Cross Cultural Marriage?

[PeArLL]

If I may add something here:

I come from a free-mingling society, and honestly, I never really fit into any of that mingling. I've always been a bit phobic of women and have never related to them very well. I remember when I was a teenager that I used to wish for an arranged marriage, because then at least I would be guaranteed somebody.

Anyway, I'm now an adult well into my 30's, and have never really thought about marriage until recently. Just yesterday I had a discussion with a brother from my local masjid who advised me to marry as soon as I was able. Now this is something that I am considering, but I do have my concerns, of course.

Not being from a Muslim family, I worry about how my own family is going to react when I tell them that I want to marry a Muslim girl. My primary concern is that they will blame her for "taking their son away", and I don't want her to resent me because of that. I worry about how to tell them about my conversion and also that I want to marry a Muslim girl.

This is why I have remained single for a long time. I can't really find a good way to reconcile any of this.

:salam2:

Brother... I know it's hard... but you believe in speaking one's mind... just tell them that you are a Muslim now and you have accepted Islam ALHUMDULILLAH... You have to tell them someday, so why not now? And, tell them that it would not affect your relation with them... Because in Islam there is alot of respect for parents.... Even if you marry a good Muslim girl, it would not affect, because a good Muslim girl would encourage her husband to be kind to his parents... And, she will not resent you...as long as you show her that you are a good Muslim husband who cares for her....

Asmaa’ bint Abu Bakr was the Prophet’s sister-in-law. She was the daughter of his closest companion and the sister of Aisha, his wife. Her mother, however, did not become a Muslim for quite a long time. Asmaa’ states: “My mother came to me during the time of the Prophet (Pbuh), hoping to get something from me. I asked the Prophet (Pbuh) whether I should be kind to her. He answered: “Yes,” (Related by Al-Bukhari, Muslim and others).

 

[Seeking Allah's Mercy]

Is there something that we missed? The inside story? Do you or aapa want to share that?

Yeah, the inside story is that she's been freaking me out on purpose. She said that herself. See all those blunt posts, this isn't the first time that Aapa pushed me into this. All this time I've been wondering why me, now I know why, I've been the target for years

Guess she had a good laugh at my posts last night, Aaps, find someone else to play with you. I'm going to watch out from now on ;p

Btw I had a good laugh at your previous tell-off post. You wouldn't understand my relation with Aapa. It's been word fight uptill now. That's how we express our love. Weird Much? get used to it akh.

 

[Just a Guy]

:salam2:

Brother... I know it's hard... but you believe in speaking one's mind... just tell them that you are a Muslim now and you have accepted Islam ALHUMDULILLAH... You have to tell them someday, so why not now? And, tell them that it would not affect your relation with them... Because in Islam there is alot of respect for parents.... Even if you marry a good Muslim girl, it would not affect, because a good Muslim girl would encourage her husband to be kind to his parents... And, she will not resent you...as long as you show her that you are a good Muslim husband who cares for her....

Asmaa’ bint Abu Bakr was the Prophet’s sister-in-law. She was the daughter of his closest companion and the sister of Aisha, his wife. Her mother, however, did not become a Muslim for quite a long time. Asmaa’ states: “My mother came to me during the time of the Prophet (Pbuh), hoping to get something from me. I asked the Prophet (Pbuh) whether I should be kind to her. He answered: “Yes,” (Related by Al-Bukhari, Muslim and others).

Well this is something for another day. I have decided that I want to find a good Muslim girl first, and then she can help me and support me when I deal with my family.

 

[PeArLL]

Well this is something for another day. I have decided that I want to find a good Muslim girl first, and then she can help me and support me when I deal with my family.

Brother, I'm sure you're gonna find one...and she's gonna help and support you...INSHALLAH

MAY ALLAH BLESS YOU AND GUIDE YOU TO THE RIGHT PATH...

 

[Just a Guy]

Brother, I'm sure you're gonna find one...and she's gonna help and support you...INSHALLAH

MAY ALLAH BLESS YOU AND GUIDE YOU TO THE RIGHT PATH...

I am not worried. Allah will provide when the time is right. I have to remember this.

 

[PeArLL]

I am not worried. Allah will provide when the time is right. I have to remember this.

Yes, INSHALLAH...

 

[strive-may-i]

.......
Not being from a Muslim family, I worry about how my own family is going to react when I tell them that I want to marry a Muslim girl. My primary concern is that they will blame her for "taking their son away", and I don't want her to resent me because of that. I worry about how to tell them about my conversion and also that I want to marry a Muslim girl.

This is why I have remained single for a long time. I can't really find a good way to reconcile any of this.

:salam2:

Patience... Once you are in peace with Almighty Allah, he will show you the way, Just stick to your Dua, ask him, each day is a blessing indeed. Insha Allah

No its not me saying, its the gist of I heard, it works. Hope the below helps you too...
> Imaan is Certainity, patience, gratitude and actions
> Steps in increasing Imaan

 

[helpinghumanity]

Assalaam walaikum,

Son. hello..

What is your assessment so far about the thread...what have you learned.

Assalamo alaikum all,

My two cents,

When looking for a potential spouse one should always consult the hadiths which are related to the matter. According to one hadith (mentioned numerous time in this thread), the element of deen has preference over all other elements. The other elements do get counted but deen has the most weight.

So if one is able to find someone who is solid on deen, then he/she should go for it. We all are human and being humans we are bound to have defects. We will not find any one who is error free. Realizing that, if we find someone who has shortcomings, but he/she has the concern of rectifying those shortcomings then we should accept the reality and should consider that person as a potential spouse.

Religion should always be given the preference over culture. If someone finds the aforementioned qualities in someone who is not from the same culture then he/she should go for it. However all this should be done with mutual consent of the parents. To fulfill one duty, one should not neglect another obligation.

A question “how do we know if that person is religious?” was raised by a sister. The process of identifying the person could be extremely difficult if both of them are living in different continents. However it is not that difficult when both of them are living in a same city or even country. Some of the step are “find who that persons befriends with”, “what sort of activities he/she is involved with”, “how he/she behaves with his/her parents, relatives and friends”, “how he/she handles differences of opinion”, “does he/she facilitates in activities organized by masajids, Muslims student organization (MSO) or MSA, and Women In Islam (WII) ” etc. All of the above mentioned steps or suggestions are practical.

Another question “how do we convince our parent?” was raised. It might be a little difficult to convince the parents for a cross cultural marriage; however one has to realize that parents are blessings from Allah. They have strived a lot for the development of their kids. They want good for their children. There is no ill-thought in their mind.

They might have some reservations in their mind for this type of marriage. We only have to explore those reservations and come up with a solution. The only way we can convince them is by talking to them in a good manner. If one is them is not agreeing with you, then try to convince the other and get his/her assistance. For example

If the father is not agreeing, then convince the mom and ask your mom to convince your dad. At the same time talk to someone whom your father gives the most respect and will not disagree i.e your grandfather or your grandmother and any other person.