That's intersting that you've seen that because some of the most offensive comments I've received have been from Muslim from the Southeast Asian continent. Every Indo/Pak I've met felt very strongly against marrying their son/daughter to someone not of their background, my husband's family is no exception.
My husband went against his parent's wishes after two years of trying to convince them that there was nothing "Wrong" with me because I am not Pakistani. And last time I went to visit his family they requested I not accompany him to the mechanic's because they didn't want him (Pakistani mechanic) to know their son married a "guri."
Salaamalaykum sister,
I am sorry to hear about the unfortunate encounters that you have had with other muslim sisters.
I would like to put my 2 cents on the bold quoted part. I hope you don't get offended though.
Our religion does not permit us to make superficial boundaries among ourself and discriminate on grounds of ethnicity, nationality, race etc.
But when it comes to marriage, I can understand why parents would want their son to marry someone from their culture. People from Indian subcontinent have only in the recent past began to settle in other countries and marrying outside the culture is something very unusual.
From the parents point of view, if their daughter in law is from the same culture or tribe, it is more easier for them to get adjusted with her and viceversa. There are many duties and customs that a daughter in law from the same culture would easily perform rather than some one from outside.
Also, the parents sometimes fear that their sons have for the moment not paid attention to marrying someone within their our culture, but would later suffer because it would lead to differences in raising children and other aspects of life.
I know that a very common reply to such an opinion is well " I am marrying their son, not them ". But it doesn't work that way. The daughter in law comes in to the family and has responsibilities towards her spouse's parents, siblings and extended family as well. And someone who is from outside the culture, it would be very hard on the person to adjust as well at the same time the parents.
Also we should note that Jabir RadiAllahu anh married an elderly woman so that his spouse could take care of his 7 (or 9) small sisters as his parents had passed away. And when he informed the Prophet (PBUH), the Prophet (PBUH) replied " You have done well " and gave him his approval that he had married while taking in to consideration the situation in his household, when he could have very well married a younger beautiful woman.
I hope this doesn't cause offense to anybody. I am just trying to share an opinion that I understand quite well from my own upbringing and background. There is always not a sinister reason like racism, prejudice etc when parents want their sons/daughters to get married within their culture. After all, parents love their offspring and care more than anyone else can.
Wasalaamalaykum waa rahmatullahi