Brothers A serious question for all the brothers out there!

Have you ever 'stared' at a woman? (You can select multiple responses)

  • Yes, but I've changed Alhamdulillah

    Votes: 2 18.2%
  • Yes, I can't fight the urge to, sorry

    Votes: 2 18.2%
  • Yes! :"( I wonder if I'll ever be forgiven for it!

    Votes: 1 9.1%
  • No, I've always had a control over my urges

    Votes: 2 18.2%
  • No, I fear Alah's wrath

    Votes: 2 18.2%
  • No, the Prophet PBUH has strictly warned us against it

    Votes: 2 18.2%
  • Yes, I'm doing it right now!

    Votes: 1 9.1%
  • Of course mannn, it's only natural!

    Votes: 3 27.3%
  • Don't tell me that's haraam tooo!! :-/

    Votes: 0 0.0%

  • Total voters
    11

AyeshaPS

A Mu'minah Wannabe!
Then my younger brother gave us his formula of success - stare back at them until they look away.
I still do it, with women though, not with men! :p Only when it starts to get to me real bad though, I stare back, but I make sure I look away before I burst into a laughter! :D
 
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Janaan

ربنا اغفر لنا ذنوبنا
Staff member
can delete it Ukht Janaan! :)
Assalaamu `alaiki warahmatullaah. No dear, I wasn't panning to delete it. But, I am having a heard time understanding what your aim for the thread was... Are wondering "why" men stare? (No offense intended, just trying to understand)

A practical advice - I think as Muslimahs, we should be busy lowering our own gaze instead of noticing the creepy stares some men tend to send our ways. They can look all they want, how will that harm our faith? We can do our best to keep them from looking by dressing appropriately before heading outside of the house but really, some men are just, simply put as a brother has said, perverts. It doesn't matter if you're practically wearing a tent and your eyes, feet and hands all covered - they'll still look. What we can do is work on ourselves and learn to look down at our toes when walking. Inshaa'Allaah eventually you won't even notice the stares because that's how insignificant they'll become to you.

I think the same goes for brothers. Women do stare, unfortunately. At times they're even worse than men, but hey, they're human being with feelings, too.

The phone calls are a different issue. If they've somehow got a hold of your number, then I don't think you even have to go out of your way to get help from you brothers, just simply block them.
 

uniqueskates

Rabbe Zidni Illma
Assalaamu `alaiki warahmatullaah.

Walaikumassalaam wa re barakatuhu.

A practical advice - I think as Muslimahs, we should be busy lowering our own gaze instead of noticing the creepy stares some men tend to send our ways
.

Have you ever wondered how our mind just notices that somebody is staring at us? Yes. It has happened to me. Let's say for example, I have finished my breakfast in a food court, and I am going to wash my hands, I don't see (aface to face/ with my eyes directly) anyone staring at me, but somehow, my mind tells me that that guy sitting in the corner table is staring at me. And when I turn to look at him, that guy is actually staring! :eek: It is creepy. But, I testify in perfect state of mind that it has happened.

Peace
 

Mahzala

فَتَبَارَكَ اللَّهُ أَحْسَنُ الْخَالِقِينَ
A practical advice - I think as Muslimahs, we should be busy lowering our own gaze instead of noticing the creepy stares some men tend to send our ways. They can look all they want, how will that harm our faith? We can do our best to keep them from looking by dressing appropriately before heading outside of the house but really, some men are just, simply put as a brother has said, perverts. It doesn't matter if you're practically wearing a tent and your eyes, feet and hands all covered - they'll still look. What we can do is work on ourselves and learn to look down at our toes when walking. Inshaa'Allaah eventually you won't even notice the stares because that's how insignificant they'll become to you.

Stares are insignificant regardless, especially when you're not doing it. As a Muslim with an entirely different dress code, you get the stares anyway, so you're pretty used to it. The fact that those stares are bumped and go up on the pathetic scale, that's a different story, Allah protect us from that. But hey, what you're saying, I would love that too. I would love to feel like I am protected in a glass box that only I can see out of and sometimes people can't see me. I would love to protect the innocence of the gaze, I would love to stare at my toes ... but boy do I know the impossibility of it. Practicalities get in the way of such things. Yes, we choose to be in co-ed environments, in workspaces and places, aboard public transport, where women and men share a square metre together and the demands of cultures too, looking at someone's face and more specifically, into their eyes, but sometimes, we have no other choice, we have to be there, and when that happens, unfortunately, we fall in to all the other stuff too. It comes down to the fitrah, the niyah and the 'amaal that follow. If you can protect those, you're good.
 

Mabsoot

Amir
Staff member
Walaikumassalaam wa re barakatuhu.

Have you ever wondered how our mind just notices that somebody is staring at us? Yes. It has happened to me. Let's say for example, I have finished my breakfast in a food court, and I am going to wash my hands, I don't see (aface to face/ with my eyes directly) anyone staring at me, but somehow, my mind tells me that that guy sitting in the corner table is staring at me. And when I turn to look at him, that guy is actually staring! :eek: It is creepy. But, I testify in perfect state of mind that it has happened.

Peace

Assalamu alaykumm

Try smiling at them! Either they are bored, thinking etc. Say Salam / hello. No more creepiness.

I always do that in similar situations. 9/10 it is good thing, although often there are people who don't smile back, just like people who do not reply to salams or say hi back.

wasalam
 
Assalam Alaikum Warahmatullah Wabarakatuh!
Before I start, I want y'all to let me know if you don't like what I say or ask. You have EVERY right to criticize me or delete my post if you think it's inappropriate, and I would totally understand it!
I'm a hijabi. I wear really long and lose clothes and no makeup, I don't talk to men and I make sure I get the 'DON'T EVER TALK TO ME OR INTERACT WITH ME' message across and somehow I still end up getting the wrong kind of attraction. I remember this one time when I would get calls from 18 unknown numbers, apparently my contact number got leaked and the brothers in the institute kept passing it on to one another. It got impossible for me to eat or sleep or study because of the calls and messages I kept receiving 24/7. I changed my contact number and luckily I've only received one text from an unknown number so far!
I'm sure every girl has been through it but it gets me really worried at this point because I'll be joining a Med. College soon and while I was going through the college's fb page I came across some really inappropriate posts.
Anyway, my question to you brothers is, do you stare at sisters around? If you do, do you realize what a sin you're commiting? Do you realize what the girl goes through when you X-Ray scan her or pass comments over her?
I don't know if this really even is a question but I'm kind of worried sick so thought I'd pour over my concern here since it's pretty much impossible I'd meet anyone of you IRL so.. :p
I have "systers" on my job and they are comitting sin because not wearing hijab. Salam from Croatia.
 

Abu Juwairiya

Junior Member
While strong male interest in women is natural; the follow up is what separates the good brothers from other men. The intent and then the action of phoning women (either occasionally or frequently it does not matter) when they are complete strangers and without consent is nothing short of harassment and stalking as well as being haram.

The additional injury of targeting those women who are Non Mahram Muslimahs that wear scarves, hijab or niqab and where the sisters wish to be chaste is further testament to the dangers facing these men of incurring greater anger and punishment by Allah in the Hereafter.

The men who do this have severe problems (I won't say mental and psychological problems since I believe these guys are not crazy in the linguistic and physical sense and know exactly what they are doing) and they should address this and look for solutions themselves.

While some people (among the brothers) will argue the solution for these men and all other brothers is marriage, I personally disagree, they are unworthy of being a husband or a father and as long as they are like this, they should never tie the knot.

If unable to do something about their problems themselves, men with these deficiencies should seek genuine assistance through others, but at least first accept it is a concern and then work towards repressing it as much as humanly possible,

As others have said, it is not always the [female] attire that attracts male attention in general, but it becomes a pressing issue when some men decide to give in base desires in a very huge way and ignore both the consequences and the enormous degree of hurt, anger and anxiety it causes on the way to women.

The selfishness and shameful perception of some men towards women also leads to seeing women not as human beings, but painted as 'objects' alone to justify staring and deliberate stalking and if I can add criminal and evil behaviour.
 
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