a Husband's Role in Islam
- Thread starter NissaB
- Start date
sarahlou
Junior Member
Someone sent this to me in an E-mail Insha Allah this will help clarify.
MARRIAGE IN ISLAM
ISLAM CALLS MARRIAGE “A COMPLETE SOCIAL INSTITUTION” AND “THE FOUNDATION OF HUMAN RACE”. MARRIAGE IS DEFINED AS A RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN A MAN AND A WOMAN THAT INVOLVES RIGHTS, DUTIES, LIMITS AND RESPONSIBILITIES NOT ONLY FOR THE COUPLE BUT ALSO FOR THEIR FAMILIES.
ACCORDING TO THE TRADITIONS OF THE PROPHET (Peace Be Upon Him); “THE WIFE IS NOT A PLAYTHING IN THE HANDS OF HER HUSBAND, BUT A MORAL RESPONSIBILITY, AND AN EQUAL SPIRITUAL BEING WHO IS ENTRUSTED TO HIM”.
WIFE THEREFORE IS NOT MEANT TO BRING ONLY PLEASURE AND HAPPINESS BUT BOTH PARTIES ARE TO FULLY COOPERATE WITH EACH OTHER IN MAKING THE LIFE OF THE WHOLE FAMILY A LIVING PLEASURE.
THE GLORIOUS QURA’N IN MANY AYATS POINTS OUT THE PURPOSE OF MARRIAGE:
1) sURAH aL-rOOM (30:21), “AND of His signs that He created mates for you LIKE yourselves that you may find rest in them, AND He put love AND compassion between you; surely in this are signs FOR THOSE who reflect.”
THIS AYAH SHOWS THAT WIFE IS NOT INFERIOR TO HER HUSBAND NOR THE HUSBAND IS CREATED OF ANY SUPERIOR MATERIAL BUT BOTH OF THEM ARE PROGENY OF ADAM AND EVE, HAVE THE SAME ORIGIN AND SOUL.
2) sURAH AL-NISA (4:1) “o’ mankind to be dutiful to Allah, Who created YOU from a single soul, AND created YOUR mate, AND from THE two of them scattered many men AND women”.
tHIS AYAH SHOWS THAT Islam views THIS RELATIONSHIP as A commitment in the TOTAL sense of the word. It is a commitment to life AND to the society FOR THE meaningful survival of entire human race. It is a commitment that THEY make to one another as well as to Allah the Almighty. they ARE EXPECTED TO WORK FOR mutual fulfillment, love, peace, compassion, SERENITY, comfort AND hope.
IN SURAH AL-BAQARAH, AYAH 187, ALLAH THE ALMIGHTY SAYS, “YOUR SPOUSES ARE AS A GARMENT TO YOU AND YOU ARE A GARMENT TO THEM.”
THIS AYAH SHOWS THAT THE HUSBAND AND WIFE ARE FOR MUTUAL SUPPORT, COMFORT AND PROTECTION, AND COVER EACH OTHER IN ALL EXTREMES LIKE A GARMENT COVERS AND PROTECTS.
tHEIR DUTIES ARE to:
act as an adornment AND DECORATION for one another.
cover each others weaknesses AND shortcomings among themselve and others.
PROTECT AND COVER EACH OTHER IN ALL EXTREMES OF LIFE JUST LIKE A GARMENT PROTECTS IN ALL EXTREMES OF WEATHER.
IN SURAH AL-A’ARAF (7:17) “It is ALLAH Who created mankind out of one soul, and created HIS spouse so that YOU find comfort and rest in EACH OTHER”.
Even IN the most trying times of married life, the Qura’n commands to be kind towardS EACH other. IN THE SURAH “AL-NISA” ALLAH (SWT) SAYS: “LIVE WITH THEM IN KINDNESS EVEN IF YOU DISLIKE ANYTHING ABOUT THEM, IT MAY BE THAT YOU DISLIKE SOMETHING IN WHICH ALLAH HAS PLACED A LOT OF GOOD FOR YOU.”
the Islamic provisions of marriage apply to men AND women equally. It may even be more SO for women because A GOOD MARRIAGE assures HER of economic security as the man is made responsible for her provision, SECURITY AND financial support.
purpose of Marriage
The ARABIC word "zawj" meanS a pair or a mate. The general purpose of marriage is that the two GENDERS live with each other in peace AND tranquility, provide company, Mutual love AND procreate.
Marriage is seen as the only possible way for the GENDERs to unite. One could choose to live any way he or she WANTS; BUT choosing marriage is displaying obedience to THE CREATOR.
Marriage is a solemn covenant AND should be entered into with total commitment. Your partner should be your choice for life. One should be mature enough to understand the demands of marriage so that the union can be a lasting one. In one of his tRADITIONS, the Prophet (Peace Be Upon Him) SAId: “condemned are thOSE who relish the change of marital partners WITHOUT VALID REASONS”.
The Permanence of Marriage
Islam prescribeS certain measures to make the marital bond permanent. The parties must strive to BE of proper age, general compatibility, reasonable dowry, good will, free consent, honorable intentions AND judicious discretion.
When the parties enter into marRIAGE, the intention must be to make IT permanent.
marriage in Islam is something unique with very special features of both sacramental AND CONTRACTUAL nature. But if it does not work OUT for any valid reason, it may be terminated in kindness and honor, with equity and peace.
qURA’N SETS THE principle that “it is MAN’S duty TO Allah to treat his wife with kindness, honor, AND patience; to keep her honorably or free her from the marital bond honorably; AND to cause her no harm or grief (Qura’n, 2:229-232; 4:19)”.
MARRIAGE IS A LIFETIME PARTNERSHIP AND NOT A TEMPORARY ARRANGEMENT OF CONVENIENCE. BOTH PARTIES SHOULD MAKE THEIR BEST EFFORTS TO LIVE IN HARMONY WITH MUTUAL RESPECT & RIGHTS AND DUTIES WITHIN THE LIMITS SET FORTH BY ALLAH THE ALMIGHTY.
The Husband – Wife Relationship
Islam setS the course of behavior FOR HUSBAND AND wiFE. Many AYATS of the Qur’an AND the Sunnah prescribe kindness, equity, compassion, love, sympathy, consideration, patience AND good will. The Prophet SAID:
“the best AMONG YOU is the one who is BEST to his family, AND most blessed joy in life is a righteous wife”.
IN ANOTHER HADITH, THE PROPHET (PBUH) SAID; “THE BEST AMONG YOU ARE THOSE WHO HAVE THE KINDEST OF BEHAVIOR AND BEST DISPOSITION TO THEIR SPOUSES, SUCH ARE THOSE WHO SHOW THE PERFECT FAITH.”
CONDITIONS FOR MARRIAGE
For marriage to be valid certain conditions must be met.
1) consent of both parties.
2) " Mahr" a MARRIAGE gift from the groom to his bride.
3) Witnesses- 2 male or female.
4) The marriage should be announced AND nOT be kept secret as it COULD lead to suspicion AND DEPRIVATION of legal rights of woman.
A man should not marry if he does not possess the means to maintain a wife, household AND future family responsibilities.
the Prophet (pbuh) ENJOIN MUSLIMS TO MARRY AND said:
“whoEVER can afford to marry should marry, it keeps the GAZE down AND keeps PEOPLE chaste; ONE who caN’t afford to marry should fast as it will have a sobering effect”.
IN ANOTHER TRADITION tHe prophet (PBUH) said "when a man marries, he fulfillS half of his religious obligations, so let him similarly fear, love and obey Allah’s orders in the remaining half of his religion."
Selection of a partner
The prophet recommended the PARTIEs TO see each other before going through with marriage.
There is no CONCEPT OF courtship, dating and/or trying each other out. THE FACT REMAINS THAT the couple know each other for years, are intimate, live together AND yet SPLIT. Romance doES not equal TO a COMMITMENT between two people.
NEEDLESS TO SAY THAT marriage SHOULD not TO BE based only on physical attraction or romantic notions but on evaluation and compatibility BEFORE MARRIAGE.
Consent of parties
One of the conditions of a valid marriage is consent of the couple.
The arranged marriage where parents choose the spouse AND the couple IS forced or HAS no SAY in the matter are against Islam.
The prophet (Peace Be Upon Him) revoked the marriage of a girl who complained to him that her father WANTED TO ARRANGE her MARRIAGE against her wishes.
The wife’s rights - Husbands obligations
1). mAINTENANCE: ACCORDING TO QURA’N AND SUNNAH the husband is responsible for the maintenance AND economic security of the family. It is truly like we jokingly say: “what is hers’ is hers’ and what is his is also hers.”
THE maintenance INCLUDEs her right to lodging, clothing, food, general AND medicaL care, etc. He must lodge her WITHIN his means. In case of joint family, a wife’s lodging must be adequate so as to ensure her privacy, comfort AND independence.
2). Mahr: The wife is entitled to a marriage gift CALLED “MAHR” OR DOWRY. A marriage is not valid without IT. IT is a gift from the groom to the bride. IT IS A NEGOTIATED AND AGREED UPon AMOUNT AND TO BE PAID BEFORE THE CONSUMMATION OF MARRIAGE OR THEREAFTER ASAP. Her agreement to THE amount is REQUIRED AND NOBODY ELSE CAN FIX IT ON HER BEHALF.
she is fully entitled to dispense THE MAHR, AS she likes. THE GIFTS she RECEIVES ON MARRIAGE or THEREafter is hers alone. There is no CONCEPT OF “community property” of husband and wiFE.
3). NON-material rights: A husband is commanded by Allah to treat his wife with equity, respect her feelings, treat her with kindness, respect AND consideration. The prophet’s last WORDS stresses kindness to women.
Like the man, A muslim woman can also divorce her husband, if it was included as one of the conditions in the marriage contract at the time of marriage. Unfortunately, many Muslims men AND women do not know or care to tell their women of their divine rights.
The wife obligations - the Husbands rights.
She MUST look after the comfort of her husband AND GIVE due respect.
She MUST PROTECT HIS honor, REPUTATION AND DIGNITY.
She MUST BE CARING OF HIS hEALTH, property, AND EARNINGS AND not spend it lavishly AND unnecessarily.
She MUST RAISE the children properly.
She should beautify herself only for her husband.
She MUST CARE ABOUT HIS liking in ALL matterS INCLUDING food, company AND dress, ETC.
She should give her sincere advice when HE consults her.
She should not make unfair demands OF hIM.
She MUST BE A loyal FRIEND AND a source of strength in adVERSE circumstances.
her behavior MUST be conducive to peace AND tranquility.
SHE must be faithful, trustworthy AND honest.
She must not allow any other person to have access to all tHAT is exclusively her husband RIGHTS.
She must not receive or entertain non mahram males in the house.
Obedience
The man has been given the AUTHORITY in certain matters, only because he is the head of the family. Imagine RESPONSIBILITY without the necessary authority.
Obedience does not mean blind SUBMISSION. It must not be in violations to the orders of Allah, as there is no OBEDIENCE of anYBODY in DISOBEDIENCE OF allah.
It must be maintained only with regard to matters that fall under husband rights.
The duties of husband
He should respect AND be mindful of HER susceptibilities.
He should be a source of comfort FoR hER AND behave in a manner that genuinely convinces her that she alone is the centEr of his love, ATTENTION AND affection.
He MUST provide her needs within his means.
The husband should HELP HER in the household chores.
He should look after her health AND EMOTIONAL WELL BEING.
He MUST have confideNCE AND TRUST in her.
He MUST overlook the minor shortcomings AND be forgiving.
He should AVOID situationS WHERE tempers are lost.
He MUST AVOID HABITS THAT may displease HER.
HE MUST have sympathy FOR HER when she is in distress.
He MUST not object to his wife meeting her relatives provided no mischief is PROVEN from their side.
He MUST consult HER in FAMILY matters AND handle situationS by mutual consent.
HE MUST DEAL WITH HER in a mild AND soft manner.
The Holy Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said that: “women should be taken care of as some one takes care of glass. Glass is liable to break easily if not treated carefully. Men must be careful AND not injure the delicacy of women because therein lies their beauty”.
The Prophet (peace be upon him) ALSO exalted the intellectual AND spiritual status of women AND said “that the acquisition of knoWledge is an incumbent duty to every Muslim male AND female”.
BEING a strong advocate of marriage, The prophet (peace be upon him) SAID, "there is no celibacy in Islam”.
Marriage is a religious duty AND is consequently a moral safeguard as well as a social necessity. The prophet (Peace Be Upon Him) said, "Marriage is my tradition whosoever keeps away from it is not MY FOLLOWER".
Essential rights of Woman in Islam
here are few of the basic rights of woman in Islam that muslim women does not HAVE and/or muslim husbands hesitate to provide, for example:
· NOT inferior to male.
· Has the right of independent ownership of real estate or any other valuables regardless of the nature, kind or limit of it’s worth
· Her right of ownership does NOT change whether she is single, married or widowed.
· Has full rights to buy, sell, or lease any or all her properties AND possessions.
· Regardless of her personal wealth, husband is fully responsible for the maintenance of his wife, AND children.
· Has a right to her keep AND spend her money AND earnings.
· Is not under any obligation to spend her income on her husband AND or family.
- Encouraged to seek AND acquire knowledge where she can be of help, assistance AND service to other women AND the community at large such as teachers, doctors, nurses, lawyers, etc.
- Has specific rights of inheritance in the Glorious Qura’n AND her share is for her to keep AND spent as she wishes.
- Keeps her maiden name after marriage AND does not have to change her name.
· The right to obtain divorce from her husband, even on the grounds that she simply can't stand him. (pls note that Allah deeply frowns upon divorce as a solution unless there is hardly any other alternative.)
· in case of divorce a woman’s property or income is not to be taken into account to establish child support, spousal support or debt payment orders.
- No legislature, Government, husband, Judge, parents, Relative, and/or Clergy could amend, take away or suspend any or all rights that Allah the Almighty has given to woman.
unfortunately, majority of the Muslims DOES not know, neither care TO LEARN, IMPLEMENT, TEACH OR give their women what Islam has enjoined.
Islam is the only body of divine enunciation that explicitly lists the rights of women in every facet of their life, does not limit these rights merely to semantics but extends it to implementation AND everyday commonsense as well. Islam further expands the rights of women, AND it did so 1400 years ago is an empirical fact.
The appropriation of HUMAN rights ESPECIALLY RIGHTS oF women is a tenet of Islam that is widely confirmed AND accessible in the Islamic text. On the other hand, though the dichotomy exists between divine message AND its lack of understanding, implementation AND practice by Muslims, one must recognize the distinction.
unfortunately, it is also a matter of fact that the hypocritic actions, life styles, philosophies AND policies of all of the political leadership AND overwhelming majority of the so called religious leadership of Muslims countries have misrepresented, misguided, misinformed AND/or totally neglected the issue of Rights AND Status of Women due to their own political agendas, lack of knowledge, rituals, personal reasons or even VENDETTAs against the women.
Prejudice aside, a famous American jurist Justice Pierre Craibites (chief judge international court of justice) rightfully observed when he wrOTe:
"Muhammad (PBUH), 1400 years ago assured the mothers, wives AND daughters of Islam a rank AND dignity not yet ASSURED to women by any laws of the West."
in another article titled as “Things Muhammad did for Women”, printed in the Magazine “Asia” USA, Justice Pierre Crabites wrOte:
“Mohammad was probably the greatest champion of women's rights the world has ever seen. Islam conferred upon the Muslim wife property rights AND judicial status exactly the same as that of her husband. She is free to dispose of AND manage her financial assets as she pleases, without let or hindrance from her husband.”
fINALLY, The value AND purpose of marriage takeS on a special meaning if intertwined with the idea of ALLAH the almighty, conceived as religious commitments AND internalized as divine blessings. AS IT IS the focal point of Islam AND proves the point as what Prophet of Islam said: "when a man marries, he has fulfilled half of his religious obligations, so let him similarly love, fear and obey Allah’s orders in the remaining half of his religion."
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Latifabonu
Alhamdulillah
Jazakullahu khayr