Single life...

1always!seeka

New Member
Asalaamua alaykum my brothers and sisters.
First I'll set the scene for you. I'm a 20 year old convert, living in an area with like...NO muslims. Alhamdoulileh! It's proving a struggle, but I'm hoping I can maintain patience and just keep checking myself insha'Allah.

Lately I've been finding myself more and more marriage obsessed. I'm sure I'd shy away from the reality, but for me, the idea is weighing on my mind. How it would change my life, how it would end so much lonliness I am facing. Like, right now, I'm surrounded by non-Muslims, friends and family, and I'm absolutely at ends as a result. I mean, they're all in relationships. Cousins, siblings, etc I'm the last (but not youngest) single in my family.
I've had relationships before I came to Islam, and now it's like, I'm craving what I've had with people in the past (no, not the 'urges'. More along the lines of the supportive party, the emotional connections, having fun with someone.)

I try and bring it all up (knowing I'm unprepared, but trying to work on this insha'Allah) and the biggest reaction I get is along the line sof "But brother, you're so young!" like I'm not completely aware of my age, or trying to act ahead of myself.

Any advice would be amazing.
I'm sorry for the carry on.

JazakhAllah kheir.
 

aboul-hassan

New Member
single life

:salam2:may ALLAH giude you through this..best thing is sister ask yourself ,you heart ,,what is says,,listen to it .whatever you do ALLAH swt will make it easy for you ,,
just ask ALLAH for his guidence
:SMILY139:
 

rayray

Junior Member
Lately I've been finding myself more and more marriage obsessed. I'm sure I'd shy away from the reality, but for me, the idea is weighing on my mind. How it would change my life, how it would end so much loneliness I am facing. Like, right now, I'm surrounded by non-Muslims, friends and family, and I'm absolutely at ends as a result. I mean, they're all in relationships. Cousins, siblings, etc I'm the last (but not youngest) single in my family.
I've had relationships before I came to Islam, and now it's like, I'm craving what I've had with people in the past (no, not the 'urges'. More along the lines of the supportive party, the emotional connections, having fun with someone.)

JazakhAllah kheir.


Divert your attention towards your studies. Derive your happiness from helping other people and accomplishing goals. Be action oriented. This will cure you of your loneliness and keep your mind away from obsessing about marriage.

....A wise person once said, "don't anticipate anything other than your goals".. "do what you do and best it" :)


Personally I think finding the right person and having a successful marriage is something that could only be prayed for... So, include that in your... dua? all the time. haha! :D
 

1always!seeka

New Member
Thank you for the advice, ahkee RayRay.
But here's the thing, I'm always keeping myself busy.
I'm working, constantly doing housework, caring for my siblings.
It seems like no matter what I do, there's a longing, an emptiness. :(
 

BrotherInIslam7

La Illaha Illa Allah
Staff member
That is a wonderful answer and a sound advice, sister rayray.. Couldn't have said it any better.. Have you done your shahada yet ? You spoke like a true muslimah there :)

Wasalaamalaykum
 

rayray

Junior Member
Thank you for the advice, ahkee RayRay.
But here's the thing, I'm always keeping myself busy.
I'm working, constantly doing housework, caring for my siblings.
It seems like no matter what I do, there's a longing, an emptiness. :(

May I ask, what else do you do? What course are you taking up?
 

Alex87

UmmJamal
i think too much pressure and emphasis gets put on reverts to marry.

i took about 2 years to get married after i reverted and even that seems like it was too soon. you should enjoy your single life and improve your deen while you can. theres no use in getting a wife to fill a void. yes marriage is half your deen, but that still leaves 50% of your deen to improve and enjoy.

insha'allah the one for you will come when your ready
 

Aisya al-Humaira

الحمدلله على كل حال
Assalamualaykum wa rahmatullah,

Akhi, well I must say, if you think you have find the right person i.e a good Muslimah and thinks that you are ready for the big-step (marriage) then go for it.

Different people have different needs and goals. There are good teenagers that doesnt want to marry early as he wishes to study first but there are also those who wish to marry and along the way catching up with study.

It all depends on the individual. Seek Allah's guidance in whatever decision you wishes to take.

And for me, 20 years old isn't too young at all to marry. As long as you are aware of your responsibilities and rights - to Allah, to yourself, to your family (if you get marry), then InshaAllah it will be good for you.

Allah knows best in every matters.

Wassalam.
 

rayray

Junior Member
Thank you for the advice, ahkee RayRay.
But here's the thing, I'm always keeping myself busy.
I'm working, constantly doing housework, caring for my siblings.
It seems like no matter what I do, there's a longing, an emptiness. :(


Curious. Awhile ago I came home from school. I found out my mom and sister had left for yoga class. I was alone, in the house, with no one but the maids.... again. And for a brief moment I felt sad, alone, and a bit empty...

I wondered what orphans must feel like. To have no family members or nearby relatives to talk to, or to ask you about your day... to feel cared for. Would I still be happy? would I be sad all the time? I guess not. My brain would have probably developed a defense mechanism to cope with the anxiety. Life to me would probably be a game and I, an adventurer. The world would just be composed of me, myself, and God.

In that situation, I wouldn't be sad if I have no one. God would be enough. I wouldn't be expecting anyone to give their love, attention or concern. If anybody does, I would be happy and consider it as a gift. But the bottom line is, my happiness would be derived from accomplishing things... pleasing God?

Idk, having realized that.. I didn't feels so alone or empty anymore... I just went on with my business, figured out things I needed to do again...
 

1always!seeka

New Member
May I ask, what else do you do? What course are you taking up?
I'm a fulltime worker.
Who said anything about study?
I've been there and done that.
This is my personal life.

:)
i think too much pressure and emphasis gets put on reverts to marry.

i took about 2 years to get married after i reverted and even that seems like it was too soon. you should enjoy your single life and improve your deen while you can. theres no use in getting a wife to fill a void. yes marriage is half your deen, but that still leaves 50% of your deen to improve and enjoy.

insha'allah the one for you will come when your ready
I disagree. I'm a revert and it's like people are trying to repel my interest in getting married.
Obviously we have very different situations and surroundings.

I'm trying my hardest with single life and my deen, but at the end of the day we should be doing this through our entire lives. With or without a partner.

At the end of the day it's not just a void, but I will admit, that is an aspect. If it's not for the sake of a void, then why does ANYONE start to seek out a spouse? It's also that I'm young and know that I can handle it. I'm able, so what next?
Kheyr insha'Allah.
Curious. Awhile ago I came home from school. I found out my mom and sister had left for yoga class. I was alone, in the house, with no one but the maids.... again. And for a brief moment I felt sad, alone, and a bit empty...

I wondered what orphans must feel like. To have no family members or nearby relatives to talk to, or to ask you about your day... to feel cared for. Would I still be happy? would I be sad all the time? I guess not. My brain would have probably developed a defense mechanism to cope with the anxiety. Life to me would probably be a game and I, an adventurer. The world would just be composed of me, myself, and God.

In that situation, I wouldn't be sad if I have no one. God would be enough. I wouldn't be expecting anyone to give their love, attention or concern. If anybody does, I would be happy and consider it as a gift. But the bottom line is, my happiness would be derived from accomplishing things... pleasing God?

Idk, having realized that.. I didn't feels so alone or empty anymore... I just went on with my business, figured out things I needed to do again...
With due respect. You seem very young. :)
May Allah (swt) protect you. Ameen.
I just very much hope that you are not suggesting a longing for companionship, or desire of marriage shows a lack of emaan. As really, they are two different things.
I'd really steer clear of such judgements.
I do apologise if I misread you.
 

Alex87

UmmJamal
your absolutely right, i just tried to repel your interest too...sorry about that.

if you can do it, go for it!
just remember that once its done its done, and always remember to say alhumdulilah :)
 

1always!seeka

New Member
Sorry for my last post, I was sick with a headcold and it'd evident that killed my ability to articulate my thoughts.
Alex, it's cool bro! I know you were just advising. I know everyone in this thread is offering help.
May Allah (swt) reward you all immensley. Ameen.

I know that once it's done it's done.
I'm not going to marry just anyone insha'Allah. There'll have to be a definite something about her. :)

Also in case you all were wondering. I'm not just some new Muslim who is like "next step...marriage" and rushing everything. I've been a Muslim for years.

Alhamdulillah for everything.
 

Seeking Allah's Mercy

Qul HuwaAllahu Ahud!
:salam2:
brother i am not in a positon to advice you whether or not to go for marriage..........since it's the last thing i'm giving thinking to............

my only advice to you is do istikharaa!!!that should help you see what you ought to:)
 

Libinette

Umm Zubayr
Let me give you the same advise the Prophet sallaah 3aleyhi wa salaam gave out: O gathering of youths, whoever amongst you can get married, let him get married for it'll be a protection for his eyes and private parts.

If you can, then do inshallaah and place your trust in Allaah [swt].
 

Linkgx1

Junior Member
I think marriage is a good thing, as long as you are ready. Where do you live, if I must ask?

Have you tried taking up a hobby? Not too addictive, but something that past times. Lately, I've been reading a lot. You play video games? Maybe you should get a few... I'm still thinking and Inshalla I'll get back to you...
 

sarahlou

Junior Member
Asalamu Alaikum, I understand your feelings exactly because I am in almost the same situation, but I am a sister and just two years older than you. It can be very lonely especially if you live on your own like me. I love Islam very much and Alhamdulillah I am so happy I reverted.I am the only Muslim in my family and they try, but unfortunately they just don't understand. I am very busy as well full time work and school. Even with all my responsibilities and activities I can relate. I suggest that you do Istikhara. Every time I have done Istikhara I have gotten an answer. Alhamdulillah. May Allah SWT give you your answer. Please brother know that you are not alone.
 

1always!seeka

New Member
JazakAllah for your replies and helpful advice. It's comforting to know I'm not alone too.
I worry about culture being a reason for rejection. I worry that if so many people tell me I'm too young, then what is a sister's wali going to think (naturally something along those lines in a lot of cases, yes?)
Am I ready? I think I am, in numerous ways. I'm a fulltime worker, and really am completely self-reliant. I take care of a younger sibling a lot of the time. Do my own housework, dress myself ( :p ). It's other factors that doubt my readiness (Islamic knowledge, for instance).
Taking up a hobby is one thing, but I lead a very busy life as it is. What with work, housework, fitting sleep in there. I hate video games, too. I just get bored very quickly and my mind wanders.

Sarahlou, I can relate as the only Muslim in my own family - there's only so many levels your family can see eye to eye with you on, unless they take the effort to learn Islam indepth or revert themselves. May Allah (swt) guide them and us all. Ameen.

Of course, I agree istikhara is the best way to go.

JazakAllah.
 

sarahlou

Junior Member
I think that if you believe you are ready and you do Istikhara you should go for it. You never know when you are going to find the right person Allahu Alaim. You could start searching today and find your wife tomorrow. Or you could find her in a year or so. I think the best thing is to just keep preparing yourself for it. Getting all your ducks in a row and maintaining them. Then when your match comes along you will be ready. Many people get married at 18 and are married forever and others get married older and get divorced. I don't think it is really about your age. Only Allah knows when you are ready.

Ameen and JazakAllah Khair for your Dua. Alhamdulillah! At least my family understands a little. It makes me so sad when I hear a reverts family won't talk to them.

P.S. I never understood why people love video games so much. I dono maybe I am just not cool enough, but I just could never understand the fascination. What is so fun about it?
 
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