Just curious - views / experience on polygamy

[q8penpals]

I

In the world WOMEN ARE MORE THEN MEN.So imagine if you were at the place of those women
who do not find a husband for them OR if you are at the place of a DIVORCED WOMEN and no body is willing to marry you except the one who is already married.
IMAGINE you are living in places like CHECHNYA,AFGHANISTAN where Widows and Women are much more then men . WHAT WOULD YOU DO???????????????????.

Salam

Your point is taken, but your information is inaccurate. There are more men in the world currently than women - a quick fact-check will show you that (worldfactbook: men = 3,323,608,139; women = 3,278,616,036, for an overall sex ratio of 1.014 male(s)/1.000 female). That is not to say that they are equally distributed around the world - for instance, in the US, the ratio is pretty darn close to 50-50; but in India, there are currently only between 60-70 marriageable women for every 100 marriageable men.

BUT there is also the arguement - the men in Chechnya and Afghanistan and Iraq and Somalia and other war-torn countries - these men probably should take another wife BUT in the countries they are in, they probably can't afford (financially or mentally) to take another wife. What would be best is for men in areas where there are fewer women to find ones they can help from the war-torn areas.

Lana

 

[MOSABJA]

Salaam Brother Mosabja,

There is a hadith that a woman divorced a man because she could not stand to look at his humble contenance so I hardly think it correct for you to issue a fatwa stating a woman is cursed for divorcing her husband due to polygyny. While divorce is makrooh it is not haram and there have been no limitation placed on the reasoning behind divorce for the woman.
Wasalaam
~Sarah

I am SORRY I didnt want to give any FATWA.i was not generalizing
I mean that most of the time Men tend to abuse the Polygamy.When women
dont allow polygamy then they are mostly right .

But I was considering a special CASE that if a woman has a God fearing
and PIOUS Husband who wants to have multiple wives for a good
reason then divorcing him just because he INTENDS TO DO WHAT ALLAH
HAS MADE LICIT FOR HIM is not a good thing.

 

[MOSABJA]

In Russia alone for the age of(15-64) there are 93 men for ever 100 women.
In russia you would need atleast 6-7% of men to have 2 wives.
In UK alone for every 1,000 males there were 1,046 females [1].
In UK alone at least 3-4% men need to have 2 wives.
In USA alone there are 98 men fore every 100 women.

In west many girls prefer to live single lives or as call girls.
In all of the world the stats are similar .For Afghanistan and Chechnya it is even worse.

Men only outnumber women in countries like INDIA and CHINA.In China
Gov only allows 2 children and Parents want those 2 to be boys who
can earn for them so at least 750000 girls are aborted every year before birth.

In India too people consider it a disgrace to have a women so
millions of women every year are killed before birth.At least 500000 women are aborted every year.


If you stop Abortion in these 2 countries that account for 40-45% of world population then Women would outnumber men.Only thing that is balancing men/women ration in the world is abortion in INDIA and CHINA.The reason is very simple the birth ratio is the same but the Immune system of girls is better than that of boys so they have greater survival ratio till age of 15-64.

To balance the equation
You have either of these choices ABORTION or POLYGAMY or A PERCANTAGE
LIVING AS CALL GIRLS.Remember that the rights of women abused due
to polygamy is much lesser then the rights abused due to
Abortion and Prostitution.

Allah disallowed abortion and Allah has allowed polygamy
said " Do not kill your children" "You can marry 1 2 3 our 4
women"

Allah has also made Zinaa ILLICIT.



SO polygamy is much better than Abortion or prostitution.

ALLAH IS MOST WISE AND HE DOESNT MAKE LAWS WITHOUT ANY HIKMAH.

 

[MOSABJA]

What my conclusion is that if MAN PRACTICES POLYGAMY THEN HE HAS
TO DO IT WITH RESPONSIBILITY and if he doesnt do justice:astag: then
on Qiyamah he would be HALF PARALYZED according to hadith.

And WOMEN should not DIVORCE their husbands just for a simple reason
that he wants to marry again.Not divorce them for their
intention to do what ALLAH has made LICIT:astag:.

 

[Ibn_hassan]

It is about opinions but i would stay with one wife inshallah when i get married.

 

[reaz2000]

:salam2:

After reading a variety of opinions, I couldnt help but post a reply. Please pardon my long answer but couldn’t find a way to make it any briefer without loosing the clarity.

Alhamdulillah that He has guided us to the religion of Islam. A religion that brings peace and tranquility by submission to Allah.

Alhamdulillah, Allah has made it a religion of ease..... ease for those who submit their hearts to it and hardship for those whose hearts are not settled on it yet. The evidence is oft repeated theme in the Quran such as about salah: Wa innaha la kabiratun illa 3all khashieen... (Verily it, i.e the prayer, is burdening except those who fear Allah) While I sort of understood this concept for a long time, specially when it is time to wakeup for early fajar. So I knew that I have a weakness that needs to be corrected. And same applies to other aspect of Islam.

Allah made rules marriage, divorce, dowry. inheritance and all the other rules as a mercy and ease for us, as a means of regulating islamic communities, to bring peace and tranquility - When we submit to it with a full submission. And when we have reservations the same solutions become a hardship and a curse on us. Just look around in our muslim world, in every country from Africa to Indonesia, where these very solutions have become like insurmountable burdens on us. It is because our selective acceptance of the rules of islam and practice whatever our nafs feels we should submit. It is clearly reflected in the general meaning of the ayah "will you believe in a part of the book and reject a part of the book? What is the recompense of those who do so except humiliation in this world and in the hereafter they will be put to the most severe torment" (TMQ: Almaidah)

Does this mean that every sister has to agree that she be “happy” if her husband wants to have a second wife – no. Every person has his/her own preferences in what Allah has made halal. As an individual you may take whatever from the permissible that is more applealing to you leave aside what is not. It is not necessary that you rush into everything Allah has made halal. It is evidenced by the fact that Ralsulullah did not prefer to eat desert-lizard meat, which is permissible. But by the same token if something is halal, but you prefer not to do it - do not say I will never-ever do it. Because saying it is like making a halal thing as haram over yourself. Evidence: When the Prophet said that he will never eat honey again – Allah said to him “Why are you making some thing haram that Allah has made it halal for you” (TMQ Attahreem). Also the most difficult issue of disliking or not accepting any part of what has been revealed and legislated in Islam. Evidence: Allah describes the hypocrites/disbelievers by expression like “this is because they dislike some of what Allah has revealed”. Same goes for putting additional restriction be our own perceptions, such as saying about a halal thing that it is acceptable only under such and such a situation. For example multiple marriages are acceptable only when there are more women than men, or only when the first wife consents and so on. This comes under the oft repeated theme in the quran ma laka bihi min sultan “no authority have you in it”

Again, Islam is total submission and whole hearted submission – it is a source of mercy and tranquility for those who submit and source for unease for those who don’t. Those who submit – Allah makes the path of islam easy on them (We will make easy for them the path of ease (i.e islam) TMQ AlLayl 7) and those who don’t Allah makes the crooked path seem very difficult on them (We will make easy for them the path of difficulty (i.e evil) 7 TMQ AlLayl 10 ). So each one of us look at our ownselves and decide where we stand?

And Allah knows best

 

[Rosheen]

may i ask why is it okay for a man to marry another woman if his wife is barren but if the man is barren the woman cannot marry another man?

Not fair? Exactly.

 

[MOSABJA]

I agree that Polygamy is a burden .It is HALAAL but not RECOMMENDED.

So let the Men who can take the responsibility have multiple wives.If they do justice then they will rewarded.If they dont then they would be punished.

i am not saying that all Muslims take more then one wife.i just say that those who are PIOUS enough and have enough RESOURCES can take another wife.Most of the prophets had more then wife.


You just said that it is Okay for a man to have a second wife if she is barren but same is not for women.Actually the option of second marriage is not GIVEN by ALLAH for this reason that if your wife is barren then go and MARRY again.

The reason ALLAH allowed it is because Men can take the burden of WOMEN and support them as there are more WOMEN then MEN.The idea of polygamy is that Men who are PIOUS and can do justice and rich enough to SUPPORT can take more then one wife to avoid prostitution and abortion.

YOU CAN WATCH A TAPE OF DR ZAKIR NAIK ON THIS ISSUE.

 

[sajjuaiah]

WHERE OTHER SISTERS WILL GO????? I DONT CARE??

As-salaam Alaikum,

I love my wife and children.

I also consider another marriage if Allah's wish.

Don't be selfish, there are thousands of sisters who are not married and looking for good husband.

How do they get husband?

As we all know that female ratio is very high.
might be 1x3.

if every one choose only one where others sisters should go??? Public property???.

You sisters should know our beloved prophet (S.A.W) was having more than one wife.

If one can efford and give equal rights he should get another marriage.

May Allah help us to understand.

:tti_sister:

 

[dna1987]

^

Walaikum Assalam.

Brother, I think the sisters know and should agree that polygynous marriages are halal and permissible and Allah knows the best.

As-salaam Alaikum,
As we all know that female ratio is very high.
might be 1x3.

Do we really know that? Where are you getting these numbers from? Last I checked, in every single Muslim country in the Middle East and in Asia (Bangladesh, Pakistan etc) there are more Muslim males than Muslim females.

Name me a country and I will get the stats for you - Actually, everyone cah check themselves if they want:
http://genderstats.worldbank.org/home.asp

The life expectency of women are higher usually and it's in the older age groups that women outnumber men; definitely not in the 20 year old region - but I don't see many people marrying a 70 year old lady or whether they would want to.

I think there are more women in the USA than there are men, but we cannot marry the extra 200,000 atheist women in the USA anyway.

Lastly, I've heard in person from a scholar (Dr Abdallah - perhaps the rest of you people in Queensland know of him) living in Brisbane that you should not marry a 2nd wife against the will of the first - as the basic unit of Islam after the individual is the family unit. The idea of marriage is to bring Muslims closer - what's the point of starting one relationship and destroying the first in the process? Marry when wife agrees to it; or can handle it. This opinion is held in consensus amongst the scholars here from what I know.

Salam alaikum.

 

[dianek]

:salam2:brothers and sisters i was brought up in a polygamous family i personaly donot have a problem with it because it is part of the deen however there are some men "some men" who abuse this status and do not follow the huqum of polygamy according to the way the prophet swa did and god will hold them reponsible on the day of account as for the sisters this is an intense issue sisters dont like to hear that thier husband wants to take another wife and i respect their views howvere this world was not created for us to enjoy ourselves this i just a journey and our final destination is jannah if allah wills and and u and ur husband end up in jannah and Allah will give them the nurul ein are u going to object that what i am leading to is there are so money sisters i know who are mashallah observing muslims but they are single because some of the muslim brothers cannot be considerd as spouse for this sisters and the good men are taken and the # of women is almost 4 times that of men would u share ur husband if he is capable of taking another wife to spare a muslim sister from lonliness and have a family of her own? my answer is yes i would allow him to have another wife because i know there is another long life after this

No I would not allow it, just as he has the right to marry 4, I have the right not to stay in such a marriage and if he loves me he will never ask this of me. It would cause a terrible mental anguish for me and I am not strong enough to deal with it. I have told him, and he knows this and doesn't wish to have more than me in his life. And if ever he felt that he wanted more then he can divorce me and move on. I am not about to be wondering what is going in "their bed" or what he whispers to her.......I know myself and I KNOW that I would likely have to be institutionalized as I would be very likely to harm someone else or myself. Divorce I can handle, you cut your ties and you are both free to move on. Therefore i could find another husband IF I chose. And you're right, this life isn't for our pleasure, so why should a man have his lustful desires met? Why should he not hold fast to his 1 wife? And could this situation be permissible if it causes the mental and emotional torture of a wife? I don't think Allah would want that, I think he expects men to tend to the needs of their wife and if she is not able to deal with his request then he should respect that and put her emotional and mental wellbeing above his "lust". Don't you think? I might see practical reasons for it in war torn countries, but here in the US there is no need of such a marriage.

 

[MOSABJA]

You r right to some extent .But remember in WAR TORN countries the population of women is much more then men.

But even in countries the population of women is more then men.In US the gap is not that much but it still there.But in RUSSIA it is 93 men for 100 women.In UK there are 1000 men for every 1046 women .The situation is only balanced in CHINA and INDIA due to abortion.The population of women is more then that of men not DUE TO WAR.WAR ONLY WIDENS THE GAP.But the GAP exists and the reason is that Boys and Girls are born in equal ration but .since the immune system of girls is stronger there fore till age limit 15 and onwards WOMEN TAKE THE LEAD.

I mean to say that Polygamy is not for PLEASURES.IT IS IN FACT A RESPONSIBILITY.You can disagree with polygamy and say that YOU WONT ALLOW YOUR HUSBAND.

But ALLAH has allowed it for a reason and in every society a small % of people who are pious and have resources should support more women to solve some problems.And some of the women have to tolerate it with patience .they would get a reward for it .YOU CAN CHOOSE ANY WAY THAT YOU WANT.

 

[dianek]

You make it sound as though women are unable to care for themselves! I DO NOT NEED A HUSBAND TO TAKE CARE OF ME!!!!!! So marriage is not something that someone NEEDS in life! Not all women want husbands or need them.......I can certainly transcend above physical desires and be without a man if I choose. So if you subtract out of your numbers the women who don't feel the need to have a husband, the numbers are more equal I am sure. This idea that women cannot support themselves and require a husband to care for them seems silly to me. Even in war torn countries there are organizations like Women for Women International that teach woman how to provide for themselves.

If a woman should choose to allow in this type of marriage more power to her. I don't wish to be. I would say that IF it were to ever be an issue for me it would only be for him to marry an OLD woman who is unable to care for herself and that there NEVER be any CONGICAL relations between him and anyone but me!

 

[MOSABJA]

I dont think that it is good either for WOMEN or MEN to remain SINGLE.It is not preferable in Islam.

If in a country there were NATURALLY(without abortion) more MEN then WOMEN then I would say WOMEN should also marry 2 men BUT THERE IS NO SUCH COUNTRY.


WATCH DR ZAKIR NAIK TAPE ON POLYGAMY U R GONNA FIND IT ON YOU TUBE.


I just want to say that DONT ALLOW YOUR HUSBAND.
DIVORCE HIM IF HE TAKES ANOTHER WIFE.
DO WHAT EVER YOU WANT.



BUT DONT CRITICIZE ALLAHS LAWS:astag:.HE IS MORE KNOWING THEN YOU AND ME.HE IS OUR CREATOR.OUR CREATOR KNOWS WHAT IS BETTER FOR US
ALLAH HAS ALLOWED A MAN TO HAVE UPTO 4 WIVES AT A TIME .THATS THE BIGGEST ARGUMENT IN SUPPORT OF POLYGAMY NOTHING ELSE IS REQUIRED.Polygamy is responsibility and burden not FARZ or PREFERRED.

DONT QUESTION ALLAHS WISDOM.If you want a LOGICAL EXPLAINATION then watch dr zakir naiks tape.

 

[amina88]

Some good info mosabja but ur arguments contradicted itself...

I would say WOMEN should also marry 2 men BUT THERE IS NO SUCH COUNTRY.

I just want to say that DONT ALLOW YOUR HUSBAND.
DIVORCE HIM IF HE TAKES ANOTHER WIFE.
DO WHAT EVER YOU WANT.

Come again?

 

[Rosheen]

You make it sound as though women are unable to care for themselves! I DO NOT NEED A HUSBAND TO TAKE CARE OF ME!!!!!! So marriage is not something that someone NEEDS in life! Not all women want husbands or need them.......I can certainly transcend above physical desires and be without a man if I choose. So if you subtract out of your numbers the women who don't feel the need to have a husband, the numbers are more equal I am sure. This idea that women cannot support themselves and require a husband to care for them seems silly to me. Even in war torn countries there are organizations like Women for Women International that teach woman how to provide for themselves.

If a woman should choose to allow in this type of marriage more power to her. I don't wish to be. I would say that IF it were to ever be an issue for me it would only be for him to marry an OLD woman who is unable to care for herself and that there NEVER be any CONGICAL relations between him and anyone but me!

Exactly Diane, you are right!

I earn more than my husband, if truth be told i support him. If tomorrow he walked away from me i would be financially independent.

and so what if there are more women than men? I would rather be single than in a polygamous marriage. My mental and physical health would not sustain the jealousy caused by being in a polygamous marriage.

adultery causes hurt and low self esteem to the wronged partner. Polygamy then expexts a wife to allow her husband to have another partner. Thats not fair at all.

 

[amina88]

Just think of it this way, when we are young, we have our fathers looking after us and providing for us, if fathers are not there, then its our brothers or unlces, when we marry its our husband looking after is...get it? Allah sw has forever ordained me to look after, serve and support women!!! What many people don't realise is that men and women are equal but have different roles and responsiblities that neither makes then inferior nor superior over one another.
Second, you're saying you don't need a husband, but wait till you get a bit older when your siblings marry and move on and you are left to care for your parents...you hit your fourties and still nothing. Would you like that? Only Allah sw is meant for loneliness, not you or anyone else.
Third, marriage is something that everyoneone needs in life...it completes their eman and life and is one of the only ways of making more muslims. Marriage is the sunnah!
Fourth if you're gonna allow your husband to marry another women then don't place restrictions, I don't know, it just sounds a bit harsh to me, either allow it or not allow it, not semi-allowed it.
Sorry if I offended you sister:blackhijab:

I DO NOT NEED A HUSBAND TO TAKE CARE OF ME!!!!!! So marriage is not something that someone NEEDS in life! Not all women want husbands or need them.......I can certainly transcend above physical desires and be without a man if I choose. This idea that women cannot support themselves and require a husband to care for them seems silly to me.
If a woman should choose to allow in this type of marriage more power to her. I don't wish to be.

 

[Al-Kashmiri]

If it isn't fair then why has Allaah allowed it? Is the Lord of the Throne unjust?

Some good points being raised by people, but please be careful with how you word things and remeber to be nice.

 

[dianek]

Exactly Diane, you are right!

I earn more than my husband, if truth be told i support him. If tomorrow he walked away from me i would be financially independent.

and so what if there are more women than men? I would rather be single than in a polygamous marriage. My mental and physical health would not sustain the jealousy caused by being in a polygamous marriage.

adultery causes hurt and low self esteem to the wronged partner. Polygamy then expexts a wife to allow her husband to have another partner. Thats not fair at all.

Great minds think alike! I believe that only women with low self-worth and those who have endured oppressed lives could handle and accept this type of situation because they think they deserve no better. I too pay for my household bills and my upkeep.......so he could walk away and I would be okay as well.......I don't think men like to hear that though! Gives them an inferiority complex!!!! LOL!!!

 

[Rosheen]

If it isn't fair then why has Allaah allowed it? Is the Lord of the Throne unjust?

Some good points being raised by people, but please be careful with how you word things and remeber to be nice.

you are right bro.

Allah has willed it, but its one of those things i will probably never understand. I accept it happens but would not be happy personally if my husband wanted it.