ATA95
I ♥ Allah (SWT)
Assalamualaikum brothers and sisters. I hope you are all having a wonderful Ramadan for 2012. In my journey of propelling myself further into Islam and building stronger Imaan I've come across a road block that's really been affecting me for a long time. It's marriage. I've been looking into marriage for a while now and have gained an insight into it. I want to get married to do the right thing and please Allah (SWT). I live in a society where having sex at a young age, drinking alcohol, promiscuity and partying is rife. It's like an infectious disease. It's everywhere and I can't escape it. All of these things are forbidden in Islam. I'm doing my utmost best to avoid these sins.
Marriage is compulsory for someone if they fear they will commit fornication or who have strong sexual desires. I'm someone who perfectly fits into both of those categories because I have strong sexual desires due to being young with raging hormones. I fear I'll commit fornication due to the enourmous pressure society places on me with sex being everywhere from TV ads, magazines in the supermarket, the internet and even at school with people talking about what they did with their girlfriends. Therefore I'm obligated to get married but I do not have the ability to get married because I'm not spiritually and financially able. I'm not spiritually able because I don't fulfil all the pillars of Islam at the moment and I'm not financially able because I don’t have a large enough income to support myself let alone a wife. Therefore I cannot get married yet I'm still obligated to.
However I just feel marriage doesn't make sense, here's why... As I said before it is compulsory for me to get married however since I am not spiritually and financially able to get married I therefore cannot get married. I feel as if this contradicts itself because at the same time I want to and must get married yet cannot get married. It doesn’t make sense to me. How can this work? It can’t work. Since I cannot get married that means I’m left with having to deal with the risk of committing fornication just because I am not spiritually and financially ready for marriage. That’s ridiculous and stupid. I'm trying to fulfil Islam to all of my potential and be the best Muslim I can be. I have all good intentions of getting married but I cannot.
I've tried talking to my mother about this but she doesn't completely understand. She keeps on suggesting that I just get a girlfriend because there's nothing wrong with it and it doesn't mean I'll be having sex anyway. I know that's haram and won't work. I'm not going to bother talking to my father since he has little faith and doesn't fulfil many of his obligations of being a Muslim. I can't talk to some of the Muslim brothers I've met because either hardly know them or they're much older than me and it'd be awkward talking about this with them. I can't talk to an Imam because it'd just be awkward and very uncomfortable talking about this with them as well.
I always make dua everyday to Allah (SWT) asking Him to guide me and bless me with a wife, sometimes I even cry when making dua. But I feel as if He isn't answering my prayers since nothing has happened where I can move on from this. It looks like I'm left with no options. I don't know what to do. I swear by Allah (SWT) I'm doing my best but I can feel that soon there'll be a time where I'll just give up and fall into fornication just because I wasn't spiritually and financially able for marriage. It's so sad.
Marriage is compulsory for someone if they fear they will commit fornication or who have strong sexual desires. I'm someone who perfectly fits into both of those categories because I have strong sexual desires due to being young with raging hormones. I fear I'll commit fornication due to the enourmous pressure society places on me with sex being everywhere from TV ads, magazines in the supermarket, the internet and even at school with people talking about what they did with their girlfriends. Therefore I'm obligated to get married but I do not have the ability to get married because I'm not spiritually and financially able. I'm not spiritually able because I don't fulfil all the pillars of Islam at the moment and I'm not financially able because I don’t have a large enough income to support myself let alone a wife. Therefore I cannot get married yet I'm still obligated to.
However I just feel marriage doesn't make sense, here's why... As I said before it is compulsory for me to get married however since I am not spiritually and financially able to get married I therefore cannot get married. I feel as if this contradicts itself because at the same time I want to and must get married yet cannot get married. It doesn’t make sense to me. How can this work? It can’t work. Since I cannot get married that means I’m left with having to deal with the risk of committing fornication just because I am not spiritually and financially ready for marriage. That’s ridiculous and stupid. I'm trying to fulfil Islam to all of my potential and be the best Muslim I can be. I have all good intentions of getting married but I cannot.
I've tried talking to my mother about this but she doesn't completely understand. She keeps on suggesting that I just get a girlfriend because there's nothing wrong with it and it doesn't mean I'll be having sex anyway. I know that's haram and won't work. I'm not going to bother talking to my father since he has little faith and doesn't fulfil many of his obligations of being a Muslim. I can't talk to some of the Muslim brothers I've met because either hardly know them or they're much older than me and it'd be awkward talking about this with them. I can't talk to an Imam because it'd just be awkward and very uncomfortable talking about this with them as well.
I always make dua everyday to Allah (SWT) asking Him to guide me and bless me with a wife, sometimes I even cry when making dua. But I feel as if He isn't answering my prayers since nothing has happened where I can move on from this. It looks like I'm left with no options. I don't know what to do. I swear by Allah (SWT) I'm doing my best but I can feel that soon there'll be a time where I'll just give up and fall into fornication just because I wasn't spiritually and financially able for marriage. It's so sad.