Aaron Vinson
New Member
I need to get this off my chest i know people are not suppose to judge each other but they do thats why im glad i found this site i need to speak to muslim brothers and sisters.I dont want to make this to long but i need to give a brief description of my past so you can get a better understanding of me. Im the middle child of 5 kids i have 2 brothers and 2 sisters i was born in philadelphia mostly raised here. I was not born into islam but i am muslim,im 28 years old. I was put into fostercare at the age of 8 my mother had a bad drug habbit and couldnt take care of us, i was seperated from my family except my two brothers until i was 10 then i was seperated from my older brother, then when i was 11 i was seperated from everybody. I am not a bad person i never killed anybody i never fought anybody unless i was pushed to fight. All i seen growing up was drug dealers and killers and drug users i went to foster homes that use to really miss treat meat at times. I cant lie i use to steal as a kid and do bad things but i had no father around to decipline me and no mother just people who let me live with them because they were paid to. Its not surprising that i was out on my own by 15. I started selling petty drugs to make money when i was 14 i was locked up at 12 for carying a gun i was locked up again for a gun when i was 13 they sent me away for 16 months. make a long story short i was locked up off and on till i was 17. I will allso admit that for years through out my life i failed to pray every day like i was suppose to. But at times i felt like i was cursed that things are allways going to happen to me like this both of my brothers and my older sister was shot my older brother allmost died he was shot in the head and lost alot of blood the bullet is still in there they say if they move he might die or have brain loss.Praise be to ALLAH [swt] he is still alive and healthly. i allways wonderd why do things happen to me and my family like this im not perfct but im no monster either. 7 months ago my little brother went to a club in this little town where the population is mostly white and they are not really happy to see young blacks. A fight broke out and a friend of his was getting jumped by 4 guys one of the guys stabbed him in the back my brother jumped in to help and broke up the fight. Somebody started shooting and the guy who did the stabbing was hit and bled to death my ALLAH [swt] rest his soul. the cops locked up my brother and his friend they are charging my brother with first degree murder but not his friend because he got stabbed and say he was a victum. I wouldnt lie to you all about this my brother didnt do the shooting really but because he is the only person they have in custody and the cops want somebody to pay for what happen. So now he needs a lawyer and we dont have any money so i dont want to see my brother go to jail for the rest of his life for something he really didnt do. So i tried to get up some money fort a lawyer to save his life by doing something i shouldnt be doing but i was so despert to help. Now Im in trouble with the police and could go to jail for years just trying to help my brother bubt whats really bad is now i cant help him and i might be sent away and be away from my daughter. In the quaran it says He who ALLAH guides no one can miss guide and ha who AllAh has for saken no one can save and i wonder am i being punished and if so why i did some things in the past but every day i pray and try to do the right thing why does this continue to happen i do belive in ALLAH [swt] and he is most mercyful and i really try hard but i dont understand why this happens to us. I try to be the best person and muslim i can be because of things i did in the past but this continues to happen if my brother go to jail for life and i go to jail and have to be away from my daughter for years i dont know how to handle that. I have allways been a good father i never been away from my daughter because i dont want her growing up like i did and all i was trying to do is save my brothers life. Am i being punished for the salaat i missed in the past i pray every day god bless me to wake up 5 times a day i try to deen everyday why is this so for me and my family?