Past Harams......

[dianek]

Ok....so basically you all know that I am to date a sinner...let me queue you all in on just who I am...


Past sins ** removed** Islamically its not allowed to metion your sins since Allah covered them for you why you want to un cover them

Things I have always been....

1. respectful to others
2. care for humanity
3. cry on sappy movies
4. always want faith
5. love my babies
6. ashamed of my misdeeds.
7. Worked since I was 14

Do you think God will forgive........my husband marrried me but cannot forgive my past and refuses to discuss with me. I feel he should know good or bad who I was and be proud of who I am now. Just as I wish to know all the details of his years astray....though he refuses to really say. I really want to clear the air with him about EVERYTHING......should he listen or his right in letting it lie. But again......if I became Muslim, would he forgive me of those terrible actions.

 

[a_muslimah86]

Ok....so basically you all know that I am to date a sinner...let me queue you all in on just who I am...

Past sins **Removed**

Things I have always been....

1. respectful to others
2. care for humanity
3. cry on sappy movies
4. always want faith
5. love my babies
6. ashamed of my misdeeds.
7. Worked since I was 14

Do you think God will forgive........my husband marrried me but cannot forgive my past and refuses to discuss with me. I feel he should know good or bad who I was and be proud of who I am now. Just as I wish to know all the details of his years astray....though he refuses to really say. I really want to clear the air with him about EVERYTHING......should he listen or his right in letting it lie. But again......if I became Muslim, would he forgive me of those terrible actions.

i keep getting the feeling that your husband is an Arab..or a middle-eastern man in general..
he sounds to fit the mold of an Arab man..hehe (i can tell you a lot about that being an Arab woman)..

his refusal to discuss these things with you and him not moving on..is part of how he was brought up..in arab culture or any other middle-eastern culture.. men are raised to believe that when falling in love and/or marrying a woman..*you* (the man) should be the first and only man in that woman's life...it's an ego and pride thing if you ask me..hehe

they basically expect you to be the definition of innocence..but fail to remember that...hey this woman..IS HUMAN..she is not perfect!..

so that might justify why he might not have moved on yet...i'm pretty sure he sees the good in you now..but his upbringing will influence him til the last moment of his life (may it be long and happy)..and i can tell you that..he probably just feels jealous sometimes (especially about your past relationships)

perhaps your conversion to Islam..and the fact that those who convert will be like new-borns..free of all sins passed...and your practice of Islamic duties...will help..

but BY NO MEANS..should your conversion take place for that...i have mentioned why in an earlier post..so i won't bother you with the same details again..

but..you should do what he does...don't bring it up..don't discuss it...ignore it completely..act like it never happened..and you'll see...he'll do the exact same..just worry about *THE NOW*..(i can tell you from *personal* experience..it works like magice!....and it relates to something I'm mentioning at the end..)

and though in american culture..and even in Christianity (to some extent)..self-disclosure...is a huuuuuuuuuuuge thing..

in Islam..and certainly muslim cultures...self-disclosure..ESPECIALLY when it comes to past sins and short-comings towards God..are NOT ENCOURAGED AT ALL

as in Islam..we believe that when you commit a sin or a fault...and nobody finds out about it...that is God (The Concealer of faults and sins) concealing your sin as a mercy from Him unto you..

I probably didn't give you a direct answer...but I just wished to give you a perspective...which I think would help more than anything else..and gives *you* the chance to come-up with the answer..which is tons of times better..in my opinion

salam

 

[dianek]

i keep getting the feeling that your husband is an Arab..or a middle-eastern man in general..
he sounds to fit the mold of an Arab man..hehe (i can tell you a lot about that being an Arab woman)..

his refusal to discuss these things with you and him not moving on..is part of how he was brought up..in arab culture or any other middle-eastern culture.. men are raised to believe that when falling in love and/or marrying a woman..*you* (the man) should be the first and only man in that woman's life...it's an ego and pride thing if you ask me..hehe

they basically expect you to be the definition of innocence..but fail to remember that...hey this woman..IS HUMAN..she is not perfect!..

so that might justify why he might not have moved on yet...i'm pretty sure he sees the good in you now..but his upbringing will influence him til the last moment of his life (may it be long and happy)..and i can tell you that..he probably just feels jealous sometimes (especially about your past relationships)

perhaps your conversion to Islam..and the fact that those who convert will be like new-borns..free of all sins passed...and your practice of Islamic duties...will help..

but BY NO MEANS..should your conversion take place for that...i have mentioned why in an earlier post..so i won't bother you with the same details again..

but..you should do what he does...don't bring it up..don't discuss it...ignore it completely..act like it never happened..and you'll see...he'll do the exact same..just worry about *THE NOW*..(i can tell you from *personal* experience..it works like magice!....and it relates to something I'm mentioning at the end..)

and though in american culture..and even in Christianity (to some extent)..self-disclosure...is a huuuuuuuuuuuge thing..

in Islam..and certainly muslim cultures...self-disclosure..ESPECIALLY when it comes to past sins and short-comings towards God..are NOT ENCOURAGED AT ALL

as in Islam..we believe that when you commit a sin or a fault...and nobody finds out about it...that is God (The Concealer of faults and sins) concealing your sin as a mercy from Him unto you..

I probably didn't give you a direct answer...but I just wished to give you a perspective...which I think would help more than anything else..and gives *you* the chance to come-up with the answer..which is tons of times better..in my opinion

salam

You are most correct...he is Arab (Tunisian to be exact).....it must be an ego thing because most American men I have known want to know everything and what is different or better about them....LOL!!!! However, it doesn't quinch my curiosity about his past and his vague answers. I can't believe that at 24 (when I married him), he had not been in love before or atleast serious relations.

I was raised "the truth shall set you free", which is why I wish he would let me be honest with him.

 

[najbc]

Wait minute, it is only middle eastern men that never forgive women for her sins. you what forget, this is between you and god and i really do not why he should be mad or care. You did what you did before you marry him and now you are good person, and he should really be grateful that he has you and that you know your sins and learn from them hopefully and now you are good person. The pass should be put behind.

 

[dianek]

Wait minute, it is only middle eastern men that never forgive women for her sins. you what forget, this is between you and god and i really do not why he should be mad or care. You did what you did before you marry him and now you are good person, and he should really be grateful that he has you and that you know your sins and learn from them hopefully and now you are good person. The pass should be put behind.

I like to think I am a better person. I have not been unfaithful to him. I am a good mother and care for them all the best I can. I do believe he should be proud of me......one day I might be a better Muslim than him, right?

 

[a_muslimah86]

You are most correct...he is Arab (Tunisian to be exact).....it must be an ego thing because most American men I have known want to know everything and what is different or better about them....LOL!!!! However, it doesn't quinch my curiosity about his past and his vague answers. I can't believe that at 24 (when I married him), he had not been in love before or atleast serious relations.

I was raised "the truth shall set you free", which is why I wish he would let me be honest with him.

LOL...told you he fits the mold..

here is the thing though...unless you find a friend of his who knows *everything* about him..and has a major BIG-MOUTH..

you won't find anything out from him..except that which he wants you to know
you see..in addition to being major egotisticals!!!...Arab men have the misfortune of being VERY STUBBORN AND SENSITIVE too..

so you either tone down the curiosity..or start looking for that big-mouthed friend..LOL

p.s. I'm impressed...Tunisia is known amongst Arabs especially for its beautiful and rich culture and landscapes..and Tunisians are known to be very friendly people

 

[BintMuhammad]

:salam2:

Actually, this is not just an arab thing. Islaam teaches us to KEEP OUR SINS TO OURSELVES What's in the past stays in the past. The most important thing is TAWBAH (Repentance).

 

[dianek]

LOL...told you he fits the mold..

here is the thing though...unless you find a friend of his who knows *everything* about him..and has a major BIG-MOUTH..

you won't find anything out from him..except that which he wants you to know
you see..in addition to being major egotisticals!!!...Arab men have the misfortune of being VERY STUBBORN AND SENSITIVE too..

so you either tone down the curiosity..or start looking for that big-mouthed friend..LOL

p.s. I'm impressed...Tunisia is known amongst Arabs especially for its beautiful and rich culture and landscapes..and Tunisians are known to be very friendly people

God knows he is a PRIVATE kind of man.......doesn't even like me to discuss our married life with my best of friends.....doesn't stop me but that is another story...

Tunisia.....I have been twice, my son 4 times and Aya 3 times......it is nice enough in tourist areas.......the regular places are dirty and dusty.......God only knows how much I missed a bath tub and toilet paper while there!!! LOL!!! But Hammemett, Tabarka, Tunis CAPITAL, Sidi Bou Said, and where our vacation house is in El Houraia are BEAUTIFUL!!!!!! And his family is wonderful.....they have all finished university and atleast are able to communicate in broken English.....but we often resort to speaking french (I studied for 5 years, though i suck at it)........his mother is the most selfless person other than my mom that I have ever met. BUT......I will say this.....Tunisian women outside the family are RUDE!!!!! When we would go to public places they would stare at me with this "What is she doing with our muslim man?".........they seemed very hostile.....now Tunisian MEN.......VERY FRIENDLY outside of the family.......

HOWEVER.......my favorite place for friendly people in the world (as I have known it)........Bahamians!!!!!!!! The people in Freeport Bahamas are just loads of Fun!!!!!

 

[a_muslimah86]

:salam2:

Actually, this is not just an arab thing. Islaam teaches us to KEEP OUR SINS TO OURSELVES What's in the past stays in the past. The most important thing is TAWBAH (Repentance).

sister...i mentioned that at the end of my first post!

 

[dianek]

sister...i mentioned that at the end of my first post!

I understand....but I wanted you all to know why, if I seem stubborn at times, I am the way I am........

I will refrain from discussing such things with him in the future........

 

[BintMuhammad]

sister...i mentioned that at the end of my first post!

:salam2:

Uhhh Ok! Sorry didn't notice.

 

[a_muslimah86]

I understand....but I wanted you all to know why, if I seem stubborn at times, I am the way I am........

I will refrain from discussing such things with him in the future........

I was actually directing my comment for sister bintmuhammad..cuz she didn't notice that I wrote it..

but..you are free to go about things as you please diane
we are here only to give you perspectives..for you to *consider*

 

[AZAM_SIDDIQUI]

I like to think I am a better person. I have not been unfaithful to him. I am a good mother and care for them all the best I can. I do believe he should be proud of me......one day I might be a better Muslim than him, right?

absolutely absolutel absolutely.
sis your problem is not that you did those sins but that you dont trust that

Allah is merciful .hello HELLO yes Allah is merciful!!!!!!​

and verily Allah is able to blot out sins

it is related from the prophet that when a person enters islam he is like a new born baby free from a past. {he is given reward for his past deeds but not held for his wrong deeds}​

.
a person asked what about the good deeds i had done in the past .
the prophet replied it is because of those you were chosen for islam by Allah

narrated by abu darda ra
once the prophet said ONE WHO SAYS LAAILLAHHA ILLALLAH MUHAMMADUR RASOOLALLAH will go to paradise. the companion asked if he is an adulterer? even then ?
the prophet of Allah said yes even then . the companion twice asked the same question ,t the end of which the prophet peace be upon him smiled and said yes he will go to paradise even if you dislike it.

 

[Mohsin]

Allah is the most merciful !

hi !,

Diane, Allah is most forgiving and most merciful. If your repenteence is sincere then you will not found anyone more forgiving and merciful than Allah.

Say(O' Muhammad): "O 'Ibâdî (My slaves) who have transgressed against themselves (by committing evil deeds and sins)! Despair not of the Mercy of Allâh, verily Allâh forgives all sins. Truly, He is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful[] (53)
[Az-Zumar]

 

[AZAM_SIDDIQUI]

do not seek yourhusbands approval , i know you love him , but there is ONLY ONE WHOSE APPROVAL SHOULD BE SOUGHT.

"SO BE IN AWE ONLY OF ME" i came across this verse of quran when i was searhing the quran ,praying ya Allah what should i convey to my sister in need . so be mindful ..i pray tht i ammindful of Allhs rights over us .
anyways the other day i heard this story in the masjid
there was once a woman ,long long time ago who because of some reasons was a dancer and due to circumstanes had slipped from there into sins,obviously not proud of them but she thought of her so low that she felt distanced from her creator thinking everythig was over ....and one day as she passed by a thirsty dog which was close to dying she felt a surge of pity for it. she went to the well soaked the corner of her fine dress with water ,went to the dog and rinsed it into its mouth.she did this till its thirst was quenched .it is reported that it was becuse of her thinking herself low for her sins Allah had given her this chance nd because of her humility Allah forgave her.truly Allah does what HE likes there is none to question Him, and He is the one to question all.

 

[AZAM_SIDDIQUI]

hi !,

Diane, Allah is most forgiving and most merciful. If your repenteence is sincere then you will not found anyone more forgiving and merciful than Allah.
Say(O' Muhammad): "O 'Ibâdî (My slaves) who have transgressed against themselves (by committing evil deeds and sins)! Despair not of the Mercy of Allâh, verily Allâh forgives all sins. Truly, He is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful[] (53)
[Az-Zumar]

subhanallah truly i was looking for this verse.jazakallahkhair.

 

[AZAM_SIDDIQUI]

Hadith Qudsi 1:
On the authority of Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him), who said that the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) said:

When Allah decreed the Creation He pledged Himself by writing in His book which is laid down with Him: My mercy prevails over my wrath.

It was related by Muslim (also by al-Bukhari, an-Nasa'i and Ibn Majah

 

[Optimist]

a Q outside the topic, what exactly is the difference between adultery and fornication ?

Diane, I got married at the grand age of 31 and my wife is the 1st woman (and hopefully the last) in my life ... if anything, Im actually proud of this

 

[Mohsin]

Hi

Hi !,

[FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]On the authority of Jundub (may Allah be pleased with him), who said that the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) related: [/FONT]
[FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]A man said: By Allah, Allah will not forgive So-and-so. At this Allah the Almighty said: Who is he who swears by Me that I will not forgive So-and-so? Verily I have forgiven So-and-so and have nullified your [own good] deeds (1) (or as he said [it]). [/FONT]
[FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif](1) A similar Hadith, which is given by Abu Dawud, indicates that the person referred to was a goldly man whose previous good deeds were brought to nought through presuming to declare that Allah would not forgive someone's bad deeds. [/FONT]
[FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]It was related by Muslim.
[/FONT]
[FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif][FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]On the authority of Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him) that the Prophet (peace be upon him), from among the things he reports from his Lord (mighty and sublime be He), is that he said: [/FONT]
[FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]A servant [of Allah's] committed a sin and said: O Allah, forgive me my sin. And He (glorified and exalted be He) said: My servant has committed a sin and has known that he has a Lord who forgives sins and punishes for them. Then he sinned again and said: O Lord, forgive me my sin. And He (glorified and exalted be He) said: My servant has committed a sin and has known that he has a Lord who forgives sins and punishes for them. Then he sinned again and said: O Lord, forgive me my sin. And He (glorified and exalted be He) said: My servant has committed a sin and has known that he has a Lord who forgives sins and punishes for sins. Do what you wish, for I have forgiven you. [/FONT]
[FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]It was related by Muslim (also by al-Bukhari). [/FONT]

[FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]On the authority of Anas (may Allah be pleased with him), who said: I heard the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) say: Allah the Almighty said: [/FONT]
[FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]O son of Adam, so long as you call upon Me and ask of Me, I shall forgive you for what you have done, and I shall not mind. O son of Adam, were your sins to reach the clouds of the sky and were you then to ask forgiveness of Me, I would forgive you. O son of Adam, were you to come to Me with sins nearly as great as the earth and were you then to face Me, ascribing no partner to Me, I would bring you forgiveness nearly as great at it. [/FONT]
[FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]It was related by at-Tirmidhi (also by Ahmad ibn Hanbal). Its chain of authorities is sound.
[/FONT]
[/FONT]

 

[dianek]

a Q outside the topic, what exactly is the difference between adultery and fornication ?

Diane, I got married at the grand age of 31 and my wife is the 1st woman (and hopefully the last) in my life ... if anything, Im actually proud of this

To mean fornication is the equivalent of friends with fringe benefits.....not married though and adultery is committing fornication while in a marriage.....not this marriage mind you, my previous marriage.

you shoul be proud of that....I guess I am just cynical against men from what I have seen around me..that is what makes it so hard to believe he never loved someone else........I do know for a fact he was not chaste when we met.......but I will no long inquire for details or numbers....