Any tips for surviving Christmas with non-muslim family??

[MubarekMuslimah]

Assalaamu alaikum my dear brothers and sister

Does anyone have any tips for surviving Christmas ( and Boxing Day!) with non-muslim family ( i.e Mum and Dad)??

This will be my 3rd Xmas time since reverting alhamdulillah. And each year I find it more stressful since I guess my iman has become stronger (alhamdulillah) so I am more and more aware of the haraam elements of this time of year.

But when its your family doing this and they expect you to be with them, to tell them you will not be would cause MASSIVE upset and upheaval - it can be very stressful.

I do not celebrate Christmas with them, I just spend time with them and they know I don't celebrate Christmas but I still have to be there - should I be there?

I don't wish them happy christmas, I don't put my presents for them under the tree, I don;t do anything Christmassy - at all with them but I am still there in that environment, having to bite my tongue to maintain good relations......like this year I am wearing Hijaab for the first Christmas (just put it on this year alhamdulillah) and thats not exactly going down well right now - let alone with me upsetting things even more....I don't want them to come to hate Islam or Muslims or my husband ( they clearly 'blame' my reversion on him :astag: ) I want them to learn about Islam insha'allah.....

its just soooooooooo hard, I am dreading it... It causes me a real upset in my soul if you know what I mean - my love for Allah swt and his way and my knowing what is right and wrong vs my love for my parents and not wanting to upset them or damage relations with me or towards Islam as a whole.....Allah swt will always 'win' insha'allah but it still causes me pain and stress.....

any tips on how to survive???

Jazak'allah khair

Salaams

 

[BrotherZak]

Be patient and act with wisdom. Be happy, act righteous for the sake of allah, convey the deen to them, and partake in the celebrations with your family only in things which are in accordance with islam. You are allowed to eat, share presents( with allah in mind and dawah in mind) and not for the purpose of christmas itself. Remember its is actions which speak louder than words. Remember don't celebrate the christmas associated with arcane ancient practises or the one related to "SANTA", RATHER use it as time to come closer to your family and hopefully portray islam in a good manner. Who knows this can be the spark....that they need.

"Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him, was so accommodating of Christians that according to the two earliest Islamic historians, Ibn e Saad and Ibn Hisham, the Prophet even allowed a delegation of 60 Byzantine Christians from Najran in Yemen to worship in his own mosque in Madinah. Lead by their bishop (Usquf), they had come to discuss a number of issues with him. When time of their prayer came, they asked the Prophet's permission to perform this in the mosque. He answered, "conduct your service here in the mosque. It is a place consecrated to God."


and also "We also have to remember that even if for many nominal Christians, the celebration is not really about participating in religious traditions, Christmas is a time for families to get together. In a number of cases it is the only time of year families get together, either because family members are scattered in different parts of the country or the world, because of communication and relationship problems, or because in America today, the family unit is becoming weaker and weaker. "


Pray salat, worship allah and gain tawqa....but that deosn't necessarily stop you from getting closer to your family.

I hope that helped...alakum salam your brother in islam.

 

[BrotherZak]

To add one more sister, here is anther extract:

"Remember that respect does not mean compromise. This article is not asking you to compromise anything. You have freedom of religion given by God to believe in what you believe in. But in a world where conflict is increasing, a Muslim should be a bridge- builder and a peacemaker. It was due to the Muslim practice of Islamic ideals of respect and tolerance that the key of the holiest Christian Shrine in Jerusalem, the church of the Holy Sepulcher, remains entrusted with a Muslim family, as it has been for over 1400 years. "'

 

[Barbara13]

Salaams,

I really can relate to your problem....this is my 2nd Christmas as a reverted Muslim and I just started covering. I only wore it around my family one time, and they were "okay" with it, but I'm sure they think I'm nuts.

I would go, and just enjoy your family. I think this year I will be giving my neice/nephews gifts for Eid, since it falls around the 30th or 31st.

It takes time. It's new to them too, and they're probably just as freaked out as you are. Slowly, if you show them a little bit more (ie: hijab this year), they'll get used to that and accept it.

I hope you have a really nice time visiting. Family is very important, and you do have your husbad, alhumdulillah. My heart goes out to all those who must endure this alone.

 

[acedoc]

Celebrating non-muslim holidays

Question:
Can a muslim celebrate a non muslim holiday like Thanksgiving?

Answer:

Praise be to Allaah.

Greeting the kuffaar on Christmas and other religious holidays of theirs is haraam, by consensus, as Ibn al-Qayyim, may Allaah have mercy on him, said in Ahkaam Ahl al-Dhimmah: "Congratulating the kuffaar on the rituals that belong only to them is haraam by consensus, as is congratulating them on their festivals and fasts by saying ‘A happy festival to you’ or ‘May you enjoy your festival,’ and so on. If the one who says this has been saved from kufr, it is still forbidden. It is like congratulating someone for prostrating to the cross, or even worse than that. It is as great a sin as congratulating someone for drinking wine, or murdering someone, or having illicit sexual relations, and so on. Many of those who have no respect for their religion fall into this error; they do not realize the offensiveness of their actions. Whoever congratulates a person for his disobedience or bid’ah or kufr exposes himself to the wrath and anger of Allaah."

Congratulating the kuffaar on their religious festivals is haraam to the extent described by Ibn al-Qayyim because it implies that one accepts or approves of their rituals of kufr, even if one would not accept those things for oneself. But the Muslim should not aceept the rituals of kufr or congratulate anyone else for them, because Allaah does not accept any of that at all, as He says (interpretation of the meaning):

"If you disbelieve, then verily, Allaah is not in need of you, He likes not disbelief for His slaves. And if you are grateful (by being believers), He is pleased therewith for you. . ."
[al-Zumar 39:7]

". . . This day, I have perfected your religion for you, completed My favour upon you, and have chosen for you Islaam as your religion . . ."
[al-Maa’idah 5:3]

So congratulating them is forbidden, whether they are one’s colleagues at work or otherwise.

If they greet us on the occasion of their festivals, we should not respond, because these are not our festivals, and because they are not festivals which are acceptable to Allaah. These festivals are innovations in their religions, and even those which may have been prescribed formerly have been abrogated by the religion of Islaam, with which Allaah sent Muhammad (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) to the whole of mankind. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
"Whoever seeks a religion other than Islaam, it will never be accepted of him, and in the Hereafter he will be one of the losers." [Aal ‘Imraan 3:85]

It is haraam for a Muslim to accept invitations on such occasions, because this is worse than congratulating them as it implies taking part in their celebrations.

Similarly, Muslims are forbidden to imitate the kuffaar by having parties on such occasions, or exchanging gifts, or giving out sweets or food, or taking time off work, etc., because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "Whoever imitates a people is one of them." Shaykh al-Islaam Ibn Taymiyah said in his book Iqtidaa’ al-siraat al-mustaqeem mukhaalifat ashaab al-jaheem: "Imitating them in some of their festivals implies that one is pleased with their false beliefs and practices, and gives them the hope that they may have the opportunity to humiliate and mislead the weak."

Whoever does anything of this sort is a sinner, whether he does it out of politeness or to be friendly, or because he is too shy to refuse, or for whatever other reason, because this is hypocrisy in Islaam, and because it makes the kuffaar feel proud of their religion.

Allaah is the One Whom we ask to make the Muslims feel proud of their religion, to help them adhere steadfastly to it, and to make them victorious over their enemies, for He is the Strong and Omnipotent.


Majmoo’ah Fataawa wa Rasaa’il al-Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen, 3/369






Question:
She says: I want to become Muslim, but my family gather to celebrate Christmas, and I want to go and greet them. This is not with the intention of celebrating or joining in, but simply to make the most of the opportunity of my relatives getting together. Is this allowed?

Answer:

We put this question to Shaykh Muhammad ibn Saalih al-‘Uthaymeen,who answered as follows:

No, it is not permitted. If Allaah blesses her with Islam, then the first thing she must do is to distance herself from her former religion and its festivals.

And Allaah knows best.

Shaykh Muhammad ibn Saalih al-‘Uthaymeen

 

[Abdul Malik]

family at xmas

Asalam alaikum warahmatulahi wabrakatuh,

I know many people in the same situation as some of you brothers and sisters and subhnallah its so difficult for them, at the end of the day parents are parents even if they kuffar.

I guess a muslims its best we show good manners and try to explain the best we can about not celebrating xmas with them, that is not easy but as muslims we all have our tests.

I have known brothers spend some little time at home then call the brothers and go out with the muslims and inshallah that usually makes them feel better.

ALLAH make it easy for u and us all and give people better understanding of the dean.......ameen

 

[Barbara13]

Salaams again,

First off, I understand that we are not to CELEBRATE these holidays with our non-Muslim families. But to shun them? Does "dawaa" mean anything here?

Being a good Muslim and being respectful to your family is the best dawaa anyone can give. So if your non-Muslim family is trying to FORCE you to celebrate the religious aspect, then by all means stay away. But if people see us reverts as the same old whoever we were before, just looking a little different and practicing a different religion, it breaks down barriers and opens the line of communication.....Islam is not so "foreign" or "strange" any longer.

I know of MUSLIMS in MUSLIM countries who have huge parties celebrating the Prophet's (saw) birthday. This is not allowed in Islam either.

I just think it is easy for someone who has never "walked a mile" in a reverts shoes to give advice, when it could very well be the make or break point in the non-Muslim family finally accepting that Islam is not "weird." I am talking about the quote above indicating you should not go celebrate with your family. And NO....you should not CELEBRATE with your family....but there is nothing wrong with VISITING your family.

I would only cut ties with my family if they tried to force me to become Catholic again, or else really mocked me or my religion. Sorry if this came off a little cranky, but it's early and I haven't had any coffee.

 

[Barbara13]

Question:
She says: I want to become Muslim, but my family gather to celebrate Christmas, and I want to go and greet them. This is not with the intention of celebrating or joining in, but simply to make the most of the opportunity of my relatives getting together. Is this allowed?

Answer:

We put this question to Shaykh Muhammad ibn Saalih al-‘Uthaymeen,who answered as follows:

No, it is not permitted. If Allaah blesses her with Islam, then the first thing she must do is to distance herself from her former religion and its festivals.

And Allaah knows best.

Shaykh Muhammad ibn Saalih al-‘Uthaymeen

This is very troubling. She wants to become Muslim. If this answer (No, it is not permitted) is her make or break point, she will not become a Muslim. People should only be given a little bit, as much as they can handle, until they are ready.

I drank before I was Muslim. I didn't want to become Muslim until I quit drinking (just party stuff, nothing daily). I was told, by NUMEROUS Imams, not to worry about that, nor about eating pork, which I barely did anyway. They said, "All of that will come in time, don't trouble yourself with it now." These are things explicitly forbidden in Islam, yet they told me those were not the most important things.....the most important thing was to TAKE MY SHAHADA. Islam did not come to the people all at once.....remember, they were allowed to continue drinking for like 10 or 13 years after the first revelation.

Do not discourage someone from Islam because of any reason. It should be explained in a more gentle way, that is not so rigid. (No, it is not permitted). I pray to Allah the Almighty that whoever asked that question did embrace Islam.

 

[Globalpeace]

Asslamo Allaikum,

I believe that there are many like me who are born into Islam but started practising later in our lives who encounter similar problems…

Muslim families often celebrate events which have no basis in Shariah such as Birthdays (Prophet, Scholars & others), Death Anniversaries (Prophet, Scholars & others), Khatam (collective recital of Qur’aan, blowing on Food for invoking blessings), Geyarween Shareef (collective Nasheeds on the Prophet, blowing on Food for invoking blessings), Shabe-e-Barat (15th of Sha’baan) are a few in a long list…

When one starts practising close-family single you out, label you a rebel Wahabi (fanatic, fundamentalist) and try to black-mail you into participating into these events by saying things like, “What’s wrong with you…Your Grandfather used to do this & he was more pious and knowledgeable then you…You should obey your elders…You Should move with the times…Your have to live in this Dunya (world)…Islam doesn’t teach you to break family ties… etc. etc. etc.

Although the scenarios are different but the circumstances bear resemblance to what is being discussed by reverts…

The question is NOT if these things are impermissible in Islam (No doubt about that) but how to give Daw’ah to your family and bring them out of ignorance...Ramming evidence down peoples throats, boycotting, shunning etc. sometimes have the negative effect of what you are trying to achieve…

The goal is to have them see your way of thinking and change their ways which are Bid’a and some of these actions are tantamount to Shirk; in that case you have to no choice but to boycott but it needs to be handled with absolute tact & diplomacy as they are family & we have to maintain ties & give Dawad & Blood is thicker then Water!

In an emotionally charged environment the best way is to “discuss/present” evidence to people not “give” evidence to people & there is subtle difference between the two terms

The problem needs to be evaluated before it can be solved…Your family is celebrating & they want you to be part of it because they love you and want you to be part of it & you are being a party-popper (in their eyes)…Look at the reverse of the Problem you think that you are right & they are not accepting the truth…

So tact, diplomacy is the way to go because the objective is to win “Hearts & Minds”

Jazakullah Khairun

P.S: I am sure that I will make a lot of Brothers/Sisters angry because of my "opinion" but I lack knowledge, experience and depend on all of you for help and please understand that at the end of the day it is an "opinion"

 

[Globalpeace]

Asslamo Allaikum,

A similar example would be of people talking “at” their spouse rather then talking “to” or “with” their spouse…All couples have disagreements and all need to reach a compromise.

 

[omm mohammad]

The rules for social relations between muslims and non

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم
وصلى الله على نبينا محمد وعلى آله وصحبه وسلم تسليما
السلام عليكم و رحمة الله و بركاته...
as salam aleikum wa rahmatuallah wa barakatu
Introduction
The relation that we can have with people in general are based on their positions regarding Islam,not on their beliefs excepts the time of war what is called (kafer-harbi).
Some muslims wen they enter in Islam they imagin that they have to cut every thing concerning their past this is not correct,especialy with parents and neigbords,unless they have bad influence on him or..her and he can't
face it.
When you are invited in general if it is personnal or public invitation you can
atend ,and if some one tell you good year or good day,you reply the same
for you and you can acept and give gifts even if they do it for religius reasons you DO IT FOR SOCIAL REASON unless you think that will cause you
problems in your FAITH and this is up to you to evaluate.
what you can't do is to stay if there is alcohol drinks or dance, and you have
to take the same occasion to invite them to your religios ocasions and to talk
to them about it.
في ا مان ا لله
fiamaneallah
omm mohammad

 

[Imad]

Assalmoelaikoem warahmatullahi wabaraktuh,

First of all dear brothers and sisters you have to know that we have to say the truth. i will give you insha Allah an example. Eating pork and drinking alcohol is haram, because Allah prohibited eating pork and drinking alcohol. So my Question to you dear brothers and sisters is : If a non-muslim came to you and asks: " I want to become Muslim, but is it allowed to eat pork and drink alcohol?" What will be your answer? Yes or No

My answer will be: " No it's not allowed for a muslim to drink alcohol and eat pork, because Allah didn't allow muslims to drink alcohol or eat pork, but listen to me: " accept islam first and Allah will help you" afterwards i will give him information about the importance of accepting islam and explain in a gentle way why islam forbids eating pork and drinking alcohol.

I will never say: " Don't worry eat pork and drink alcohol even if you enter islam,because entering islam is more important, islam did not come to the people all at once.....remember, they were allowed to continue drinking for like 10 or 13 years after the first revelation"

I am sorry, but who are this Imams? Are they big scholars like Sorry if this came off a little. No i don't think so.

Sorry if this came off a little cranky dear sister Barbara 13 and others.

First alcohol was not prohibited and now it's prohibited. Islam is completed. When the sahaba ( companions) heard about the verse they stopped drinking alcohol.

Wassalmoelaikoem warahmatullahi wabaraktuh

 

[Barbara13]

Salaams Imad,

I did not say that the Imams told me, "Don't worry, eat pork and drink." they said not to avoid taking shahada because of those reasons (I already knew they were forbidden, and rarely, if ever, ate pork anyway), and that '"in TIME those things will come." Meaning, if that is the only reason I am not taking shahada, I should take shahada and Allah will guide me after that. Which he did. My two biggest concerns were: 1.) not drinking [I come from Irish stock...and my family drank at gatherings], and 2.) wearing hijab. I quit drinking entirely without a second thought 6mos after taking shahada, and started covering all the time 20mos after shahada. Allah made it easy, even though before I took shahada I couldn't imagine doing either.

Allah helps us get to where we need to be, and we should not discourage anyone from taking shahada BASED on something haram. NO MUSLIM should ever tell someone NOT to become a Muslim, for ANY reason!! If someone didn't take a shower specifically with the intent of becoming Muslim, they should not be sent home to shower; if a woman walks in without a scarf and wants to take shahada but is extremely uncomfortable with a scarf on, let her say it without one; if someone eats pork and KNOWS it is haram, and still wants to become a Muslim, they should take shahada, and Allah will one day make pork so disgusting to them they won't want to eat it. How will you answer if you turned someone away and Allah questions you about it on the Last Day? If they ask if eating pork (as an example) is haram, we should say, "Yes, it is, and you should not eat it." but if they still want to become Muslim they can and should. Eating pork will not kill them, if Allah knows they are struggling each day NOT to eat it. Again, in time, He will make it easy for them to quit.

The analogy that the Imams gave me was essentially to say, "Do not wait until you are ready to cover full time, or you have totally quit drinking, because you may die when you walk out of here tonight." They did not say, "Keep on drinking, it's fine." I did not take shahada after the first Imam told me that, I was not ready. When I met the Imam who gave me shahada (if that's the correct terminology), he made me feel comfortable and I was ready. But both had said that even the first followers of the Prophet (saw) did not quit drinking in a day. It was done in steps. I know what is haram and not, but we cannot expect someone raised in a NON MUSLIM environment all their life to change overnight.

Baby steps, that is what it is all about.

I understand you were raised Muslim and may not have been "entirely on the straight path" all your life, but you were still AWARE of Islamic beliefs and rulings (ie: Haram and Halal). Those of us raised as Non Muslims did not have that luxury, and some had scarcely heard of Islam growing up. We need to make things EASY for those coming to Islam, Allah will guide them after they have stepped onto the straight path. Would your family disown you because you became a BETTER Muslim? A lot of reverts' families do just that, so I know you can relate, but only so much.

I am not saying this sister should go to church with her family on Christmas Eve, or exchange any presents (she should not do either, but I think she understands that), but if it is going to make her sad to avoid her family, and make her family more against her becoming a Muslim, which is worse? Staying away or just being with family? I do not partake in ANY part of Christmas, but I still go to spend TIME with my family, which is important to me and them.

I'm awake now, alhumdulillah!!

 

[Imad]

Assalmoelaikoem warahmatullahi wabaraktuh,

I understand your point alhamdullilah. I agree also with many things you have mentioned, but it's important to know the islamic rules about the verses from the Quraan.

I agree also with the imams about not waiting until you stop, but the main point is that they misinformed you about the differences between the rule before descending of the quranic verse about alcohol and after. And now i see you are using it , that's the main point i wanted to make clear.

It's a big mistake to use the example which are brought forward by the imams, because it's not true. The sahaba stopped after hearing the verse from the Quran about stopping with drinking alcohol. Before there was no rule. The rule is now until the day of resurection ( yawm el Qiyama) and it's not allowed to compare our time with the time of the sahaba regarding stopping with alcohol, because it has to do with descending of differend Quranic verses. Now the islam is completed and the rules has to be followed like how they are know.

Yes you are right not to discourage someone who wants to enter islam, but you have to inform and make his doubts clear.

Insha Allah you understand what i mean.

If you have any questions regarding what i have written, please ask. Keep in mind the difference in descending of the Quranic verses.

Wassalmoelaikoem warahmatullahi wabaraktoh

 

[umm hussain]

Does anyone have any tips for surviving Christmas ( and Boxing Day!) with non-muslim family ( i.e Mum and Dad)??

This will be my 3rd Xmas time since reverting alhamdulillah. And each year I find it more stressful since I guess my iman has become stronger (alhamdulillah) so I am more and more aware of the haraam elements of this time of year.

But when its your family doing this and they expect you to be with them, to tell them you will not be would cause MASSIVE upset and upheaval - it can be very stressful.

I do not celebrate Christmas with them, I just spend time with them and they know I don't celebrate Christmas but I still have to be there - should I be there?

I don't wish them happy christmas, I don't put my presents for them under the tree, I don;t do anything Christmassy - at all with them but I am still there in that environment, having to bite my tongue to maintain good relations......like this year I am wearing Hijaab for the first Christmas (just put it on this year alhamdulillah) and thats not exactly going down well right now - let alone with me upsetting things even more....I don't want them to come to hate Islam or Muslims or my husband ( they clearly 'blame' my reversion on him :astag: ) I want them to learn about Islam insha'allah.....



any tips on how to survive???

Walaikum salam warahmatullah, all I can say to you sis is the thing that stops me from being around my family during Christmas and all other celebrations that are contradictory to islam is the Quote from the hadith about not pleasing the creation over the Creator, if someone could post it because I dont have it in hand and to Allah is our return and we are going to be asked about us not what our family is doing or has done. I am a revert as well so I totally understand your dilemma, but we have to really look at it this way who should we fear more to upset, Allah or our family, as for me Allah comes first. There is also a hadith about not being in the company of people drinking alcohol and like we all know there will be alcohol, I think as soon as you make a stand they will finally respect your decision, it might take some time but inshallah they will come around, im sure your becoming muslim didnt go down well with them but you still went ahead and did it, so it is the same thing as getting involved in their celebrations if you believe what you are doing is correct then so be it, I mean there are 360+ days to see them and be with them during the year why single out one day
I dont think your not being around them at this time is going to make them hate or dislike Islam anymore than they already do it will be an excuse if anything.

I have noticed something about us reverts we tend to choose what we apply at a certain time, e.g some of us were really rebellious, outgoing and didnt listen to our parents anyway but for some reason after accepting Islam we try to please our parents even if it means upsetting Allah, even if for example we reverted without them liking it, got married to a muslim they didnt like, wearing hijab all this they dont normally like but for some reason we feel we have to be involved in their celebrations yet we have taken the biggest hurdles and survived, I feel sometimes we pick and choose what to implement and what to leave out but it is high time we are in it 100%.

I know we have to take care and respect our parents even if they are disbelievers, unless they stop u from worshipping Allah, and my opinion is their request or expectation for me to be in this environment is stopping me from worshipping Allah.

I hope my advice doesnt sound to harsh, but this is just how i feel and Allah knows best my intentions, just to correct each other inshallah

 

[umm hussain]

Walaikum salam warahmatullah, all I can say to you sis is the thing that stops me from being around my family during Christmas and all other celebrations that are contradictory to islam is the Quote from the hadith about not pleasing the creation over the Creator, if someone could post it because I dont have it in hand and to Allah is our return and we are going to be asked about us not what our family is doing or has done. I am a revert as well so I totally understand your dilemma, but we have to really look at it this way who should we fear more to upset, Allah or our family, as for me Allah comes first. There is also a hadith about not being in the company of people drinking alcohol and like we all know there will be alcohol, I think as soon as you make a stand they will finally respect your decision, it might take some time but inshallah they will come around, im sure your becoming muslim didnt go down well with them but you still went ahead and did it, so it is the same thing as getting involved in their celebrations if you believe what you are doing is correct then so be it, I mean there are 360+ days to see them and be with them during the year why single out one day
I dont think your not being around them at this time is going to make them hate or dislike Islam anymore than they already do it will be an excuse if anything.

I have noticed something about us reverts we tend to choose what we apply at a certain time, e.g some of us were really rebellious, outgoing and didnt listen to our parents anyway but for some reason after accepting Islam we try to please our parents even if it means upsetting Allah, even if for example we reverted without them liking it, got married to a muslim they didnt like, wearing hijab all this they dont normally like but for some reason we feel we have to be involved in their celebrations yet we have taken the biggest hurdles and survived, I feel sometimes we pick and choose what to implement and what to leave out but it is high time we are in it 100%.

I know we have to take care and respect our parents even if they are disbelievers, unless they stop u from worshipping Allah, and my opinion is their request or expectation for me to be in this environment is stopping me from worshipping Allah.

I hope my advice doesnt sound to harsh, but this is just how i feel and Allah knows best my intentions, just to correct each other inshallah[/QUOTE]

 

[Abdul Malik]

just a suggestion

Asalam alaikum warahmatulahi wabrkatuh,

Just wanted to say that most masjids especially the ones on the quran and sunnah try to hold events over the xmas period, mayb try to attend those inshallah get your mind of things and you will be getting benefit frm it.

ALLAH make it easy for us all in striving in his cause.......ameen

 

[MubarekMuslimah]

Jazak'allah for the advice

assalaamu alaikum all brothers and sister

Thank you so much for all your replies and naseeha jazak'allah khair. My husband and I leave tomorrow to spend time with my parents. I feel a bit better and stronger about it now insha'allah and I have made du'a to Allah swt to make things easy for us, to keep shaytaan away from us and for us to have strength or iman and character that we may make ample use of dawah while we are there - please remember us in your du'a s with this respect too.

It was especially good to hear from other brothers and sister who are going through or have been through the same thing - any more advice from personal expericne most welcome insha'allah.

For those who advised I stay away or to be careful not to be drawn into haraam - Alhamdulilah I am very careful on this respect - for instance I put hijaab on recently ( about 3 months) and I knew this would cause waves with them but Allah swt matters more to me. They asked me not to wear it when we see my Aunt and Uncle and alhamdulillah I refused - i hope they respect that - we shall see but I am clear I will not go if I can't wear hijaab.

Anyways - for those who advise severing all contact i do know what you mean in that we sometimes make excuses for parts of the deen that we wouldn't normally, just cos they are family.. ..insha'allah I am aware and careful of this and will definatly bear in mind but I cannot get these hadith and ayat out of my head, which is why baby steps I hope insha'allah are the best for me - my intention is 100% Islam and to bring dawah and not to embrace haraam for them or with them in anyway:

Allah says in the Qur'aan: "O you who believe! Save yourselves and your family from a fire whose Fuel are men and stones." [Soorah at-Tahreem (66): 6]

"Whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day, let him maintain the bonds of kinship" [Bukhari]

“Allah’s mercy will not descend on people among whom there is one who severs ties of kinship.” [Baihaqi, Shuab Al-Iman]

“There is no sin more deserving of having punishment meted out by Allah to its perpetrator in advance in this world along with what He stores up for him in the next world than oppression and severing ties of family.” [Tirmidhi].

and of course this:

And We have enjoined on man to be good and dutiful to his parents; but if they strive to make you join with Me (in worship) anything (as a partner) of which you have no knowledge, then obey them not. Unto Me is your return and I shall tell you what you used to do”

[al-‘Ankaboot 29:8]
which we must not forget insha'allah.

Alhamdulillah I have done a lot of reading on this issue and for anyone who is in similar situation, I found this site quite good:

http://muslimconverts.com/

I ask all brothers and sisters to make du'a for me as I AM still struggling - not with my iman alhamdullilah as I know this is a test from Allah swt now - but for the pain and stress I feel I cause my parents and because of this I feel pain - insha'allah I pray with all my heart that not only might they understand and respect me and my Islam but come to love the deen as much as I do, AMEEN.

My du'a to all brothers and sisters

Salaams

Layla

 

[AndiRB]

A lot of du'a

As-salamu alaikum dear sisters and brothers in islam,

I can only assure you that I will do a lot of du'a for everyone of you who has to go through christmas celebrations with their families. And I ask you as well to do so, insha-allah.

On sunday I will head off as well to Germany to see my family. Actually I wanted to tell you a little bit how we are resolving this christmas issue in our family. My parents are very religious christians, so the most important thing on christmas for them is going to church. Besides we have cut down christmas presents to nearly zero. So nobody is upset if I won't get them presents for christmas. Maybe we should try in general to talk to our families more about their religion and why they are celebrating something and if this is really good in their religion. That's the way I always talk to my family and, alhamduli-lah, little by little it works.

It is a big chance for every revert to spend some quality time with their families and sometimes especially on days like christmas and birthdays etc. These are the days when after getting presents and all the material stuff everybody seems to be empty in a spiritual way - Is materialism everything that makes this celebration worth celebrating? Well I at least often felt this way before becoming Muslim. I don't know who is it from: but a glas can only be filled when it's empty.

Take this possibility and go with the intention of doing the right thing. Allah knows best what is in our hearts. And be prepared of some struggles. That's jeehad. Stay firm in your faith and everything it includes. It's sometimes more impressing for them seeing you denying to wish "merry christmas" but telling them that your only purpose is to be with them because you love them.

I hope I could make myself understood. Insha-allah we will be all strong the following days. Please make a lot of du'a. We all need it.

Take care everybody and thank you for the advices. I've learned so much. Like everytime reading your posts.

Ma'a salama
Andrea

 

[MubarekMuslimah]

jazak'allah brother this is some good advice alhamdulillah...i shall definatly bear it in mind insha'allah.