Precious Star
Junior Member
I thought I was doing ok but the reality is I'm hurting again and don't know how to make it stop.
Any suggestions? Yes, I make dua. Constantly.
I went to a baby shower this weekend. It was a really beautiful celebration, and there were about 30 girls/women there. Mostly women younger than me (20s and 30s; i'm in my early 40s), and some "aunties". Almost all the guests were muslim (primarily Pakistani), although there were a few non-muslim colleagues of the mother-to-be who were also in attendance.
I was watching them all, and most of them had children of their own and/or were pregnant themselves, and the mother-to=be was GLOWING along with the prospective grandmothers. And everyone was giving her advice, and sharing their own stories.
And I just realized that that world - of embarking on a family life, of embracing a husband and children, of entering a new chapter in life filled with love and harmony and rejoicing -- was never mine, and now that I am older it likely never will be. When I was in my 20s and 30s I never really had much prospects so I didn't have the luxury of hoping for a family life. I just worked and took care of my parents.
It made me sad (again; I thought I had worked through these issues!). I felt sad that this type of life was never within my grasp. But deep down I feel that it was perfectly normal for me to wish for it, after all Allah SWT made us to want families of our own, He did not want us to live our lives alone and without love. What woman does not want to hold and cuddle a little baby of her own? What woman does not want to sometimes stay at home rather than run out in the cold every morning to a job where she gets no respect? What woman wouldn't want to take care of someone who loves her? These are all natural yearnings, but I had to suppress them because I was muslim and had no way of meeting a muslim man; but I look at all these young women this weekend and they were so happy to be at that stage of their lives where their family lives were blossoming! I saw so many husbands drop off their wives and bring in the little baby carriage, and it was so sweet and nice. And I was chatting with a beautiful girl who had such a sweet daughter and she was feeding her; I was chatting with the little girl too and asking her about her brother and her teachers and her friends. It was so sweet and I wish so much taht I had that in my life! But this morning...back to work! And my house feels so cold and lonely.
I wish I could ask Allah why this was not for me, why it was never even brought close to me , but I know that would be wrong. It is just destiny, I know that, but sometimes we have to create our own destiny and pray that Allah helps us in our endeavours. My parents never believed that, they always felt that someone would come knocking and I was so scared of them I just did whatever they wanted. But somewhere deep in my heart, I feel cheated a little bit.....
Of course, I am happy for these other girls and I don't begrudge their joy, not at all. But I came away from it all feeling hurt inside.
Any suggestions? Yes, I make dua. Constantly.
I went to a baby shower this weekend. It was a really beautiful celebration, and there were about 30 girls/women there. Mostly women younger than me (20s and 30s; i'm in my early 40s), and some "aunties". Almost all the guests were muslim (primarily Pakistani), although there were a few non-muslim colleagues of the mother-to-be who were also in attendance.
I was watching them all, and most of them had children of their own and/or were pregnant themselves, and the mother-to=be was GLOWING along with the prospective grandmothers. And everyone was giving her advice, and sharing their own stories.
And I just realized that that world - of embarking on a family life, of embracing a husband and children, of entering a new chapter in life filled with love and harmony and rejoicing -- was never mine, and now that I am older it likely never will be. When I was in my 20s and 30s I never really had much prospects so I didn't have the luxury of hoping for a family life. I just worked and took care of my parents.
It made me sad (again; I thought I had worked through these issues!). I felt sad that this type of life was never within my grasp. But deep down I feel that it was perfectly normal for me to wish for it, after all Allah SWT made us to want families of our own, He did not want us to live our lives alone and without love. What woman does not want to hold and cuddle a little baby of her own? What woman does not want to sometimes stay at home rather than run out in the cold every morning to a job where she gets no respect? What woman wouldn't want to take care of someone who loves her? These are all natural yearnings, but I had to suppress them because I was muslim and had no way of meeting a muslim man; but I look at all these young women this weekend and they were so happy to be at that stage of their lives where their family lives were blossoming! I saw so many husbands drop off their wives and bring in the little baby carriage, and it was so sweet and nice. And I was chatting with a beautiful girl who had such a sweet daughter and she was feeding her; I was chatting with the little girl too and asking her about her brother and her teachers and her friends. It was so sweet and I wish so much taht I had that in my life! But this morning...back to work! And my house feels so cold and lonely.
I wish I could ask Allah why this was not for me, why it was never even brought close to me , but I know that would be wrong. It is just destiny, I know that, but sometimes we have to create our own destiny and pray that Allah helps us in our endeavours. My parents never believed that, they always felt that someone would come knocking and I was so scared of them I just did whatever they wanted. But somewhere deep in my heart, I feel cheated a little bit.....
Of course, I am happy for these other girls and I don't begrudge their joy, not at all. But I came away from it all feeling hurt inside.