Sister Zilliz, I feel so bad for you, I understand what you mean when you feel that your heart is broken. Even though I'm not a girl and I'm not you, I always understand the way a person feels when I put myself in their shoes. This was a nice looking guy who you liked alot, right? I know the way Morrocan Boys look like white or yellow-tan, tight shirt, "ganster look (?)," muscle built (well many of them), etc.
This is like how I felt during my Jahliyyah days, years and years back when I had alot of problems, like hanging out with the cool kids in class, liking this girl, getting good grades to boost my ego and being well known for it, and this was all before I came to Islam, to Allah Ta Alla.
So I liked this girl in my class and stuff, and I never told her but she understood well, and so we would talk to each other alot of times, her to me actually, and she was starting to notice me alot, and I was liking that. But then at the end of the year I lost basically everything, my "friends" (the cool ones), her, and many other things, but Mashallah I had my really great friends though, and this is an example of how this World is temporary.
And so anyway I felt pretty upset that she didn't like me anywmore, but later on I felt that it was for the best, but then 6th grade started, and I continued thinking about her all the time. again. And then she went with this boy who was like a bully to me and then she'd always laugh and tease me with him because she liked him, and I felt broken up because of that, but I felt, "Oh well, she doesn't like me, I don't care, I'm not gonna die becasue of her," and then later on it turns out that he broke up with her and went with this other girl, and he went with her becasue his other girl liekd this other new kid and broke up with him. But still I was still always thinking about her all the time until she started going out and "sharing her feelings" with her freind's boyfriend, and they stopped being friends and would get anagry with each other and stuff, and then I'd get all upset and depressed, but then I forgot about her and I started noticing her driend, which later on I found her more to my liking because she was good looking and she was a nicer person who got along with people, until that girl that I use to like before got into a fight with her new boyfriend and her old one, and so then she got pretty hurt from him, and so hse broke up with him. And then after a few days she started feeling like coming back to me, and at that tiem I changed, and I was more "cooler" and ganster than I ever was before, and I looked better too, and so she would always look over her shoulder at me when she was online leaving class throguh the door when I was lagging behind to finish packing up, and I knew that she wanted to "be with me" again, although this time, I decided to leave hr, and yeah even though I still liek dher, I flet pretty scared when she would do those things like try to talk to me after along time, because I didn't like her anymore, I felt happy not having to worry about not looking bad or stupid infront of her, and I liked being alone and without her. An besides I liked her friend anyway, more than I liekd her, evn though she looke dbetter than her friend, but then her friend's ex boyfriend came bac kto her, and then I was away from her, btu I still liked her.
But then the time came when I had a new change in life, and that was Islam, I kinda embraced it and started feling mroe interested to learn mroe about Islam, and so I like dthat more and I started to think about it mroe than both of them.
But then by the end of the school year, I didn't like any of them anymroe, I like dIslam more, and then I felt, felt like starting life all over agin, but with something that's nice, enjoying, and happy, and that was Islam, and nothing else. And even though I had many problems, like I'd chose what I wanted to follow and listen to, and to forget about those things that I didn't like, but I was also destroyed pretty much because of what I rea in this stupid person's book about what his own rules on Islam, but I was starting to practice my Deen peice by peice, but what I'm trying to say sister, (it's the whole point of my story), is that you shoudln't just let little things detroy you in life, things like this will pass soon, all you should do is put your mind on better things, and then you'll start to foget him.
And I suggest that you completely cut him off so that he can't contact you anymore, it's not fair to his wife that he's ta;king to this other women that he likes when he's newly married, and if she finds out it'll break her heart, and it won't make you feel better by talking to him sister, so I suggest you block him from your email, throw away his number, and change your phone number.
And for practicing Islam, well, you might not really get the best of it by going to Morooco, it's a new country and stuff, it'll be hard for you to focus on the most important thing, and that's Islam.
You basically feel in your heart that Allah Ta Alla is your Lord, so why don't you just say your Shahadah? It's basic and simple, and you said that you want to do it during a calm and paecfull time, sister trust me that's Shaytaan saying this to you to dely your taking of Shahadah, becasue trust me, thinking about Islam is the only thing that'll take him off your mind, and if you don't think about Islam, then you'll still think and cry about him al lthe time, and by the rate that you'll go through, it'll be a couple of months to a few years till you stop thinking about him, but I know that you'll continue to talk to him, which will make you feel even more depressed and you'll continue to think about him, so the only choice is to take Shahadah, cut him off comlpetely, and think about Islam, these three things will maek you forget him and wil make you feel happy and better, trust me sister Zilliz.
And another thing too everyone, my story above is a spoiler to my current story project right now, and that's going to be about My Story of how I came into Islam, my life before Islam, after I came into Islam, etc. I tried to keep the above story simpole because I didn't want to spoil it too much for you guys, LoL.
Anyway, remember my words and take care sister Lizz.
