I AM GETTING ANGRY...

[allahismylord]

SALAAM

I HAVE JUST GOT MARRIED LAST FEW WEEK AGO.
WE LOVE EACH OTHER BUT THERE IS A BIG PROBLEM IS:
SHE TELL HER FRIENDS THAT I CANT DO SOMETHING AND SHE IS VERY UPSET BUT SHE CANT DO SOMETHING TOO BUT I DID NOT COMPLAIN!BECAUSE NO ONE IS PERFECT! WHEN SHE IS COMPLAIN SOMETHING. I'M ALWAYS TELL HER, DONT WORRY, SHE WILL BE OK AND MAKE DUA TO ALLAH. IF I'M COMPLAIN, SHE IS ANGRY WITH ME, WHY SHOULD I BE COMPLAIN SOMETHING. IF I SAY SOMETHING, SHE ALWAYS SAY I'M WRONG, IN FACT THESE MY WORDS COME FROM MUHAMMAD (saw)'S WORDS. I TIRED TO TELL HER, SHE SAID ' OK' BUT SHE DID NOT SAY' SORRY, MY MISTAKE' SHE DID NOT CARE THAT SHE IS WRONG

OK, U READ MY STORY....I AM WORRIED...BECAUSE I AM GETTING ANGRY LIKE I WANT TO SLAP HER....MAYBE MORE THAN SLAP....I'M SCARED BECAUSE I DONT TO BE A BAD MAN, MY DAD IS VERY BAD MAN AND ALWAYS BEAT MY MUM...I DONT WANT TO BE LIKE MY DAD....I HATE MY DAD SO MUCH.....HE COULD KILL MY MUM....BUT THANKS ALLAH, SHE LEFT HIM.

HELP ME, I DONT WANT TO BEAT HER UP. I DID TALK TO HER IN NICE AND RESPECT WAY...BUT SHE SPOILED MEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!

 

[palestine]

SALAAM

I HAVE JUST GOT MARRIED LAST FEW WEEK AGO.
WE LOVE EACH OTHER BUT THERE IS A BIG PROBLEM IS:
SHE TELL HER FRIENDS THAT I CANT DO SOMETHING AND SHE IS VERY UPSET BUT SHE CANT DO SOMETHING TOO BUT I DID NOT COMPLAIN!BECAUSE NO ONE IS PERFECT! WHEN SHE IS COMPLAIN SOMETHING. I'M ALWAYS TELL HER, DONT WORRY, SHE WILL BE OK AND MAKE DUA TO ALLAH. IF I'M COMPLAIN, SHE IS ANGRY WITH ME, WHY SHOULD I BE COMPLAIN SOMETHING. IF I SAY SOMETHING, SHE ALWAYS SAY I'M WRONG, IN FACT THESE MY WORDS COME FROM MUHAMMAD (saw)'S WORDS. I TIRED TO TELL HER, SHE SAID ' OK' BUT SHE DID NOT SAY' SORRY, MY MISTAKE' SHE DID NOT CARE THAT SHE IS WRONG

OK, U READ MY STORY....I AM WORRIED...BECAUSE I AM GETTING ANGRY LIKE I WANT TO SLAP HER....MAYBE MORE THAN SLAP....I'M SCARED BECAUSE I DONT TO BE A BAD MAN, MY DAD IS VERY BAD MAN AND ALWAYS BEAT MY MUM...I DONT WANT TO BE LIKE MY DAD....I HATE MY DAD SO MUCH.....HE COULD KILL MY MUM....BUT THANKS ALLAH, SHE LEFT HIM.

HELP ME, I DONT WANT TO BEAT HER UP. I DID TALK TO HER IN NICE AND RESPECT WAY...BUT SHE SPOILED MEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!

:salam2: dear brother. you're in a tough situation. maybe she just isn't the right person for you. i mean you've done what you can, so now what's left to do? tell her the truth...the way she's being disrespectful. i hate to tell ya but if it keeps going like this, you might as well find someone else, and just let her go. and don't be like your father. control yourself and have patience, because if you do, you will recieve a great reward from Allah. so leave her to Allah, don't harm her in any way. tell her one more time, sit down together and talk, and if she isn't that caring, like i said you might as well find someone else and let her go. allahu a'lam. the brothers and sisters here could help you. and i didn't use any hadiths, just my suggestion dear brother. i hope i'm not breaking up a family. if i am brothers and sisters correct me. :salam2::tti_sister::astag:

 

[Mabsoot]

make wudhu calm down. Dont get angry. Have patience.

Its a big sin for you to hit anyone. You can not hurt your wife, astaghfirullah.

The Prophet, [FONT=Helvetica, Arial][FONT=Helvetica, Arial][/FONT][/FONT] (saaws - peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said, "Abusing a Muslim is a sin, and killing him is disbelief." (Bukhari and Muslim)​

We all make mistakes, and you must wait and just be kind to her, tell her in nice way.

Apart from that, what you must do is to learn Islam more, and be better Muslim. If we devote ourselves to Allah, we learn to be more patient and have better manners and character inshaAllah.

The Characteristics of the True Believer

and also, perhaps if you have dispute, sit down and talk it through. Look for answer in Quran and Hadith, get someone to mediate. Like an Imam or someone from your families.

Allah told us in Quran in Surah An Nisaa:

19. O you who believe! You are forbidden to inherit women against their will, and you should not treat them with harshness, that you may take away part of the Mahr[] you have given them, unless they commit open illegal sexual intercourse. And live with them honourably. If you dislike them, it may be that you dislike a thing and Allâh brings through it a great deal of good.

35. If you fear a breach between them twain (the man and his wife), appoint (two) arbitrators, one from his family and the other from her's; if they both wish for peace, Allâh will cause their reconciliation. Indeed Allâh is Ever All*Knower, Well*Acquainted with all things.

36. Worship Allâh and join none with Him in worship, and do good to parents, kinsfolk, orphans, Al-Masâkin (the poor), the neighbour who is near of kin, the neighbour who is a stranger, the companion by your side, the wayfarer (you meet), and those (slaves) whom your right hands possess. Verily, Allâh does not like such as are proud and boastful;
In Islamic family, the husband and wife are both equal, however have different role in the family unit, which I shall come to later.

-------------
Only TALKING and Sitting down in a kind, relaxed way will you resolve your problems. Nothing else will work! Hitting someone does not solve anything, you have Shaitan with you. Shaitan wants you to do sin of hurting your family. Astaghfirullah. So, think about what you are doing. You have no excuse, anger is not an excuse for hitting someone. If you do get that angry, then you have problems.

You must address those problems by seeing an Imam for advice on what to do.

Remember our Prophet is best example. He never hit anyone.

Narrated Mu'awiyah al-Qushayri: "I went to the Apostle of Allah (peace_be_upon_him) and asked him: What do you say (command) about our wives? He replied: Give them food what you have for yourself, and clothe them by which you clothe yourself, and do not beat them, and do not revile them. (Sunan Abu-Dawud, Book 11, Marriage (Kitab Al-Nikah), Number 2139)"

Narrated Mu'awiyah ibn Haydah: "I said: Apostle of Allah, how should we approach our wives and how should we leave them? He replied: Approach your tilth when or how you will, give her (your wife) food when you take food, clothe when you clothe yourself, do not revile her face, and do not beat her. (Sunan Abu-Dawud, Book 11, Marriage (Kitab Al-Nikah), Number 2138)"

So We as Muslims must do our BEST to be following Quran and Sunnah. If we Love Allah and his Prophet then we must always try to think and do what is best Islamically. We can not displease Allah by going against what He and his Messenger taught us. So Remember the following>

"The most perfect Muslim in the matter of faith is one who has excellent behavior; and the best among you are those who behave best toward their wives." (Tirmithi)

wasalam
​

 

[Mabsoot]

:salam2: dear brother. you're in a tough situation. maybe she just isn't the right person for you. i mean you've done what you can, so now what's left to do? tell her the truth...the way she's being disrespectful. i hate to tell ya but if it keeps going like this, you might as well find someone else, and just let her go. and don't be like your father. control yourself and have patience, because if you do, you will recieve a great reward from Allah. so leave her to Allah, don't harm her in any way. tell her one more time, sit down together and talk, and if she isn't that caring, like i said you might as well find someone else and let her go. allahu a'lam. the brothers and sisters here could help you. and i didn't use any hadiths, just my suggestion dear brother. i hope i'm not breaking up a family. if i am brothers and sisters correct me. :salam2::tti_sister::astag:

:salam2:

Judging from his post, I doubt that this is entirely her fault. So, we should be careful what advice we give. There is always another side to the story.

wasalam

 

[Meraj]

:salam2:
brother mabsoot i am with you....wel said!!!
no one is perfect,,everybody has his own mistakes.....without knowing the root cause we should not make decision...
may ALLAH (SWT) help us to be kind to everyone inshallah....

 

[bi'idhnillah]

:salam2:

bismillah

br Mabsoot is right, also you have to take into account that the first year of marriage is the hardest, it gets easier after that. u r two pple who r learning to live with each other so have lots patience with each other. no body is perfect in this world so unfortunately you have to learn to live with her shortfalls and her with yours.

it seems to me that you expect her to react and handle things the way you do... but this is a totaly different prson with different views and ways of handling situations so you have to gently remind her and be patient.

you also need to examine yourself and see if mayb u hav high expectations (not saying u do, but u get my point), may b u expect a wife to act in a particular way but she doesnt.


lastly i think you should give it time, patience and lots of dua's (ask Allah to make thing easy for you). and remeber to control your temper.

wassalam

 

[palestine]

:salam2:

Judging from his post, I doubt that this is entirely her fault. So, we should be careful what advice we give. There is always another side to the story.

wasalam

salam. i'm very sorry brothers and sisters. inshaAllah the next time, i will try and see both sides of the story. thanks for the advice. asalaamu alaykum. again i apologize.

 

[buraq]

asalam-o-alikum,,,

dear brother,, i feel for any marrige that is understrain,,, but you both need to talk,, but shame to say when people are anger they can not talk easly, why dont you set aside some time when you are both free and say that you are not happy and you guess that your wife is not happy too, then surgest that you both wright down on a list of problem's and what you might think could help this problem, but think should keep list to max of 5 things . then inshallah you can work on this list with each other,
there has to be give and take,
allah hafiz

 

[ya allah madad]

:salam2:


Recipe for a Successful Marriage



"Our Lord! Grant that our spouses and our offspring be a comfort to our eyes, and give us the grace to lead those who are conscious of You"(Furqaan 74).



A. Consider the following ten points to control the instinct of dispute and maintain a happy marriage.

1. Fear Allah: It was the noble practice of Nabi (SAW) to conscientise the spouses about the fear for Allah before performing a Nikah by reciting the verses (Nisa v14, Ahzab v69, Aali-Imraan v101) from the Quraan. All the verses are common in the message of Taqwa (fear of Allah). The spouses will be first committed to Allah before being committed to their partner. There can be no doubt in the success of a marriage governed by the fear of Allah.

2. Never be angry at the same time: Anger is the root cause for all marital disputes. One Sahabi came to Rasulullah (SAW) and sought some advice. Rasulullah (SAW) replied, control your anger. The same advice was rendered three times. (Mishkaat pg.433; HM Saeed)

3. If one has to win an argument, let it be the other: Nabi (SAW) said: "Whoever discards an argument despite being correct shall earn a palace in the centre of Jannah. (Ibid pg.412)

4. Never shout at each other unless the house is on fire: Luqman (AS) while offering advice to his son said: " and lower your voice for verily the most disliked voice is that of a donkey". (Surah Luqman v19)

5. If you have to criticize, do it lovingly: Rasulullah (SAW) said, 'A Mu'min is a mirror for a Mu'min.' (Abu Dawud vol.2 pg.325; Imdadiyah) Advise with dignity and silently.

6. Never bring up mistakes of the past: Nabi (SAW) said: "Whoever conceals the faults of others, Allah shall conceal his faults on the day of Qiyaamah." (Mishkaat pg.429; HM Saeed)

7. Neglect the whole world rather than your marriage partner: Nabi (SAW) confirmed the advice of Salman to Abu-Darda [RA] for neglecting his wife. "Verily there is a right of your wife over you." (Nasai Hadith2391)

8. Never sleep with an argument unsettled: Abu Bakr [RA] resolved his dispute with his wife over-feeding the guests before going to bed. (Bukhari Hadith 602)

9. At least, once everyday, express your gratitude to your partner: Nabi [sallallaahu alayhi wasallam] said, 'Whoever does not show gratitude to the people has not shown gratitude to Allah.' (Abu Dawud pg.662; Karachi)

10. When you have done something wrong, be ready to admit it and ask for forgiveness: Nabi [sallallaahu alayhi wasallam] said, 'All the sons of Aadam commit error, and the best of those who err are those who seek forgiveness.' (Tirmidhi Hadith 2499)



may Allah s.w.t guide you to the right path (ameen)

 

[Optimist]

Well done bro Mabsoot ... I agree with all that you said

Our beloved prophet (PBUH) was tested really hard when his most beloved wife (aisha) was accused of adultery & betraying her honorable husband and the rumour spread all over madina. After she knew of the rumour she was so saddend (understandebly) that she spent few days crying continuously with her parents beside her. Then the prophet (PBUH) entered her room and said: "O Aisha, I have heard such and such about you. If you are innocent, then Allah will reveal it, and if you are guilty, then do repentance and istigfar. For Allah (SWT) will accept the repentance from the servant who admit his/her mistakes and repent from them".

Can you imagine yourself in such a position ? Even if she WAS guilty, all that the prophet (PBUH) advised her was about her own salvation !! Such is the caring husband. Why dont you take this story as an example ?

Allah knows best

 

[Aapa]

Salaam,

The beauty of marriage is that it teaches us to submit to the needs of our spouse. This is the first test before we are blessed with children. We no longer have to just think about our welfare but we have to put the needs of others first.
Many young women fall into the trap of talking to their friends about their spouse. The friends are full of advise without knowing the circumstances. Your spouse is your best friend.
If you are angry with eachother stay away and be polite to each other until you are in control of your temper. Read, write, get on the computer, walk, pray, but when you see your spouse be silent and polite.
Often, there are unresolved issues that have nothing to do with the marriage that pop up in the safety of the marriage. Outside forces.
The first year of marriage allows couples to develop communication methods. This is what you need to do. Sit down and talk about the events that lead up to the anger.
And pray together. That is a blessing initself.

 

[dawahforever]

Asalaamu Alaikum

You have spoken about the kind of family you came from and how it affects you..have you considered the kind of family your wife comes from..how she was brought up? This is a huge factor in a person's behaviour towards their spouse.

Wa Salaamu Alaikum
D4E

 

[dianek]

SALAAM

I HAVE JUST GOT MARRIED LAST FEW WEEK AGO.
WE LOVE EACH OTHER BUT THERE IS A BIG PROBLEM IS:
SHE TELL HER FRIENDS THAT I CANT DO SOMETHING AND SHE IS VERY UPSET BUT SHE CANT DO SOMETHING TOO BUT I DID NOT COMPLAIN!BECAUSE NO ONE IS PERFECT! WHEN SHE IS COMPLAIN SOMETHING. I'M ALWAYS TELL HER, DONT WORRY, SHE WILL BE OK AND MAKE DUA TO ALLAH. IF I'M COMPLAIN, SHE IS ANGRY WITH ME, WHY SHOULD I BE COMPLAIN SOMETHING. IF I SAY SOMETHING, SHE ALWAYS SAY I'M WRONG, IN FACT THESE MY WORDS COME FROM MUHAMMAD (saw)'S WORDS. I TIRED TO TELL HER, SHE SAID ' OK' BUT SHE DID NOT SAY' SORRY, MY MISTAKE' SHE DID NOT CARE THAT SHE IS WRONG

OK, U READ MY STORY....I AM WORRIED...BECAUSE I AM GETTING ANGRY LIKE I WANT TO SLAP HER....MAYBE MORE THAN SLAP....I'M SCARED BECAUSE I DONT TO BE A BAD MAN, MY DAD IS VERY BAD MAN AND ALWAYS BEAT MY MUM...I DONT WANT TO BE LIKE MY DAD....I HATE MY DAD SO MUCH.....HE COULD KILL MY MUM....BUT THANKS ALLAH, SHE LEFT HIM.

HELP ME, I DONT WANT TO BEAT HER UP. I DID TALK TO HER IN NICE AND RESPECT WAY...BUT SHE SPOILED MEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!

Keep your hands OFF your wife. If you can't control your temper then you should remove yourself from the situation. Try explaining to her calmly how this makes you feel...but understand this....women talk to other women. We get strength from each other and yes, we talk too much sometimes, it is in our nature. It is harmless and allows us a way to vent. Maybe you should not worry about her communications with her friends. Her being able to vent there could help your marriage in the long run because then she is not nagging you. But PLEASE, do not raise your hand to your wife or you won't have a wife for very long.

 

[Khadi_M]

Sometimes the honesty talk to your spouse can make a change...choose the proper time and place to talk to each other;do not blame each other because it will end up nowhere and may only worsen situation.Just try to tell her what you do not think is wrong and let her talk the same...then agree about how to change your attitudes.If you and your wife both love each other and want to change for better you can do it.Putting away your problems will not solve them,they will accumulate one day to pint you will not be able to control yourself.

 

[Khadi_M]

And there is one more thing I should add.When I was newly married,I and my husband endured the similar situtation at that time blaming each other all the time and we used to shout at each other almost every day.It was tiring for both of us,we didn't want to split up but on the other hand we could not live like that.So we sat down and talked.Honestly.No blames.Just telling our points of view how we would like to see some matters.It helped so much alhamdullilah and since that time we are happy marriage couple:muslim_child:

 

[dianek]

And there is one more thing I should add.When I was newly married,I and my husband endured the similar situtation at that time blaming each other all the time and we used to shout at each other almost every day.It was tiring for both of us,we didn't want to split up but on the other hand we could not live like that.So we sat down and talked.Honestly.No blames.Just telling our points of view how we would like to see some matters.It helped so much alhamdullilah and since that time we are happy marriage couple:muslim_child:

My husband and I have been married 6 and a half years.......it doesn't get any easier.....we still yell and scream at each other.....The best times are meant to be the beginning, the honeymoon phase. We were VERY happy then. Be sure you get things straight though BEFORE children.

Also, how do you find someone to marry in islam? I mean, you aren't supposed to date, so how can you meet and fall in love? Or do you just say he would make a suitable wife/husband and love will follow later? Just a question as I am not muslim and can't understand how you connect. I have always been a proponent of "live together first, see if you can stand each other....." it's easier to split if you aren't married. BUT, I know that is Haram.

 

[Aapa]

Salaam,

Marriage is not fun or games. It is our safety net. Marriage is the building block of all society. You can live together or date or do anything but the minute you marry it all changes.
Women, please do not buy into the nonsense that Hollywood is selling about my rights and I do my thing and you are no good. All the money that poor Oprah has and the bottom line is she is manless.
I am not a man. I can not speak to men. I am a woman. We need to be grateful that we have a husband. When I read of the bickering I get angry.
Be grateful that you have a husband who comes home to you every night. Be grateful and have his tea/coffee/soda or whatever he likes to drink waiting for him. Give him space. Let him relax and come to you. Look nice. He is your husband. Even the Prophet (swas) told men to give thier wives a moment to comb thier hair.
Do you not know the burden some women have to carry taking caring of all the responsibilites of family and being alone. Honor your husband. Your friends are few and far between and if you value your friends more than the huband Allah gave to you..you are in a sorry state.
Leave the worries of the duyna outside the sanctity of your home. Allah subhana talla has blessed you and you complain.
As to the young man who has written. You are strong. You wrote to us before you did anything. The Prophet (swas) told us how to calm ourselves down. Change your physical position. Walk away. Remember it takes two to tango. If you decide this issue is not worth the moments of anger ( you disengage) there can be no argument. Couples decided to argue. It is a simple choice. Count your blessings and be grateful. It is amazing how simple that is. We can make a mountain out of nothing or we can make heaven by saying Allhumdullila.

 

[dianek]

Salaam,

Marriage is not fun or games. It is our safety net. Marriage is the building block of all society. You can live together or date or do anything but the minute you marry it all changes.
Women, please do not buy into the nonsense that Hollywood is selling about my rights and I do my thing and you are no good. All the money that poor Oprah has and the bottom line is she is manless.
I am not a man. I can not speak to men. I am a woman. We need to be grateful that we have a husband. When I read of the bickering I get angry.
Be grateful that you have a husband who comes home to you every night. Be grateful and have his tea/coffee/soda or whatever he likes to drink waiting for him. Give him space. Let him relax and come to you. Look nice. He is your husband. Even the Prophet (swas) told men to give thier wives a moment to comb thier hair.
Do you not know the burden some women have to carry taking caring of all the responsibilites of family and being alone. Honor your husband. Your friends are few and far between and if you value your friends more than the huband Allah gave to you..you are in a sorry state.
Leave the worries of the duyna outside the sanctity of your home. Allah subhana talla has blessed you and you complain.
As to the young man who has written. You are strong. You wrote to us before you did anything. The Prophet (swas) told us how to calm ourselves down. Change your physical position. Walk away. Remember it takes two to tango. If you decide this issue is not worth the moments of anger ( you disengage) there can be no argument. Couples decided to argue. It is a simple choice. Count your blessings and be grateful. It is amazing how simple that is. We can make a mountain out of nothing or we can make heaven by saying Allhumdullila.

" Do you not know the burden some women have to carry taking caring of all the responsibilites of family and being alone. Honor your husband" I carry all those responsibilites and I am married and tell him all the time that if I have to do it alone then I should just be alone, it would be better for me! No one to criticize or have expectations of me. Why do women think that without a husband they are nothing? Oprah has a man, Stedman, and she choses not to marry him because she is secure in herself. When my husband gives thought to all that I do for him and our children every day and makes efforts to care for me then I will show MORE care for him......for now the fact that I keep the house, work outside, care for the kids, cut the grass and all the other tasks should over compensate for preparing him a cup of tea after work......he works less than I do.

 

[dianek]

" Do you not know the burden some women have to carry taking caring of all the responsibilites of family and being alone. Honor your husband" I carry all those responsibilites and I am married and tell him all the time that if I have to do it alone then I should just be alone, it would be better for me! No one to criticize or have expectations of me. Why do women think that without a husband they are nothing? Oprah has a man, Stedman, and she choses not to marry him because she is secure in herself. When my husband gives thought to all that I do for him and our children every day and makes efforts to care for me then I will show MORE care for him......for now the fact that I keep the house, work outside, care for the kids, cut the grass and all the other tasks should over compensate for preparing him a cup of tea after work......he works less than I do.

I guess I see why men are such babies.......learn to take care of yourselves before you get married so that you can be an equal partner. I was horrified when I learned my husband could not change a tire and I had to do it for him.....or that he didn't know how to start a lawn mower.........if you are a man then be a MAN........fix the car, don't whine about how you have to pay someone else to do it. I have no patience for a man that isn't able to do "manly" things......

 

[chaandani]

women like to complain and a woman will always complain to her closest friends because she knows they'll listen and agree with her without arguing about it. and a lot of these woman will not admit to being wrong for their honours sake. if she is as stubborn as u claim, you shouldnt expect an "im sorry i was wrong" because you wont get it. it may be that her "ok" implies the "im sorry" without her having to directly say it and thats her way of admitting fault. it can be frusterating, but you should continue to be patient with her and dont raise your hands aganist her - that would be hypocritical of you in terms of respect. best of luck!