:salam2: to add on to many of the threads asking how to deal with family members, im having problems with my mum
Today we had a nice conversation regarding me going to the Majid with my father, until she brought up how oppressed she thinks women are in islam...
She brought up the fact that women have to pray behind a veil and cant talk to the other gender are veiled, When i told her thats modesty and i agree that its okay she said.
"honey,your supposed to respect women".. i then told her that veiling is respectful, she got a little annoyed and told me that it was her who supported the family
help please
i can understand your feelings and problem. its really hurts when we tell the Truth (which is against their desires) to those who have done a lot for us and they think that we are being ungrateful to them for the favours they did.
you can be polite to her and remind her that in Islam, jannah isnt under the feet of man but women ie mothers.
Asalamoalaikom wa rahmatullahi wa barakaatuhu. . .
Be nice to her and be polite. Respect her as a son is taught to respect her in Islaam.
I'll quote an article some one shared with me. It's long but it will help you help her see and realize the truth. Islam puts women in a much higher status than men. It's very easy to prove.
Women’s Rights in Islam
A comparative ..
FactsWomen have suffered great injustices throughout the ages; they have been deeply wronged, profoundly exploited, despite the fact that they are the mothers, the sisters, the wives, the daughters and the aunties; all of whom are the gentlest of creation and the dearest of humans to our hearts.
Chapters of Shame:
It is shamefulthat humanity was not treating women as human beings. All past civilizationsexercised various types of torture, injustice and oppression on women.
AncientGreeksdescribed ‘the woman’ as the poisoning tree and described her as being filthmade by Satan. She used to be sold as acommodity.
Romansdescribed ‘the woman’ as the poisoning tree and described her as being filthmade by Satan. She used to be sold as acommodity.
Indiansdescribed her as worsethan death, hell, poison, snakes, and fire. The woman had no right to live afterher husband's death; and they claimed that she should be burned with him.
Persianspermitted the marriage of the unmarriage women with no exception, and it was allowed for a Persian to sentence his wife to death!
Jewsescribed heras a curse because she was the reason of seduction; that she was dirty when inmenstruation and they permitted her father to sell her.
In Christianity:The French held a conference in 586 AD to determine if the woman could beconsidered human or not, and whether she had a soul or not. If she had a soul, they asked was it a human’sor an animal’s soul? And if it were a human’s soul, was it at the same level as that of a man’s or at a lowerlevel? They finally decided that she was human, but she wascreated only to serve the man. The English parliament issued a decree during the reign of Henry the 8th, which banned women from reading the New Testament because they were sullied and dirty. Luther, the head of the Protestants (which make up the majority of the American population today) said, “If women tire, or even die; all this doesn’t matter. Let them die during birth, for this is the reason they were created”.
And when the anesthetization was introduced for childbirth in 1847, the church objected to it being used. It claimed that God said, in the holy book, to Eve after committing the sin and eating from the forbidden tree, “With pain shall you give birth”; as if to say, “how could we have mercy on women, when God has decided that she suffers during birth? We then have to help God in his revenge on women !!” Before Islam, Arabsused to bury the newborn baby girls alive or throw them into a well in a very brutal manner.
If interested, read the statistics about treatement of the women in "modern" age. beatings to death by husbands, rapes at the rate of 60 per hour etc.
Statistics indicate that one out of every three girls aged 14 years, is subjected to rape; there are half a million "Rape in America" study found that girls under age 18 were the victims in 61.6 percent of all rapes. Girls under age 12 are the victims in 16 percent of rapes reported to the police, according to the department's Bureau of Justice Statistics. It also found that one in five rape victims under age 12 was raped by her father. studies show that four million American women get beaten each year at the rate of one every 15 seconds.
The Times Magazine published a report on incidents of beatings that American wives encounter, and stated that between 2000 to 4000 wives get beaten to death.
The ‘Women Institute’ in Madrid, Spain, revealed a set of staggering statistics about America alone… Let us have a look:
- In 1980 there were 1,553,000 abortions, 30% of this is for women under twenty years of age, while police reports state that the real figure is three times this number. So, I murmured, “approximately 5 Million!”
- In 1982, 80% of the women who had been married for over 15 years had divorced. - In 1984, about 8 Million women live alone with their kids without any external support.
- In 1986, 27% of the citizens live off women’s expenses!
- In 1982 there were 65 rape cases for every 10 thousand women, and in 1995, 82,000 rape crimes were committed, of these 80% were committed within the family and amongst friends, while police reports confirm that the real figure is 35 times this number! So, I murmured to myself, “this would make 82000 X 35 = 2,870,000! Note that that was twelve years ago!
- In 1997 according to the associations defending women’s rights, a woman gets raped every 3 seconds, while the official authorities denied this claim saying that this figure is too exaggerated and that the correct figure is one every 6 seconds! So, I murmured, “that would be 10 cases every minute! And if multiplied by 60, the figure would be 600 rape cases in one single hour! And 600X24 = 14,400 rape cases a day, and so on to reach a round figure of 5,184,000 for the whole year! And, if we base our calculation on the associations’ estimated figures, this number would exceed 10 Million rape cases in this jungle! - In 1997, statistics reported that some 4000 women get killed each year by their husbands or by those whom they live with, 74% of the elderly and poor are women and 85% of those live alone without any support or assistance.
- From 1979 to 1985 Latin American women who migrated to USA, had secret operations operated on them, which turned them barren, without their knowledge!
- From 1980 to1990 there were nearly one million women working in prostitution in USA, and in 1995 the total income from prostitution institutions and their marketing agents reached US$ 2500 Million!
In Britain USA and Germany over the past 15 years, London police alone have received one hundred thousand calls a year from women beaten by their husbands, 79% of Americans beat their wives, and 83% were admitted to hospitals at least once to get treatments following incidents of beating; while one hundred thousand German women are beaten by men annually.
In Spain, in 1990, 93% of Spanish women use contraceptive pills for a period of 15 consecutive years throughout their lives, and in 1990, 130,000 women reported physical assault and beatings by the men they live with whether their husbands or boyfriends.
One lawyer stated that the complaints of violent physical abuse and beatings reached 54,000 in 1997 while the police that confirmed the real figure was ten times that number. So I murmured, “54000 X 10 = 540,000!”
In 1995, one Million women underwent plastic surgery as a result of beating, i.e. an average of 1: 5 women living in Madrid and the surrounding areas.
Moreover, there are daily reports about brutal killings of women at the hands of the men they live with. This annual report is called ‘Women Encyclopedia ‘, published by “the Institute of International of Women Studies “, headquartered in Madrid, and is recognized worldwide.
In France,there are 2 Million women who get beaten every year, while 60% of the complaints received at night by Paris police are appeals for help from women offended and abused by their husbands. This prompted Michelle Andre, Secretary of State for Human Rights, to say, “Animals sometimes are treated better than women, for if a man beats a dog in the street someone will complain to animals’ welfare society, but if a man beats his wife, no one in France will interfere.”
In China, studies showed that more than a quarter million people commit suicide each year. The bigger shock is that suicide is the cause of death in one third of all death cases among young women. The study also confirms that there are more than 2 million suicide attempts annually, of which about a quarter million succeed.
In Islam
The Prophet described women as "the twin halves of men," which emphasized the idea that their role in society is complementary to that of men. He declared that "the most valuable thing in the world is a virtuous woman." Islam elevated the status of women 1,400 years ago by declaring them equal to men, giving them the right to work, right to education to the highest level, right to vote, right to take public office, right to join the army, right to divorce (God forbid), right to inheritance, right to marry who she wishes (yippie!!) and so on and so forth. Are Muslim women allowed to work? As traders: Khadija a successful businesswoman, Other women such as Khaula, Lakhmia, Thaqafia, and Bint Makhramah traded perfumes. The wife of 'Abdullah ibn Mas'ud met her expenses by manufacturing and selling handicrafts. Zainab bint jahsh used to tan and sell leather. As teachers:
Nafisa bint al-Hasan (d. 208/824) taught hadith to Imam ash-Shafi'i. Ibn Hajar mentioned 12 women who were musnida (transmitters of collection of traditions). He studied with 53 women. It is reported that Dawud ibn Husayn, a companion of the Prophet, used to take Qur'anic lessons from Umm Sa'd Jamilah bint As'ad Ansariyyah, daughter of As'ad ibn Rabi who fought in the Battle of Badr and achieved martyrdom in the Battle of Uhud. According to ibn Athir, Umm Sa'd had memorized the Qur'an and used to give regular lessons. As farmers:
Sahl ibn Sa'd, a companion of the Prophet mentioned a woman who used to cultivate in her own farm. Asma' bint Abu Bakr bint abu bakr had a farm about two miles away from their home. She used to farm and transport the produce herself. As surgeons:
Rufaidah Aslamiyyah was an expert in medicine and surgery. She used to tend to the sick and wounded in the battlefields. According to Ibn Sa'd, her tent was equipped with equipment for surgery and first aid. When Sa'd ibn Mu'adh was injured in the Battle of the Trenches, the Prophet transferred him to her tent for medical care.
Other women experts in medicine and surgery were Umm Muta', Umm Kabashah, Hamnah bint Jahsh, Mu'adhah, Laila, Umaimah, Umm Zaid, Umm 'Atiyyah, and Umm Sulaim.
Rubayyi' bint Mu'awwaidh ibn 'Afra was a great companion of the Prophet. She tended to the wounded and sick and supplied water to the thirsty soldiers in many battles. With other women, she transported the wounded and the dead in the war. As Jurists :
here are many female jurists in early Islamic history. In jurisprudence, 'Aisha had few equals and Umm Salam also gave many legal rulings.
Others are Safiyyah, Hafsa, Umm Habiba, Juwayriyyah, Maymuna, Fatima, Zahra, Umm Sharik, Umm 'Atya, Asma' bint Abu Bakr, Haila bint Qanif, Khaula bint Tuwait, Umm al-Darda, Atika bint Zaid, Sahalah bint Suhail, Fatima bint Qais, Zaynabah bint Abu Salamah, Umm Ayman, and Umm Yusuf.
A noted medieval Muslim scholar, Imam Badr al-Din Kashani, explained the rationale for appointing a women Qadi judge): "Where there is ability to give testimony, there is also the ability of qada (ruling)." According to al-Tabari, a woman can be an absolute judge in every matter.
Khansa bint 'Amr was a woman of great stature and a poetess of great fame. According to ibn Athir, all poets of fame unanimously agree that no poetess ever equaled Khansa, and the Prophet appreciated her verses.
Su'da, Safiyyah, 'Atikah, Muridiyyah, Qunila Abduriyyah, Umm Ayman, Umm Ziad, and Kabsah bint Rafi were also well known poetesses at the time of the Prophet .
Amra bint 'Abdu'r-Rahman was one of most prominent women of second generation. She was one of those who gave legal opinions in Madina after the Companions. Her opinion overrode the views of other authorities. She is the first authority for three legal issues dealing with the prohibition against digging up graves, the ban on selling unripe fruit, and the effect of crop damage on the sale of agricultural produce. In one case, she reversed the decision of her nephew to cut off the hand of a man who stole some iron rings. Her authority was accepted on matters such as business transactions and punishments (hudud). Imam Malik takes her as a legal precedent for details on the hajj.
As Warriors:
Many examples of women actively participating in war could be found at the time of the Prophet. One companion, Umm 'Umarah, demonstrated courage and fearlessness in the battle of Uhud.
Umm Hakim, wife of Ikrimah ibn Aji Jahl participated in the war against the Romans.
When Muslims suffered defeat in the Battle of Uhud, there was some confusion in the Muslim camp. Then Safiyah bint 'Abd al-Muttalib left Madinah armed with a spear and aroused a sense of shame among those who were returning from the battle. She angrily asked them, "Did you leave the Prophet behind?"
Asma' bint Yazid fought and killed nine enemy soldiers in the battle of Uhud.
Umm Salaim, mother of Anas, went to battle with a dagger.
In British and other western countries women don’t even get paid equally for doing the same job as a man!(1)
The money a Muslim woman earns is her own. In the Western world, on the other hand, any property a woman possessed, belonged exclusively to her husband. WHAT? It’s true.(2)
So I hope that’s made things crystal clear! Are Muslim women allowed to seek Education?
You bet they are! The worlds largest universtiry for women, in Riyad can be used as an obvious prove. Acquiring knowledge in Islam, is a duty binding both males and females. In a hadith (saying) of the Prophet (Blessing and peace be upon him) it states: “It is a duty on both men and women to seek knowledge (religious and secular)”. (Ibn Maajah)
Yet, it was not until the beginning of the 20th Century that Western women were allowed to attend University!(3) POLITICAL RIGHTS
Islam gave women political rights including voting and taking part in political activities such as sitting in parliament and becoming MPs. Lets not forget that women only got the right to vote in Britain in the beginning of the 20th century!
It took three generations for the British woman to win the most basic rights. Outrageous!Women underwent arrest, humiliation, hunger strikes, protest marches – JUST TO GET THE RIGHT TO VOTE!
Voting was secured as late as 1918. Society was very hostile towards women, regarding them as, wait for it – Deviants. Yet Islam gave women these rights 1400 years ago without them even asking for it!
The Prophet consulted with Umm Salamah when he negotiated the treaty of Hudaibiah. Many companions were angry at the weak terms of the treaty. It was Umm Salamah whose counsel helped ease the situation.
Fatima bin Qais was a very able and intelligent scholar. When 'Umar died, the nomination committee consulted Qais on the selection of the next Caliph.
The prophet Muhammad appointed Shifa bint 'Abdullah ibn Shams as the administrator and controller (accountant) of the Market of Madinah which was one of the largest markets in those days. 'Umar reappointed her when he became Caliph. Hazrat Umar (RA) also appointed Hazrat Umm Hakim Baiza, who was the paternal aunt of Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) a learned women, at the post of Khilafat.
According to 'Allama ibn 'Abd al-Barr, Shifa bint 'Abdullah was a very intelligent and scholarly woman. Umar often took the initiative of asking her opinion to other people.
Islam introduced equal rights and freedom of expression for women 1400 years ago. The incident about mahr (dowry) in the Caliphate of 'Umar is well known. When he decided to fix the dowry money, an old woman protested that he had no right to decide about it, and he ceded to her protest. STATUS OF THE MOTHER
Do you want to know something that will make you fall of your seat? Around that time the child was only recognised to have one parent – the father! In Islam, however, the status of the mother is so high, that the Prophet Peace and Blessings of Allah be upon him said – “Jannah ( Paradise) is at the feet of the Mother”.(Bukhari & Muslim ).
And according to another hadith, the status of a mother is FOUR times higher than that of a father.
Does that equate to a degree high status of a man over his wife? Simply No.
What rights does a Muslim woman have over her husband?
1)Any money she earns or inherits is her own and her husband still has to provide for her… now we're talking about girl power!
2)On Marriage, she is entitled to receive a gift, Mahr, (which is usually in the form of money) and this is her own property.
3)Under Islamic Law a woman cannot be married off without her consent. She has final approval on a marriage partner and she can refuse and cancel a marriage arranged without her consent.
4)She is not required to change her maiden name upon marriage, as Islam recognizes her independent legal personality.
5)A great number of Jurists, say that the wife is not required to perform the household chores! ( Malik & Shafi – schools of thought).
6)Although the ProphetPeace and Blessings of Allah be upon him was such a great leader, he assisted in the house cleaning and mended his own clothes. SO HUSBANDS DO SOME HOUSEWORK PLEASE!
7)It is the husbands duty and full responsibility to provide expenses for: food, clothing, recreation etc, even if his wife is filthy rich!
8)Contrary to common belief – in the Islamic law a husband cannot, I repeat cannot, beat his wife or even mistreat his wife, without a just reason. ANd not beat her so that it';; hurt her, break her bones, leave marks, or make her look ugly etc.
9)There is a saying of the Prophet ( Blessings and peace be upon him) “ … The best of those are those that are best to their wives”. (Tirmidi)
10)She also has the right to initiate a separation from marriage if her rights under marriage are not being granted. SO A WOMAN DOES HAVE THE RIGHT TO DIVORCE.
11)Widows have the right to remarry, and they are in fact encouraged to do so.
12)The Customs of dowry, is a practice which has never been sanctioned by Islam. Hijab or Covering
Nowadays, topless and mini skirts are OK but covering yourself is 'oppression'… Who you trying to fool? Take a good look around, be honest – do you think women are being degraded? Yep, so do I.
Women wearing next to nothing selling cars, plastered upon bill boards, upon magazines, the internet and just about anywhere and everywhere. Blimey, if that’s not degrading, what is? Islam emphasizes on modesty. No person should be seen as a sex object.
When a woman puts on her hijab, dresses moderately and steps out. She’s sending out a message LOUD & CLEAR – “Deal with my mind and not my body”.
Oppression is when a woman is judged by a lump of mass called 'body'. Approval and disapproval of girls based on their physical appearance may lead to serious depression. Not all girls are beautiful, and they really can't do much about it. A girl with a big nose, short stature and small eyes has no power over any of these features. Now if you cover the body and judge by the mind. A girl whose corrupt, backbites and is immodest has 'every' bit of power to change that and be liked and approved of. So who says Hijaab is an oppression!
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:salam2: to add on to many of the threads asking how to deal with family members, im having problems with my mum
Today we had a nice conversation regarding me going to the Majid with my father, until she brought up how oppressed she thinks women are in islam...
She brought up the fact that women have to pray behind a veil and cant talk to the other gender are veiled, When i told her thats modesty and i agree that its okay she said.
"honey,your supposed to respect women".. i then told her that veiling is respectful, she got a little annoyed and told me that it was her who supported the family
help please
Dear brother,
many of us have experienced what you are experiencing now.(Including me).Many times when we start to practice Islam,some of our near and dear ones,especially our parents get perplexed.It might be due to their interaction with non muslim ideas and media interpretation of Islam and muslims,that these ideas get embedded into their hearts.They react in angry way,usually because of this.Remember,they always wish for our good ,that is why they react in such a manner.
Always be polite to them,when talking,listen to them and talk to them respectfully.As one of the salaf said,"Our parents are our masters."
Remember the example of Hazrat Ibrahim(alyhissalam),how he talked to his father Azar and did dawah to him.That father who was going to kill him.
What they know about Islam and muslims is due to their non muslim interaction.Try to win their hearts by your good behavior.When your mom returns tired from work,give her a cold glass of water and smile at her.Sometimes give her flower ,randomly.Show your best manners and win their hearts.Tell them that Islam tells you about these good manners.
Whenever there is a family get together like at tea time in the evening or morning,whenever you get an opportunity,try discussing about Islam with your parents about how it elevates the status of women.Talk about sahaba and rasoulullah(sallahu alyhi wasallam) and discuss Qur'an ayahs.Whenever a news is discussed,try giving an Islamic perspective to it.You can fix a day like sunday or other holiday where whole family get together to study Qur'an and hadith and seerah.
Tell them that Islam says to treat your parents with love and respect.Tell them that Islam tells us jannah can be found under mother's feet.Tell them about the importance of mother in Islam.Tell them how Islam has helped women by making them ,sister,daughters,mothers,wives and giving them their respective rights which none of the religion has done before or after it.
Tell your parents about how Islam orders us to treat a woman respectfully by asking us to lower our gaze instead of "checking them out".
MashaAllah sister seeking Allah's mercy has provided with good material,go through it and discuss with your parents about it.
About respecting women there is a hadith which says::
Messenger of Allah said -
'None but a NOBLE man treats women in an HONORABLE manner, and none but an IGNORANT treats women DISGRACEFULLY.'
(Sunan At-Tirmidhî)
Hope, inshaAllah ,things work out for you.Be steadfast and always pray to Allah for guidance.
I have tried having a conversation with my parents about Islam but they won't listen. They're convinced that Islam is "the Devil's Religion" and that it will destroy us all.
That was a few months ago, and I have prayed since then that Allah will open their hearts and minds. I will try again one day...
:salam2: my mom for the most part is a very opened minded person IE she married a muslim. Obviously im not going to share everything about my life on the internet so i wont.
But for the most part i try to hide how much im practicing islam from my mom just because of how awkward it is, Recently i got my father interested in islam again when he found that i owned a noble Quran, so now when we have time he takes me to the Majid,
my mother however doesnt even know that basics of Islam and confuses Arab culture with islam and confuses things in Islam as Arab culture. i suppose that if i slowly teach her little by little about islam she might have less confusion, thinks for the help anyways.
It appears that once again ive given a bit of my life to everyone on the interent,, *sigh*
:salam2: my mom for the most part is a very opened minded person IE she married a muslim. Obviously im not going to share everything about my life on the internet so i wont.
But for the most part i try to hide how much im practicing islam from my mom just because of how awkward it is, Recently i got my father interested in islam again when he found that i owned a noble Quran, so now when we have time he takes me to the Majid,
my mother however doesnt even know that basics of Islam and confuses Arab culture with islam and confuses things in Islam as Arab culture. i suppose that if i slowly teach her little by little about islam she might have less confusion, thinks for the help anyways.
It appears that once again ive given a bit of my life to everyone on the interent,, *sigh*
akhi
said -