Divorce help

[Believer1985]

:salam2:

I just would like your help as I need it rather desperately. I am in a terrible situation and am considering divorce. My husband is just not for me and keeps me so unhappy.
My question is about dowry. Im from a pakistani family and normally the boys family give the girl jewellery. Is this the jewellery that will have to be repaid if I go ahead with the divorce? This is the only thing that his family gave me.

:tti_sister:

 

[ShyHijabi]

If a woman asks for divorce (khula’), how much is her husband permitted to take from her?


Praise be to Allaah.

Ibn Qudaamah said: It is recommended that he not take from her more than he gave to her. If he does that, it is makrooh (disliked) but it is still valid. This was narrated from ‘Uthmaan, Ibn ‘Umar and Ibn ‘Abbaas, because Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“then there is no sin on either of them if she gives back (the Mahr or a part of it) for her Al-Khul‘ (divorce)”

[al-Baqarah 2:229]

Al-Rabee’ bint Mu’awwidh said: I asked my husband for a divorce (khula’) for everything except my head cover, and ‘Uthman ibn ‘Affaan permitted me to do that. Such incidents become well known, (and as no one spoke against it), thus there is consensus on this matter. Since this is proven to be the case, then it is a permissible action, even though it is disliked (makrooh), because it was narrated in the hadeeth of Jameelah: “So he commanded him to take his garden back from her and no more than that.” And it was narrated from ‘Ataa’ (from Ibn ‘Abbaas) that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) regarded it as makrooh to take more from a wife divorced by khula’ than had been given to her. So we may reconcile the aayah and the hadeeth by saying that the aayah indicates that it is permissible to take more than was originally given, and the prohibition on taking more in the report indicates that doing this is makrooh.



al-‘Iddah Sharh al-‘Umdah, p. 482

http://www.islam-qa.com/en/ref/22219/mahr%20khula

It appears there is some diasagreement among the scholars as to the husband's right to take back the mahr, specifically when it comes to a khula. If there cannot be an agreement reached about saving the marriage (after a mediator is brought in) I would return the jewelry as frankly I would not want that hanging over my head.

 

[nizar83]

sister. Sorry to hear about your hardship. I pray that God eases your situation.

Before you consider divorce, sister, first use arbitration of family memebers as the Quran clearly instructs. If that doesn't work, use professional marriage counselors. Every marriage can be saved.

Often times, a husband makes his wife unhappy mostly because he is unhappy. Communicate with him with patience and love and find out the root of the problem. Do not give up trying to keep the marriage together, especially if you have children. Divorce is the last thing God has allowed.

If you are initiating the divorce (called Khul` in the Sharee`a) then you have to return his dowry unless he lets you keep it. If he is initiating the divorce (called Talaaq in the Sharee`a) then he cannot take his dowry back and must in addition pay alimony and child support.

aselemu aleikum sister

i think my brother ayman is right, dont let shaytaan make you believe divorce is the only option...ALLAH ta3ala is most mercyfull..try to save your marriage instead, using the ways brother ayman just mentioned...

remember DIVORCE is the only thing ALLAH ta3ala made legal because of his endless mercy , while still hating it

 

[Believer1985]

Sorry but he keeps me terribly unhappy and has not even ONE IOTA of respect for me or my body. It's sickening. Please make dua for me.

 

[revert2007]

In Ilsam there is no such thing as Mahar given by the girl.Only man give the mahar and if there is a divorce,u do not need to give anything back to him.I don't know how it works in Pakistan but if in Egypt,the man will loose everything if he divorce his wife.She will get the house,kids and everything.So thats the reson the divorce rate in Egypt is very low.

So i guess you do not need to give him anything unless you have black and white written down that you must return everything to him if there is a divorce.

 

[icadams]

Sorry but he keeps me terribly unhappy and has not even ONE IOTA of respect for me or my body. It's sickening. Please make dua for me.

If he is that disrespectful sister, just kick him out of the house and don't loose any sleep over it.

And a note to the brothers here. Our wives are a gift from Allah, subhanu wa ta'ala, and we must honor and respect them. Even if, God forbid, a marriage comes to the point where divorce is necessary, there is no excuse for mistreating her.

 

[Janaan]

As-salamu alaikum sister

pray that Allah will make everything workout for you...i'll surely pray for you.
may allah keep your marriage strong and don't give up, fight against the shaitan that's coming between you two. As for youre husband, may allah guide him, i'll pray for him too.
wassalam

 

[Believer1985]

If he is that disrespectful sister, just kick him out of the house and don't loose any sleep over it.

And a note to the brothers here. Our wives are a gift from Allah, subhanu wa ta'ala, and we must honor and respect them. Even if, God forbid, a marriage comes to the point where divorce is necessary, there is no excuse for mistreating her.

Mashallah, I wish all men had your mindset

 

[Muslimah16]

:salam2: my dearest sister,

I am ever so sorry to hear of your situation
I hope things work out better for the best inshaALlah,

TC always and be strong

Wassalaam