A son who is confused and needs help(ME)

MOHAMMEDFALIQ

MOHAMMEDFALIQ

Junior Member
Today me and my father had a fight .

Now I dont know what did I do wrong .

At dinner my dad prepared his own food and ate outside the living room and after his done eating unpolitely he told my sisters to bring the garbage and stuufff that he ate to the kitchen and my sisters were watching tv.and I told my father to at least say please to them and i said that in a good manner so he said "so ur saying im not polite" and my reply was "yes"and after i said that he starts beating me up and threw the tv remote at my face . Then bec of that....... my whole family gets in trouble HOW? he wants to send us back to singapore (we re living in the US) just bec of that and starts calling us terrible children and my sisters had nothing to do with it. my mom tries to speak to him but b4 she could even say anything about the problem he slaps her .


So I ask u is this how a muslim father should act ?
Was what i said to my dad was wrong ?i see no dis-respect happening there
 
R

Redneck

Junior Member
I'm a dad with older teenagers. It makes us parents angry to see the "world" getting hold of our kids. We worry about the influence of T.V, computer games, the media and all those other pressures changing their kids attitudes and behaviours. You know what? It crosses every parents mind that one of your children could be eased down the wrong path, and end up in a lot of trouble.

A lot of parents feel powerless , they want their kids not to get hurt but or end up in trouble but they can't actually do or say anything to prevent it. That's when parents get angry.

Now you are older you have to start to see your dad as a family member
not just "Dad."
 
K

konrad16660

Junior Member
There is no excuse for striking a child. It is an emberassment in any religion. It is not in good practice. Obviously you don't want to call your father out when he forgets to say please. I think you knew that would get him mad. Your passing judgement on him and no one wants that. So, as everything in life, there is a resiprocal aspect of the relationship. Try not to point out his faults in shuch a crude manner, and maybe ask him, when the time is right how he is doing. Its a deteriorated relationship more than a matter of religion.
 
OmarTheFrench

OmarTheFrench

Junior Member
Respect your parents its VERY important.

And even he is angry don't answer to him let him talks or go out few minutes and try discuss with him later.

May Allah help your family brother.
 
H

hussain.mahammed

a lonely traveller
As salamu alaykum wa rahmatullahi wabrakatuhu dear brother
I make duas so that Allah helps you in your condition and give what is best for you. I am nobody to judge your father. The least help which I can do for you is refer to threads which has been made by brothers here at TTI. Be close to your parents and try to share their feelings. It depends how close you can get to your father and mother.

How to raise righteous children

Difference of opinion between parents about how to raise the children

Parents and children in Islam

wa/salam
 
S

Sister_X

Junior Member
:salam2:

My dear Brother in Islam

Father are well known for keeping ther emotion in. InshaAllah try to be an obedient son, don't talk back to your father. It might frustrated when he may he is the wrong one. InshaAllah be patient with. When i was younger i use to take a drink or tea with me after my father rightfully yelled at me for something i have done, and began with "i'm sorry". Whatever i took with me i called it "peace Offering", MashaAllah it used to work like a charm, try it maybe will work for you inshAllah.

salaam
 
N

Noor to shine

Junior Member
:salam2:
I think that both of you and your father did mistakes ...he should taik with you and your sister more politly and you should never speak to your father in such way ....You should give your advice but not in a direct insulting manner .....Every fathre expect some respect from his children .......If you want to please Allah swt try to be humble towards your parents ....Allah will reward you so much if you are kind and humble especially towards your parents, Don`t worry i am sure that your father loves you and will never do any harm ....
 
P

proud muslim

Junior Member
Assalamu alaikum,

Brother i will give u an advice regarding the situation ur in with ur father,parents usually dont like their children to directly point to their faults..even if its done in a good manner...whether this is right or wrong it's smthn in most parents and we should try and learn how to deal with it ..so as an advice when u see ur parents doin smthn wrong..u shouldnt go on and directly point to their mistakes ..instead u should try to do that in a smarter way..an indirect way and always use this smart way with parents to get what u want without upseting them..trust me it works most of the time unless u get busted..:D
anyways hope things go well with u and ur family

Assalamu alaikum
 
M

MubarekMuslimah

Junior Member
Assalaam alaikuim

Ok first of all that is NOT how a good muslim father, a good muslim man acts.

Everyone on this thread has said he was wrong to hit the children ( ie you) but ALSO he was wrong to slap your mother. That is not allowed in Islam either, raising your hand to another like that even if he is the husband and she is the wife. That is not correct and it is not acceptable

What I think you need to do first of all is give him some space to cool down. Then go and apologise - even though you didn't say anything badly, by telling him to say "please" ( even though you were right) you challenged his authority as the head of the family - this is probably what provoked the reaction from him and I would guess he is sensitive about that for some other reason - i. he feels his role as head of the family is in jeopardy or not as concrete as it should be. This would normally be because you and your sisters as children are growing up and he is therefore needed less in your lives as you make your own decisions.

So apologise and do it to clear the air even if you have to grit your teeth. Allah swt is not merciful with those who are not merciful with others. So be merciful with your father at this time insha'alllah. There is much reward for the one who is prepared to swallow their pride and apologise first and clear the air insha'allah.

Then I would ask, very delicatly, why what you said upset him so much and tell him it hurts you and your sisters to see him slap your mother. Be clear that your mother hasn't put you up tp this and tell him that you would like the whole family to get on where no-one raised their hand to anyone. Tell him Allah swt has blessed you by creating you as a family and you should thank him for that together by creating good family relations.

I am not sure what else to say except that it is NOT acceptable for him to have hit you or your mother. And try and talk to him alone, and find out what is making him so upset/stressed. Most of all, be paitent with him and he, will be paitent with you insha'allah. Let your good muslim behaviour and character act as a mirror for him - so he can also develop better muslim behaviour. its not easy being a Dad or a husband - there is a lot of responsibility - give him the support he needs insha'allah.

Salaams

I will make du'a for you insha'allah.
 
K

khadiga

New Member
maybe u dad had some problems at work or something , try not to talk back and just listen.He may calm down inshallah. all father are like that sometimes just be patisent
QUOTE=MOHAMMEDFALIQ;86675]Today me and my father had a fight .

Now I dont know what did I do wrong .

At dinner my dad prepared his own food and ate outside the living room and after his done eating unpolitely he told my sisters to bring the garbage and stuufff that he ate to the kitchen and my sisters were watching tv.and I told my father to at least say please to them and i said that in a good manner so he said "so ur saying im not polite" and my reply was "yes"and after i said that he starts beating me up and threw the tv remote at my face . Then bec of that....... my whole family gets in trouble HOW? he wants to send us back to singapore (we re living in the US) just bec of that and starts calling us terrible children and my sisters had nothing to do with it. my mom tries to speak to him but b4 she could even say anything about the problem he slaps her .


So I ask u is this how a muslim father should act ?
Was what i said to my dad was wrong ?i see no dis-respect happening there[/QUOTE]
 
oumyaquine

oumyaquine

Fière de ma religion
:salam2: :hearts: pLEASE BROTHER,BE PATIENT WITH YOUR FATHER. I HAVE 4 CHILDREN AND I DON'T THINK HE HAD A GOOD BEHAVIOUR WITH YOU(AS THE WAY YOU TOLD US)INCH'ALLAH WHEN YOU'LL HAVE YOUR OWN CHILDREN YOU WON'T TREAT THEM LIKE THAT, ANYWAY IT IS YOUR FATHER AND YOU HAVE TO RESPECT HIM AND OBEY HIM. VIOLENCE DOESN'T BRING ANYTHING GOOD.I KNOW BY MY OWN EXPERIENCE THAT IT IS A REAL DIFFICULT SUBJECT TO TALK(MY FATHER USED TO BEAT MY MUM WHEN I WAS A CHILD AND I'VE SUFFERED VERY MUCH ABOUT THAT) yOU HAVE TO BE PATIENT AND TRY TO TALK TO YOUR FATHER.:wasalam:
 
najbc

najbc

Junior Member
Assalamu alaykum,

my father is nice father and he sets great example for my brothers on how to good muslim and fathers. I never in my life seen my father hit my mother or us children or i never seen any other father do hit their families. my dad is religionist guy, so, i do not think that is how a muslim father should act. Does your father know he can not hit a woman or his children in american that he will get arrest. I am curious to know, if your father is American or from another country. What you say was not wrong but you got understand some parents may get offend if told how to treat or rise their kids. I know I would get offend especially it is from my son but I would not hit them. With all do respect, if your father has a bad temper, he should get help. I live in American, I seem some brothers go to jail for having bad temper and hit their kids. Hope everything works out for your family and your father clams down. take easies on your dad, been dad is really difficult jobs.
 
TheKnowledgeSeeker

TheKnowledgeSeeker

A Believer In Heart
assalamu alaykum

That is very insulting to any parent no matter how manner way you say it and no offence but if I was your father I would have choke you until the last drop of air in your lungs faint (and I ain’t violence person and am totally against violence) but I would feel like you are telling me how to rise my children and saying I am rising you in a wrong way. They are your parents and are raising you for free and you are go ask them to say please? Brother you are wrong and should say sorry to your dad. But it was wrong for your dad to hit your wife and in America you can go to jail for that. Anyways in islam you can’t hit your wife cos she came between you and your children Hello she was the one who was carrying them for 9 month and she was to the right. Anyways you should not judge a religion from someone action. The question you ask should a muslim father do this? No and this is not about islam this is about your daddy and the insulting you gave them. So this is not islam but you are wrong and I hope your will recognize your action before it cause to create bad relationship among your dad, family, and you. Again you are disrespecting your father and was question how he was rising you.

Wish you the best and your family!
 
A

Asmaa82

Junior Member
I agree with MubarekMuslimah.. Sometimes, parents seems unfair or are really unfair. :girl3: But as good daughters and sons, we have to respect them. When time cools down, apologize and talk to your dad. I got almost the same experience..well, not really with the slapping and hitting... i think we all have times when we disagree with parents.. But I always make it a point to talk to my parents first.. afterall, we are their sons and daughters so they will definitely cool down and listen. :muslim_child:
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top