A Question for Converts/Reverts.

[Neondragonfly]

Assalamu alaikum!

I have a question for converts/reverts.

How did you come to terms with the total upheaval of your life between before islam and after saying your sahadah? How did you come to terms with not being able to hang out with your mates who are into clubbing and drinking?

How did you deal with your parents? How did they react?

I'm really sorry if this question(s) has offended anyone but I'm sure i'm not the only one who feels like I'm having to choose between Allah and my family and friends.

How should I make myself feel happier about the decision I've made to convert. I really want to please and worship Allah but does that mean I should be rid of all of my friends as well? How do I ensure that my relationship with my parents is protected as well. I was adopted at 14 and have only been with them for 13 years.

All advice will be appreciated.

Neon :shymuslima1:

 

[revertmuslimah]

Asalaamu alaikum

Asalaamu alaikum,
I am not going to lie to you, reverting to Islam is not always easy. I was in the exact same position as you almost 2 years ago. My parents are my biological parents however. I can understand that you dont want to break the bond with them and Islam encourages you not to. You must have faith and just tell them that you want to revert. My guess is that because they chose to adopt you they would not want to lose you. Sit down with them both and discuss with them why you want to revert and be reasonable. They will be probably very angry and very confused, hurt, and scared but with time Insh'Allah (Allah willing) they will accept it. You must keep trying with them. I have heard many stories some where the parents were supportive and understanding, others where the parents have refused to speak to the revert for many years. My own situation was every time I went home which was quite regularly when I decided to tell them they would just shout and scream at me I would just sit there crying my eyes out but I would never shout back at them. They issued me with an ultimatum after trying their best to disssuade me from being Muslim (I had taken my Shahadah a month previously) I had to give back my house key and they said to me I can't believe you would choose this over your family. They called me a terrorist and all sorts of nasty names. Eventually they learned to accept it and now even acept my hijab. That was one of their biggest issues! I just persisted in being kind to them and fulfilling my duties when they realised I was still the same person they were fine with it. My dad finds it harder to accept than my mum.

Friends who drink and go clubbing, I had a lot of these but after I explained I can't do these things anymore most of them were fine with it. I was very blessed in that I had very many wonderful, sweet, kind sisters to support me through everything. I pray that you will find the same. If you live in London then you should find it easy to make friends in a local mosque and you can maybe sit down with the Imam who might be able to advise you further.

My Allah bless you with the strength to say your Shahadah during this beautiful, blessed month of Ramadan.

Revertmuslimah

 

[butterflymuslima]

As a mom!

I am a mother and can tell you that when your parents realize you won't be clubbing and drinking Islam may become appealing to them!!! I reverted almost a year ago and have since divorced my non-believing husband of 20 years. I have four children still at home! Very scary! My family members are rude to me and are convinced I've lost my mind. But my ex has decided he loves me more than every (even in hijab)! and is studying Islam?! Allah knows everything and it will all work out for the best in the end. What I focus on is the fact that all of these negative, disbelieving people are NOT going to be your friend on judgement day! You will only have Allah! Keeps me straight!
http://www.turntoislam.com/forum/images/smilies/75.gif
:ma:

 

[Stephen]

I too am a recent revert and I am having struggles as I was raised differently, but my parents have been supportive of my decision to become Muslim, and my advice for the friends is this. I had many friends before choosing this faith, but they were bringing me down with all of the sin they drink a lot and many other things, but I now have made new friends and I still keep some contact with old ones I just cant be around them when they are doing things I don't want to be a part of. So I hope that one day they will understand why I am changing and it is for a good reason too. Also try to understand there will be struggles in life you just need to get passed them and you will feel it in your heart.

 

[B.H.]

How did you come to terms with the total upheaval of your life between before islam and after saying your sahadah? How did you come to terms with not being able to hang out with your mates who are into clubbing and drinking?

I didn't go clubbing or drink alcoholic beverages before I reverted.

I did and still have a harm time dealing with a lot of old thinking I was raised with. For one, I still want to think about what the Bible says about something (I was raised Christian) and I have to stop and say "BH, the Bible is corrupt and it is the Quran that is flawless and completely God's word. Worry about what it says and not the Bible."

Paradoxically, I was an atheist for several years after leaving Christianity. I have to remind myself that just because something doesn't seem rational to me does not mean it isn't so, and that my subjective opinions can be wrong.

How did you deal with your parents? How did they react?

My parents are of the Church of Christ sect. I don't tell them anything.

 

[cmelbouzaidi]

:salam2: well, i converted along time ago in ireland but at the beginning, islam was just not drinking alcohol or eating pork and fasting during ramadan in my ignorance, so i am not a good example. For a while i would still meet my friends in the pub and while they drank, i would have a coke or tomato juice. I didn't realize that i shouldn't go to the pub at all. Real faith came much later for me and i do have still some wonderful non-muslim friends but i have more muslim sister friends as we have naturally more in common. My parents didn't say much at the beginning but i would say it bothered certain family members that i didn't drink and they made me feel like i was denying my culture and now for my kids, too. But it was last summer that my feelings were hurt when my husband and i had a conversation with my father about islam. My father is a linguist and intellectual albeit not a religious man. He has a passion for spain and spanish literature. He told me that the arab civilization had been a brilliant and intellectual one prior to islam. He said that when the qur'an was complete, the people were ordered to read nothing but that and so europe advanced and the arabs remained in the dark ages. Oddly, my father has not read qur'an despite being quite fluent in arabic, a language he truly loves, and also despite being born in egypt and having lived there for 10 years. He is not keen to learn about isl am and i guess is not thrilled i am muslim. Despite this, i continue to love my family as before and will continue my duties as a daughter as they have given me so much. I am nervous about them seeing me with hijab but i am older now and stronger in my deen, alhamdulillah. Good luck to you and keep us posted :S

 

[Rosheen]

How did you come to terms with the total upheaval of your life between before islam and after saying your sahadah? How did you come to terms with not being able to hang out with your mates who are into clubbing and drinking?

I will be honest, its hard. I found my friends seemed to melt away once i could no longer accompany them to the pub. It really made me evaluate my life and the society i live in....no bad thing. I have realised that in the UK all social activities centre around the pub and when you cut that out you are cutting yourself out. HOWEVER, if you find yourself Muslim friends who want to hang out in the day time or go out for a meal or got to the cinema it will help. I find if you don't get out there and make Muslim friends then life is going to be very lonely.

How did you deal with your parents? How did they react?

Well it took me 7 months to tell them! lol. My mum was not happy at all, but we have agreed to never discuss religion and this is the way we deal with it. Every time she asked about Islam and i would begin to explain she would start shrieking at me and never ever let me finish, so thats when i said 'don't ever talk to me about religion as you don't want to hear'.

My dad was ok, until he realised i covred up in hijab. He doesn't like that aspect as i no longer look English. Other than that he is fine and even asked me how Ramadhan is going

My brother does not speak much to me anymore and deliberately ignored me for 4 months. I can honestly say i don't care. Islam wants me to respect my parents and my brother who is not religious at all is simply beign a hypocrite.

How should I make myself feel happier about the decision I've made to convert. I really want to please and worship Allah but does that mean I should be rid of all of my friends as well? How do I ensure that my relationship with my parents is protected as well. I was adopted at 14 and have only been with them for 13 years.

My advice to you is to join a new muslim circle. My mate dragged me to one and it really is the best thing ever, as not only will you learn about your new religion and get guidance you will also get to meet fellow muslims.

You don't have to be rid of your friends....you can socialise with them in a halal manner, eg shopping and eating out. Your friends may be more supportive than you give them credit for

Re your parents. Always be respectful. If they want to know things then tell them. If conversation gets heated then cut it off. Don't get into arguements. If they don't agree with Islam then that is their prerogative, and just agree to disagree. You are 27, if it affects homelife then you can move out.

 

[noorsaba2503]

Assalam alaikum I was just reading this post and It brought me to tears esp sister butterflymuslima's situation. May allah guide ur husband. I feel so blessed that i was born muslim and my family was only happier when i started praticing islam with sincerity. May allah bless all of u and make it easier for u.. Its so good to see the confidence you have in allah and i know allah answers such people and strengthens them further. Those of us who feel weak allah will help us too .. so ask His help... All the best ...


Sister cmelbouzaidi,


"My father is a linguist and intellectual albeit not a religious man. He has a passion for spain and spanish literature. He told me that the arab civilization had been a brilliant and intellectual one prior to islam. He said that when the qur'an was complete, the people were ordered to read nothing but that and so europe advanced and the arabs remained in the dark ages."

I am really surprised your father would say that. I dont want to be rude but I seriously doubt his knowledge and intention because what he is saying is a plain white lie. Arabs were mere tribes which were constantly fighting and were ignorant untill the Quran came to them. Anybody will be able to tell you that the islamic civilzation came into being and flourished after the 7th century .. after islam came into being. Spain flourished under muslim rulers. and muslims made inventions and progress because they were hugely influenced by the Quran and its principles.. So many of the muslim discoveries can be linked with the faith of islam. and abt europe ... europe was in dark ages when islam was at the height of intellectual progress. (7th century - 13th century)
The European renaissance happened after the crusades came into contact with muslims. Though they destroyed muslim property and heritage and wiped muslims out of most places. They also got access to muslim knowledge and wisdom and they took it back into europe. There was large scale plaguarism around tht period. If you read history carefully you will realize tht most of the dicoveries by europeans in later years were already discovered by muslims centuries before them.


Read about crusaders in detail too to understand it better.
(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Crusade scroll down to see historical perspective)


Here are some links which will help you understand further.. and here is a book u can order..

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Inventions_in_the_Islamic_world

http://www.1001inventions.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=main.viewSection&intSectionID=309

I am sorry if i hurt your sentiments.
Salaam

 

[xSharingan01x]

:salam2: well, i converted along time ago in ireland but at the beginning, islam was just not drinking alcohol or eating pork and fasting during ramadan in my ignorance, so i am not a good example. For a while i would still meet my friends in the pub and while they drank, i would have a coke or tomato juice. I didn't realize that i shouldn't go to the pub at all. Real faith came much later for me and i do have still some wonderful non-muslim friends but i have more muslim sister friends as we have naturally more in common. My parents didn't say much at the beginning but i would say it bothered certain family members that i didn't drink and they made me feel like i was denying my culture and now for my kids, too. But it was last summer that my feelings were hurt when my husband and i had a conversation with my father about islam. My father is a linguist and intellectual albeit not a religious man. He has a passion for spain and spanish literature. He told me that the arab civilization had been a brilliant and intellectual one prior to islam. He said that when the qur'an was complete, the people were ordered to read nothing but that and so europe advanced and the arabs remained in the dark ages. Oddly, my father has not read qur'an despite being quite fluent in arabic, a language he truly loves, and also despite being born in egypt and having lived there for 10 years. He is not keen to learn about isl am and i guess is not thrilled i am muslim. Despite this, i continue to love my family as before and will continue my duties as a daughter as they have given me so much. I am nervous about them seeing me with hijab but i am older now and stronger in my deen, alhamdulillah. Good luck to you and keep us posted :S

:salam2:

Saalam to all the Sisters and Brothers.
The stories of revert Sisters, are so touching!
All of you sisters are really amazing! May Allah make you amongst the steadfast and the patient, and amongst those with whom He is pleased with. Ameen!

Sister Camelboudizi, Your father is entirely wrong.
I'm assuming he does not know enough of about Arab civilization or Islamic civilization in general. Any person, who is familiar with the history of Arabs before Islam and after Islam, cannot come to the conclusion your father has came to. There is just no basis for his claim at all.
As Umar RAA used to say "we are a people whom Allah honored through Islam".
History testifies to the truth of his statement.



Ramadan Mubarak to you all. I will keep you guys in my Duas.

Shoaib

 

[Neondragonfly]

Assalamu alaikum!

thank you all so much for the advice, tips and stories. For one small moment I was despairing but with Allah's help and all of yours I feel I can definately step up!

Love to you all.

Neon x

 

[Rosheen]

Assalamu alaikum!

thank you all so much for the advice, tips and stories. For one small moment I was despairing but with Allah's help and all of yours I feel I can definately step up!

Love to you all.

Neon x

Never despair, remember always that after hardship Allah grants us ease