Friendship between a man and a woman

shasha

shasha

Muslimah
Asalaam alaykum brothers and sisters. :SMILY259:

I am a relatively new Muslimah (converted half a year ago) and like any other convert, I am adjusting to the Islamic way of life. I used to be a Christian (Catholic) and as some of you may know there aren't much boundaries between a man and a woman in Christianity. Men and women go to the same church and pray in the same room, they greet and smile and shake hands with each other in church, and they have Christian organizations that is categorized by age group or civil status but NOT by gender. Because of this, I never thought that having male friends was not allowed. And then I entered Islam...

My question is, what are the limitations of communication between a man and a woman who aren't married in Islam? Is it allowed to be friends with the opposite sex in Islam? Physical contact is obviously not allowed but how about talking in the presence of other people? Or texting? Or emailing? How should I deal with the friends that I had that existed before I entered Islam?

Please site verses in the Qur'an or Hadiths about this if possible.

Thank you! :hijabi:

Salaam :hearts:
 
I

islamdonlyway

Junior Member
walikumsalam sister

yes you can communicate with the opposite sex only if its needed, for example talking about your study,work etc its allowed.but haveing other convo not nessocery its not allowed as it could lead to bad things.so you can talk by emailing and texting to the opposite sex as long as its resonable on what your talking about. allah knows best,
would be good if other brothers and sisters share more info.
 
Hard Rock Moslem

Hard Rock Moslem

I'm your brother
Wa'alaikumsalam sister.

Alhamdulillah, congratulations for your reversion to Islam. I'm a revert too alhamdulillah.

Having close friendship with non-Mahram from opposite is not allowed in Islam. But this modern world we may not be able to avoid having contact with opposite sex while at work, internet forum, e-mailing etc. In this situation Muslims should observe the following:

- always in Islamic dress code
- restrict talking on matters relating to work, study, Islam, family only
- should not be talking to opposite sex in isolated place or secretly.
- lower your gaze while talking to opposite sex e.g. at workplace or in public

Say to the believing men to lower their gazes and guard their chastity… And say to the believing women to lower their gazes and guard their chastity and not to display their charms in public.) (An-Nur 24: 30-31)

Islam is not only a religion of cure, but emphasise more on prevention.

Do not come near fornication, for it is indeed lewdness and an evil life-style.) (Al-Isra' 17: 32)
 
shasha

shasha

Muslimah
Thank you so much for your replies! :)

I love what you said Hard Rock Moslem: "Islam is not only a religion of cure, but emphasise more on prevention."

JazakAllah khair. :hearts:
 
duran

duran

Junior Member
I just copied this from another post by "Islamislight"

"Etiquette of Speaking with the Opposite Gender‏

". . . then be not soft in speech, lest he in whose heart is a disease should be moved with desire, but speak in an honourable manner." [al-Ahzaab 33:32]

Ibn Katheer, may Allaah have mercy on him, said in his Tafseer: "This means that they should not speak softly. Allaah commanded them to speak in a concise and decisive manner (i.e., they should be serious and brief in their speech, and not be vague or talk aimlessly). There should be no possible indication on the face that could be taken to indicate any softness in the heart, as the Arab women (before Islaam) used to do when speaking to men, by making their voices soft like women who are taking care of small children, or like prostitutes. Allaah forbade women to do that.

The phrase "lest he in whose heart is a disease should be moved with desire" means lest such a person should hope for immoral deeds, indecency or romance. "Speaking in an honourable manner" means speaking in a way that does not go against Sharee’ah or offend people. Women are encouraged when speaking to men to whom they are not related and to mahrams among their in-laws to be somewhat rough or abrupt in their speech, without raising the voice, because they are commanded to lower their voice.

Speaking with a woman to whom one is not related (i.e., not mahram) should only be for a specific need, such as asking a question, buying or selling, asking about the head of the household, and so on. Such conversations should be brief, with nothing doubtful in either what is said or how it is said.

Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid "
 
W

weakslave

Junior Member
shasha said:
Asalaam alaykum brothers and sisters. :SMILY259:
Click to expand...

Walykom Assalaam,

First of all I want to say your diligence in the matter mashaAllaah is truly the diligence every muslim should possess when learning about their religion, and whether you like it or not it does say a lot about who you are and that you are someone after the truth. I ask Allaah to strengthen your faith and keep on his straight path.

As any human being knows, feelings towards the opposite sex are always special, and that is sometimes a good thing other times it can be dangerous. One thing to always keep in mind, Islam sets the bar for us, the bar for perfect human beings. We do our best to reach it, with sincerity and help from Allaah.

The one we learn from is the Messenger of Allaah (SAAWS). He said:

"No man is alone with a woman but the Shaytaan will be the third one present"

Please see here: http://islamqa.com/en/ref/34841

and http://islamqa.com/en/ref/13728

A summary of the above is: contact (phone, email, letters etc) is only out of necessity. Anything that is not a necessity either borders on uselessness or is in itself useless, and it may lead you to a situation you never want to be in (ie have feelings for one who is not your husband).

--------------------------------------

I understand your situation 100%. It is a difficult thing to give up, but with the help of Allaah I think you will find that your life can continue without male friends. You can simply send a generic email to all your male friends explaining to them that unless they have something urgent and absolutely necessary they are not to contact you because you will not respond to them anymore.

This is one of the reasons why men and women are encouraged to marry in Islaam.

Look at this verse from the Quraan:

"O mankind, eat from whatever is on earth [that is] lawful and good and do not follow the footsteps of Satan. Indeed, he is to you a clear enemy."

[2:168]

Allaah in His infinite wisdom does not say "avoid physical contact with the opposite sex", but he says do not follow the footsteps of shaytaan. As Zakir Naik said, a person would say "What's wrong with a phone call, its just one phone call?!" and then later on that same person would say "What's wrong with a dinner, its just one dinner?!" and then later on that person would say "What's wrong its just one night!!".

The danger is there for both men and women so it is definitely not a one way street.

The bar is there for us, and that bar is ultimate success in this life and the hereafter
 
shasha

shasha

Muslimah
Thanks so much for sharing your knowledge with me, brothers and sisters. :hijabi:

All posts are very helpful. :hearts:
 
S

Sophie29

Junior Member
Yes it's still something that I'm only gradually adapting to, most of society does involve relatively free intermingling of the sexes, isn't easy to extract oneself from this while still participating.
 
U

umer_bhava

New Member
friendship between opposite gender

duran said:
I just copied this from another post by "Islamislight"

"Etiquette of Speaking with the Opposite Gender‏

". . . then be not soft in speech, lest he in whose heart is a disease should be moved with desire, but speak in an honourable manner." [al-Ahzaab 33:32]

Ibn Katheer, may Allaah have mercy on him, said in his Tafseer: "This means that they should not speak softly. Allaah commanded them to speak in a concise and decisive manner (i.e., they should be serious and brief in their speech, and not be vague or talk aimlessly). There should be no possible indication on the face that could be taken to indicate any softness in the heart, as the Arab women (before Islaam) used to do when speaking to men, by making their voices soft like women who are taking care of small children, or like prostitutes. Allaah forbade women to do that.

dear user,
asslamu alaikum,
where did u get this quote from?i searched ibn kadeer's tafisr for the ayah (al ahzab 33:32) but its not what its mentioned above..and none of the prophet's sayings and a verse in quran prohibits men talking with women nor women talking with men in a modest way.infact it is sunnah to communicate with women in a modest way within islamic teachings.the only criteria is
1)a man and women shouldnt be alone unless its her mahram.could u kindly let me know that where you got that tafseer from ?i searched but couldnt find out..regarding friendship between men and women an acceptable explanation is given in islamonline.net under several headings..
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