Social Anxiety

[TheSecret]

Salam Brothers and Sisters

I would like for your advice on this issue. I am 25 years old and I have social anxiety/avoidant personality disorder. The latter is speculation based on a description I read online on Avoidant Personality but Im pretty sure I can fall in that category.
Basically I have trouble in social situations. Most of the time I have difficulty finding things to say and when I do talk I find it very hard to speak in fluent sentences.
In college I always avoided classes that required presentations and if there was a class that required presentations I would dread them weeks in advance.
I do not enjoy meeting new people because I feel they will not like me nor my company. I realize if I continue this way I will struggle all my life. I feel incompetent at times and do not know what career suits me in this world.

I have faith in Allah and I've only recently been praying that He helps me overcome this situation I am in. The problem is that I have been a terrible Muslim for the past 6-7 years. I feel very ashamed that I have done what I have done in the past few years. Only recently have I started to repent and pray 5 times a day again. I feel that Allah is punishing me for the wrong I have done in my life and that is why I feel the way I feel right now.

Can you please give me some advice on this. I know a lot of this is in my head but its hard to change especially since I have had past experiences with embarassment and being in my mid 20s makes me avoid situations where I will get embarassed. Unfortunatly its very easy for me to get embarassed and I hate it.

Anyways, thank you all for taking the time reading this. I know this site is not for these particular topics but after visiting it a few times I have found comfort here.

Thank you again and may Allah bless you all
Salam

 

[AlQurtubi]

brother, consult a psychatrist. InshALLAH, you will get better. There is no need to worry too much about it.

 

[Abu Hannah]

hold on ...

:salam2: brother. These problems that we face are not necessarily the punishment of Allah as such. These are trials that Allah makes us face to cleanse and purify us. Sometimes Allah may afflict us with severe hardship and difficulty, but this is just to see what we are made of. It is easy to cave in and give up, but to endure with patience would mean attaining the ultimate reward of Allahs pleasure.

 

[TheHumbleWun]

Salam Brothers and Sisters

Salaam dear brother,

Everything you said was well written, it would be hard for someone to tell you have trouble speaking

You can perhaps take a ToastMasters class to help you speak better in public.

I do not enjoy meeting new people because I feel they will not like me nor my company.

You have nothing to lose and everything to gain. You come across as very analytical, genuine, and friendly individual. Don't let anxiety be a deteriment to your developmental growth and all that you can be in life. Humans enjoy company. No one like isolation.

We humans are not perfect nor are we expected to be. Don't contemplate too much on your past, concentrate on the present and your future. Being optmistic helps. There is a light at the end of the tunnel

Everyone has had their share of embarassment in life (including myself) but it never stopped me from anything. I just play along and laugh with it.

I pray that Allah swt helps you overcome any harships you are facing.

Your friend and brother in Islam,

TheHumbleWun

 

[a_stranger]

:salam2:
We muslems should do our best to be sincere slaves towards Allah swt who created us out of nothing , and he is the one who is sustaining us in every moment , giving us all that we are enjoying ...Our hearts should be filled with Love, gratitude, humility towards Allah swt ,Fear of his punishment and hope for his rewards. These great values give our heart a wonderfull feeling of satisfaction and peace. When we know what is our role in life which is to worship Allah swt ie to do all that Allah swt likes then we shall feel a true confidance and trust. I think in practising Islam as a whole our souls are cured step by step from many illness.

 

[slaveofAllah88]

aslam o alikum brother, this happens to everyone we all are nervous at one level or another, i am really nervous about meeting new people or presenting too it helps me when i tell myeslf that whatever happens i can just get this over with, and when meeting new people i try to blank out the -ve aspects of it and focus on positive it helps me gain a lil confidence. the more you something you are afraid of, the less scare you are of it, so try your best =)
May Allah (swt) protect you

 

[B-R-R]

Salam alaikum wa ra!

You have gotten great many advice from our brothers and sisters. I agree on the idea of taking toastmaster classes, that one is the easiest method. Brother, keep in mind, there's no medicin to this. You will have to put in the work, and Yes this may effect your life if you don't handle this now. You are an intelligent being, everything is possible. The other way is by talking to people everywhere you go. Hi, how are you doing? what's the time? when does the store close and etcetera and build on it.

Again, I firmly believe that you will get over this problem way better by practice and the best way is to become a member of the toastmaster club, it's cheaper and gives progress pretty quick because you get tips and feedback.

Good luck! Alhamdulilah that your back to God.

 

[Ashima33]

Salaam Alaikum,

I, too, used to suffer from social anxiety. I think one of the biggest things that helped me was accepting the fact that I am just more of an introverted person, who needs their alone time or likes to hang out with people in smaller groups. I have actually grown to like this side of myself, because I feel that you get to know people better and on a deeper level than when you meet people in large crowds. A lot of that is just surface "blah blah blah" stuff.

I also learned which situations to avoid. I figured this out before I converted... but for me it was always house parties in college where there was massive amounts of drinking (most likely an early sign that I should be muslim!) or really crowded bars. I figured this out this pattern because each time I would walk into the restroom I would immediately feel better and like I could breath again because I was away from everyone and it was quiet.

Maybe loud indoor environments that are crammed with people make you more nervous than if you were outside or in a more open indoor space? Or maybe you feel better when you at least know 50% of the people of the group.

It's also okay to be a more quiet person when you first meet people. If you're shy, people will be sensitive to that and if they're not then they probably aren't the type you want in your life anyway!

I'm never much on medications... so I hope you will try to do some "figuring" out before you resort to that...

I hope this helps.

Wasalaam.

 

[AZAM_SIDDIQUI]

TRUST ME ,THIS IS THE NICEST PERIOD OF YOUR LIFE.
ALLAH IS TURNING TOWARDS YOU AND THAT IS WHY UNDER HIS OBSERVATION AND LOVE ,YOU ARE FEELING GUILTY AND SORRY FOR THE UNWORTHY THINGS YOU DID.
ITS SOMETHING BETWEEN ALLAH AND YOU,SO DONT WORRY ABOUT PPL KNOWING ABOUT IT.
I WENT THRU THE SAME THING WHEN I WAS TURNING TOWARDS ALLAH TAALA.I WANTED TO B AWAY FROM PPL,BUT IMAGINE I M A MBA STUDENT,SO I PRAYED AND I REALIZED THAT PPL ARE JUST SHADOWS OF OUR OWN MIND.SO AS LONG AS U R GOOD EVERYONE IS GOOD.JUST REALIZE THAT THEY ARE SO GHAAFIL OF WHAT U R CONSCIOUS OF THAT IS ALLAH.AND OF THEIR MISTAKES.U NEED TO REALIZE EVERYONE HAS MADE MISTAKES.A WEAK PERSONS SIN IS BETTER THAN A PIOUZS PERSONS ARROGANCE.SO WE NEVER KNOW WHICH SMALL SIN OF ANY PERSON MIGHT MAKE MAKE HIM HATEFUL IN ALLAH VIEW .SO BE HUMBLE TOWARDS OTHERS.THEY R THEMSELVES IN DEEP TROUBLES AND UR FRIENDLY ,GOD FEARING NATURE WILL UPLIFT THEM AND THEN THEY WILL START LIKING YOU.BUT ALWAYS REMEMBER ITS ALLAHS LOVE FOR U THEY WILL LIKE U,NOTHING GREAT THAT U HV DONE ,BUT ALLAHS GREATNESS THAT HE FORGIVES AND LOVES SINNERS LIKE US. MAY ALLAH GUIDE US TO HIM AND HE SURELY DESERVES OUR ATTENTION THAN THAT IS GOING TO MIX IN DIRT

 

[AZAM_SIDDIQUI]

BY THE WAY WESTERN PSYCHOLOGY IS ONE BIG FRAUD/SCAM
BASED ON MATERIALISM -IT TRIES TO DIVERT PEOPLES ATTENTION FROM ALLAH BY TELLING THEM U GOT THIS AND THAT .THE MEDICINES WILL MAKE U EVEN WORSE.
JUST SAY "ALLAH IS ENOUGH FOR ME"
AND READ THE STORIES OGF COMPANIONS,THE PROPHETS BIO <SAW> AND STORIES OF MESSENGERS.
AVOID WESTERN LIT/MOVIES THEY R TOTALLY DESIGNED TO STRIKE AT UR CENTRE OF CONSIOUSNESS SO U BECOME A CONSUMER RATHER THAN A MUSLIM.ITS NOT THEY DO IT EVERYTIME KNOWINGLY ITS JUST THAT THEY R SO LOST THAT EVERYTHING THEY DO IS INHERENTLY HARMFUL

ITS LIKE BEING IN A RECESSION OF THE SOUL,SO BE BRAVE,WE ARE MUSLIMS WE ARE HERE TO MAKE THIGS CLEAR AND BETTER FOR OTHERS NOT TO HIDE FROM THEM!

 

[AZAM_SIDDIQUI]

I WUD LIKE TO HEAR FROM U,BRO TKCR

 

[Jannah03]

IF you need meds irecommend taking a supplement called Sam-E. Along with du'a this really helped me with my awful anxiety attacks.

 

[TheSecret]

Thank you all

Jazakum Allah Khair
Thank you all for the wonderful responses. Alhamdullah I feel better about this already. I am so happy I found this site. It helps me when I am struggling. Hamdillah for people like you.

Take care everyone, Inshallah I will keep you all in my prayers