I am hurting, please tell me what to do....

[dianek]

My husband just called screaming at me because my eldest daughter spent the night last night.......you see she caused an arguement a few weeks back, just being a pre-teen, you know how moody they are.....well she did disrespect me and my husband. He told her then " I don't want to see your DAMN face in my house again"....please remember she is only 11 and he is her step-father, whom she does resent at times. I thought he would get over it and last night she stayed for the first time in that 2 weeks. He didn't even get home last night until after 11 and she was gone before he awoke as I took her to school. So....he calls me ranting and screaming about how I choose my daughter over him and she better not step foot in his house EVER again and he hung up on me. What does he expect me to do, turn my back on my first born for him? How do I handle this? I am in tears because I can't imagine that what he is demanding is fair or islamically correct.....please advise......she did tell him that weekend that she was sorry and he told her "Get out of my damn face!"........

 

[IslamIsLight]

salam aleikum
Im so sorry
Im not a scholar but it doesnt sound right from him and Islamic at all...
Islam is kindness towards each other and tolerance and peace .How this can be ? He is muslim shouldnt be acting like this...

waaleikum salam

 

[dianek]

Asalam Aleikum:

I am at a loss, trying to be a good muslim in my reaction to him. But in the past I would have told him he could pack his stuff and get out.......but I don't want to be disrespectful,but I want him to know he is wrong.

 

[IslamIsLight]

salam
InshaAllah he will cool down and will understand that screaming is not the solution .Just be patient sister .It will be ok soon InshaAllah

wasalam

 

[dianek]

salam
InshaAllah he will cool down and will understand that screaming is not the solution .Just be patient sister .It will be ok soon InshaAllah

wasalam

Sure it will be okay if I make my daughter stay away, but how is that okay?

 

[Wiseguy74]

Assalam O Alaikum,

All i can say after reading your side of story is to make dua. Ask Allah to lead him to the straight path made him realise that he is wrong. Thats what prophets used to do.

You i guess will also have to show patience. Patience is the key.

Wassalam
Brother from Norway

 

[Iyaad]

You can do more than a dua of course: "Surely Allah does not change the condition of a people until they change their own condition." (Ar-Ra`d 13:11)

Talk to him, that is what I would do. People can't figure out eachother's thoughts, they need to voice it and the other (your husband, in this case) has to listen to it, IF it is important to him. Awdubillah to judge him or anything, but what he does/did stands really far from being patient. Patience doesn't just mean that you can still smile when the bus shuts the door just before you could reach it, and you have to wait for the next one. Surely there is a reason why your daughter does/did what she did: talk to her. Just sit, talk and listen. It's waaaay better than guessing what they "might" think.

 

[dianek]

You can do more than a dua of course: "Surely Allah does not change the condition of a people until they change their own condition." (Ar-Ra`d 13:11)

Talk to him, that is what I would do. People can't figure out eachother's thoughts, they need to voice it and the other (your husband, in this case) has to listen to it, IF it is important to him. Awdubillah to judge him or anything, but what he does/did stands really far from being patient. Patience doesn't just mean that you can still smile when the bus shuts the door just before you could reach it, and you have to wait for the next one. Surely there is a reason why your daughter does/did what she did: talk to her. Just sit, talk and listen. It's waaaay better than guessing what they "might" think.

Asalam Aleykum:

My 11 year old is just being a mouthy preteen.....but she apologized to him and he pretty much spit in her face. He is acting more like a child than she did. And he uses this to be angry with me that I am disrespecting him by having her back in our home.....when he married me did he not also accept that she was part of that deal? He won't talk to me, he just yells and leaves me in tears as I am in the office and can't just yell back. He leaves on Monday for a month and a half and he HAS to start a fight all over again now? It makes me feel that I can't wait for him to leave!

 

[helkern]

salam alaykom

salamo alaykom i m sorry my english is not that good but i m just trying to help so i m a moslim from morocco and im married yets with a grman witch still cristian till now i read so much about my roligion that much was making me a respectebal person in my family and between my friends i knew my wife trought internet n we got married cuz islam allowd muslim to get married with cristian till now i m trying to make her converting to islam but im not trying to puch her or forcing her cuz allah said ( la ikraha fi din ) thats mean no forcing in roligion and as i understand your doughter is not muslim he must accept her as she is if it was me i will try to learn her more about islam n be a good father for her. islam befor every thing is a education and having a good behavior . sister i m realy sorry to say that they exist some peaple who don t know too much about roligion cuz they was to lazy to search the truth but my advice for you u r in the right way in islam n you made a good choice n i really cant wait to c my wife muslim but just try to pray for god n dont give up n allah will give you a solution soon inchaa lah .

 

[dianek]

salamo alaykom i m sorry my english is not that good but i m just trying to help so i m a moslim from morocco and im married yets with a grman witch still cristian till now i read so much about my roligion that much was making me a respectebal person in my family and between my friends i knew my wife trought internet n we got married cuz islam allowd muslim to get married with cristian till now i m trying to make her converting to islam but im not trying to puch her or forcing her cuz allah said ( la ikraha fi din ) thats mean no forcing in roligion and as i understand your doughter is not muslim he must accept her as she is if it was me i will try to learn her more about islam n be a good father for her. islam befor every thing is a education and having a good behavior . sister i m realy sorry to say that they exist some peaple who don t know too much about roligion cuz they was to lazy to search the truth but my advice for you u r in the right way in islam n you made a good choice n i really cant wait to c my wife muslim but just try to pray for god n dont give up n allah will give you a solution soon inchaa lah .

Salaam Aleykom:

You are right in not pushing her....it just pushes people away.....do by example so that she will see a pure soul in you and will want to be like you. Inshallah, she will come to islam......

 

[Aaron Vinson]

Have Faith

Sister i read your post and i cant help but to respond to it i know how you feel trust me. I am going through alot in my home as well so is a few other people i know. But if there is one thing i am really learning in my 28 years of being on this earth is we as people feel the need to take matters in our own hands especially when things get bad we feel if we dont do something it will never change. Thats true to a certain point but most important of all we need to have faith we need to really know and belive that ALLAH [swa] as long as we deen and do what is ask of us to do as muslims everything will work itself out. I try to remind myself of that everyday things will get bad in life sometimes it will make you feel hopeless but we need to pray and belive in ALLAH [swa] and everything will be allright. I truley belive that ALLAH [swa] is most mercyfull but we have maintain our obligation to ALLAH [swa] as muslims i will make DUA for you and your family and inshaallah you will get through this. Asalaamu Alaikum.

 

[helkern]

thx , i just want to ask you a question plz. is your doughter muslim

 

[Faisal_01]

forget you're husband. just do what you want. thats what I'd do.

 

[dianek]

thx , i just want to ask you a question plz. is your doughter muslim

No she is not.....her father is panamanian and chinese so she and him are Catholics though not practicing.....she detests islam because of the way my husband is so pushy with her on it.....however her best friend in public school is muslim....so maybe not that she destests islam but rather just my husband. He is very hard on her and has no right to be in my opinion...she is an honor student and cares genuinely for others. The arguement she caused was because we were going to go to an outlet mall a few weeks back and she didn't want to go. So as kids do she threw a bit of a tantrum about it and just put him in a mood....and you know the rest.

 

[helkern]

forget her husband may be that will be a good solucion as many cristian or unfaithfal peapel do but she try to be a right muslim wife witch got to much tolirance and patiance i understand what she want she is trying to keep her familly without loosing anyone i m with her but what i m against that she must never ever left her doughter cuz she is gift from god and she have just to talk to her n stay always next to her to be a good mother for her

 

[helkern]

to converting your doughter to muslim yets is a littel bit hard cuz she still young to realise alone or to find the truth cuz she still thinking that the life is just a game n playing but that don t mean tha you kant try n what your husband do i m very shockt cuz he had no rolation with islam keep your faith try to pray n ask god to help you trust me god will give you what is good for you inchaa lah

 

[dianek]

forget you're husband. just do what you want. thats what I'd do.

Asalam Aleykom:

Not sure if you were commenting to elude to me being defiant and therefore sarcastic.....and therefore a bad wife.......

But it isn't about what I want to do........she is my daughter and therefore I feel I have to defend her........which duty is more important.......pleasing him by throwing my CHILD out of my life, or caring for my child and letting him seethe? What i don't understand from him is how can he even make this an issue?????

 

[Faisal_01]

Asalam Aleykom:

Not sure if you were commenting to elude to me being defiant and therefore sarcastic.....and therefore a bad wife.......

But it isn't about what I want to do........she is my daughter and therefore I feel I have to defend her........which duty is more important.......pleasing him by throwing my CHILD out of my life, or caring for my child and letting him seethe? What i don't understand from him is how can he even make this an issue?????

I wasn't being sarcastic. What meant by do what you want is: Don't let your husband choose over him and your first born. To me that sounds very childish and immature for a grown man to say that to his wife. Being a Muslim man he should understand. I'm not trying to be rude. It really is my honest opinion.

 

[hager]

i suggest

hey,
well
i suggest,to go with ur husband alone,in cafe,or something
and try to talk to him nicely
use some words as
"sorry,baby...she didn't mean it"
just use some owrd,and discuss it with him,but whatever happens,"control urself"

and about ur daughter
"is she muslim?
well,
go out,with ur daughter..she's only 11...so she's kid...
"buy apresent,something ,ur daughter love,and wrote acard,and tells her"my husbdan bought that to u"...
try to use this way...
Isa,everything's gonna be alright.
calm down,
:salam2:

 

[dianek]

I wasn't being sarcastic. What meant by do what you want is: Don't let your husband choose over him and your first born. To me that sounds very childish and immature for a grown man to say that to his wife. Being a Muslim man he should understand. I'm not trying to be rude. It really is my honest opinion.

Sorry, I just wasn't sure what you meant.....I am so used to him saying "Just do whatever you want" and he says it so maliciously...I guess I just expect that.....