My story

K

kutshup101

New Member
Hello , first of all I want to introduce myself.
I am a 22 year old male from Israel/Palestine , My mother tounge is arabic , but I was born christian , I used to call myself christian till I became 13-14 years old
at that time somehow I lost my faith in christianity and became an atheist and I never thought I would ever believe in God(S.W.T) again.
Anyways , at age of 19 I went to study in germany and somethings led to another and all of the sudden I was reading/listening to Quran and at age 20 I knew in my heart that I must become a muslim and since that day I have been trying to learn more and understand more about islam.

Ok here comes my problem , since I live in israel , I have direct contact with alot of people who call themselves muslims or people who simply use islam for their own benifit so to me it was the hardest thing to be called a muslim which was a religion that I used to hate because of the people I meet everyday, sadly at the moment this is the case of my parents , they still see muslims and think that the muslims are the religion , my family members are mostly atheists in some way and they don't care about religions and to them religion is something unnecessary in life because we have always lived without it and it has been ok for the most part.
The arabs society is very complicated and we care ALOT about what people think of us and what they say about us so everything you want to do , has to be ok for the whole socienty not only for yourself because you can bring shame to your whole family which can simply destroy the reputation of the family , so few weeks ago I had the guts to tell my family about the changes that I wanted to make and it simply made my father outragous and he kicked me out of the house and my mother was devistated and simply my family got torn apart if it wasn't for my eldest brother and my eldest uncle who simply tried to talk me out of islam and tried to convince me that religion is not important , I wasn't convinced and nobody can convince me but because I wanted to keep my family intact I simply said ok and I told them not to talk to me about it and I wanted that subject closed.
In my heart I know that I must be a muslim but I can't share it with anybody because my friends don't know aswell which will also devistate them and I don't want them to know after my experience with my family and I can't pray because I live with a partnet in a room in the uni and I can't ask anybody to teach me to pray and I even study about islam in secrecy and I don't allow anybody to know about it.

I don't know what to do , I wanna pray but I don't know how and I can't , I can't learn how to pray because I can't ask anybody , I can't go to the masque or to any religious lectures that go around because people know that I am christian and they will simply tell my friends and family if they saw me there , my father has been forcing alcohol and pork on me even more because he knows now why I won't eat/drink it and I am worried about next ramadan and it's simply a very complicated situation and I just had to get out to somebody because it's killing me.


Sorry for the very long post.
 
virtualeye

virtualeye

Tamed Brother
kutshup101 said:
Hello , first of all I want to introduce myself.
I am a 22 year old male from Israel/Palestine , My mother tounge is arabic , but I was born christian , I used to call myself christian till I became 13-14 years old
at that time somehow I lost my faith in christianity and became an atheist and I never thought I would ever believe in God(S.W.T) again.
Anyways , at age of 19 I went to study in germany and somethings led to another and all of the sudden I was reading/listening to Quran and at age 20 I knew in my heart that I must become a muslim and since that day I have been trying to learn more and understand more about islam.

Ok here comes my problem , since I live in israel , I have direct contact with alot of people who call themselves muslims or people who simply use islam for their own benifit so to me it was the hardest thing to be called a muslim which was a religion that I used to hate because of the people I meet everyday, sadly at the moment this is the case of my parents , they still see muslims and think that the muslims are the religion , my family members are mostly atheists in some way and they don't care about religions and to them religion is something unnecessary in life because we have always lived without it and it has been ok for the most part.
The arabs society is very complicated and we care ALOT about what people think of us and what they say about us so everything you want to do , has to be ok for the whole socienty not only for yourself because you can bring shame to your whole family which can simply destroy the reputation of the family , so few weeks ago I had the guts to tell my family about the changes that I wanted to make and it simply made my father outragous and he kicked me out of the house and my mother was devistated and simply my family got torn apart if it wasn't for my eldest brother and my eldest uncle who simply tried to talk me out of islam and tried to convince me that religion is not important , I wasn't convinced and nobody can convince me but because I wanted to keep my family intact I simply said ok and I told them not to talk to me about it and I wanted that subject closed.
In my heart I know that I must be a muslim but I can't share it with anybody because my friends don't know aswell which will also devistate them and I don't want them to know after my experience with my family and I can't pray because I live with a partnet in a room in the uni and I can't ask anybody to teach me to pray and I even study about islam in secrecy and I don't allow anybody to know about it.

I don't know what to do , I wanna pray but I don't know how and I can't , I can't learn how to pray because I can't ask anybody , I can't go to the masque or to any religious lectures that go around because people know that I am christian and they will simply tell my friends and family if they saw me there , my father has been forcing alcohol and pork on me even more because he knows now why I won't eat/drink it and I am worried about next ramadan and it's simply a very complicated situation and I just had to get out to somebody because it's killing me.


Sorry for the very long post.
Click to expand...

AssalaamuAlaikum,

Brother,
May Allah SWT Bless you with His special favors on you.

I think you also realized that the toughest part is already done, i.e., to tell you family. You have already told you family about your intentions. So at least you should consider yourself a Muslims and tell you your family that you are staying a Muslims while they dont need to talk about religious matter at the moment, and you wont bother them about Islam.
This is because, you are at the take of position, you need to have solid learning about Islam before you can politely give arguments to your family.

Also, please note that you have to be polite to your parents. It is the rule of Islam that if your parents tell you to do something which is against the teachings of God, then you dont have to obey your parents, BUT at the same time you are not allowed to be impolite or rude to your parents. Thats the beauty of Islam.

At one side you have to stick to your faith, because what you are concerned about is your "eternal life", not the temporary 50 or 60 years of this world. You will be alone on judgment day, responsible for your deeds, nobody will pick the burden of your deeds and you will not pick the burden of other's deeds. A mother will forget her child on judgment day and the child will forget his mother.

You will you prove Islam is right?
It depends upon your character/attitude. Your parents should witness that you turned even better and positive after reverting to Islam. That is important. You have to be responsible to remove their stereotype about Islam. (please watch videos section of reverts and how they faced parents)

Talking about the study of Islam. Simply put, you are a student of comparative religions. Anybody who gets suspicious of you, just tell him/her that you are studying the comparative religions. And it will not be a lie, because you really studied some of your own religion and some you are studying about Islam while you have connections with atheism too.
Of course you should not tell a lie to a person if he directly asks if you are Muslim, but you can create a situation in which other person do not come to directly ask you. Secondly, even if somebody (your roommate) comes to know that you turned to Islam then he is not gonna kill you, and at maximum if you dont want to tell him that you reverted then simply answer him that you dont want to talk about religious stuff. That depends upon your assessment if you are just over-frightened or is it really a problem.


Talking about prayer:
One source is mentioned by a sister above. I also have very beautify prayer videos to refer, in fact one of the most beautiful presentations:

http://www.turntoislam.com/forum/showthread.php?t=14406

The videos are embedded in this forum, but actually are on the following channel:
http://youtube.com/IslamForEveryone


WassalaamuAlaikum WRWB,

P.S. (its better that you go to some Mosque and say your shahadah in front of some Muslims/scholars at least you can do it secretly)
 
K

kutshup101

New Member
It's not that simple to go to a mosque in here without anybody noticing because it seems my news are all over the place here , arabs seem to gossip alot , I sometimes meet friends that I haven't seen in months and they simply know everything I did in that duration.
I am still living with my family atm and that is only because I said I wouldn't do anything about my belief and won't talk about it because it almost tore my family apart , my roommate is something that you call muslim born but he is not a muslim in my opinion because he simply got almost no knowledge of islam or what it means or how beautiful it is and he doesn't pray at all. I can't pray in secrecy in my room and I am worried that if I happen to find a place to pray at , and learn how to pray that I won't be able to fullfill 5 prayers per day.
 
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