Forever Gone.............

Abdul Hasib

Student of Knowledge
Assalamu Aleykum Warahmatullahe Wabarakaathuh dearest brothers and sisters. It's been maybe about two to three months since I've ever talked to any of you. Please forgive me brothers and sisters. For any of you brothers and sisters that my heart has been close to, please forgive me. I'm sorry that I haven't talked to you brothers and sisters for a long time. I haven't forgotten any of you. I'm just feeling extremely upset and worried, worried because I feel that I might be slipping in my deen (I've started having these weird Waswasa and feelings that I thought were gone forever). I'm just upset with myself, and I just want to come back to Allah Subhanahu wa Ta Alla, and be a good Muslim, be a MUMIN, and a PIOUS one. Wallahi this way of life (in the Light of Allah Subhanahu wa Ta Alla) is the ONLY thing that made me to ever like this world. Before, I would just always wish that my life was over, because I felt empty in my heart, and I was upset because of all the corruption around me, and in me. But when Allah Subhanahu wa Ta Alla brought me under his care, and I started increasing in my Deen, Wallahi it was the most BEAUTIFULLEST thing I have ever felt.

I became an extremely differant person, someone who a lot of people (even non Muslims) admired (because of my character). Whenever anyone would need any help (maybe if they dropped something), they would find me running up to go help them.

And it's from Rasulallah (SAW) and Allah Subhanahu wa Ta Alla that I learned to RESPECT and be POLITE to women, Wallahi, if I was the stupid way I was before (when I was getting bad last year), I would never have been so respectful and good to women and girls. And Wallahi, the thing that might come to someone's mind is that I might "have a small crush on them."

^Nice guess, but no. Wallahi, whenever I went to help a girl or a women, in my heart, I felt that I wanted to do a small good deed, like being compassionate, so that maybe, Allah Subhanahu wa Ta Alla will be pleased with me, and maybe, it can be a way of atonement for the evil way that I was.

Like let's say, in my English and my Graphic Arts class, I have two teachers, one of them is my English teacher (who I gave some books and CDs on Islam, and PLEASE make dua for her that Allah Subhanahu wa Ta Alla opens her heart to his Beauty and his Light, which is his Deen), and another one is an assistant teacher (and please make dua that Allah Subhanahu wa Ta Alla increases her knowledge in Islam, which leads her into embracing it). Bother of them are white skin, American (dark blond), and young (25-26 years old).

Boys in my class OGGLE at them, whenever those teachers' backs are turned to them, and Wallahi it just DISGUSTS me when I hear the disgusting rubbish that those boys say about them, about "what they would do them." Trust me, I would LOVE to get ballistic at them :angryblue:

But Wallahi, it just makes make me feel like crying when I look at my own situation. (And please brothers and sisters, in no way am I trying to make myself look good, nor am I praising myself (I always fear that I might be a hypocrite :(). It's just that i NEED to say all of this to someone, and I have no one to tell this about except my brothers and sisters here, which I miss very much :()

Wallahi, it starts to break me to tears, when I look at my own situation. When these boys are all talking about how "hot they look" (it makes me shiver when I hear them say this, and let alone the fact that I feel terrified looking at my teachers' eyes), and even though all the boys around me are doing these things, I do not let myself take a part in these things. And when I think deeply about it (which I do, 98 % of the time), I remember at times when tears would come out of my eyes, when I would reflect about how I was before, and how I was at my present time.

Wallahi, I love doing these kind of good things. I love being nice, polite, and kind to people (especially to females, because I feel bad for them that Iblis has enslaved their hearts, and the devils are watching them with EVER electron's weight of disrespect to them), because when I'm like this, I represent what Islam REALLY is, and when they ask me, I want to tell them, that my religion tells me to do this, my religion tells me that I MUST be good to people, and that in my religion, it's an OBLIGATION upon me to protect and help women (from Surah an Nisa), and Rasulallah (SAW) said: "The best of men are those who are the best to women (and their women)."

And these events of good deeds just makes me understand the Power and Mightiness of Allah Subhanahu wa Ta Alla, that he turned a stupid, disgraceful, and loathsome boy like me, into someone that became a beacon for others, and Wallahi, whenever I reflect upon how Allah Subhanahu wa Ta Alla has HONORED me, by making me a MUSLIM, and a FOLLOWER (Inshallah) of RASULALLAH (SAW), and being the SHADOW (Inshallah) of the GREATEST example, Rasulallah (SAW), it never fails to bring me to tears. :(


That's why I'm scared at the moment. I DON'T want to leave this beautiful way of life that Allah Subhanahu wa Ta Alla has given me, that he hs BLESSED me with. :( Wallahi, there's NOTHING else that I want to be in my life, exceot one of the GREATEST slaves of Allah Subhanahu wa Ta Alla, like the Salaf as Salih, Inshallah. :(

Please make dua for me brothers and sisters, for Allah Subhanahu wa Ta Alla to forgive me for all my sins, for my shortcomings, and to protect me and guard me from the evil that is in me, the evil that is in my society, and the evil consequences of my evil actions. :( And that when I grow uo, I can REALLY be like a REAL slave of Allah Subhanahu wa Ta Alla, like maybe, Sheikh Ahmed ibn Hanbal, Imam Malik ibn Anas, Sheikh Ibn al Taymiyyah, Umar ibn al Khattab (Raheemahumullah), and like all my other heroes from the Salaf as Salih, being sinless, and maybe making a (SLIGHT) mistake that are like "casting a drop of ink into the ocean," and that I'm like SO Pious, beyond my own understanding! Wallahi, how beautiful that would be. :(

Sorry for wasting any of you time, brothers and sisters. And forgive me if there's anything wrong in my post, because that's all from myself (being a pathetic human, which I like thinking myself as :lol: <sorry, I just had to laugh after I said this :)), and I hope that my post was udnerstandalbe and clear, and that if Allah Subhanahu wa Ta Alla wills, then my post increased the Iman of many of you, and if it did, it's only from Allah Subhaanhu wa Ta Alla, to whom I'm eternally indebted to.


Jazakallah Kyr wa Barkallahu Feek brothers and sisters for taking some time into reading my post. It means a lot to me when I have Allah Subhanahu wa Ta Alla and my brothers and sisters (in Islam) who I cam always count on. :)
 

Zaynab123

Subhana Allah!
Asalamu alaykum

:ma: that was absolutly amazing lil bro:D I'm very amazed and i feel honored of reading your post. Allahu Akbar! And i can tell you that i have benefited from it, Alhamdulilah. May Allah swt guide you and all of us and grants us all jannah. Insha Allah i'll do remember you in my duas. Take care ans SMILE:)

wasalam
 

Mabsoot

Amir
Staff member
wa alaykum salam wa rahmatullaahi wa barakatuh

Firstly, those scholars were not sinless, we are all human and we can sin, may Allaah forgive us.

May Allaah help us all,

Assalamu alaykum wa rahmatullaahi wa barakatuh,
 

Asja

Pearl of Islaam

Assalamu Allaicomu wa raahmatullah wa baarkatuhu beloved brother Abdul Hasib.

I have seen your thread on the link that you have send me,and I thought I should reply.

My dear brother,we all are going sometimes trough some bad moments in our daily life,and it is especialy hard for us if we do not live in one Islamic society,and it can be very hard for all of us to pass trough all that but thinking on Allah our hearts find piece and if everyone left us Allah is always there for us,becasue His mercy is endless,and Mashallah because I know that Allah loves you brother you should not worry so much like Allah loves all his honest servents,and Mashallah you are one of them.MashAllah you have pure soul with is bright with light,and dear brother never loose hope in Allah mercy.
We all understand that it is difficult for you becasue you are suranded with Non Muslim and that there is a loot of Fitnah,wrong things, which are hearting one Muslim heart and becasue of all that you may think how you are far away from Allah subhan we teala.But I think you are not dear brother,because if you are so much remembering Allah and with beauty in your words than you can never be far away from Allah. It is everything the test from Allah to all of us,but we must try to find the right way to pass all these tests for us.
When you hear that they are saying like that,which is making me soo angry WAllahi because it is shower of dissresect towerd one girl/ women,you should try to not listen their bad speach and try to ignore them Inshallah,or to advice them to show respect towerd your teachers.

May Allah subahn we teal guide your teachers towerd Islaam and make them great Muslimah,and they will be in our daus,and you too dear brother.

May Allah bless you and protect you dear brother and always be with you,and please do not forget me in your duas and prayers.:tti_sister:

:wasalam:
 

Kakorot

Junior Member
:wasalam:

May Allaah help u brother and all of us. I remember back when I was 14, I was so fed up with my life and everything, I didn't know the purpose of life. But then when I read about Islam, everything made sense and Alhamdulillaah Allaah guided me. I remember the early days when I started practicing Islam, Wallaah, those were the most beautiful days of my life, I wish I could re-live those days. So for me, it's either I live by the teachings of Islam or death.

The Eeman goes up and down for us all, shaytaan is always going to be there to distract us from the akheerah. We all make mistakes, after all, we are all children of Adam 'alayhis salaam.

It's even more tough when your living in the west. I wish I was born in a Muslim country. It's like when you see the ppl in the west, the way they talk, dress, their culture it's all haraam and it's the norm for these people. It's even heartbreaking when we see our own Muslims doing these haraam things.

In a way, I know how you feel brother. It's really hard I know. Even at college, when I talk to my male teachers, it's hard for me to look at their face not that I like them lol Wallaah it's not coz of that, but it's just that we're not supposed to right? And they think I'm weird :S

InshaAllaah may Allaah ease your situation. Fi amaan Allaah!
 

IHearIslam

make dua 4 ma finals
I am truely Saddened!!!

:salam2: my dear lil bhai:D

First of all thank you for posting this link! I must say, I was quite scared to read it first, because somehow, I like having you here and I don't like to see that you're leaving, but I understand that sometimes WE need TO MOVE on with LIFE! So, though I am sadened to see you go, I still support you because I know why(from this post). BUT, please hear me out on this....we all go through taugh times, we go through those waswasa simply because we're all HUMANS who are forever TESTED! we're all going to be tested IN our lives, ONE HARDER than the OTHER! we need patience and subhanaAllah through your character I dont think you wont be able to cope up with this!
TabarakaAllah,you are such a nice lil bhai:D and I shall keep you in my duas, please do the same for me:D
You're thread is one that has inspired me, because I have a LOONG way to go with my deen...but with your words you've given me HOPE! and I thank you for that:D
Please try to visit us from time to time inshaAllah. I truely hope that your life journey is ONE that is filled with happiness and piety. And that you have a life that pleases Allah ta'ala. Ameeen,ameen,ameen
Assalamu Alaikum my dear bhai, and may you succeed in LIFE!ameen
Allah hafiz now and always:D
 

~Ali_

Fixing da foundation
Walaikumasalam bro - One advice mate - don't leave.
I like reading your posts :cool: there always so lengthy and I know I am in for a treat.

Now brother - wherever you go, the men will disrespect women in this filthy, disgusting, ugly society we live in - as Muslims we cant really go around teaching everyone a listen (unfortunately).

For example.

We had this very beautiful teacher (25 yr old? ... she was brunette:frown:) fill in for us in one of our classes ... I was late.. I walked in thinking.. oh no.. just what I needed...(I had weak emaan) ... I turned and saw the "boys" who I normally entertain myself by talking about gaming (17-19 yr olds) - and I saw them grinning ... wickedly... and I went and took a seat - and I tried my best not to look at her - but its really really hard to focus on the ground when she stares right into your face .. so for 2 hours straight I suffered with this beautiful being in front of me...(don't get me started on the voice - if only I had ear plugs)
and just before she left the room - one of the guys asked:

"Will you be taking us next semester?" she replied "Yes probably"

Its like something fell inside of me, it shattered when it hit the bottom.
I was doomed, now the 20th of July :( I gotta see how strong this "probably" is.

Brother the point I am trying to make is that even in uni (don't get me started on uni) there will be teachers and even worse the corridors.. filled with the beauty of women EVERYWHERE and even worse you will have guys pretty much verbally and visually defile them...and you will feel like grabbing there tongues and jamming it in the door :fighta:

But brother... I cannot even for a second think about giving Dawaa to such women - because I don't think I'll be able to talk to them to begin with. SO I gotta give it to you there mate - inspirational.

For alot of men (including myself) the biggest test is women.
We just gotta somehow live through this madness until we get married :SMILY26::SMILY26::SMILY26::SMILY26:

Anywho, I know where your coming from brother - just stick to what your doing man your way better off then me for sure.

and as for leaving this beautiful way of life - like another brother said ... I would rather prefer death then going back to being .... one of them.

Before Islam brother I was a goth/emo/suicidal - so I totally know where your coming from. Be steadfast on the path of Allah and know that every other path will drive you back to the thing that your trying to get away from.

Sorry for the rant.
May Allah make things easy for you brother and all the other brothers and sisters that are going through hardships and difficulties.ameen.
 

Hard Rock Moslem

I'm your brother
W/salam,

Brother, everybody will have their own "situation", like brother Mabsoot said even the scholars are committing sin at times. Remember, whatever you did that you feel wrong repent immediately. Allah is All Forgiver. The only advise I can give is never abandon your deen and your prayers, that is the answer to all the problems. Otherwise, the actual problem will start after death, which will never end and too late to repent.

I think you are on the right track, otherwise you will not feel sorry about it.

Don't worry, your brothers and sisters here will make du'a for you. InshAllah.
 

ShahnazZ

Striving2BeAStranger
Salam Alaikum Abdul Hasib,

Brother, I've told you time and time again that mashAllah you are a rarity amongst your peers. I don't think I've ever encountered someone as young as you with as much piety as you seem to have mashAllah. SubhanAllah it's truly a miracle that Islam can ENGULF the heart of an individual as young as yourself whereas the rest of us manage to achieve a quarter of that piety starting from at least our late teens and so forth. If anyone can stay strong in this world of fitnah, I KNOW it's you. This world is getting more and more dangerous in terms of spiritual fulfillment and Islam is the ONLY answer. I know you can succeed in this world and in the Hereafter inshAllah because the Ummah needs more people like you and inshAllah it is people like you that will help us achieve victory before the Last Day. :)
 

hussain.mahammed

a lonely traveller
As salamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu dear brother

Kemon accho? Ki khobor tumar? LOL. Ye its really been quite a long time since we talked actually. I wish the best for you brother. Insha Allah you will overcome your difficulties. You are still young, so these are just experiences which you have shared with us. Everybody goes through all these stuffs. We are not angels. We are humans and we are bound to make mistakes. But Allah Taala love those, who make mistakes and sincerely repent and asks for HIS guidance alone. Oh Allah!! We ask You to protect us from the evil whisperings of shaitan, from the fitnah of this world, from the fitnah of Dajjal, from the fire and from the trials of grave.
 

naaad

mu'minah
Wa Alaikum as Salaam wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh brother,

Firstly, your faith at this young age is commendable!!! MashaALLAH brother, from what i read, i can easily say that it's not usually that we see brothers like you...
But the situation you are in, you needs loads of PATIENCE !!!
there are many people in this world who, in their youth, only think about life as an enjoyment, and that makes me feel really sorry for them. i pray that they start taking life seriously before getting into big trouble.

Brother, just keep strong and stay the way you are- a very righteous brother. And inspire as many lives as possible so they see in you a good example of Islam.
Lots of "Dhikr" and "Durood" will keep the evil whispering away from you INSHAALLAH!

May ALLAH keep you firm on the Right Path of Islam and guide through you more people to this Divine Light!
May ALLAH give you lots of patience and make easy every difficulty that might come your way!
 

slave_of_Allah

Junior Member
Masha'Allah at such a young age you think like this. Your post brought tears to my eyes. Jazka'Allah khair akhi. I pray Allah grants you a place in jannah tul firdos. Aameen.

You are not alone in this dunya, Allah is with you. Keep smiling akhi, and Allah bless you always.
 

Muslimah16

ServantOfAllah*
:salam2: my little brother

Seriously dude, how many "WAllahi's" u got there..? :Confused: LOL

No need to apologies brother.. Im sure the bro's and sis's dont mind ;)

Ok, Well i have to give u credits for being so concerned about Deen at a young age. When i was ur age, i was urm, nothing like that :(
MashaAllah it's so good to see a chap your age worried about Religion, SubhanAllah!

Brother, hold on tight to your Imaan inshaAllah
Keep us in your pious du'aas too, May Allah reward you for every good you do and overlook your bad. :) and grant you and your loved ones a high rank in Jannah.

Your sister
Wassalaam
 

Abdul Hasib

Student of Knowledge
Assalamu Aleykum Warahmatullahe Wabarakaathuh my dearest beloved brothers and sisters in Islam. Wallahi, before I was feeling upset (when I was remmebering my sins), but after reading many of your posts, Wallahi I just HAD to smile. :) Wallahi, my heart felt that it was lifting extremely high, and I felt a feeling of contentment and happiness in my heart. I just feel speechless about you brothers and sisters. Wallahi, many times, seeing the way many of you are even gets to the point when I just might break into tears (and TRUST me, especially the other day when I was reading some sisters' chat messages to each other, using extremely beautiful words about how they love each other, and how EMOTIONAL it gets, to the point that some of the sisters talk to each other as if they are REALLY infront of each other, hugging each other with Love. Wallahi, it's one of the countless BEAUTIES that I see in my great Muslim sisters. Wallahi sisters, if you took my young teachers, the teacher of brother Ali, and all the other young women (who dress in ways that boys are so stupid about), and then wer got all of our sisters here (the MUMINAHS though, not some regular Muslimah), Wallahi, even one of you sisters are more better in my haert than even ALL the other girls and women. For me, appearance attracts the Nafs, but personality and good character attracts my heart, and Wallahi, our Pious Muminah Sisters are more better than ALL of the Hurl Yeen in Jannah, Wallahi Bajis, you put ALL of them to SHAME! But only (Muslim) men who have a strong desire of women, like Hurl Yeen (yeah, I heard this one brother say that in the talk after Asr in the Masjid during the Ijtimah, to which I started making noises to mock the way men feel about Hurl Yeen, to which it made all the brothers around me start laughing :D, and trust me, these are MATURE brothers, who are young (college aged) Muslim men, NOT teenagers :D).

Wallahi, I love all of you brother sand sisters for the sake of Allah Subhnahu wa Ta Alla, may he reunite all of us in jannah, Ameen.

This is just a short response. My REAL response will coem tomorrow, after Fajr (or from midnight till Fajr, yes, I CAN stay up like that :D), Inshallah. Please make dua brothers and sisters, that I am able to spend time from midnight to Fajr (alone, while everonye is sleeping) so that I may spend time in the night remebering Allah Subhanahu wa Ta Alla, Inshallah. And also, please make dua that my real response will be EXTREMELY beautiful (hmmm....how about beyond our imagination? Oooooh....I like that!) and that I am able to respond with the exact perfect words (that I was thinking about using before, when I read these responses in the afternoon), or even BETTER than that, If Allah Subhanahu wa Ta Alla wills (or simply, how about just making dua that everything in my post goes MORE than perfeectly well, Inshallah. Gosh, I just don't shut up at times <brothers at the masjid noticed this in me :lol:).


And may Allah Subhanahu wa Ta Alla protect us all from evil, hardships, sufferings, and sadness in our Eman, Ameen.
 

AlQurtubi

Banned
Brother Abdul Haseeb! may ALLAH bless you and grant you best of both worlds. (ameen)

Dont be bothered by waswasa. Just dont stay alone. Try to stay with some one most of the time. This is the only soluition to those waswasa. Beleive me, its the only solution, apart from your rituals including prayers and zikar etc.

I know its hard to live in west as a muslim. Just dont leave struggle. InshALLAH, in the end, ALLAH will make your death and life after death , easy and goood. Dont be reluctant to repent after doing sin. Just DONT.

And Brother :) That hadith which you have quoted regarding behavior of men with their women is concerned about man and his wife. Not the other way around. So take care :D

What else should I write? When are you going to go back to bangladesh? A brother from states has recently gone there and he is struggling.. lol..

Hows body building going on? I hope you havent started it yet as you are so young.

I request you to Pray for me for many many things.

wsalam
 
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