Gripes, Complaints, and Irritants! :)

[Frank_H_Smith]

As Salamu 'Alaykum,

How many of you are able to get to an Islamic Center, Masjid, Mosque, regularly?

Does your Masjid have events, inter-faith gatherings, meals?

I would like to make a suggestion. The best thing isn't always to tell someone to do whatever makes them comfortable. For example, my wife is very timid, introverted, and fearful. If she and I were invited to a meal and none of the women in the Masjid befriended her and took her under their wing, she would stay by me (because she feels safe by me). However, being the only woman at a men's table because the Muslimah sisters told her to sit wherever she wants, would not put her at ease or make her want to return.

Islam has traditions. One of those traditions is that the men and women separate. I am neither condoning nor condemning this practice. However, as Muslims we know this. So, why not befriend and guide someone visiting. I know that my wife would be a bit nervous about being guided to a table away from me; however, she would be more comfortable as the evening progresses and she is able to chat with other women rather than sitting at a table with all men as her husband talks with the men and worries about being rude to either her or the men at his table because of divided attention.

Having pastored a church in Christianity, I was responsible for caring for my flock. So, now that I am in Islam, it is difficult for me not to give "opinions" based on my Christian education. I do apologize for giving opinions on subjects about which I know little.

My experiences have been positive in my interaction with other Muslims. The majority of Muslims whom I have met are from India and Pakistan. Both these countries have a cultural milieu which encourages hospitality. But, lately, I have been reading on the web where many new Muslims (Muslims who reverted in the last four years) have not had as positive experiences as I have had. One Muslim brother who has traveled the Muslim World for the past four years wrote honestly about how he feels. He said, "When asked how many of "my people" have I brought to Islam, I think to myself, 'Why would I want to try and convert my non-Muslim friends when I like spending time with them more that the Muslims I am meeting.'" He goes on to say how he was practically told that the Mosque at which he stopped to pray was only for Muslims. After telling "the guards" that he was a Muslim, they ask him if he was Sunni or Shiite. He figured if he answered that wrong he would again be told to leave and since it was approaching the end of prayer time, he said, "I don't care." He ended his article jokingly with something like ,"I love Islam, but the Muslims..."

I do a lot of research on the web trying to improve my knowledge, understanding, and behavior. I was initially shocked at how much anti-Islamic garbage that one has to shift through when doing search engine searches. I can type in The Companions of The Prophet (Salla Alayhu 'Alayhi Wa Sallam) and get half the links slandering The Prophet (Salla Alayhu 'Alayhi Wa Sallem ) and another quarter talking about media hyped propaganda.

And one last little gripe, if you invite a new brother to a "Family Dinner" which is going to have non-Muslims in attendance, inform him. Why? Well, it is very uncomfortable when a Muslim is told that you are a new brother who recently took his Shahada and the Muslim Brother asks how you discovered Islam, and having a big mouth, you declare that having been an ordained Christian Minister you realized that Islam's teaching are closer to the Torah and the teachings of Jesus than Christianity only to later realize that three of the men at your table are Christians.

I guess by now you can tell that although I love all of Allah's creation. I am beginning to see problems being a stranger in a strange land.

On a positive note, our Islamic Center received an award for its donation to the Red Cross!

 

[Bawar]

Assalamu alaikum brother!

You discussed several points in your thread, I will comment on just one. As much as one of Islam's basic teachings is to gather humanity around a common cause, the reality among islamic societies is not so.

A newly reverted muslim/a expects to find the practical examples of the beautiful religion as described in the Quran and sunnah, in the real world, but they soon discover that such examples do not exist very often.

I mean, muslims as one unit (islamic society which is unaffected by geography, race, financial status and so on) is not a reality as far as I can think. This presses the need that muslims individually can overcome such a challenge by personal struggle. Islam is indeed a miss-understood religion not only by non-muslims, but unfrotunately, by most muslims too.

There is an increasing need for focusing on the postive aspects for inspiration and on negative aspects for correction.

 

[Frank_H_Smith]

As Salamu 'Alaykum,

I guess I should clarify that I didn't go from being a Christian Preacher to Islam. I was pastoring a small church of about 30 people in CA. The Church was a Sabbath Keeping Pentecostal Church. However, there was contention developing over whether we should keep The Feast Days. Being a new pastor at the church, I wasn't aware of it. The brother who was the major exponent ask me one day why I didn't have a beard. I answered because I have to represent the church and a neat appearance was important. He asked me to read some verses in the Bible.

Lev 19:27 Ye shall not round the corners of your heads, neither shalt thou mar the corners of thy beard.

Psa 133:1 A Song of degrees of David. Behold, how good and how pleasant it is for brethren to dwell together in unity!
Psa 133:2 It is like the precious ointment upon the head, that ran down upon the beard, even Aaron's beard: that went down to the skirts of his garments;
Psa 133:3 As the dew of Hermon, and as the dew that descended upon the mountains of Zion: for there the LORD commanded the blessing, even life for evermore.

Isa 50:6 I gave my back to the smiters, and my cheeks to them that plucked off the hair: I hid not my face from shame and spitting.

2Sa 10:4 Wherefore Hanun took David's servants, and shaved off the one half of their beards, and cut off their garments in the middle, even to their buttocks, and sent them away.
2Sa 10:5 When they told it unto David, he sent to meet them, because the men were greatly ashamed: and the king said, Tarry at Jericho until your beards be grown, and then return.

And, several other verses. I decided that men in submission to God should have beards. I began to grow my beard.

When it became obvious that I was growing a beard, the widow of the previous pastor told me , "Brother, we don't like beards. We would like you to shave it." I quoted the above Bible verses and received the reply, "Well that was alright for then, but now we don't like beards." What she was really saying is this is our church and we like having meetings on a Friday night and Saturday Morning, but we don't want beards and Feast Days entering our church.

So, I resigned. My wife and I then spent six months in an "All Things in Common community on 2200 acres in The South. After leaving there I was becoming less hopeful of ever finding a group that was in harmony and submission to God because of the fact that since the early thirties when it stated they had acquired 10's of millions of dollars which lead to all positions of leadership, responsibility, and authority residing in one family. It was obvious that although the concept upon which the community was founded was Biblical, and everyone had their own home on the property, all things were not equal.

Act 4:34 Neither was there any among them that lacked: for as many as were possessors of lands or houses sold them, and brought the prices of the things that were sold,
Act 4:35 And laid them down at the apostles' feet: and distribution was made unto every man according as he had need.


Consequently, I started re-reading the Vedas, Guru Granth Sahib JI, Tao Te Ching, and other religious text and studied with all the fringe or cult type Christian Denominations that taught we're right; go to hell if you don't accept our teachings.

A decade later, I read AL QUR'AAN.

 

[AnnaKanadeeyah]

as-Salaamu Alaikum Brother Frank,

When I converted/reverted to Islam, I thought that I belonged to this beautiful new family that would be excited to accept me. Instead, my greetings of salaam are rarely returned and I feel somewhat uncomfortable in the masjid. Alhamdulillah, I am not obligated to go. But a kind and wise sister once told me, "Don't follow the Muslims, follow the example of our Prophet (sallallahu alayhi wasallam)," and she reminded me that everything is a test in this life. A test to keep one's temper, to make excuses for one's brother, to credit Allah in prosperity and seek refuge in Him in want or fear, to be charitable, etc etc. Of course, you know all that, Brother Frank.

You might be a reaching a point now in which it becomes very easy to see fault in the community. You've learned so much and want to apply it to your life and it's easy to assume that those who come before you have already implemented these things. Please don't let it bring you down. Trust that Allah will give your wife strength to find a place in her mosque (digesting instruction in tawheed can help with that). Trust that Allah will always give you comfort to speak the truth even at a table that includes Christians who might bristle at your passion for our deen.

I admire your story very much. You've shown time and again that what you learned as a pastor has helped you get where you are today. Even in this post, you mention how Christians you were to guide knew their faith but didn't follow it. Unfortunately, the same applies to Muslims:

Ziyaad Ibn Labeed Al-Ansari (may Allah be pleased with him) narrated that the Messenger of Allah (sallallahu alayhi wasallam) mentioned something and then said: "….and that is when there will be no more knowledge. We said, ‘O Messenger of Allah! How will knowledge disappear while we have Quran with us and we teach it to our children and while they will also teach it to theirs?’ The Prophet retorted: I thought you were one of the most knowledgeable of the people of Madinah! Are there not Jews and Christians who have their scriptures with them and yet they take no benefit from what is inside them?’" (At-Tirmidhi and others).

May Allah continue to keep us all on the straight path, lighten our burden, and give us patience to bear Gripes, Complaints, and Irritants! Ameen.

 

[Abu Talib]

:salam2:
I cannot comment much on this..
But Brother personally I say don't compare Christainity with Islam just forget your past life being a Christian.

I think the shaytaan is taking the advantage of whispering in you of comparing activities which you held being Christain and now being a Muslim.

Of course it must be a different scenario ... i just gave a thought on it..

I really admire reverts as they would get double reward by ALLAH and also they recieved Hidayah from ALLAH......
If you want to judge Islam judge it by the Quran.

 

[Aisya al-Humaira]

Assalamualaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh,

This was one of the early threads I read here in TTI. Sure was an eye-opener to me on the struggles that reverts face everyday.

http://www.turntoislam.com/forum/showthread.php?t=732

Hope it'll be of benefits to those who havent read yet. InshaAllaah.

Wassalam.

 

[hana*]

salamu alaikum,

I am saddened by the not so great experience your wife had at the interfaith dinner (?). in reality, these dinners should not be seggregated as how do non-muslim husband and wife sit together. most likely, the non-muslim woman has to sit at the mens section in order to stay with her husband. this is not correct. we have interfaith dinners here in scotland frequently and more often than not, there are three sections- the family section, the females only and the males only section, thus there will be something suitable for everyone.

i want you to remember that Islam is perfect and Muslims are most definatley not. since you have found Islam after many years of research, you, as well as the other reverts will practice Islam with heart and body. however, many born Muslims adopt the cultural norms, whilst leaving the true Islam as a side dish.

I have experienced difficulties amoungst Muslims all my life, as they would not accept me as 'one of them' as my background, language and culture was not of theirs. i have felt a 'stranger' all my life, but remember the Prophet (peace be upon him saying): Glad tidings to the strangers

 

[Frank_H_Smith]

As Salamu 'Alaykum,

Actually, my wife didn't mind. I asked her if it bothered her being the only woman at a table full of men and she said she didn't mind. It bothered me because I was conversing with some of the Muslim brothers, but felt like I was ignoring my wife. I also realized how I speak before I think when asked how I came to Islam and said Islam was much closer to what Truth we have left in The Old and New Testament than Christianity, only to later find out that it was an inter-faith dinner and many there were Christians. I don't like to insult anyone's religion. But, I only have my big mouth and small brain to blame. The brothers and sisters there were great. I just felt it would have been better for one of the sisters to say to my wife, "we would really like it if you sat at our table; so, we could get to know each other." Perhaps it is just a cultural difference. We Westerners are "pushy" where they may have come from a region of The World where people are more reserved. Please, forgive me if I gave the impression that I was speaking against Muslims. I was speaking about Western Etiquette in America, but most of the woman were immigrants from other countries, except the Christian Women who gave the award for The Islamic Center's Charitable Contribution.

Pentecostal and Baptist People tend to be very gregarious; so, I expect it to be like that. I guess I will just have to share the message with more Pentecostals and Baptists.

Thank you all for your advice. It was all very helpful. The truth is when you get to be my age, you tend to be less malleable. I don't know if it's the arthritis or what. But change comes slower. I was such a great Christian. I prayed so beautifully, a preached so eloquently, and I fasted. Not to mention my humility. :0 Just joking.

 

[Tabassum07]

I may not be a revert, but trust me, even if a born muslim comes truly back to Islam, even their condition isn't any different than a revert. That said, I recently moved to America, and I thought I wasn't getting any Islamic support back home, so here where there are so many Islamic groups and everything, surely I'd be able to find a full Muslim support for sure. I've been wrong. Four months here, and I have yet to meet someone I can truly call "my muslimah sister."

Yesterday I went to a wedding, and sat for hours bored out of my mind. Because no one would talk to me. There were some women at the table, but they already knew each other, so they had their own personal chitchat going on. All I got was "Hello, how are you? How've you been doing?" and that's it. I'm an introvert, and I am shy, and its takes a lot of time for me to open up to someone. But I say that's my issue, and I don't want to find fault with anyone. Probably even a lack of companionship can be a test from Allah. Will we follow the deen only when we have someone with us? Or do we have what it takes to walk the path alone?? I just see it as another test.

 

[Frank_H_Smith]

As Salamu Alakum,

Sister, As you said in other words, Everything is from Allah, so it was wrong of me to complain, even if it was only partially serious. I do apologize. I should not have complained. You are right. One of the things that I liked was that Muslim accepted with patience what Allah uses for their perfecting. Of course, it is easy for me to accept my lot, but to become protective if I think my wife is hurting. That has always been an area of weakness for me; consequently, that would naturally been where Shaytan would attack whispering. Alhamdulillah!

 

[Tabassum07]

No need to apologize at all, brother Frank. I'm also sorry if my words were perhaps, too blunt and to-the-point.

 

[BrotherInIslam7]

Salaamalaykum brother Frank,

I live in a small college town, so we don't have any interfaith dinners etc, but we do have Open Masjid day where non muslims can come visit the mosque and see what muslims do in the mosque etc.

Though I am not sure the setup of interfaith dinners etc. If your wife is visiting the mosque/islamic centre, you can perhaps ask your muslim brothers beforehand to inform their wives. I think they would then pay more attention when your wife visits and speak/interact more with her.

I am actually disturbed to read threads like these about muslims getting the cold shoulder from their brothers/sisters, as so far I have always found warm and friendly muslim brothers Alhamdulillah. We all need to do some major work on our akhlaaq. Just imagine, if others felt the same about us, how awful would that be !

May Allah subhaana waa ta'ala guide us. Ameen

Wasalaamalaykum waa rahmatullahi

 

[Basicofislam]

:salam2: You dont enter a religion cause everybody becomes your friend if you do so. You do it cause it takes you on the right path. And also never judge the religion cause of how the muslims behave. Believe me we muslims are in the mess right now cause we dont follow islam correctly. But i say forget about how others follow it you should think about yourself. Cause no one will answer for ur sins except you yourself.

 

[Frank_H_Smith]

As Salamu 'Alaykum,

Basic of Islam,

I agree completely with you. If we were seeking friendship, I would imagine becoming a Muslim would be the least sensible road for anyone from a Christian family and background. Most family members and "friends" disapprove of it. Some suggested that I forget my Christian background. That was actually my first introduction to Our Creator, Sustainer, and Ruler. I realize that much of the Bible has been corrupted. I also realize that much of it hasn't been corrupted. My heart is right and my intelligence of sufficient level to find my way out of Churchanity; consequently, I think I can learn Al Qur'an and still find comfort in the Psalms, wisdom in the Proverbs, and examples in the writings without being lead back into Shirk. My very first sermon was about serving God regardless of who is with you.

Jos 24:14 Now therefore fear the LORD, and serve him in sincerity and in truth: and put away the gods which your fathers served on the other side of the flood, and in Egypt; and serve ye the LORD.
Jos 24:15 And if it seem evil unto you to serve the LORD, choose you this day whom ye will serve; whether the gods which your fathers served that were on the other side of the flood, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land ye dwell: but as for me and my house, we will serve the LORD.