double standards towards marriage?

[ahmed_indian]

:salam2:,

i dont know how much i am right but sometimes i feel that *some of us* have dual standard when it comes to marriage.

see this:

1. studies: looking for good college, applying, preparing for test and making duas.

2. job: looking for reasonable job, applying, going for interview and making duas.

3. marriage: making duas and making duas..........if its in my Qadar, it will come to me...........nothing happens before time set by Allah.

*qadar goes for studies and job also..........but still we work for it.

if we dont get out of closet and inform others about intention to get married, we cant blame Allah if we still remain single for many years.

 

[Mabsoot]

wa alaykum salam,

care to explain? Those are different issues

 

[ahmed_indian]

^ does it really need more explanation? i think its my view point n question is clear that we dont work to get married as much as work for studies n work. *and it goes for some of us not all*

 

[JenGiove]

:salam2: Brother Mabsoot,

I may be wrong but I think he's saying that for things like school and jobs, there is pro-active action along with passive action of making dua but for marriage there is only the 'passive' action of dua. I think his point may be that if there is no pro-active action of getting out there and getting to know the community and putting your intention out there that you are seeking a mate, that things may not come as quickly as you might prefer.

The point he's missing tho <if my assumption is correct on the above> is that by going to the Masjid and connecting with other brothers....who have unmarried sisters...IS pro-active. You make friends with brothers and those brothers watch you, evaluate you and once your intention is known, can in some way <this is where my lack of knowledge of the process of Wali issues is lacking> can say something like "hey brother, go speak to my father. I think my sister and you would be a good match.".

Just a thought.

 

[Mabsoot]

wa alaykum salam,

I think it is over simplified, everyone has different circumstances unfortunately. Whether they are poor, or whether they are surrounded by unhelpful indifferent people etc

 

[ahmed_indian]

:salam2: Brother Mabsoot,

I may be wrong but I think he's saying that for things like school and jobs, there is pro-active action along with passive action of making dua but for marriage there is only the 'passive' action of dua. I think his point may be that if there is no pro-active action of getting out there and getting to know the community and putting your intention out there that you are seeking a mate, that things may not come as quickly as you might prefer.

yes...you got me right. barak Allah feeki

 

[ahmed_indian]

wa alaykum salam,

I think it is over simplified, everyone has different circumstances unfortunately. Whether they are poor, or whether they are surrounded by unhelpful indifferent people etc

:salam2:

no brother.....how i could forget the situations of many of us where we cannot get married. lack of finance and unhelpful people being few of them, as u said. i too stand on the same boat as others.

for this purpose, i was focusing again and again on *some not all*.

 

[slaveofAllah88]

aslam o aliakum
bhai beautiful post and well ALhumdulilah to me it spoke a clear message, we work hard to achieve other things while making dua but when it comes to marriage we just talk, make no action and then say our duas are not accepted/its the qadar of ALlah(swt)

so =) we shud also work towards getting married

 

[JenGiove]

yes...you got me right. barak Allah feeki

:salam2:

Shukran for your dua....not bad for a non-Muslim eh?

Don't forget, building ties within the Ummah IS pro-active and important for many many reasons....Americans call it "networking". Marriage is a business venture of sorts so view the search for a mate in a business like manner and "work" your connections.

 

[arzafar]

Well studying, getting job, house etc are all steps toward marriage. is it not?
And yes you have to show your intention too but before doing that you have to get the rest of the things in order. Remember that fathers also have a responsibility of finding a suitable husband for their daughters.