How to know who to marry?

[Sana2u]

Assalam allaikum. I am new to Islam but I am already having to face marriage now.
Before I reverted I had gotten to know a muslim man who is the same age as me. We got along really well and feelings developed (I know that was wrong.) We never touched each other though and now we still communicate but not as much. We still like each other. We have talked about marriage in the future before but he is not stable financially yet and is just beginning to figure out what career to have that will make him relatively happy.

Then I met another muslim man, a little younger than me. He was having some emotional issues and needed someone to talk to so I offered my help. We have become good friends after that and talk regularly. I know he has feelings for me and wants to marry me, but I have never thought of him as anything but a friend. Recently he also bought me an expensive gift because I was having a lot of problems in my life (I did not go into details with him though.) He's a good guy and really caring and generous, but I'm not sure I want to be his wife. Also, I am not sure how my family would interact with him as our skin colors are not the same and I worry they would hurt his feelings too.

Then there is another man. We are not friends or anything like that. He thought I was a good muslimah and thought I was pretty enough and that I would make a good wife. So he wants to marry me. He seems like a good muslim and he follows the suna. I don't know much else about him to say more as we have only talked a few minutes.

Lastly, there is a fourth man. He also thinks I am good muslimah and am honest. He is a couple years older than me. He seems like a really good guy to me but he also says he would want to get married in only 1 month and that we would move afterward to a state with lower costs of living, which is also a state very far away from all of my family (I am open to moving but I know I would miss my family) and I am not sure about getting married in only 1 month as it is so soon. I don't know much about this guy either just have a good initial impression.

Also, I have a medical condition. The first guy is supportive about it and wouldn't leave me just because of it. The second guy knew from the beginning and has also been very supportive and doesn't care. Third guy knows but hasn't talked about it. The last guy knows too; he asked some questions about it such as how it effects my life and he is fine with it.

Do I marry any of these guys? How do I know who to marry? I am ready for marriage but I also want to be happy in the marriage and never regret my choice. Do you have any advice?:shymuslima1:

Jazakallah khair.

 

[Aapa]

Assalaam walaikum,

Slow it down sister..slow yourself down.

You are new to Islam so slow it down.

I am the old lady here so I can say this: Why are you talking to all these men?
Why are you putting yourself out there?

Marriage is very serious business in Islam. Of all that we have in worldly affairs the number one is marriage. It is what ties us to this world.

Sister, just this week much has been posted on marriage. There are links to everything for Islamic marriage. Read them. Find out from believing sisters what you need to do.

A woman can not throw herself out there. There are protocols. You need a wali etc.

I also am concerned that you state there is a difference of color. Slow down. Please take the time to learn what marriage is in Islam.

If I come across harsh, I am not. I do not want you to get hurt. So do it right.

 

[Aroosak]

I pray you are well and may Allah shower you with health and mercy.

I believe one of the issues that is causing confusion in you is that you've become close to these brothers. Don't get me wrong I am not blaming you since as you've mentioned you are still learning about Islam and your intentions appear genuine. But when one becomes too close to the opposite gender feelings start to arise and is harder to see marriage through the right lenses and follow the right approach. I've always thought that to start a good healthy marriage relationship one should avoid fitnah since the beginning inshallah. That being said I think when choosing a life partner we should follow the Sunnah of the Prophet (SAW) when he said that what we should look at first is their piety. Also as with any decision in life praying istikhara is essential and let me tell you once you pray it things will start looking more clear and it would be like a weight lifted from your shoulders inshallah.

There are also other factors to consider:
1) Why do you want to get married, your intention, why does he want to marry you.
2) What are you looking for in a spouse
3)Are you compatible?
4) Don't let yourself be pressured into marriage just make dua and Allah will let you know when is the right time.
5) when meeting him let it be in a public place and chaperoned and don't let your conversation wander into off-topics let it be concise and with the only intention to get to know him.
6) enquire about him with people who know him, about his family about his characters.

I hope this was helpful, I pray Allah helps you make the right decision

 

[saifkhan]

as-salam 'alaikum

fear Allah and look for a guy (to marry) who fears Allah, everything will be fine insha Allah. may Allah help you to find your mate.
just don't get emotional, not in any chance, even if you like, refrain yourself.females are weak, shaytan can strike anytime.

wassalam

 

[Sana2u]

I have not gotten to know the second 2 at all. I have not met them or befriended them in any wrong way. They just found out I was a single muslim who was religious and so they proposes. I didn't know the last two guys before they proposed.

Also, I am new to Islam yes but I feel comfortable enough with it as if I have been practicing it for years. I also know talking to the first two guys was wrong, which is why me and the first guy don't talk too much. The second guy I was only trying to help and didn't think of the bad things that would have happened (I know my mistake now.)

 

[Aapa]

Assalaam walaikum,

We want you to do the right thing. We are looking at the long term.

( Brother..women are not weak. Nothing in the Quran tells me I am weak.)

 

[Abdul Hasib]

Assalamu Aleykum sister.

I'll make my post short for your own benefit

(Actually, what country do you live in? It sounds like the USA......)


Alright, so I'm guessing that there are four guys who are attracted to you (by your looks), and all of them seem "like a nice guy" (which THOUSANDS of young, revert sisters like yourself have met) and you are not sure which one you should marry, since they all seem to be "gentlemen-like" and everything.

Now sister, it's imporant that one chooses a GOOD SPOUSE, because if you marry someone who is a Moron (meaning, a bad husband), then the rest of your life will feel difficult.