I have a question, and I dont know what to do. I am a revert for 5months after knowing the man I am married to for over a year, I find myself questioning my decision. I knew him before I converted but not as well as I thought I didnt now looking back. I have no Muslim friends, my car has been messed up for a month and 2 weeks, leaving me unable to go to the Mosques(which is a drive I take ever Sunday two hours away). My husband is my only means of learning and growing from, except from reading of course. He doesnt practice his religion at all, which I didnt realize til after marriage. He doesnt respect me and treat me as we are supposed to in Islam, partly because I am American and he was used to me before I converted I guess. If only I knew the things I know now! He doesnt pray with me, I ask him and he is tired. He talks to me disrespectfuly and expects for me to be nice,respectful, and do this and that, and act this way or that way. It is so hard to be the person I want to be, I believe he brings my Eman down and pulls me back. I want to go over seas and go to Islamic school and learn to speak Arabic, I feel he will never take me because he is ashamed of me being American, even though he doesnt say it. He reacts to me in such haram ways and does haram things and sometimes I do what he wants just to make him happy even though i feel bad and wrong for doing them. What should I do, its been a year and he dont even act like he wants to change, if he dont go back to his religion I dont know if the marriage will last. I used to be this fun, outgoinng person, so loveable and eager about Islam, not now, he has changed me. If I had to ask the person I was to marry just one question now, It would be, would you be the person who will pray and teach each other together.
Returning to Islam(MARRIAGE!!!!)
- Thread starter hodi247
- Start date
Salaam,
Sister, Hello. You are not alone. You have written and many many wonderful people will assist you. Do not be hard on yourself. You have raised many issues. Slow down.
First, the first year of marriage is difficult. Two individuals learn to share everything. You will never know anyone else like a spouse. On the lighter side, you will never share anyone else's toothbrush. Marriage is not a task; it is a process. It is a long and hard process of sacrificing.
The road to Jannah is individual. There are many options for learning Islam. The most important is prayer. As you pray Allah will open the doors for you. There are many on-line classes to take etc. What you are seeking is companionship. You have found it here.
Your car will be fixed in time.
In short, do not worry about your husband..concentrate on your goals, let him see you happy...let him see the joy you are gaining by reaching out to the Mulsim world..let him see you grow in faith and he will come around. Allah is the Disposer of all Affairs..put your trust in Allah...
You are in my prayers..
Sister, Hello. You are not alone. You have written and many many wonderful people will assist you. Do not be hard on yourself. You have raised many issues. Slow down.
First, the first year of marriage is difficult. Two individuals learn to share everything. You will never know anyone else like a spouse. On the lighter side, you will never share anyone else's toothbrush. Marriage is not a task; it is a process. It is a long and hard process of sacrificing.
The road to Jannah is individual. There are many options for learning Islam. The most important is prayer. As you pray Allah will open the doors for you. There are many on-line classes to take etc. What you are seeking is companionship. You have found it here.
Your car will be fixed in time.
In short, do not worry about your husband..concentrate on your goals, let him see you happy...let him see the joy you are gaining by reaching out to the Mulsim world..let him see you grow in faith and he will come around. Allah is the Disposer of all Affairs..put your trust in Allah...
You are in my prayers..
Love my islam
Junior Member
:salam2: sister
MashaAllah you have taken the first step by joining this turntoislam community. InshaAllah we will all help you and we will benefit from each other. For now keep praying and asking Allah to help and guide you and your husband.
You dont need car to learn islam, you need willingness to learn and Allah will open doors for you and help will come from places you didnt think. For now use your computer and stay with this site.
Dont give up on islam because of your husband's behavior instead turn to islam and inshaAllah you will see changes in him. Just take step at a time.
May Allah help you overcome your problems. You will be in my prayers sister.
MashaAllah you have taken the first step by joining this turntoislam community. InshaAllah we will all help you and we will benefit from each other. For now keep praying and asking Allah to help and guide you and your husband.
You dont need car to learn islam, you need willingness to learn and Allah will open doors for you and help will come from places you didnt think. For now use your computer and stay with this site.
Dont give up on islam because of your husband's behavior instead turn to islam and inshaAllah you will see changes in him. Just take step at a time.
May Allah help you overcome your problems. You will be in my prayers sister.
MUHAMMAD_SHAIKH
Banned
ASSALAM ALIKUM HODI247
Life some times give you otherwise what we expect.But as a man or woman we can try to settle the dust.You have to stick to your stance of strong believer of Faith.Give time to your husband.Discuss with him.Dont let him like that.Just stay away from Haram things.Ask him why he feels far from religion.What the reasons.Why he is ashmed of you being American?
For learning and knowing Islam as compared to other religion,please visit this site:
www.irf.net
Life some times give you otherwise what we expect.But as a man or woman we can try to settle the dust.You have to stick to your stance of strong believer of Faith.Give time to your husband.Discuss with him.Dont let him like that.Just stay away from Haram things.Ask him why he feels far from religion.What the reasons.Why he is ashmed of you being American?
For learning and knowing Islam as compared to other religion,please visit this site:
www.irf.net
Response to my brothers and sisters!
As salem wa laikem,
Thank you for all of your care and support, Insha allah things will get better.
Everyone is always telling me the first year is hard. I used to be this outgoing, fun loving, free spirited person and now I am not. He used to be so good with me before marriage, now its like I am his to control. I can even go to my mothers house without him being mad. He tells me to do what I want and then if I chose to go see my mother he treats me bad like I am doing something wrong for wanting to see my mother. He makes my Eman really low, its hard for me to have the strength to want to learn and ect., I do but sometimes its hard. He hasnt been into his religion for about eight years, I really have a sense that he doesnt want or care to do what is right. I dont know, I am so confused. Sometimes I think I am better off by myself so I can focus on learning and improving. He makes me hold myself back with his negative attitude with me. I am trying to stick this out because I told myself I would never get a divorce, but he makes me change to a person I am not proud of, I am not me at all no more.
Wa laikem salem, my salama
As salem wa laikem,
Thank you for all of your care and support, Insha allah things will get better.
Everyone is always telling me the first year is hard. I used to be this outgoing, fun loving, free spirited person and now I am not. He used to be so good with me before marriage, now its like I am his to control. I can even go to my mothers house without him being mad. He tells me to do what I want and then if I chose to go see my mother he treats me bad like I am doing something wrong for wanting to see my mother. He makes my Eman really low, its hard for me to have the strength to want to learn and ect., I do but sometimes its hard. He hasnt been into his religion for about eight years, I really have a sense that he doesnt want or care to do what is right. I dont know, I am so confused. Sometimes I think I am better off by myself so I can focus on learning and improving. He makes me hold myself back with his negative attitude with me. I am trying to stick this out because I told myself I would never get a divorce, but he makes me change to a person I am not proud of, I am not me at all no more.
Wa laikem salem, my salama
Albint_Almuslima
Im Proud 2 B Me!
:salam2:
May Allah help u,
Let me be honest with u, but wallah wallah from what i have been seeing is that people who convert are more into Islam than people who are born Muslims.
Dont allow ur husband to bring u down, dont allow anyone to tell u that u cant do what u want.
Pray to Allah to guide u and ur husband especially!!
Take Care,
May Allah help u,
Let me be honest with u, but wallah wallah from what i have been seeing is that people who convert are more into Islam than people who are born Muslims.
Dont allow ur husband to bring u down, dont allow anyone to tell u that u cant do what u want.
Pray to Allah to guide u and ur husband especially!!
Take Care,
WealikumAsSalaamweRahmetAllaahebarkatuh.
Dear sister, may Allaah SWT lighten your affiars-always remember that no one is burdened with more than what they can bear. While all the members have so far given you great advice and InshAllaah you can incorporate them in your life, I would like to add something as well. Every person has to realize their priorities in life. Our top priority is to worship and obey our Lord. This means we must always continue to learn, grow, understand, and stablize our level of emaan. When someone has a number of friends who are not practising or who are a bad influence, such as constant swearing, haraam acts, etc, what should they do? They should leave their environment if they cannot change it. Why? Because their emaan may suffer greatly. Shaytaan loves nothing more than to break up couples, and Allaah SWT hates to see divorce amongst His slaves. However, by the same token, if your emaan is suffering continuously, then you must change your environment. Why? Because ultimately you are not going to be fulfilling your top priority, which is to worship Allaah SWT and grow in your religon. This does not mean one should just give up, etc, but rather they shuold put all their effort to make changes happen to make their environment a positive one, however, if it is just not happening, then do not let it be at the cost of your emaan. Why? Because nto only may your emaan suffer continuously over time or hinder your religious growth and nearness to Allaah SWT but also as your family develops over time, a negative environment will affect your children and AllaahuAlim what can happen to them. Do not let that happen. I know of one woman who was in a similar position where her husband did not pray, and was not religious and treated her badly, and so she calmly (really important to speak in a rational, heartfelt and kind manner esp during discussions liek thes) and told her husband that she felt like he was making her choose between him and Allaah SWT and that she wanted to let him know that he could never take priority over Allaah SWT and so she sincerly asked him to change or else she would have to leave him in order to save her emaan, at the cost of her marriage, cuz it had more of a priority over it. She gave her husband a period of time, i believe a month's worth and she says by the end of the month, not only did he pray but he went to the masjid for his prayers and his negative characteristics nd outlooks on life changed and so Alhamdulilah he become better with her by becoming a better muslim, ALhamdulilah and MashAllaah.
So my point is, do not give up and remember that duaa's are the best way for help and that Allaah SWT hears the supplications made by those oppressed loud and clear as they are rather special Alhamdulilah. Furthermore, do your best to help your husband change his habits so that Allaah SWT may have mercy on him on Judgement Day and forgive his sons. Talk to him about the need and fear, to raise children properly and that parents must teach and mould their children into practising muslims InshAllaah and that you would have to be role models for them, or else if you are negative, usually the children will not practice properly either and God Forbid but so much harm can happen to them. Do all that you can InshAllaah while making dua'as and even istekharas InshAllaah to seek guidance. When you go to the masijd when ever that is, speak with an imam who can obviously guide you before you make any of your decisions. But ultimatley, do not forget your religion, and make sure InshAllaah that you never, ever, allow anythign to come in between you and your religious obligations to Allaah SWT. so may He answer your duaas and may you try your best to fix your marriage by doing everything in your hands before resorting to leaving him for the sake of your religion, Ameen, but always remember that you must have sincere intentions on fixing ure marriage and helping your husband become a better muslim and not hasten to give up and leave him, as we are all in this world to be tested. InshAllaah this helps, all the best InshAllaah, Ameen.
SalaamualikumwerahmetALlaahebarkatuh
-pinky
Dear sister, may Allaah SWT lighten your affiars-always remember that no one is burdened with more than what they can bear. While all the members have so far given you great advice and InshAllaah you can incorporate them in your life, I would like to add something as well. Every person has to realize their priorities in life. Our top priority is to worship and obey our Lord. This means we must always continue to learn, grow, understand, and stablize our level of emaan. When someone has a number of friends who are not practising or who are a bad influence, such as constant swearing, haraam acts, etc, what should they do? They should leave their environment if they cannot change it. Why? Because their emaan may suffer greatly. Shaytaan loves nothing more than to break up couples, and Allaah SWT hates to see divorce amongst His slaves. However, by the same token, if your emaan is suffering continuously, then you must change your environment. Why? Because ultimately you are not going to be fulfilling your top priority, which is to worship Allaah SWT and grow in your religon. This does not mean one should just give up, etc, but rather they shuold put all their effort to make changes happen to make their environment a positive one, however, if it is just not happening, then do not let it be at the cost of your emaan. Why? Because nto only may your emaan suffer continuously over time or hinder your religious growth and nearness to Allaah SWT but also as your family develops over time, a negative environment will affect your children and AllaahuAlim what can happen to them. Do not let that happen. I know of one woman who was in a similar position where her husband did not pray, and was not religious and treated her badly, and so she calmly (really important to speak in a rational, heartfelt and kind manner esp during discussions liek thes) and told her husband that she felt like he was making her choose between him and Allaah SWT and that she wanted to let him know that he could never take priority over Allaah SWT and so she sincerly asked him to change or else she would have to leave him in order to save her emaan, at the cost of her marriage, cuz it had more of a priority over it. She gave her husband a period of time, i believe a month's worth and she says by the end of the month, not only did he pray but he went to the masjid for his prayers and his negative characteristics nd outlooks on life changed and so Alhamdulilah he become better with her by becoming a better muslim, ALhamdulilah and MashAllaah.
So my point is, do not give up and remember that duaa's are the best way for help and that Allaah SWT hears the supplications made by those oppressed loud and clear as they are rather special Alhamdulilah. Furthermore, do your best to help your husband change his habits so that Allaah SWT may have mercy on him on Judgement Day and forgive his sons. Talk to him about the need and fear, to raise children properly and that parents must teach and mould their children into practising muslims InshAllaah and that you would have to be role models for them, or else if you are negative, usually the children will not practice properly either and God Forbid but so much harm can happen to them. Do all that you can InshAllaah while making dua'as and even istekharas InshAllaah to seek guidance. When you go to the masijd when ever that is, speak with an imam who can obviously guide you before you make any of your decisions. But ultimatley, do not forget your religion, and make sure InshAllaah that you never, ever, allow anythign to come in between you and your religious obligations to Allaah SWT. so may He answer your duaas and may you try your best to fix your marriage by doing everything in your hands before resorting to leaving him for the sake of your religion, Ameen, but always remember that you must have sincere intentions on fixing ure marriage and helping your husband become a better muslim and not hasten to give up and leave him, as we are all in this world to be tested. InshAllaah this helps, all the best InshAllaah, Ameen.
SalaamualikumwerahmetALlaahebarkatuh
-pinky
THANKS SISTERS AND BROTHERS
As salem wa laikem,
Thank you for all your guidence. I love my husband very much and pray Allah(swt) will touch his heart and change him. I just hope my husband dont read these post for I am not trying to downtalk him or make him seem bad, I just feel as though I need some guidence from some Muslims who know more and may have had some similar experiences. I really thank Pinky, I understand what you mean. I asked my husband last night why he slipped away from Islam, he said no Eman. Maybe God sent him to me to find Islam, or maybe God sent me to him for him to return to Islam. We sat down and printed off dua's off the computer last night and stuck them throughtout the house, like what to say before eating, entering/leaving bathroom, and going out of the home. Maybe he will see them daily and gradually come around. INSHA ALLAH.
Ramadan will be here soon and I have so much to learn, it will be a new experience for me as a Muslim. I just hope that we both can learn, and celebrate the month with lots of Eman. Islam is an easy religion, but so much to learn in order to gain Eman and better myself for my Lord. If anybody has any advice for me about Ramadan please share it with me. Like what do you do during the month, when you wake, throughout the day, when you sleep, what prayers, what you eat, anything will help. Thanks alot and may Allah bless and guide all of you. Shkron!!!!!!!!!!!!
Wa laikem salem, my salama
Huda
As salem wa laikem,
Thank you for all your guidence. I love my husband very much and pray Allah(swt) will touch his heart and change him. I just hope my husband dont read these post for I am not trying to downtalk him or make him seem bad, I just feel as though I need some guidence from some Muslims who know more and may have had some similar experiences. I really thank Pinky, I understand what you mean. I asked my husband last night why he slipped away from Islam, he said no Eman. Maybe God sent him to me to find Islam, or maybe God sent me to him for him to return to Islam. We sat down and printed off dua's off the computer last night and stuck them throughtout the house, like what to say before eating, entering/leaving bathroom, and going out of the home. Maybe he will see them daily and gradually come around. INSHA ALLAH.
Ramadan will be here soon and I have so much to learn, it will be a new experience for me as a Muslim. I just hope that we both can learn, and celebrate the month with lots of Eman. Islam is an easy religion, but so much to learn in order to gain Eman and better myself for my Lord. If anybody has any advice for me about Ramadan please share it with me. Like what do you do during the month, when you wake, throughout the day, when you sleep, what prayers, what you eat, anything will help. Thanks alot and may Allah bless and guide all of you. Shkron!!!!!!!!!!!!
Wa laikem salem, my salama
Huda
Salaam Dear Sister,
A Muslim woman, a woman I have much admiration for, told me and I will share it with you:
It is a blessing no matter what. Say Allhumdullilah. We have to change ourselves first. I am not saying you are doing anything wrong. You have to be patient and wait for Allah to open the door.
Secondly, your husband wants you to be near him. Men love for their wives to be close to them. You are in the first year. I will go ahead and write this. Men sometimes feel that we may forget them if we see our parents or relatives. They need reassurance. They do not admit it, but they like it when we are near them. A wondeful part of life is being able to be in the company of others and finding a spot in your heart to Love and Fear Allah.
You are doing a great job and sister you have the love of many Muslims who are in prayer for you.
A Muslim woman, a woman I have much admiration for, told me and I will share it with you:
It is a blessing no matter what. Say Allhumdullilah. We have to change ourselves first. I am not saying you are doing anything wrong. You have to be patient and wait for Allah to open the door.
Secondly, your husband wants you to be near him. Men love for their wives to be close to them. You are in the first year. I will go ahead and write this. Men sometimes feel that we may forget them if we see our parents or relatives. They need reassurance. They do not admit it, but they like it when we are near them. A wondeful part of life is being able to be in the company of others and finding a spot in your heart to Love and Fear Allah.
You are doing a great job and sister you have the love of many Muslims who are in prayer for you.