I called 911 on my abusive dad, now what should I do?

[najbc]

:salam2:
When I said this I don’t know nor claim to understand your situation or related. However, at the end of the day he is your dad and if all he is doing is yelling at you, you shouldn’t complain. Breathe in and thank Allah you still have a roof over your head, you have food, a shelter and that you don’t have a pervert as father (sub’allah). If your dad really didn’t want you remember he would have thrown you out. It is a test from Allah, pray for perseverance, patient and a way out to Allah. Use this to empower and motivate yourself to stand on your own feet. Remember, we as Muslims are to love our parents regardless. Keep in mind, somewhere in the world there is a person that had worse than you. And remember. My dear sister, you have so much to live for, and you will become the parent wish you had for future kids someday. you are winning everyday just for living through it.
p.s sorry if I offend or upset you in any way. Good luck!!

 

[Sakeena]

thank you sister Islamerica, that's right.

Don't listen to them sweety, you did the right thing. They don't know half of what you are going through and they are just singing the same old tune of turning the other cheek. Listen to shyhijabi and find yourself a safer place till you are on your feet.

As for rest of you, she grew up with her mother in another state and just moved in with her father in the summer. He is an alcoholic abusive islamophobe that she does not need to deal with. The Quran says do not throw yourself in harm's way. Her safety and well being comes before everything else, including being all love dovey and forgiving with abusive anti-islam daddy dear.

 

[Aapa]

Assalaam walaikum,

You are not screwing up...but, the answers you need are not going to happen in a minute...

You have to slow down...

And lets be realistic for one minute..you are a Muslim girl...do we really want you out there by yourself....NO..

The economy sucks out there.

The simplest solution is always to exit. That is what leads to suicide.

The solution has to be Islamic.

Why are you turning to the police who are not Muslim. They are laughing at you.

Sister...it is a mans world out there...slow down. And do not rush to conclusions...make peace with your father. Quit the drama and turn to Allah.

Sister Islamerica..there is a lot of drama here. Please do not be sarcastic.

 

[Seeking Allah's Mercy]

Wa Alykum Salam Sister.

Have you or can you turn the table and see things from your Father's view.
Perhaps you too are abusing him as he is you. You are in his house and you must know that he has his ways and they are unlikely to change.
You only have power over yourself by Free choice, not over your Father.
As others have said, it's probably time to get your own place and you both may know a little peace. To continue on the same path will only yield the same results and are you happy with how things are going now.
Take a big deep breath, pray and I believe a solution will soon follow.
Remember that all bad things that happen to us are the sole creation of our own hands.
I wish you the very best.

Asalamo 'Alaykum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakaatuh,

I have to go check your Introduction thread if you ever made any. In all this emotional bulk, your post talks sense.

I once upon a time told her that, and my sister being the sweetest in times of anger told me she'll be snubbing me from then on. How cute!

Muslims have ruled in the ring with their Akhlaq. I do not know what she's going through or how hard her dad is with her but a sane human with a sound heart is bound to change if treated with the best akhlaq.

I remember the story of Musab ibn Umair where his wealthy mother bound him in chains and cut all his luxury clothes and food when he became a Muslim. But he still treated her with respect till the very end, trying his best to give dawah to her.

Muslim or not, he's your parent sakeena, I still stand by what I said last time, you can bring him down by serving him and being nice to him. Calling 911 is the last thing to help you out. You have to call Q-U-R-A-N to help you. Unreasonable? yeah perhaps I am. You agree or not, Parents' right still reign supreme in Islam. You can only question them if you have fulfilled them their rights, but have you?

 

[ShyHijabi]

:salam2:

It is not illegal to scream, emotionally or verbally abuse a person. Calling 911 is reserved when someone's life is in danger and you need physical protection or medical assistance. I would not go as far to advise you not to call authorities (just because they are non-Muslim) if you are in physical danger. But aside from the police coming over and becoming irritated at you for calling them to settle an argument, there isn't much that will result from calling 911 in this case.

You seem to be avoiding the real-life advice here, why will you not move out?

 

[sister herb]

Assalaam walaikum,

You are not screwing up...but, the answers you need are not going to happen in a minute...

You have to slow down...

And lets be realistic for one minute..you are a Muslim girl...do we really want you out there by yourself....NO..

The economy sucks out there.

The simplest solution is always to exit. That is what leads to suicide.

The solution has to be Islamic.

Why are you turning to the police who are not Muslim. They are laughing at you.

Sister...it is a mans world out there...slow down. And do not rush to conclusions...make peace with your father. Quit the drama and turn to Allah.

Sister Islamerica..there is a lot of drama here. Please do not be sarcastic.

:salam2:

We don´t know whole story of her in this situation. Maybe she felt hers life is in danger.

Better not judge when not know all details.

 

[islamerica]

:salam2:


You seem to be avoiding the real-life advice here, why will you not move out?

She's never been on her own and afraid to take that first step. Which is why I suggested talking to you so you could show her the ropes

Sister...it is a mans world out there...slow down. And do not rush to conclusions...make peace with your father. Quit the drama and turn to Allah.

Sister Islamerica..there is a lot of drama here. Please do not be sarcastic.

I don't think you're helping here. Your recommended solutions are not the answer here. Her father is a non-Muslim too, an islamic hating abusive alcoholic at that. It's easy for you to say don't do this or that and bow down to your daddy, but she has no obligations to that. One he is a kaffir, two he is abusive towards her for practicing her faith, and three it is unsafe for her there. Are you waiting till mental, emotional, and verbal abuse becomes physical to see the danger she is in. This abuse is worst then physical, it's damaging her self-esteem and confidence and could harm her deen as well.

 

[alf2]

:salam2:

It is not illegal to scream, emotionally or verbally abuse a person. Calling 911 is reserved when someone's life is in danger and you need physical protection or medical assistance. I would not go as far to advise you not to call authorities (just because they are non-Muslim) if you are in physical danger. But aside from the police coming over and becoming irritated at you for calling them to settle an argument, there isn't much that will result from calling 911 in this case.

You seem to be avoiding the real-life advice here, why will you not move out?

Or why not find a nice pious Muslim man who is already established and get married?

Then you will be away from your parents, you will have support Islamically, you can learn half of your deen from him, and you will get an early start on marriage.

 

[Ahsen]

Or why not find a nice pious Muslim man who is already established and get married?

Then you will be away from your parents, you will have support Islamically, you can learn half of your deen from him, and you will get an early start on marriage.

That would be the best thing i could say.

 

[Sakeena]

Or. Best why not find a nice pious Muslim man who is already established and get married?

Then you will be away from your parents, you will have support Islamically, you can learn half of your deen from him, and you will get an early start on marriage.

how do I go about looking? I guess the best and safest place would be at the masjid. InshaAllah...

 

[alf2]

how do I go about looking? I guess the best and safest place would be at the masjid. InshaAllah...

Yes insha allah. Unless you want to try a matrimonial site? Since you dont have a proper Mahram who will help you, I'd ask the Imam or a knowledgeable older sister to tell you how this will work.

 

[Sakeena]

Yes insha allah. Unless you want to try a matrimonial site? Since you dont have a proper Mahram who will help you, I'd ask the Imam or a knowledgeable older sister to tell you how this will work.

Matrimonial sites? I don't think so. Do you think the Imam can find someone for me if I ask him InshaAllah?
I'm not sure. I will ask..my dad callled my Muslima friend and I thik she's annoyed, I dunno...my dad likes to call my friends and start fitnah, I can't stand him. I don't understand why he runs my Muslim friends off and restricts my phone cales and text msgs...

 

[Aapa]

Assalaam walaikum,

Little sister,

Slow it down..relax..your father is asserting his fathership. Do not do anything rash. Things do not happen overnight.
You father has forgotten that you are not the little girl he remembers; you are grown. He still thinks you are his little girl..and parents can do some silly things.

He is not physically abusing you. He is invading your privacy. This is a boundary
issue. You need to establish ground rules. You need to communicate.

Rushing into a marriage at this stage is setting yourself up for failure. You have unfinished business to take care off.

Is he really an alcoholic. No, he drinks but he is not an alcoholic. He has rules that you disagree with and he does not like what you do. You have to compromise until you are ready to move on.

Sister, if you called the police on your father for being verbally abusive you are not ready for marriage. I am not saying husbands are verbally abusive. I am saying a lot more.

I know things are not good for you..but do not rush into anything. You do not want to end up in a shelter. You are not even eligible for a shelter thus you will end up on the street. Slow down and make a plan.

I know you do not want to hear this. I do not recommend that you venture out on your own. You are not ready.

Why don't you go back to your mother's?

This is not an emergency. There is no pattern of abuse. This does not constitute abuse in any definition of the term.

Why is everyone recommending rash decisions when it is not an emergency. Sister Sakeena..you have so much going for you. You have to look at the good. And you have it good, sister. You have it good.

You are asking for answers...but you are only choosing the ones that please your immediate needs. They are not the best answers.

 

[islamerica]

Matrimonial sites? I don't think so. Do you think the Imam can find someone for me if I ask him InshaAllah?
I'm not sure. I will ask..my dad callled my Muslima friend and I thik she's annoyed, I dunno...my dad likes to call my friends and start fitnah, I can't stand him. I don't understand why he runs my Muslim friends off and restricts my phone cales and text msgs...

I wouldn't try the matri sites, they are a waste of time. Tell your friends to spread the word in their network and talk to your local imam so he too can keep an eye out in the community. He also can act as your mahram when there is no mahram.

 

[Sakeena]

I will thanks Islamerica. InshaAllah,

 

[lostlilly07]

:salam2:

I hate when ppl say verbal abuse is no reason to leave or call the police in your matter; however, if a person was physically abusing you then its ok. Abuse is Abuse no matter what form it comes in.

Also, if you come to a public forum please be ready to accept (w/out getting upset) everyone's opinion. Since I don't have enough information I will give any further opinions such as leaving home or marriage. My only advice is to beg and I mean BEG Allaah (subhana wa ta ala for help.

 

[ShyHijabi]

:salam2:

I hate when ppl say verbal abuse is no reason to leave or call the police in your matter; however, if a person was physically abusing you then its ok. Abuse is Abuse no matter what form it comes in.

Also, if you come to a public forum please be ready to accept (w/out getting upset) everyone's opinion. Since I don't have enough information I will give any further opinions such as leaving home or marriage. My only advice is to beg and I mean BEG Allaah (subhana wa ta ala for help.

:salam2:

The problem is, it is not illegal to verbally abuse a person. It is not illegal to psychologically and mentally abuse a person. So calling 911 will not help, it simply won't. The authorities only intervene when there is physical abuse going on, otherwise they will simply tell her to leave the premises, especially since she is an adult.

 

[a_stranger]

Dear Sakeena we should keep in mind that life is not furnished with roses all the time , we as humans has to suffer, be patient, .....test bitter tests sometimes .........all of us old or young are going through that please read the stories of prophets and sahaba .....the most loved by Allah subhanahu wa taala how much they suffered but at the last they won why? ..........Because they were patient.......dear marriage is a very good idea- be careful in choosin-, but a girl has to be prepared for it..............you may have some disagreement between you and your husband how wil you react? You may have children ..........dear I pray that you show more responsibility ......I love you like my own daughter...I want you to be happy and secure........:tti_sister:

 

[lovefordeen]

nothing to say