Cross Cultural Marriage?

[helpinghumanity]

Assalamo alaikum wa rahmatullah

What is your practical advice on cross cultural marriage? What sort of problems are expected through out the whole phase and how one can overcome them?

Should someone be confined to isocultural (same culture) marriage just because it facilities communication between so many vital family members OR should one overlook cross cultural marriage just because it creates linguistic barriers between the families?

At the end of the day, how would some one determine (talking only about the practical steps) if a right choice is being made? and how much time should one spend to get-to-know the other person? If interested, then how much time should one spend to send that offer letter by fedex or ups or email or a text or any other communicational mechanism?

There are like gazillion questions in one's head when thinking of taking a practical step towards completing the other half

Please advise in the best humanly possible manner? Any personal experience or a real life experience of some one whom you know will be deeply appreciated.

Wa-alaikumus salam wa rahmatullah

 

[alf2]

My husband and I are of a similar culture (he is English and I'm American) so I cannot relate.

But if he was Pakistani or Malaysian or Afghani or Chinese..it would not matter. I personally think we should judge a spouse on Islamic values alone.

But I know sisters who are like "Oh I dont like Pakistanis" or "I dont like Moroccans" And I am like...........you do not know ALL Pakistanis or ALL Moraccans....how can you tell? May allah keep us on the straight path.

 

[sachin4islam]

Assalamu Alaikum:

I would love to marry once more with an Arabian woman. Ya,undoubtedly I love my wife to all of my emotional strength.

Regards.

 

[esperanza]

assalam alaykum

of course ideally a marriage should be based on islamic values and a marriage partner chosen according to these values ,regardless of race ,culture ,family but in reality it is not always so easy,

any cross cultural marriages will encounter problems of some kind,,
a european marrying an arab an asian marrying a european ,,etc will face differences in life styels family backgrounds, cultural differences,traditions ..apart from the praticalities of living in another country..climate, town or country work and education issues,,

even marrying wiht someone from a smilar country like an arab marrying from another arab country ..or an asian marrying from a neigbouring asian country has enough challenges
as we know even within countries marrying from other areas or cultural back grounds can cause problems

but despite this we cannot say cultural marriages do not work,,as many are very successful ,in the end marriage depends on the individuals
and their commitment and faith

two people from same town same family same upbringing could have a more diffiult time

to conclude a cross cultural marriage is generally more difficult as you will enevitably face more challenges..but of course can be beautiful inshllah

one of the best marriages and happiest couples and best muslims ihave known was between an american revert brother and an arab syrian sister

may Allah bless us all wiht successful marriages

 

[Hajjerr]

salam aleikum wa rahmatulahy wa barakatuh

first lets see what culture is :

Culture (Latin: cultura, lit. "cultivation") is a term that has many different inter-related meanings.

An integrated pattern of human knowledge, belief, and behavior that depends upon the capacity for symbolic thought and social learning.
The set of shared attitudes, values, goals, and practices that characterizes an institution, organization, or group

i am muslim, i suppose i share the same attitudes, values, goals mentioned above as any other muslim, so this is my culture no matter in wich land, tribe i was born or my eventual housband was born.


so sad, since when the humanity started to make a condition for marriage this cultural thing ? since always maybe....for me personally this subject started to turn my stomch up-side-down.....

i simply refuse to be put on statistics just because of the enviroment i was born in, EVEN if without knowing i took some non-muslim values with me while growing, i expect my future housband to cure me from them,to help our marriage to succed if any ''cultural'' things may stay in the way, NOT to refuse marryng me because of them, wich is totally opposite...
.....inchallah we will all remember the last sermon of our Prophet Mohamed peace be upon him, the best man that ever existed, alhamdullilah

may Allah guide us all , ameen

:salam2:

 

[Tabassum07]

:salam2:

This thread reminds me that we haven't seen sis Isra on TTI in quite a while.

 

[esperanza]

:salam2:

This thread reminds me that we haven't seen sis Isra on TTI in quite a while.

yes your right ..she used to be away for weeks now its motnhs..i think as she has no interent connection ..but yes miss her being here

 

[um muhammad al-mahdi]

:salam2:

interesting discussion mashaAllah. I'll try to tell my point of view inshaAllah.

First of all, no matter what your background is but in marriage you need LOTS of patience! And I'm talking for both sides, husband and wife. It is hard but you need to remember you do it for Allah and to avoid fitnah as Shaytaan is ALWAYS ready to get into the discussions and cause problems between spouses. Do lots of dhikr and make du'a for your husband/wife, inshaAllah.

I think any kind of marriage could work very well if based on the deen, inshaAllah and I mean deen only! Let's forget about this dunya! Our example is our Prophet sallaAllahu 'alayhi wa sallam, the way he used to behave with his wives and the way they used to behave with him. Nobody is perfect, we are human beings but we should choose our spouse for his/her deen. And go through the whole 'process' of getting to know our future husband/wife following the ways that are allowed in our religion. Those ways based on Quran and Sunnah, inshaAllah.

Lots of people, if not all of them mashaAllah, around me, live a cross cultural marriage and the happiest of them are those who strictly follow Quran and Sunnah mashaAllah. Those who put their marriage as an act of ibadah, those who love to see their husband/wife as her/his brother/sister in Islam too... not only 'the husband/the wife'. As I always say, marriage is 'business' LOL! It's a hard work for the akhirah inshaAllah and when you think about the reward of the akhirah, you forget about the little differences you can have due to different cultures, you go ahead with sabr and just try to please Allah, inshaAllah.

I hope what I said makes sense... LOL!

PS: the speaking of a different language could be a challenge lol mashaAllah. I mean if you both communicate to each other in a language different from your mother tongue... but still you can live with it LOL inshaAllah

jazakhum Allahu khayran

 

[esperanza]

thank you for this sister,,,if only all marriages were like this,,,

 

[elqouds2020]

Assalamo alaikum wa rahmatullah

What is your practical advice on cross cultural marriage? What sort of problems are expected through out the whole phase and how one can overcome them?

Should someone be confined to isocultural (same culture) marriage just because it facilities communication between so many vital family members OR should one overlook cross cultural marriage just because it creates linguistic barriers between the families?

At the end of the day, how would some one determine (talking only about the practical steps) if a right choice is being made? and how much time should one spend to get-to-know the other person? If interested, then how much time should one spend to send that offer letter by fedex or ups or email or a text or any other communicational mechanism?

There are like gazillion questions in one's head when thinking of taking a practical step towards completing the other half

Please advise in the best humanly possible manner? Any personal experience or a real life experience of some one whom you know will be deeply appreciated.

Wa-alaikumus salam wa rahmatullah

الغرس للطيب كشجرة طيبة اصلها ثابة و فرعها في السماء تئتي اكهاها

 

[Sister Zohra]

Assalamu Alaikum,

I agree with what Sister Esperanza said, it really depends on the individual.

My parents were born on different continents and I on a third. About half of my family is Christian-Baptist. There are quite a bit of challenges, but I think most of them are due to differing religions. The wedding, for example, was very simple and fun (at least that's what I heard) but wasn't very enjoyed by a few relatives because of how different it was from what they're used to. Everyday life itself may be pretty different when you compare from one side of the family to the other. But, you know, two interesting, rich cultures are better than one. I love it like this.

The linguistic barrier you were talking about does exist but it's not that bad. Even though we have 3 languages at play here. My mom's language, my dad's, and English they use to speak to one another. Even so, my mother talks to my dad's mom (who can barely speak English) regularly. My mom just makes an effort to speak with the limited knowledge of my dad's language and you find them laughing together in seconds! It's the same for my dad and his in-laws. But it is a bit funny to see a conversation between my mother's family and my dad's. One would ask my dad to translate in English so that my mom could understand and translate in her language. Or sometimes they would just wing it and talk to each other the best they can.

This may sound pretty silly, but one of the best pluses is the food! In our house, we'll cook American, European, and Middle Eastern food and it's just delicious. May Allah help me for I think I love food too much.

I think I learn a lot from having been introduced to different kind of cultures. And so do my parents. They often talk about how wonderful (and how hard) some things were in their countries and they find that even though there are some differences, there are so many surprising similarities too.

Honestly, coldness exists with some relatives who haven't yet softened their gazes towards different people but we also become really close to some relatives. My mom's Christian brother recently asked that we greet him with "Assalamu Alaikum" and he'll greet us with "Assalamu Alaikum". I do hope he may become a Muslim, insha'Allah.

Then again, these challenges may happen within marriage of two of the same culture. So in the end brother, I don't think I can vote on your poll. If you find a good girl with moral and manners, you should go for her - same culture or not. It just depends on your faith and determination.

 

[helpinghumanity]

الغرس للطيب كشجرة طيبة اصلها ثابة و فرعها في السماء تئتي اكهاها

The translation for the above post is

"planting something good is like planting a good tree that is beneficial for its owner"

The credit of translation goes to one of my college friend

 

[studyingtruths]

If I understand what I read correctly,

"There is no God but Allaah and Muhammad is his prophet."

Therefore, its logically sensible that Allaah would want his faithful to be a closely unifed group, and also, Since Allaah is merciful, he would want all people to know his truth and convert, since conversion is logically preferable to damnation.

Arguably, this is a means of serving his will and bringing ourselves and our spouses closer to Allaah, which is preferable, again, to damnation and is therefore a morally positive thing to do.

Please, correct me if I misunderstood something. I am only learning and am a native English speaker who does not as yet speak Arabic.

 

[MuslimShadow]

Assalamu Alaikum:

I would love to marry once more with an Arabian woman. Ya,undoubtedly I love my wife to all of my emotional strength.

Regards.

Assalamu alaikum

brother, if your wife reads this she will get :angryred:,then she will .

 

[MuslimShadow]

Assalamo alaikum wa rahmatullah

What is your practical advice on cross cultural marriage? What sort of problems are expected through out the whole phase and how one can overcome them?

Should someone be confined to isocultural (same culture) marriage just because it facilities communication between so many vital family members OR should one overlook cross cultural marriage just because it creates linguistic barriers between the families?

At the end of the day, how would some one determine (talking only about the practical steps) if a right choice is being made? and how much time should one spend to get-to-know the other person? If interested, then how much time should one spend to send that offer letter by fedex or ups or email or a text or any other communicational mechanism?

There are like gazillion questions in one's head when thinking of taking a practical step towards completing the other half

Please advise in the best humanly possible manner? Any personal experience or a real life experience of some one whom you know will be deeply appreciated.

Wa-alaikumus salam wa rahmatullah

Assalamu alaikum.

I have no idea about marriage...... in fact it's kind of scary.
cross cultural marriages can be fun but food can be a problem.

 

[um muhammad al-mahdi]

thank you for this sister,,,if only all marriages were like this,,,

:salam2:

jazakillahu khayran sis, I know what you mean mashaAllah but I tried to give my little advice as I often hear people who are going to get married or wish to get married trying to find the key of an happy marriage in other rather than proper practice of the deen (in the marriage too)

Assalamu alaikum.

I have no idea about marriage...... in fact it's kind of scary.
cross cultural marriages can be fun but food can be a problem.

LOL! MashaAllah!

 

[sachin4islam]

Assalamu alaikum

brother, if your wife reads this she will get :angryred:,then she will .

Walikum Assalam: Sis.

I want to marry but not for fulfilling my lusts and desires. I want another wife as an Islamic trainer for my wife preferably divorced or widow.

YES,it is not easy task as spoken.

Regards.

 

[MuslimShadow]

Assalamu Alaikum:

I would love to marry once more with an Arabian woman. Ya,undoubtedly I love my wife to all of my emotional strength.

Regards.

Walikum Assalam: Sis.

I want to marry but not for fulfilling my lusts and desires. I want another wife as an Islamic trainer for my wife preferably divorced or widow.

YES,it is not easy task as spoken.

Regards.

Mashallah.............that's why i respect you very much!!.

 

[MuslimShadow]

Hmm.There goes my 102 post.I made a century!!

 

[hayat84]

:salam2:
my husband and me are of the same culture,even if we were born in different places...on the contrary way,I would not have married him,if I didn't agree to his culture.I knew that he was muslim much before knowing Islam...when I started learning about Islam,I felt equal to him...it's difficult for a dislbeliever(like it was me)to accept the way of life of the partner,but I repaet,when I knew what really Islam taugh,I was glad to marry a maroccan,not because of his origin,but because of what he had to teach to me...and now that I've 4 children,they'll be raised up in the islamic way as Quran says