I have materialistic jealousy....

[alf2]

I have a best friend, we have been friends since we were 10 years old. But since we graduated high school, our lives have went very different.

She got to go to an expensive University, she has a huge apartment, she has a nice car, she doesn't have to have a job to get through school...

I had to go to a community college, I live with my family, my car is quite old, and I have to work at a store to pay for things.

I know this is not good, and I dont WANT to be this way.
Truthfully, I am only like this with her because she rubs my face in it.

What can I do to fight these feelings?​

 

[arzafar]

maybe you should look at people who are less fortunate than you are and are still content with their life. try to analyse how they keep themselves happy.

 

[alf2]

maybe you should look at people who are less fortunate than you are and are still content with their life. try to analyse how they keep themselves happy.

Well, you see, It isnt that im not happy. I am very happy.
But its when I talk to her, that I wonder why life has gone her way so often...

Perhaps I should break the connection with her.

 

[nizar83]

aselemu aleikum sister

our beloved prophet mohammed salalahu wa3alayhi weselem said: when ALLAH ta3ala really loves his servant, he grants him knowledge...of our religion islam..

knowledge sister, thats what we should be jealous about, not cars or this bs temporary things, every new car gets old sometime, clothes as well..etc etc

also sister,, we will be asked on the day of judgment about every ni3ma we have been given by ALLAH ta3ala...so the less we have been given, the less responsibility we have to carry for them...

inshallah you will realze that this life isnt about that, at least not just only about that...

you have your health, the prophet said if any servantw as to ask anything from his lord, then let him ask for good health

aselemu aleikum your brother from the netherlands

 

[MutlekM]

:salam2:
Look at it this way: if ur both mumenat you will both be tested if u get a harder test than her that means u hav stronger eman, and also remember that you hav lil time in this life. She isnt much of a friend if she keeps rubbing it in your face.
Peace

 

[Ashima33]

Salaam,

I think it's natural for us to feel this kind of jealousy at times. But I think we just have to keep reminding ourselves that the truth wealth is our family and loved ones, physical health, and our education. If we have half of these things we are doing so much better than many in the world.

Also, do you think your friend realizes this? If she is rubbing it in your face do you think she's really aware of the true wealth in life? If anything... you should feel sorry for her.

My older brother and I had a rough upbringing. We were really poor while my mother was single and trying to go through school with 4 of us kids. My two younger siblings had a much better lifestyle financially. Lived in a nice home, always had the nice clothes, and got to go on trips. When I first noticed this... it bothered me... but now I also see how they have a hard time finding and keeping a job and they are SO dependent on my mother. This experience I had early in my life made me the independent and self-sufficient person I am today. So there will be a lot of good that comes from your experience as well.

 

[samiha]

:salam2:

Is your friend a Muslim? Keep your chin up ukhti, cos even though these feelings may be quite normal, we've got something more precious than everything in the Dunya - and that is our Imaan.

Whenever I get any inklings of these types of feelings, these quotes help me get back in place, so I post them here and hope it comes of benefit inshaAllaah =)

Anas bin Malik reported that Allah's Messenger salla Allahu alaihi wa sallam said that one amongst the dwellers of Hell who had led a life of ease and plenty amongst the people of the world, would be made to dip in Fire only once on the Day of Resurrection and then it would be said to him: O, son of Adam, did you find any comfort, did you happen to get any material blessing?

He would say: By Allah, no, my Lord.

And then that person from amongst the persons of the world be brought who had led the most miserable life (in the world) from amongst the inmates of Paradise and he would be made to dip once in Paradise and it would be said to him: O, son of Adam, did you face any hardship? Or had any distress fallen to your lot?

And he would say:By Allah, no, O my Lord, never did I face any hardship or experience any distress. [Muslim]

SubhanAllaah the life of the hereafter is so much greater, that simply one instance in the Hellfire will make the one who had luxury and affluence forget his enjoyment in the Dunya... and one dip in Paradise will make the one who came across much difficulties and hardship to forget all their suffering. So our focus shouldn't be for this world, but the hereafter inshaAllaah!

Ibrâhîm Al-Taymî reports from his father that Abû Dharr [Al-Ghifârî] – Allâh be pleased with him – said, “A person possessing two dirhams will have a harsher reckoning (on the Day of Judgment) than a person who possesses just one dirham, and a person who possesses two dinars will have a harsher reckoning than someone who possesses only one.”

Ibn Al-Mubârak, Al-Zuhd wa Al-Raqâ`iq article 555. Shaykh Al-Albânî graded this narration’s chain of transmission sahîh is Al-Da’îfah Vol. 8 p117.

-- The less we have, the less we have to be accountable for as well, so Alhamdulillah!

‘Urwah b. Al-Zubayr – Allah have mercy on him – said:

‘Â’ishah – Allah be pleased with her – gave seventy thousand (dirham) in charity, while her own skirt used to be patched.

‘Abdullah b. Mubârak in Al-Zuhd wa Al-Raqâ’iq Vol. 1 p588, no.705.

SubhanAllaah... And this was one of the Mother of the Believers... in comparison we have so much more.

This lecture was also very great to listen to:

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Hope you feel better sis, take care.

wasalam

 

[Gernada1492]

U shud look at urself how ALLAH has blessed u by making u perfectly alright and has given u a happier life than many others. There are many who cant eat bread for jsut 1 time in a day

If u get that feeling while talking to her, recite AuthubiLLAH... or
La Hawla wa la Quwwata ... in ur heart

Well, you see, It isnt that im not happy. I am very happy.
But its when I talk to her, that I wonder why life has gone her way so often...

Perhaps I should break the connection with her.

 

[Abdul Hasib]

Assalamu Aleykum Warahmatullahi Wabarakaathuh sister, how are you? To begin, I would like to congradulate you for accepting Islam sister, Subhanallah sister, it's a great blessing to have you amongst us, and why? Because you made decision to change your life in order to obey your Lord, Allah (SWT), and even though you had to go through hardships and diffiulties, you stayed firm upon the truth, and that's what Allah (SWT) loves from his slaves; that they always try to do that which Pleases him, no matter what hardships that they might have to go through.

And so may Allah (SWT) bless you and give Barakah in your life sister, and may He (SWT) increase you in your Iman (Faith), Yaqeen (Certainty upon the Truth), in Tawakul (Keeping your trust in Him during difficult moments), and in Taqwa (constant rememberance that you will have to answer for your deeds infront of Allah [SWT]), and may he fill the rest of your life in this world and in the Akirah with Sakeena (serenity and happiness), and in Sweetness (through constant worship and rememberance in him), Ameen. And may he bless our Rasul (SAW), his family, and his companions, altogether, Ameen Ya Zal Jalali wal Ekram (The One whom is Praised throughout the Heavens and the Earth, and who is the Most Noble and Honored).

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I begin in the name of Allah (SWT), the Most High and Praised, and I seek protection in Allah (SWT) from the accursed Devils, and from their Whisperings (waswasah), and I ask Allah (SWT) to make my words be of benefit and of good use, and may he forgive me for all my sins and shortcomings, and may he protect me from evil speech, and of speaking with words that have no benefit, and talking (and deeds) which does not Please Him, Ameen.

So sister, by the way that I'm understanding it, it seems that this friend that you've had for so long is like SO "lucky" t(if she were to describe i) because everything in life is going good with her, right sister? And also, it seems that one of the BIGGEST problems is she tries rubbing it all in your face, about how "her life is all good and nice," and how "it's a shame that YOUR life isn't as good," right? That seems like a REAL frustrating person to be with, Arrrrrgh! LoL.

I know what you mean sis, and personally, I find that staying around such people when they're feeling all proud and arrogant just gets me heated up. LoL

So let's see this as the first problem, which is your friend, and who's all proud and arrogant about her "nice life." Now, since you feel that by her acting the way she is, you're starting to feel a bit jealous, and to solve that problem, you feel that it's best to break connection with her.

SO sister, just kick back and relax as you read this message, and make sure that you're having a good time while reading it (if Allah (SWT) wills) .

That IS actually a good solution, but in order to know that for sure, you are going to have to ask yourself a few questions:

1.) Who is this friend?

Ex:

How long have you known her?

What is it that makes you two friends, do both of you hang out with each other, or do you two just happen to know each other for a long time?

2.) Is she Muslim?

Does she know that you are a Muslim?

Do you cover your hair?

Because if you break friendships with her, and she happens to NOT be a Muslim, and you ARE one (and if you cover up), she might take it a bad way, thinking that, "now since you're a Muslim (and practicing), and I'm not Muslim, we can't be together," "or you don't like me because I'm not Muslim."

3.) Is there any benefit in staying friends with her?

What kind of "friend" is she? Is she nice, or atleast good in character? Because good friends have good attitude and character towards their friends.

Or.............is she the mean type, looking down upon people, or do you feel that after you are done talking to her, you just feel that your mood is down, because of her bad character that she has?

Is she arrogant? Is arrogance someone thing describes her best? Or is she like SO arrogant that if there was a contest for the MOST arrogant(ly mean friend who looks down upon their) friend in the WHOLE ENTIRE WORLD, then she would win 1st, 2nd, and 3rd place? (< LoL :lol

Because staying friends with an arrogant person (and who's arrogant towards YOU), might just make you feel down in the heart, or make you feel uneasy because they try to make you feel bad about yourself.

4.) Is she friendly?

Because nothing can beat a friendly friend, or, ah.....(thinking of what to say)....a friend who's friendly, right? (< Gosh does that even make sense? LoL )


But really, if she's really a nice friend, then there's no problem in staying friends with her, so long as if:

(5.) (^) You can give Dawah to her

And why? Because the only benefit that exists in staying friends with her is that,
Assalamu Aleykum Warahmatullahi Wabarakaathuh sister, how are you? To begin, I would like to congradulate you for accepting Islam sister, Subhanallah sister, it's a great blessing to have you amongst us, and why? Because you made decision to change your life in order to obey your Lord, Allah (SWT), and even though you had to go through hardships and diffiulties, you stayed firm upon the truth, and that's what Allah (SWT) loves from his slaves; that they always try to do that which Pleases him, no matter what hardships that they might have to go through.

And so may Allah (SWT) bless you and give Barakah in your life sister, and may He (SWT) increase you in your Iman (Faith), Yaqeen (Certainty upon the Truth), in Tawakul (Keeping your trust in Him during difficult moments), and in Taqwa (constant rememberance that you will have to answer for your deeds infront of Allah [SWT]), and may he fill the rest of your life in this world and in the Akirah with Sakeena (serenity and happiness), and in Sweetness (through constant worship and rememberance in him), Ameen. And may he bless our Rasul (SAW), his family, and his companions, altogether, Ameen Ya Zal Jalali wal Ekram (The One whom is Praised throughout the Heavens and the Earth, and who is the Most Noble and Honored).

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I begin in the name of Allah (SWT), the Most High and Praised, and I seek protection in Allah (SWT) from the accursed Devils, and from their Whisperings (waswasah), and I ask Allah (SWT) to make my words be of benefit and of good use, and may he forgive me for all my sins and shortcomings, and may he protect me from evil speech, and of speaking with words that have no benefit, and talking (and deeds) which does not Please Him, Ameen.

So sister, by the way that I'm understanding it, it seems that this friend that you've had for so long is like SO "lucky" t(if she were to describe i) because everything in life is going good with her, right sister? And also, it seems that one of the BIGGEST problems is she tries rubbing it all in your face, about how "her life is all good and nice," and how "it's a shame that YOUR life isn't as good," right? That seems like a REAL frustrating person to be with, Arrrrrgh! LoL.

I know what you mean sis, and personally, I find that staying around such people when they're feeling all proud and arrogant just gets me heated up. LoL

So let's see this as the first problem, which is your friend, and who's all proud and arrogant about her "nice life." Now, since you feel that by her acting the way she is, you're starting to feel a bit jealous, and to solve that problem, you feel that it's best to break connection with her.

SO sister, just kick back and relax as you read this message, and make sure that you're having a good time while reading it (if Allah (SWT) wills) .

That IS actually a good solution, but in order to know that for sure, you are going to have to ask yourself a few questions:

1.) Who is this friend?

Ex:

How long have you known her?

What is it that makes you two friends, do both of you hang out with each other, or do you two just happen to know each other for a long time?

2.) Is she Muslim?

Does she know that you are a Muslim?

Do you cover your hair?

Because if you break friendships with her, and she happens to NOT be a Muslim, and you ARE one (and if you cover up), she might take it a bad way, thinking that, "now since you're a Muslim (and practicing), and I'm not Muslim, we can't be together," "or you don't like me because I'm not Muslim."

3.) Is there any benefit in staying friends with her?

What kind of "friend" is she? Is she nice, or atleast good in character? Because good friends have good attitude and character towards their friends.

Or.............is she the mean type, looking down upon people, or do you feel that after you are done talking to her, you just feel that your mood is down, because of her bad character that she has?

Is she arrogant? Is arrogance someone thing describes her best? Or is she like SO arrogant that if there was a contest for the MOST arrogant(ly mean friend who looks down upon their) friend in the WHOLE ENTIRE WORLD, then she would win 1st, 2nd, and 3rd place? (< LoL :lol

Because staying friends with an arrogant person (and who's arrogant towards YOU), might just make you feel down in the heart, or make you feel uneasy because they try to make you feel bad about yourself.

4.) Is she friendly?

Because nothing can beat a friendly friend, or, ah.....(thinking of what to say)....a friend who's friendly, right? (< Gosh does that even make sense? LoL )


But really, if she's really a nice friend, then there's no problem in staying friends with her, so long as if:

(5.) (^) You can give Dawah to her

And why? Because THAT is the only reason why you should stay friends with someone (who is a non Muslim). Just think about it sister. Calling others towards the religion of Allah (SWT) is compulsury upon ALL Muslims, and if your friend is the type that WOULD learn about Islam, then there is GREAT purpose in staying friends with her, because then you can teach about this beautiful way of life, and who knows, if she becomes Muslim, then you will find blessings in your friendship with her, and also, Allah (SWT) will bless you in this life (with the GREATEST blessing), and in the Afterlife.

But, if she's the type that wouldn't learn about Islam (maybe due to arrogance, which will cause her to not listen to what you have to say because "she's better than you"), then there's no point in staying friends with her, and you'll find that she's just a waste of time.


to be continued............()

 

[alf2]

Assalamu Aleykum Warahmatullahi Wabarakaathuh sister, how are you? To begin, I would like to congradulate you for accepting Islam sister, Subhanallah sister, it's a great blessing to have you amongst us, and why? Because you made decision to change your life in order to obey your Lord, Allah (SWT), and even though you had to go through hardships and diffiulties, you stayed firm upon the truth, and that's what Allah (SWT) loves from his slaves; that they always try to do that which Pleases him, no matter what hardships that they might have to go through.

And so may Allah (SWT) bless you and give Barakah in your life sister, and may He (SWT) increase you in your Iman (Faith), Yaqeen (Certainty upon the Truth), in Tawakul (Keeping your trust in Him during difficult moments), and in Taqwa (constant rememberance that you will have to answer for your deeds infront of Allah [SWT]), and may he fill the rest of your life in this world and in the Akirah with Sakeena (serenity and happiness), and in Sweetness (through constant worship and rememberance in him), Ameen. And may he bless our Rasul (SAW), his family, and his companions, altogether, Ameen Ya Zal Jalali wal Ekram (The One whom is Praised throughout the Heavens and the Earth, and who is the Most Noble and Honored).
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Wa alaykum salaam brother,

Thanks for your long reply x3 I only quoted a short portion of your message to keep from stretching the page.

After reading your post, I said "no" to a lot of the questions at the end. Except that we have been friends for about 11 years.

But you know, people change. We're not careless little girls anymore, we're young women and have different lives....I cut the connection with her, some days later she & I got into a large fight because she was bad mouthing Islam to me...I really don't need someone like that in my life.

Alhamdulilah, I have my family & my brothers & sisters in Islam, that is all I need in life. Hasbunallahu wa ni'mal-wakeel, Allah is sufficient for us and is the best one to put trust in.


Again, thank you for your reply, it was very beneficial to me and I do not regret my decision of cutting ties with her.