that they have acquired this tribal mentality because of the environment they were raised in and the persons around them.

You may read the following: Believer's Attitude:

http://islamqa.com/en/ref/71236/calamities

 

[Distressed_Siste]

JazakAllah.

from haraam (prohibited) forced marriages to other sorts of nonsense, the best thing is to have an optimistic and positive outlook

Yea, I actually didn't want to marry this guy. I told my father no, as we were engaged for almost a year and he never thought to meet or talk to me. So I said no, but my father had already given his word - so he asked that I listen to him for his izzat (reputation). So pretty much, we were doomed from the beginning.

Inshallah, I am looking for a house now that I can settle into and lead the life that I want to lead. Again, I doubt if I'll get married again, but only Allah (swt) knows.

I was just curious about whether I was committing any horrible sin by wanting to get out of the extremely negative and destructive environment I am now - living with my brother and parents.

Thank you all for your comments. They're quite refreshing. May Allah (swt) bless you all.