Destroyed-Inside
New Member
Hello Brothers and Sisters of Islam,
I need help and I don't know what to do anymore. This issue has got to do with my parents, the pain in my heart is just too unbearable anymore.
Ever since growing up, my parents have been more work related so I learned most of the things I know now on my own, I never learned to express my feelings so I always kept them bottled inside and never told anybody, and I cannot start now. I am doing it here because I will remain anonymous, the problem is, that my parents never seem to appreciate anything I do and always make me feel like trash.
I am not very good with other things, but I can help them with computer related issues very well and alhumdulillah people have complimented me on how well I do them, but my parents don't seem to understand and think its an easy task that can be done in 2 minutes, when really it takes a lot of time and effort.
They are always pointing out my mistakes and always think I am a bad person no matter how good I act or how good I try. Alhumdulillah, I am talented in other ways such as I make money online other than others who have to work for money. But people mess around with me and tell me it is a waste of time and tell me I wasted months and months of work for no reason and instead of acknowledging my work, criticize it and make fun of it.
When I was about 6 years old, I was struck by a bad disease known as Pneumonia of the lungs, I was hospitalized for 45 days and had to go through surgery, everything was terrible about it but I didn't know better. It was a very bad time for me and my mom stayed in the hospital with me which I am very grateful for but in the end, many years later, thinks that shes the one that suffers by staying in the hospital with me, she complained saying that "I was the one who had to stay in the hospital with you." Alhumdulillah I made it out of there fine, I think of it as Allah giving me a second chance, now if I think about it, I wish he would've taken me.
I learned 3 things when going through this stage of my life:
1. There is no such thing as love
2. Emotions only get in the way and are a weakness
3. Family is only people who have raised you to benefit them in some way.
I constantly get lectured day after day about what I did wrong, about how if I was never born my parents life would be alot better, that I have an attitude. People have said that I have an attitude, but to this day I don't know how I have an attitude and asked them. They told me my mistakes and I tried to fix them, alhumdulillah I feel as though I have succeeded in becoming a better person. Even though I feel as though I have achieved this, it feels though nothing has changed, people are still telling me I have an attitude.
I tend to believe that people don't like me at all, from everybody I know, there is probably only 2-3 people I feel value me as a person, and those people are my cousins or friends. Why do I feel this way? This is because others I tend to hang around always seem to be talking in a good way but there body language says otherwise. I don't know what I have done to these people or what is wrong with me, I would change myself any way I can because people do not like me the way I am now, but I do not know what is wrong with me.
Sometimes I feel as though my mom can be racist, this is because I was born in India and have brown colored skin along with my sister, but my 2 brothers both are whiter than me and my sister and seem to get away with anything or dont have to do anything. If I talk to my sister, even in her teenage years, she says that she had it rough and was always tormented by our parents. It seems though me and my sister always get along though, we seem to be the only ones and we seem to understand each other very well also because we both went through the same type of life.
Overall this is my life and this is what ive been going through, inshallah I hope someone here can give me some insight as to what to do next or advice on any of these topics. I do apologize for the long read, but any help is appreciated.
Thank you.
Khudahafiz/Allahafiz
I need help and I don't know what to do anymore. This issue has got to do with my parents, the pain in my heart is just too unbearable anymore.
Ever since growing up, my parents have been more work related so I learned most of the things I know now on my own, I never learned to express my feelings so I always kept them bottled inside and never told anybody, and I cannot start now. I am doing it here because I will remain anonymous, the problem is, that my parents never seem to appreciate anything I do and always make me feel like trash.
I am not very good with other things, but I can help them with computer related issues very well and alhumdulillah people have complimented me on how well I do them, but my parents don't seem to understand and think its an easy task that can be done in 2 minutes, when really it takes a lot of time and effort.
They are always pointing out my mistakes and always think I am a bad person no matter how good I act or how good I try. Alhumdulillah, I am talented in other ways such as I make money online other than others who have to work for money. But people mess around with me and tell me it is a waste of time and tell me I wasted months and months of work for no reason and instead of acknowledging my work, criticize it and make fun of it.
When I was about 6 years old, I was struck by a bad disease known as Pneumonia of the lungs, I was hospitalized for 45 days and had to go through surgery, everything was terrible about it but I didn't know better. It was a very bad time for me and my mom stayed in the hospital with me which I am very grateful for but in the end, many years later, thinks that shes the one that suffers by staying in the hospital with me, she complained saying that "I was the one who had to stay in the hospital with you." Alhumdulillah I made it out of there fine, I think of it as Allah giving me a second chance, now if I think about it, I wish he would've taken me.
I learned 3 things when going through this stage of my life:
1. There is no such thing as love
2. Emotions only get in the way and are a weakness
3. Family is only people who have raised you to benefit them in some way.
I constantly get lectured day after day about what I did wrong, about how if I was never born my parents life would be alot better, that I have an attitude. People have said that I have an attitude, but to this day I don't know how I have an attitude and asked them. They told me my mistakes and I tried to fix them, alhumdulillah I feel as though I have succeeded in becoming a better person. Even though I feel as though I have achieved this, it feels though nothing has changed, people are still telling me I have an attitude.
I tend to believe that people don't like me at all, from everybody I know, there is probably only 2-3 people I feel value me as a person, and those people are my cousins or friends. Why do I feel this way? This is because others I tend to hang around always seem to be talking in a good way but there body language says otherwise. I don't know what I have done to these people or what is wrong with me, I would change myself any way I can because people do not like me the way I am now, but I do not know what is wrong with me.
Sometimes I feel as though my mom can be racist, this is because I was born in India and have brown colored skin along with my sister, but my 2 brothers both are whiter than me and my sister and seem to get away with anything or dont have to do anything. If I talk to my sister, even in her teenage years, she says that she had it rough and was always tormented by our parents. It seems though me and my sister always get along though, we seem to be the only ones and we seem to understand each other very well also because we both went through the same type of life.
Overall this is my life and this is what ive been going through, inshallah I hope someone here can give me some insight as to what to do next or advice on any of these topics. I do apologize for the long read, but any help is appreciated.
Thank you.
Khudahafiz/Allahafiz