Applying Islam in a western culture?

[Shamim56]

:salam2:, hope everyone is well inshallah

I wanted to talk about this because i believe its a vital issue in America particularly. Im an American Muslim near the end of High School, but i struggle to apply Islam to all aspects of my life, its very hard when you see your peers doing what you know they shouldnt be doing. My question is..

What are your thoughts on this and experience, for me i cant even deal with all of it.

I think the biggest issue is boyfriend/girlfriend or just 'friend'.I know issues arise when boys and girls meet as if their like friends, reason why its its not allowed in Islam. I try to avoid it as much as i can, but i can barely do anything about it. What am i supposed to do if we have group projects or situations where you have to? honestly Many of the Hijabi sister dont even realize it.

I was doing a project the other day with assigned with a Muslim girl that wears a Hijab, now she literally follows me and talks to me everywhere. I dont know where this is even going to lead too. Im like forced into a conversation. I enjoy the talking and everything but i feel regret after, or for some reason feel happy about getting to know new people better. Mixed feelings.

What are your views on western culture particularly the youth stage? I never even knew arranged marriages is the only halal marriage, and i know if i say a word about it in our Jummah Prayer meetings in school, probably everyone would tell me im wrong and ignore me and be humiliated.

I just want the youth to have a voice, because many older people dont know how they view the world after learning a good amount of knowledge about Islam.

problems in youth
-Girlfriend/boyfriend or 'friend'
-Peer pressure/Influence
-Use of vulgar language to seem cool
-Thinking people might view you as weird when you pray at work/anywhere public
-Backbiting
-Wanting to join the 'cool' group of kid's
-Type of clothing/modesty
-Many more..

I think the future lies in our youth, but first they must be able to speak out about important subjects teens deal in their country or culture

 

[Fatima_ahmad]

Assalam-0-Alakum: Well the important thing is there is no concept of boyfriend or girl friend in islam.Well in islam such things are not allowed .In western culture which is opposite to Islam..Well western culture is all man made..

 

[Ahsen]

:salam2:, hope everyone is well inshallah
problems in youth
-Girlfriend/boyfriend or 'friend'
-Peer pressure/Influence
-Use of vulgar language to seem cool
-Thinking people might view you as weird when you pray at work/anywhere public
-Backbiting
-Wanting to join the 'cool' group of kid's
-Type of clothing/modesty
-Many more..

I think the future lies in our youth, but first they must be able to speak out about important subjects teens deal in their country or culture

There's no girlfriend or boyfriend.It's only non mahram.If the girls come after you,treat them with respect but show them that you don't have any interest in them or in dealing with them.

Regarding peer pressure.If you explain a bit more,maybe i can give some advice.

Vulgar language:Ya,I know that's difficult to avoid.I don't have any idea about that.These days it's like an epidemic.

Let people think whatever they think.

Backbiting can be avoided very easily.Try to start another topic.If you also backbite people will lose trust in you.

The rest i will tell you later,but i know and understand that there are many problems which the youth are facing and the elders have no idea of it,because in their days it wasn't either there,or even if it was,then not the same thing.It's just too much pressure on teens these days,and no elders to give advice.

 

[JenGiove]

:salam2:, hope everyone is well inshallah

I wanted to talk about this because i believe its a vital issue in America particularly. Im an American Muslim near the end of High School, but i struggle to apply Islam to all aspects of my life, its very hard when you see your peers doing what you know they shouldnt be doing. My question is..

What are your thoughts on this and experience, for me i cant even deal with all of it.

I think the biggest issue is boyfriend/girlfriend or just 'friend'.I know issues arise when boys and girls meet as if their like friends, reason why its its not allowed in Islam. I try to avoid it as much as i can, but i can barely do anything about it. What am i supposed to do if we have group projects or situations where you have to? honestly Many of the Hijabi sister dont even realize it.

I was doing a project the other day with assigned with a Muslim girl that wears a Hijab, now she literally follows me and talks to me everywhere. I dont know where this is even going to lead too. Im like forced into a conversation. I enjoy the talking and everything but i feel regret after, or for some reason feel happy about getting to know new people better. Mixed feelings.

What are your views on western culture particularly the youth stage? I never even knew arranged marriages is the only halal marriage, and i know if i say a word about it in our Jummah Prayer meetings in school, probably everyone would tell me im wrong and ignore me and be humiliated.

I just want the youth to have a voice, because many older people dont know how they view the world after learning a good amount of knowledge about Islam.

problems in youth
-Girlfriend/boyfriend or 'friend'
-Peer pressure/Influence
-Use of vulgar language to seem cool
-Thinking people might view you as weird when you pray at work/anywhere public
-Backbiting
-Wanting to join the 'cool' group of kid's
-Type of clothing/modesty
-Many more..

I think the future lies in our youth, but first they must be able to speak out about important subjects teens deal in their country or culture

Assalaamu Alaikum Little Brother,

Would you ever think that a non-Muslim would be able to provide some advice for you? I was raised in a religion that had similar rules and expectations as Islam so I know what is is like to grow up in western society with the problems you have. I applaude you for wanting to do what is right and wanting to be a voice to those who seem to have little.

Issue:
1)Hijab Siter: know that she probably feels alot like you in that she may be looking for someone to identify with, and who identifies with her. Tell her that and let her know that while you will always be her Brother and will always stand with her when needed, it is also the responsibility of the two of you to assist in each others avoidance of fitnah and to remind each other when you stray from the right road. Tell her that while you love her for the sake of Allah, that her behavior is beneath her and that you know she is better than this. Said this way, it places the focus on what is good in her and it ignores the bad. In this way you "hide her sins" and elevates her within her own mind and heart.

2)Its not really an "arranged" marriage in the sense that other people pick your spouse for you but it is an arrangement where more experienced people take into account who the two people are, their strengths and weaknesses, in order to bring balance and proper support. You would not want two people who have the same weaknesses married together for then Shaytain is sure to use that weak foundation to destroy your marriage and make you leave the straight path. However, if one person has a better head for studies but is weak in practice, you would want to pair that person who is better at practice but may be weak in accurate "book learning". For example: I can understand the reasons behind this and that but I can't remember what Surah or Hadith I learned it from. I would be better paired with someone who has that wisdom and can recall the specific verses. In that way I could easily turn to my husband and ask for the information. It can take an experienced person to judge what a person needs. That's why a girl's Wali is usually never someone young...

3)Peer pressure/Influence: You asked alot of questions and they all can fit under this one heading, though I understand why you separated them. While around you it may seem like you are the only person who is different and fear Allah, in reality, you are walking the same road, with the same "sand in the shoes" as 1.5 BILLION other people. Think about that. 1.5 BILLION people have had to experience your same questions and had to face those same circumstances. I ever wonder if Creator ever gets tired of answering the same question over and over again...

No matter if the social situation is scholastic, social or professional in nature, the same questions come up. There is no easy answer I'm afraid. Hence why your sister is gravitating towards you. Kids are cruel no matter WHAT or WHO you are. In a sense, you also share an experience with far more kids than you realize. For every kid that gets bullied and teased and feels depressed because they aren't part of the "in-crowd", the "popular kids" these same emotions come up. What do I do? How do I deal? How do I survive!?

8 hours. That is the average school day. There are 24 hours in a day. There is no answer that anyone could give you that would help. I'm sorry. 8 hrs a day, 5 days a week for 4 years. You spend FAR less in school than you think....it just never feels that way! lol!

4)Swearing: I wanted to address this specifically. Since I'm not a Muslim, I swear but I also have a 2 year old that is around me all the time. I fasted during this past Ramadan, though I was unable to finish it for health reasons. I realized then just how much I swore in a day. I was horrified! Just like when I tried to quit smoking by writing down on the pack when I opened it. I had been deceiving myself as to how much I smoked a day. I was opening a pack every 12 hours, whether I had slept or not. My son would hear what I would say and what the people around me would say and would imitate it. A natural process but hearing swears come out of my child's mouth was NOT what I wanted. He didn't have the capacity to understand the full impact those words have. Neither do we. Creator has placed down certain rules and we may not know WHY but HE does. Be better than me. Don't allow yourself to fall for that. Wow the kids <and confound them...lol> by learning and using "18 letter words" to express yourself.

I've spoken enough. I hope I was able to help at least a little. Good luck...

 

[ShahnazZ]

I wanted to talk about this because i believe its a vital issue in America particularly. Im an American Muslim near the end of High School, but i struggle to apply Islam to all aspects of my life, its very hard when you see your peers doing what you know they shouldnt be doing.

, I'm glad you posed this question, Akhi. I've been exactly where you are and I know how much of a struggle it can be. But alhamdulillah the one thing you should always remember is that by taking that step to spend your youth in worship of Allah Subhanu wa Taala is the best gift you can give yourself. On the Day of Judgment, one of the first things we will be questioned about is how we spent our youth. Unfortunately many people do not "sober up" and start practicing until their youth has been well spent. In this day and age though, alhamdulillah, more and more youth are turning to Islam for comfort and support and inshAllah this will lead to a stronger and more blessed Ummah.

I was doing a project the other day with assigned with a Muslim girl that wears a Hijab, now she literally follows me and talks to me everywhere. I dont know where this is even going to lead too. Im like forced into a conversation. I enjoy the talking and everything but i feel regret after, or for some reason feel happy about getting to know new people better. Mixed feelings.

If you have to do a project with a girl, then you have to do a project with a girl. Just keep it professional and don't let it get personal at any point. If you're feeling regret, it's most likely due to guilt and a hijabi sister shouldn't be making you feel that way. There's the possibility that she might like you. Keep in mind that you don't want to fall into fitnah of any kind. Be respectful and be polite, but after that maintain a distance. Also, we're commanded to lower our gazes for a reason. This also indicates to the opposite individual that we adhere to a strict code of modesty and hayah and that we're nowhere near looking for a good time. I'm not saying stare at the ground the entire time. Just don't look at her for too long if you simply have to make eye contact.

I never even knew arranged marriages is the only halal marriage, and i know if i say a word about it in our Jummah Prayer meetings in school, probably everyone would tell me im wrong and ignore me and be humiliated.

Actually, it isn't. Arranged marriages CAN be halal but they're not the only options. You're allowed to pick the girl you want to marry and vice versa. If you like someone, you are allowed to send her a proposal. Your families would then have to get involved but in this case you're the one arranging your own marriage to the girl of your choice. Also remember arranged marriages (the ones that your parents initiate) are not always FORCED marriages. Your consent and that of the girl's is required at every step. Also, don't be afraid to ask questions. It's how you learn and your fellow brothers and sisters will be happy to help inshAllah.

I just want the youth to have a voice, because many older people dont know how they view the world after learning a good amount of knowledge about Islam.

problems in youth
-Girlfriend/boyfriend or 'friend'
-Peer pressure/Influence
-Use of vulgar language to seem cool
-Thinking people might view you as weird when you pray at work/anywhere public
-Backbiting
-Wanting to join the 'cool' group of kid's
-Type of clothing/modesty
-Many more..

I think the future lies in our youth, but first they must be able to speak out about important subjects teens deal in their country or culture

I currently work with Muslim youth so I understand the need to give them a voice. However, alhamdulillah, in today's day and age the youth are indeed speaking out. Our faith is under attack and our role as "the other" is being emphasized every single day. Despite the fact that Muslims are constantly targeted in the US, individuality is being more and more respected and appreciated every single day. Almost everyone is speaking out about their individuality whether it's regarding sexual preference, religion, or race. When a people are under attack, they will always defend themselves. The youth are learning to do that and in the process they're not only learning how to find their own voices but how to exercise them as well. The more they do this, the more passionate they are about their causes and identities.

Is it a struggle? YES. But if that's the price we need to pay to show the world who we truly are and what Islam really is about, then it's all worth it. Remember, we're supposed to stand out from the rest. The Prophet mentioned that "Islam came into this world as something strange and it will leave the world as something strange. So glad tidings to the strangers." We need to remember that we ARE different from non-believers.

Regarding the above issues you mentioned, I definitely agree that peer pressure is a huge issue in high school. It's very difficult for us when we see our peers doing things that are defined as "cool" whereas if we don't do them we're defined as weird. But honestly it depends on whose definition of "cool" you decided to live by and why. Alhamdulillah we're living in a time where people are respected for being their own person and for sticking to their morals. And in my opinion, that is what all youth are learning to define as "cool" each and every single day.

Just remember that confidence is key. Be proud of who you are. Be proud to carry the torch of Islam and to be identified as a Muslim. You've been given the greatest gift of all. Realizing this in your youth will help you transition through your remaining phases in life. Your confidence will come from within when you come to this realization (and I'm sure you already have) and those around you will see it. People always admire a confident individual. And when that confidence comes from within, they admire it even more. Create your own definition of cool, be confident in it, and you'll be set.

Above all, youth respect, admire, and relate to individuals or fellow youth with confidence. It shows them that you can be an individual and your own person and you don't need to conform to be "cool". You may even serve as a role model for others, who are too afraid to be themselves. Once they see you doing it with pride, it will give them the strength to do so as well and inshAllah I believe that today's Muslim youth have already begun to take on this role.

 

[Shamim56]

Thank you everyone for your responses, it sure made me re-think alot of stuff. Jazakallah Khairan

I just hate it when you see other people fine with it... When i wasnt aware of many stuff in Islam like talking with Women, i met a few that looked to me took Islam very seriously. However they too were making the same mistakes i was doing, yet looked happy with what they had. Some of them even told me in marriage that as long as it reaches the parent before marriage, they will be ok with it. Some of my best friends are even freinds with the Muslim women that i met, which makes it harder when we all just find each other to be in the same place. I really dont know how it will affect her, even im falling for the 'just stay friends' thought, since she is also friends with some of my other close Muslim peers. Its so hard considering i have classes with her every week..

And yes i agree with all of you, we should encourage the youth to talk out and ask important question that will benefit them.

 

[Aapa]

Assalaam walaikum,

Keep in mind Islam overrides all cultures.

I have two teenage sons. They have managed to be good. I thank Allah every moment.
I strongly suggest that Muslim youth join school activites. This is good for your overall grade point average. You earn letters of reccomendation for colleges. You are a better student. You are cool because you are giving back to the community. It is imperative to participate in community service.
Often you can talk to your teachers/professors and they are understanding about you working with same-sex students for group work.
There are numerous Christian groups that do the same thing. It is better academically for same sex group work.

In terms of fashion..for males it is easy. Young men set fashion. Wear loose/baggy pants ( with belt!) and long t-shirts.

Sometimes you have to talk to women. Just keep the conversation polite and short. If you have to be alone in the same room..keep the door open. Before everyone flips out..yes, this happens with professors and teachers.
Remember these are professional women. They are working and nothing else.
Trust me they have more important things on their minds.

As for the sex pots out there..the girls who forgot to put clothes on before going to school...lower your gaze..and keep walking..you are the lucky one..you will not have to marry them.

These are the simple tests of life. And keep writing to us..we will make dua that Allah subhana talla gives young Muslim men piety.