Muslim woman in love with a Christian man

Istella

Junior Member
:salam2:

This matter has probably been discussed before, but I want fresh opinions from experienced members of this site.

This has been on my mind for quite sometime now. I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for over a year and we are planning to start a family someday. However, the problem is I'm a Muslim and he's a Christian. What solutions do we have in handling this matter or would his converting be the only way out for us?

Thank you in advance.
 

Amir_of_spain

Junior Member
Asalam wailkum Istella. I/we welcome your question.
As muslims its part of our faith that we dont just say or believe in almighty god, but we also believe that none has the right to be followed, obeyed, worshipped except God.... Why? simple.. because he is our creator, we exist, we are here because of him. So its only logical to live life correctly in the way shown through his book and messenger.

In order to gain the pleasure of allah we need to follow his commands even if they may go against our natural, innate desires. The desire for drinking alcohol or gambling, or even something basic as cheating, we may have these feelings but as servents of almighty allah... we have to control these desires and restrain ourselves, this is what leads to spiritual development. So at times this restraining and controlling of our desires also extends to our feelings of love. Allah says in his book, the believing woman (muslima) are for the believeing man (muslim) (and vice versa), and that it is better to marry a believeing person (ie a muslim) even if they be a poor.
Why? because allah has put higher rank and status in those who follow him and his prophet, and allah loves his believers more than the disbelievers because the believers have great love for allah and his prophet within their hearts.

Furthermore encouragement is given by the almighty, he says in surah nazi'at 40-41: 'as for the person who feared to stand before his lord (in the hereafter) and restrained himself from (unlawful indulgence in) lust, Lo! Paradise will be their home'

So in summary, its not permissable for a muslim/believing women to marry a christain man and we are directed by allah himself to marry fellow believers in faith, and the verses above i mentioned, we see allah encouraging us to safeguard our imaan and religion by marrying believing partners even though we may be attracted to people of other faiths.

In this life our imaan/faith is tested in many ways, even our feelings of love for allah is tested, as one of the companions had great love and honour for his mother, and this mother loved this son of hers the most. When she heard he became a muslim she went on hunger strike until he gave up islam, the son pleaded to her plz eat, u will get sick. So here, we see allah was testing him with the great love he had for his mother, to see which love is more.. for his mother/creation OR for his lord/the creator. In the end he said to the nearest meaning, even if u die many times over i will not renouce my religion, and she gave in. So hence he was successful in this test. So i hope the sahabi story and the verses of allah encourages you to make the right decision, after all life is short and the meeting with our lord is fixed ahead of us. You and other brothers can give him dawa, encourage him to study the quran and to upgrade to islam ... however if he merely converts so that the marriage can go ahead then this is a false shahada, and allah knows best.

ElaqhEqah.
 

nyerekareem

abdur-rahman
:salam2:

This matter has probably been discussed before, but I want fresh opinions from experienced members of this site.

This has been on my mind for quite sometime now. I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for over a year and we are planning to start a family someday. However, the problem is I'm a Muslim and he's a Christian. What solutions do we have in handling this matter or would his converting be the only way out for us?

Thank you in advance.

:salam2:

i do not wish to offend, but boyfriend/girlfriend relationships are not allowed for muslims. it's a bigger problem than having an interest in a christian. because these relationships very often lead to sinful acts such as zinaa. muslim women should marry muslim men. because muslim women should teach their children islam. inter-marrying can lead to mixing faiths and can possibly lead to the confusion of one's religious identity. most scholars would say that a muslim woman marrying a non muslim is haram. dear sister, have you ever given dawah to this man? i ask because you seem hopeful that if he embraces islam everything will be ok. it would be great if he became muslim, but would his conversion be real or would he have made it just to permissibly marry you? when people convert just to marry, 9 times out of 10 those marriages fail.

sometimes it's hard to obey ALLAH SWT when our desires are very strong or our very pleasurable to us, however we were created to worship and praise our creator first. but we must do it first for our creator before doing things for someone else. i hope that i didn't come off as harsh.

:wasalam:
 

Istella

Junior Member
Thank you for your response. I completely understand what you said. Of course I wouldn't want him to convert just for the sake of our marriage. I would never want that for anyone, it is entirely up to that person but I am here merely to know if there was anyone here who had the same experience. I would love to learn from others. As for dakwah and such, I have my father to turn to... I appreaciate your feedback, Amir.
 

Bawar

Struggling2Surrender
:wasalam: sister!

I will refrain from repeating what sister Amir-of-Spain has mentioned, but I will add another point that.

Dear sister. It is not permissible in Islam to have a boyfriend/girlfriend relatioship. The relationship is valid and Islamic only after Nikah.

May Allah grant you happiness and success in both worlds and keep you from breaking his laws. Ameen

Wassalam
 

cihan

Left The Website
As salamu aleykum

i don't think this sister cares about order of Allah so much...the important thing for her is marrying this guy and she thinks "his convert option" is a solution to their marriage problem rather then that guy's LIFE , Allah's pleasent with that guy and her...so far away from honesty...what a dishonest question is this?...look at this>>> """What solutions do we have in handling this matter or would his converting be the only way out for us? """i really got pissed off...sorry...
 

Istella

Junior Member
As salamu aleykum

i don't think this sister cares about order of Allah so much...the important thing for her is marrying this guy and she thinks "his convert option" is a solution to their marriage problem rather then that guy's LIFE , Allah's pleasent with that guy and her...so far away from honesty...what a dishonest question is this?...look at this>>> """What solutions do we have in handling this matter or would his converting be the only way out for us? """i really got pissed off...sorry...

Wow. Unbelievable.

I have just one Q - are you experienced in this?

End of discussion.
 

Istella

Junior Member
I believe almost everyone here has gotten the wrong picture or maybe I didn't phrase my question in a digestable manner for all people around the world to comprehend.

I'm very curious after reading the feedbacks here.

I have a few Qs - are you posters, married? If so, did you not get to know your spouses beforehand? Do not tell me that you do not look at anyone of the opposite sex that you find attractive - which is a sin also?

Which part of the world are you all from? Are you all aware that relationship does not only mean sexually? It can be an emotional relationship with no sexual innuendos whatsoever.

So do read properly and if you do not understand what is being written, do ask before you decide to blast me with such judgements. Thanks for your time.
 

palestine

Servant of Allah
stop fighting!

Wow. Unbelievable.

I have just one Q - are you experienced in this?

End of discussion.

:salam2: please you guys, don't start fighting. Cihan i know ur pissed off but please calm yourself down. and you istella my advice is that if this guy doesn't truly believe in Allah and chances are he might not than don't waste your time being around him because soon he might get you to doubt your way of life. and it is haram as mentioned before. you don't need to know of the experiences of others because i don't think that any muslim lady has married a non muslim man otherwise she wouldn't be a muslim. i don't mean to be bossy or rude, but you must end the relationship because this guy isn't muslim, and he shuldn't become a muslim because of you....what i mean is he shouldn't pretend, but rather he should believe with a sincere heart, if not then it's time to say "get out the door".:salam2:
 

cihan

Left The Website
Istella What you mean?

Look sister ..you are asking wrong questions..you are starting from wrong point to ask your questions...you ask me about relation..but before that there comes Allah...before everything He comes...ok?..i know that kind of romance stories so much... i live in that kind of a country...i am sure you know Turkey-İstanbul...and i know this kind of point of views had reached to what levels in this country...and i see the results in the society...
 

palestine

Servant of Allah
everyone knows

I believe almost everyone here has gotten the wrong picture or maybe I didn't phrase my question in a digestable manner for all people around the world to comprehend.

I'm very curious after reading the feedbacks here.

I have a few Qs - are you posters, married? If so, did you not get to know your spouses beforehand? Do not tell me that you do not look at anyone of the opposite sex that you find attractive - which is a sin also?

Which part of the world are you all from? Are you all aware that relationship does not only mean sexually? It can be an emotional relationship with no sexual innuendos whatsoever.

So do read properly and if you do not understand what is being written, do ask before you decide to blast me with such judgements. Thanks for your time.


everyone knows that relationships are not only sexual ones dear sister. but they are just following the sunnah of the prophet, trying to prevent their dear sister from being brainwashed by a love which she will not be able to achieve since the man is a disbeliever in Allah. we love you because you're our sister and we care about you. we do not mean to judge or hurt you, we're just trying to be of help by preventing the outcome of a non muslim man and a muslim woman being together.
 

Istella

Junior Member
:salam2: please you guys, don't start fighting. Cihan i know ur pissed off but please calm yourself down. and you istella my advice is that if this guy doesn't truly believe in Allah and chances are he might not than don't waste your time being around him because soon he might get you to doubt your way of life. and it is haram as mentioned before. you don't need to know of the experiences of others because i don't think that any muslim lady has married a non muslim man otherwise she wouldn't be a muslim. i don't mean to be bossy or rude, but you must end the relationship because this guy isn't muslim, and he shuldn't become a muslim because of you....what i mean is he shouldn't pretend, but rather he should believe with a sincere heart, if not then it's time to say "get out the door".:salam2:

LOL - I am calm. I am actually smiling reading all these entries as some of them are unbelievable. I don't need to be told that it is haram as I am not spastic and I understand English very well.

Secondly, obviously if he converted it would be for his love of this religion. He isn't stupid and neither am I. He said it himself that to embrace Islam would mean to be a Muslim for the rest of his life which is something he isn't and wouldn't take lightly.

Let me give you an example - a very easy one : you see a nice doughnut and it looks really good. Coincidently, you feel hungry so there is a mixed feeling of wanting to eat the doughnut and the feeling of hunger coming on cohesively. Applying that to my example, obviously not taking the doughnut part literally.

He does love me and yet at the same time, he knows that he will convert because he is interested and wants to convert for the sake of the religion.

My friend is a Muslim. The whole family line. She married a Christian and converted before they became husband and wife. And surprisingly, she is still a Muslim! Wow - how can that be??

Get my drift?
 

nyerekareem

abdur-rahman
I believe almost everyone here has gotten the wrong picture or maybe I didn't phrase my question in a digestable manner for all people around the world to comprehend.

I'm very curious after reading the feedbacks here.

I have a few Qs - are you posters, married? If so, did you not get to know your spouses beforehand? Do not tell me that you do not look at anyone of the opposite sex that you find attractive - which is a sin also?

Which part of the world are you all from? Are you all aware that relationship does not only mean sexually? It can be an emotional relationship with no sexual innuendos whatsoever.

So do read properly and if you do not understand what is being written, do ask before you decide to blast me with such judgements. Thanks for your time.

:salam2:

i think that the " getting to know someone " thing is based off hollywood/bollywood interpretation of what love is. one can know their prospective spouse with a wali present. there is no harm in that. it's when two are alone is when temptation comes into play. we as muslims believe that marriage completes half of our deen, most importantly it keeps us from comitting zinaa and also helps us lower our gaze.

of course there is nothing wrong with being attracted to someone, but it's how we look at them which can either be ok or haram. we shouldn't be looking at each other more than what's necessary. of course not all relationships mean that they are sexual. but the possibility of becoming one is a reality. if not you, maybe he has thought of it. because you're dating and your feelings are building up, which can lead to such a thing happening. some people say that drinking one beer isn't bad or it won't get them drunk. but what about the 2nd one? they can't promise that it wont make them drunk. therefore they should avoid it.

sister present dawah to him. if you truly feel that he is sincere with his conversion, than seek marriage as soon as possible. it's important that you do not base his conversion off of the emotions that you have for him. he will be fooling himself and you, if it isn't sincere.

also would your children be christian or muslim? would they be celebrating, xmas, easter, and eid? what if he wants to raise your child as christian? how can you let that happen when you know islam is the truth? i'm not saying that you're willing to do that, but can you imagine? these are serious things to think about.

anyway, i hope things will work out in a way in which ALLAH SWT approves.

:wasalam:
 

Istella

Junior Member
also would your children be christian or muslim? would they be celebrating, xmas, easter, and eid? what if he wants to raise your child as christian? how can you let that happen when you know islam is the truth? i'm not saying that you're willing to do that, but can you imagine? these are serious things to think about.

I'm a Muslim. If he converted, which will definitely be based on his love for the religion - obviously he will be a Muslim too??

Putting two and two together, if HE AND I are Muslims, I believe our kids would be borne Muslims... or am I delusional??

Please... someone kick me in the head! Please think before responding with your emotions.
 

Umm_Ibrahim

La Ilaha Ilalah
Assalamo Aleikum dear sis
Frist in our religion relation bf/gr is not allow, but i know how confuse can it be, and we are not allowe tro marry crishtians, the best solution would be he revert but revert for himself not for u, cause that would be not good, imagine if he revert only for marry, ur kids wouldn't have a good muslim exemple, think better and ask Help for ALlah Swt, i'll inshAllah pray for u salamat
 

cihan

Left The Website
If things are so clear and away from sin that much and so good why did you ask that question? Also with that way?...look your first post and your last reply ...there are mountains between them..
 

Umm_Ibrahim

La Ilaha Ilalah
I'm a Muslim. If he converted, which will definitely be based on his love for the religion - obviously he will be a Muslim too??

Putting two and two together, if HE AND I are Muslims, I believe our kids would be borne Muslims... or am I delusional??

Please... someone kick me in the head! Please think before responding with your emotions.

Plz sister be more delicate with people that just want to help u
I saw that in many posts u r being rude and sarcast with people who are just aswering and tring to help u as ur frist post ask
 

Istella

Junior Member
If things are so clear and away from sin that much and so good why did you ask that question? Also with that way?...look your first post and your last reply ...there are mountains between them..

I asked the question because I wanted views from people who went through this before (which I cannot specify enough!!). Which, obviously I presume you have not gone through. So you replied to the wrong person, don't blame me for being defensive when you're the one barking at the wrong tree.
 

nyerekareem

abdur-rahman
I'm a Muslim. If he converted, which will definitely be based on his love for the religion - obviously he will be a Muslim too??

Putting two and two together, if HE AND I are Muslims, I believe our kids would be borne Muslims... or am I delusional??

Please... someone kick me in the head! Please think before responding with your emotions.

:salam2:

i said this because you never indicated that you were going to end the relationship if it is considered a haram one. you've been waiting for someone to give you or say it's perfectly ok. and any muslim that is serious about their deen, will all say that dating is haram and that a muslim marrying a non muslim man is haram. we can't change what ALLAH SWT and his messenger muhammad:saw: have decreed. you wanted our opinion and we have given them to you. don't get mad at us if you don't like our answers. we were being honest because you wanted us to answer honestly and we have.

:wasalam:
 

Umm_Ibrahim

La Ilaha Ilalah
honestly u know the only aswer for it. as u r always saying, but i know how hard, things from heart can be, but "love" can be dangeours in those things, try to hear more ur mind inshAllah eerything will be ok
 
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