A very delicate issue [Serious]

slaveofAllah88

Slave of Allah (swt)
:salam2:
brothers and sisters, i have this delicate issue at hand hope you can provide me with some opinion using islamic point of view

My FRIEND ... mother belonged to a poor Pakistani family who was married to a guy from a high social family, ever since he was born, he saw that everyone treated her mom like dirt, while her mom served her husband, and rest of his family in a very patient and polite manner. But his father emotionally abused her in every way possible, wont let her talk to her family, not see her family, treat her worse than a servant at home, his father's parents/family mistreated her as well, and they also hated him, their 1st child cuz it was from her.
His dad many times physically abused her and his son, and many times would take his son away and torture him in harsh manner like put his in hot room without any fan (in Pak temp as easily go up to 45 C) and lock him there while his mom cried and shouted to stop doing to her son, his son was scared to death cuz many times his dad wud hit him, even treathened him with knives and many times wud start hitting himself against the wall and run after him shouting to kill him.
Years passed nothing changed, he had 2 more brothers (who were loved by my dad and family unlike the 1st one), people tried talking to the father, but he was a angel infront of others, always so kind and helping, buying presents, be there for them in need, respecting. And some ppl that knew the truth He never listened and in anger wud do many wrong thing, his dad was always backed up by his family who used him as a toy.
But no matter how much his dad tried, Allah (swt) had put love between his mom and her family, no matter how hard he tried to separate them they loved each other very much and his 3 sons love their mom side of the family more than anything.
His dad saw only solution to take them all out of the country so they can separate and wont let them speak to them. Years passed, their eldest son, who grew in very tough condition was always more like a brother or friend for her mom never a son, he never really got to be like others, and starting at age 16 he worked hard (some labor job which greatly effected his health) so he cud separately financially support himself and his mother so they had money so she can talk to her family in Pakistan.
Althought, his eldest son tried very hard, he could be find love for his dad, but he always respected him fully cuz their mom always taught kids to respect his dad and his family no matter wat; he is their father and Islam tells them to, they never spoke to him in loud voice but he wud still emotionally and physically abuse them, physical abuse stopped on his mother thou but emotionally she was always abused and degraded as someone who had no sense of anything
.
His mom was so scared of the world, she never had courage to ask for divorce and she cudn't go with it cuz it would be considered a big shame in her society, and had no place to live, she only has one brother, Who was arranged married with her sister in law, and her sister in law is even worse than her brother so she cudn't stay there.

After 8 years of her begging to see her family, and her mom (who was very old and on her dead bed) and his dad not letting her talk with them, his son after alot of hard work send her to Pakistan, while his dad was already there for work, he received her, she saw her mom after 8 years, bed, but his dad only let her stay there for couple of days then forcefully took her to another city, while she cried and beg to let her be with her mom but he abused her so much, swearing screaming, hitting his 2 young sons.
His mom was cryng so much when his eldest son called from abroad, but she didn't tell him, he found out about it eventually from his brother, but she was patient. but he continue to do so for many days and eventually last night, She told his eldest son while she was really mad that she cant take this anymore she is fed up with this man and send her the tickets to come back, if she cant see her family she doesn't want to be with anyone else and she will live on her own or with his sons.
here is the complication, his son doesn't mind spending the money but all the passports and everything are with his dad he wont let her have it So buying ticket would have no use, and ALso if he allows her he will forcefully keep the kids with him (like he used to do before) , and that will be like torture for his siblings. Or if he gets too mad he might try to kill them as he tried to do in the past.
ALso, if they take a big step, the whole family will just fall apart :( There are alot more worse things which he din't want me to say but he really needs to know....
what should he do, its been 23 years he cant see her mom like that but wats a way out, he is still really scared of his dad n he tried talking but his dad always forcing his opinion and he doesn't want to disrepect his father just for the sake of Allah otherwise he has no respect for a man who doesn't respect a women.?

JazakAllah khair for listenning
 

Muslim_Gurl

Thank You Allah!
Awww :( I'm so so so sorry to hear this :( All I can say is that you should make lots and lots of dua for that friend :) InshaAllah. Ohh and for his parents too :(

May Allah make everything easy for him, and for his mother. Ameen.

I will make lots of duas for him okk, don't you worry :) Ohh and tell him not to worry as well ;)

I'm sorry I'm of no help :(
 

rightpath_357

Junior Member
its Pakistan, cases take forever, plus mom side is poor cant afford while dad side got connections up to the prime minister and every political party. And the justice system is right

Hmmm- Why doesn't she and her son, and both of her other sons testify? Because that's wrong! What if they can convince others to take a stand against this kind of abuse? K- let me think...... is there any of his family members that take pity on her? Ask them for help- or maybe her brother... but this CAN'T go on! :girl3:
 

slaveofAllah88

Slave of Allah (swt)
Hmmm- Why doesn't she and her son, and both of her other sons testify? Because that's wrong! What if they can convince others to take a stand against this kind of abuse? K- let me think...... is there any of his family members that take pity on her? Ask them for help- or maybe her brother... but this CAN'T go on! :girl3:

NO ONE can help, mom only has one brother, who is very innocent and is married to his sister in law who is a very horrible person too
 

ShyHijabi

Junior Member
I am not versed at all in family law in Pakistan but I would file for divorce if I were her. I know you said it would bring a huge shame on her but if we are talking threat to life, as you stated, then shame be tossed I say. I would rather deal with the shame than with my children being dead or being killed.

In the states if the woman is stuck in a situation like this she is recommended to stockpile money so she can make her escape one day. She could always apply for another passport and just tell them she lost hers. Then once everything is in place she can have her son set up the tickets. I would leave first and then file for divorce from another place in order to protect myself. This man sounds extremely dangerous and must be handled like a criminal.

I am surprised her family isn't more proactive in helping her out. I mean she is not property and doesn't belong to anyone save her Creator. If I found my adult child was in this situation I would bend heaven and earth to help her out.
 

slaveofAllah88

Slave of Allah (swt)
I am not versed at all in family law in Pakistan but I would file for divorce if I were her. I know you said it would bring a huge shame on her but if we are talking threat to life, as you stated, then shame be tossed I say. I would rather deal with the shame than with my children being dead or being killed.

In the states if the woman is stuck in a situation like this she is recommended to stockpile money so she can make her escape one day. She could always apply for another passport and just tell them she lost hers. Then once everything is in place she can have her son set up the tickets. I would leave first and then file for divorce from another place in order to protect myself. This man sounds extremely dangerous and must be handled like a criminal.

I am surprised her family isn't more proactive in helping her out. I mean she is not property and doesn't belong to anyone save her Creator. If I found my adult child was in this situation I would bend heaven and earth to help her out.

Sister, JazakAllah khair for your reply , but i just want to point it out, if she had that much confident she would have escaped a long time ago.
Due to so many years of abuse she has suffered so much, she is taking many depression pills and cant even think properly most of the times, and her health is not that great either, also if she does that then her family will suffer, cuz like i mentioned his dad has a big anger problem and it will basically go out on her family ......

but i will pass on ur commens JazakAllah khair
 

ahmed_indian

to Allah we belong
:wasalam:,

its sad akhi shaheer. :(

is it possible to bring ur local imam into scene? maybe admonishing him about Allah's punishment and mercy can melt his heart.

can she live with her children awy frm him without divorcing her husand? :confused:

may Allah help their family.
 

Seeking Allah's Mercy

Qul HuwaAllahu Ahud!
salam2:
it would be very nice if the lady and her kids stand for them selves for once.although i can see that chances that she does somthing like that are less then 0%

i can well understand what the family is going through something similar is happening to someone i know and love.the guy is well hated in our house.and if he's mentioned it's in comparison to fir'oon and the likes.i don't see eye to eye with him and aviod even salams if i can.he's a physco and listening to what he's done or is doing...........i feel i can't trust any man.

one general question
can a kid disobey and rebel with his dad just because it may help his mother in such situations.like,saying politely but in very clear terms:

" fine if you don't have any respect and love for us dad then good bye for the present.you need us we'll be there other than that you can very well do without us."

and they live somwhere in peace.i mean a mum does comes four times a head of dads.

may ALLAH help and guide the poor family:tti_sister:ameeen
 

ansari

STRANGER...
:salam2:

i think your friend's mother should DIVORCE her husband,
she should divorce and live with her eldest son.
 

Seeking Allah's Mercy

Qul HuwaAllahu Ahud!
:salam2:

i think your friend's mother should DIVORCE her husband,
she should divorce and live with her eldest son.


brother ansari if you knew those women you wouldn't be suggesting that.it's like the only thing she should have done ages ago but never did,and may ALLAH guide her.but i don't think she'll do that.even now.they reduce to shadows with the mere look their husbands give them.
 

slaveofAllah88

Slave of Allah (swt)
:wasalam:,

its sad akhi shaheer. :(

is it possible to bring ur local imam into scene? maybe admonishing him about Allah's punishment and mercy can melt his heart.

can she live with her children awy frm him without divorcing her husand? :confused:

may Allah help their family.

Brother, JazakAllah khair , like i said to the outside world his father is an angel and his mother never really told anyone about this to keep the respect and dignity of his father and family.

Also, they dont really know an imam and knowing most of the ppl and how they see his dad ppl are going to blame the WOMEN , Which is very common in our Society just blame the women
 

slaveofAllah88

Slave of Allah (swt)
brother ansari if you knew those women you wouldn't be suggesting that.it's like the only thing she should have done ages ago but never did,and may ALLAH guide her.but i don't think she'll do that.even now.they reduce to shadows with the mere look their husbands give them.

it has alot to do with the society as well, They torture the women and always blame the women A man can do many things but things dont go bad for them but for women one lil mistake and everyone frowns upon her leaving her all alone in the world.
Its the social pressure that doesn't allow her to do many things ...
 

Lookingforlight

Slave of Allah
Its time for her sons to stand up like men and do what is right- mother is truly one of the biggest blessings of Allah and one of them should let her live with them. As for family connections, they are sons of the same blood line as their father, so it shouldn't matter if her sons stand up for her.
 

Seeking Allah's Mercy

Qul HuwaAllahu Ahud!
it has alot to do with the society as well, They torture the women and always blame the women A man can do many things but things dont go bad for them but for women one lil mistake and everyone frowns upon her leaving her all alone in the world.
Its the social pressure that doesn't allow her to do many things ...
brother not meaning to go hard on you.but i've always thought of tossing culture aside in these cases is the best policy.we live for ALLAH not society.i'm always told off and targeted when i do something that does not go with my culture.but my simple reply is if ALLAH allows us to do it and it's not a sin then down the drain i throw this culture.and that's where it belongs if it takes peace from ppl.the sons must be there for her.and that will give her strenght.especially if they are success ful in making her realise that nothing matters when ALLAH makes his law,and that they(her sons)will always be there for her.
 
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